• Published 13th Dec 2016
  • 1,653 Views, 145 Comments

Twilight's 12 Pains of Christmas - TheDriderPony



Someone has been leaving presents in Twilight's castle while she sleeps, and she's getting sick and tired of it!

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On the Ninth Day

Again it was dark, but today Twilight was prepared. As her wind-up alarm clock hit 7:30, a miniature ball of artificial sunlight emerged from the top. Thought insignificant compared to the real thing, it still lit up the room brighter than any candle or lantern ever could. As she rose from her sleep, she glanced at the adjacent window. Despite an entire day passing, it was still as dark and occluded as it had ever been. She sighed silently, apparently other ponies were on a higher priority than she was. The practical part of her mind agreed that is was the most efficient decision. With the snow resisting everything from magical fireballs to simple telekinesis, clearing it would be like Winter Wrap but with harshly reinforced rules. Without magic, her only other contribution would be organization, and for once the Mayor seemed to have that well in hoof. Plus the castle stores were well stocked with provisions (in case of the however unlikely event of a siege) and Twilight was more than capable of keeping the interior livable despite the snow.

Speaking of which, is was due time to refresh those enchantments. Forgoing her usual morning routines, Twilight made a beeline to the map and throne room. It being the magical nexus of the castle, she had chosen it as the ideal location to establish several large scale habitation spells. With a wave of her horn, the previously invisible spell matrices faded into view. Each was a large circle hovering in the air, composed of a myriad of shapes and colors which conveyed details regarding each spell's purpose and condition. Seeing as several were already running red with low power, she canceled them so they could be cast again. The air recycling spell, as well as a wind generating spell and dehumidifying spell were all recast quickly and easily. The heating spell, however, was still going strong.

Twilight took a moment to once again wonder at it's design. Spike had cast this one himself, using his growing knowledge of draconic sorcery. Unlike her spells, this matrix was carved directly into the top of a crystalline box. The indecipherable runes glowed constantly, as a constant blast of toasty warm air poured forth from the open end. It was a marvel of magical engineering, and one she hoped to study in much greater detail once her unjust house arrest was lifted.

She was startled from her thoughts by the sound of clinking and rattling coming up from a hallway behind her. She turned to see Spike wearing a white chef's hat and wheeling in a large cart of breakfast items. The upper level was stacked high with toast and bottles of various condiments, while the lower section held tray after tray of still sizzling hay-bacon strips. Surely poked her head out from a little door cut into the front facing part of Spike's hat. He stopped pushing in order to both acknowledge Twilight and catch his breath.

"Morning Twilight." He said.

"Good morning Spike." She took in his trays of food. "Is this for our unfortunate house guests?"

"Yeah," he acknowledged as he snagged a slice of hay-bacon that was about to fall off. He popped it in his mouth with a satisfying crunch. "I'm not sure what cows eat, but I guessed it couldn't be too different from us."

Twilight nodded. "This should be fine. It still seems like a lot though."

"Oh," he started, "I guess you haven't been down to the ballroom yet today."

"No," she admitted, "I've only just gotten up. What's happened down in the ballroom?"

Spike deadpanned. "I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count."

"No..." she breathed.

"Yep."

"But... but how? We're completely blocked in, both physically and magically! There's absolutely no way more things could have showed up today!" Twilight exclaimed.

He shrugged. "You can believe me or not, just help me push this there and you can see for yourself." He began pushing the cart once more in the direction of the ballroom. "And I don't think they'd take too kindly to you calling them 'things'."


The first thing to reach Twilight and Spike was the sound of music. It was a classical piece, something tangentially related to the holidays, but Twilight could quite put her hoof on it. More surprisingly, it despite sounding very much like instruments, if one listened closely it was clearly made of birdsong.

The pair opened the double ballroom doors to a stunning sight. The most noticeable thing was the dancers. Nine ponies, an equal representation of the three races, were dancing across the center of the ballroom floor. One stood apart, occasionally barking instructions to the other eight. It appeared to be some sort of ballet, or something similarly acrobatic. The cows had also apparently doubled in number, and were watching the performance from an opposing wall, safely out of reach of the kicking legs and gliding jumps. The birds, numerous though they were, had apparently somehow been corralled into a decent musical accompaniment. Even the usually troublesome forty-five geese and swans were providing the low notes to the collective song. Unfortunately, somepony had left the golden rings in a large pile by the doorway, and several had slid away. One caught under the wheel of Spike's trolley, causing it to teeter and tip.

Twilight quickly stabilized it, but not before a tray of hay-bacon slid off, clattering loudly on the crystal floor. The noise spooked the birds, whose song abruptly devolved into a panicked cacophony. This distracted the dancers, several of whom suddenly took awkward landings, falls, and one unfortunate pair who collided headfirst. The unicorn who had been giving them directions spun around, a fire in her eyes.

"Jou!" she declared angrily as she singled Twilight out with a pointed hoof. Her pale yellow mane was done up in a tight, professional bun, and her flawless orange coat was only slightly faded with age. Her cutie mark was a pair of crossed ballerina slippers en pointe. She marched right up to Twilight's face in a frustrated huff.

"Do jou haff any idea how hard it vas to get zoze blazted birds to zing togezer?" She demanded, nearly spitting in Twilight's face. She turn back to one of the other ponies to bark an order. "Feazer Flight! Get zem back in line!"

