• Member Since 1st Nov, 2016
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Fizzyberries302


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What if Discord didn’t go with Tirek. What if Tirek saw a better way to convince him, by taking the Element of Kindness hostage. Discord is willing to do anything to save her and perhaps tell her how he feels about her. Inspired by The Swan Princess.

Note: Alternate universe aka; No Tree of Harmony, no mystery box and no Rainbow Power. Sorry to disappoint. :scootangel:

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 61 )

Aw YES! Please write more! I wanna see what happens with Discord and Fluttershy and how Tirek plans on using Fluttershy as hostage. Also, I hope that they'll be a little bit longer.

The Swan Princess is that ballet play, right? Not the movie?

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No it is a movie. The ballet your referring to is called 'Swan Lake' it follows a similar plot, only Odette isn't a princess in the ballet. 'The Swan Princess' is an animated film from the 1990s (I think)

Here's a scene from the movie.
https://youtu.be/SnKDXTckacs

Not bad. Personally though, I would've added more drama by having Tirek kidnap Fluttershy without Discord knowing, and then he tells him/threatens to aid him in his plans or else he'll harm Fluttershy. And if Discord tries to tell anypony the reasons for his helping Tirek, Tirek threatens harm once again. So the mane 6 have to piece together what happened and try to find a way to help both their friends.

Don't kill me.

Only if you're years late
On the update

7795382
Lol I take it you like the story then?

7795476 I'd be lying if I said I didn't. Plus I saw the movie with John Cleese

Interesting...I just hope you use the swan princess idea a bit better than the creators did. Also, why is Sonata there?

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As Tireks assistant, I decided on her last minute :p

So being a little critic I am for right now, try to keep your stories to a 1000 word page. With my series, that is my goal. Now I understand that you may not want to write anymore on each chapter as you finish, so go with the flow. Good start either way.

thank you and keep on going!

Maybe you could bump up the details in the next chapters? Because I think it would have been better if you really showed that Discord was really sad about Fluttershy and the mane 5 would understand and maybe ask Discord about his feelings for Fluttershy... Well that's my idea, not yours.

Well never mind about my last comment.

I also want to say, cant Fluttershy fly out, or can Sonata or Tirek notice and track her down?

7801315
The spell she's under bounds her to that property, also she's in an isolated location far away from home. She wouldn't know where she was going, so she's sadly stuck there...

Okay after going over it in my head, the Swan Princess does have some parts that would be good to see here in your story. But, if you don't mind, here are some things you might need to look out for (Movie Spoilers):

-- The details of the curse: How does Fluttershy learn more about the curse (like Odette) and what is the loophole that breaks it? Is it the same as in the movie?
--The Vow of Everlasting Love: Will Discord make the same vow to break the curse?
--Tirek's plan: If you loosely follow Rothbart's plan, are you going to use the fake Odette trick? If so, then how do you plan on getting Fake Fluttershy to return to Discord and Co.
--Death: I don't object to that one scene with Derek saying the vow to someone else, or the consequences that happen to Odette, but how does that work? If you use the "Odette will die" thing, please make more sense of it than the writers did.

In short, I like your story, and I hope that all goes well with your writing. Just be careful of the plotholes of the movie.

Only one question i have: which state is Tirek in after he drains Discord of most of his magic? Because i'm inclined to believe it's his 3rd form: the one he's in right before he looses his cuffs, his horns grow, and his mane pops in. Though i could be mistaken.

Nice to see you took my advice soundly. This seems to work much smoothly than what was here before. Including the fact that it's IMPLIED Tirek still has intentions for taking Equestria. But he wants to Coerce Fluttershy into helping him. To borrow from the swan princess: once you steal something, you spend your whole life fighting to keep it. But if he married the only means for Equestria to protect itself, they could convince the ponies to surrender their magic in exchange for her life. Just so they can rule over the whole of them as King, and "queen". Though i think it's clear Tirek would be the one in complete control.

Good to hear from you. I hope you're able to finish your story.

go discord
Can't wait for the next chapter

Nice progression. Not to mention how funny him being such a skilled archer is. Especially considering how much it references "Dungeons and Discord" with his O&O character.;) Also nice way for him to explain his plans. It really helps make Tirek's motives believable: anyone can plainly see he only sees her as a tool for his conquest, and nothing more.

You've done pretty good so far. I just hope that what happens next is even better than what happened in the swan princess movie.

Very good. This is shaping up into a nice adaptation of The Swan Princess.:twilightsmile:

OHHH suspense! How did Discord react if he saw her accept his proposal and kiss?!?!?? Please keep going!!!!!

hope to see more soon.

Your new cover art looks really beautiful. And also, the story is reaching the critical part (as seen in the movie). I wish you the best of luck when writing, and look forward to the next chapter.

Wow. Nice way to make Tirek far more vile than he already is. I imagined that "kiss" being done in a similar way as Aladdin, with Jasmine distracting Jafar.:)

okay now i need to see what happens next

Comment posted by Fizzyberries302 deleted Jan 14th, 2017

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Thank you. Bear in mind I didn't draw Fluttershy and Discord. The cover picture is just a few pictures from the show I got of the internet and put them all together. For OC's I just use Pony Creator.

I wasn't even going to use that drawing at first (I was going to use that adorable scene from the season six finale) but since I couldn't find one tag worked, that drawing was my last resort. I am not taking credit for that drawing.

Oooh, yes! NOW things are getting really interesting. Can't wait to see how the climax is presented. I'm excited.:)

Excellently written. :scootangel:

If you killed off Flutters there would have been a riot in the comments section

7885108
And then I'd get an angry mob at my door :trixieshiftright:

7885110

then burned at the stake

7885112
Then fed to Timberwolves

Well, there you have it: everlasting love.;)

7885172
Aww, that comment warmed my heart :heart:

7885285 AND it came from the Swan Princess, too.:twilightsmile:

need to see next chapter

FUUUUUUCKKKK YOU TIREK!!! NOW DISCORD WILL GIVE YA A BAD TIME! *MEGLANOVANIA BEGINS TO PLAY*

I'm a huge sucker for FluttershyxDiscord. I just this pairing more than everything else!:heart:

Was that a sleeping beauty reference there?,,,,,,,,AND YAY! SHE LIVES

Before reading any of it going just by the info...

I bet I'm gonna love this, 'The Swan Princess' was and still is one of my most favorite movies of all time, I can always see myself as Odette and love all the songs the movie holds

LOVE IT :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

And even though there's only at least one more Chapter, I am looking forward to it

(Could have hand a couple more songs though, but that's just my opinion)

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