One of the earth ponies rubbing her head snapped to attention. "Yes, Madame! Of course Madame!" She raced over to where the largest congregation of birds was without a moment's hesitation. The angry madame turn back to wards Twilight.

"Now, voo are jou, and vhy are jou here?"

Twilight's gaze gardened. "I could ask you the same thing. This is my castle after all."

The unicorn faltered and her gaze wandered to Twilight's back, apparently having now noticed the wings before. Twilight gave them a quick ruffle, just to make sure she saw them. The new mare's anger quickly transitioned into shock, followed by terror. She immediately prostrated herself on the ground. "Your majesty! I- I am zo zorry! Pleaze forgif me, I did not recognize jou!"

Twilight sighed, still not happy with the affect her alicorn status had on ponies who didn't know her well (even when it stopped them from being angry at her). "Please, it's alright, there's no need to bow. You didn't realize and I made a mistake. Raise your head." The unicorn rose, but still failed to meet Twilight's gaze. "Now, back to who you are and why you're here."

"Ov... ov course." The previously imposing unicorn practically trembled in front of a princess. "Zese ponies and I are part of ze Royal Canterlot Ballet Studio. I am zeir instructor, Margot Ponyteyn. Vee vere practicing late lazt night, rehearzing for our holiday performanze in two veeks time, vhen vee vere all zuddenly hit vith a vave of fatigue, all ov us at vonce. Ven vee avoke, ve vere here." She gestured to the halls around her.

"And so you... just arranged music and kept practicing?" Twilight asked, both curious and surprised.

"Yes. Vat else could vee do? I had to keep my girls in shape and on zeir hooftips!" She quickly turned back to her students as her old anger returned. "Do not ztop just becauze ze muzik is gone! Practize your stretches until Feazer can restore the birds to order!" She turned back to Twilight. "I am zorry about zat. Jou haff to be strict or zey vill slack off."

Twilight nodded hesitantly in agreement. "I... suppose so. Anyway, I'm very sorry for the trouble you've found yourselves in, but until the ponies outside can get the snow cleared, you're as trapped in here as the rest of us."

She sniffed disdainfully. "It matterz not. Zis place is az good az any for my girls to practice."

Spike pushed his cart forward a little. "Well as long as you're here, I brought breakfast."

Ponyteyn regarded to little dragon briefly before once more turning back to her students with a shrill whistle. "Alright ladiez! Fifteen minute break for breakfast!"

The team of tired ponies headed over quickly as Twilight and Spike backed away. Within moments, the cart was ravaged by the hungry ballerinas. Despite their petite statures, they tore into the food like starving Timberwolves. Spike sighed as he watched all his hard work get scarfed up and realized he'd have to prepare nearly twice as much for the cows, who hadn't even been served yet. Feeling a wing o his back, he caught Twilight's gaze as she indicated they should put a little more distance between them and their guests. He followed her until the sound of the dancers eating had faded to a dull background noise.

"Spike, how did they get in here?!" Twilight asked in a frenzied whisper.

"How should I know?" He rebutted, "The same way as everything else I guess?"

"But we're completely cut off! There's no way in or out of the castle, magical or otherwise!"

"Except dragon magic." He pointed out.

"Right," she acknowledged, "But what dragon do we know that would want to kidnap ponies, and fill my house with them?! And that's not even taking into consideration the birds and the trees!"

As Twilight vented her spleen, Spike put a claw to his chin as he gathered his best 'deep thinking' expression. This was starting to feel a little bit... familiar. But how? He knew it might involve draconic magic, maybe. It also involved lots of unwanted and useless items showing up in the castle. Oh it was just on the tip of his brain but he just couldn't quite put his claw on it! Something must have kickstarted the whole process, right? When did this all start? Well, they'd only ever gotten one pear trees a day. He glanced at the miniature grove, where most of the birds had reconvened. Nine trees. So that's now many days it had been. So what happened ten days ago that could have started everything? Wait, hadn't that been when Pinkie-

"Spike? Are you okay?" Twilight interrupted, concern obvious in her voice.

"Huh? Yeah, just thinking. Why?"

"Oh," she sighed in relief, "You were making this terrible face, I thought you were having an attack of some kind."

"Hey Twilight, what was that thing you were telling me about the other week?" he ventured cautiously, "That Pinkie told you while she helped you decorate?"

"What, her little 'Hearth's Warming Pixie' myth?" Twilight asked in surprise.

"Yeah that. Didn't you say the pixie was supposed to be half-dragon or something?"

She sighed. "Yes, Spike I did say that, but it's a myth. I read it from a book about how the myth was brought to Equestria, specifically and intentionally. It's just an old story, nothing more."

"Isn't that what they all said about Nightmare Moon?" he pointed out cleverly.

Twilight paused, torn between herself for a moment, before shaking her head. "It's not the same thing. This is completely different." She rationalized. "Whoever is behind this, however they're behind this, I guarantee you it's a simple, easily explained answer which will satisfy all our questions without having to resort to mythological creatures which definitely do not exist."

"Time iz up!" Ponyteyn's shrill voice echoed across the hall. "Everypony, take your places! Vee start from ze top!"

The birds launched back into their chorus, magnitudes louder than they had been before. Spike and Twilight covered their ears as Twilight quickly teleported them back to the map room. Even there, they could still here the sound of the music and Ponyteyn shouting "Wrong! Again!" at some mistake. Spike grumbled as he turned to walk back towards the kitchens.

"In any case, I guess I'll get started on breakfast for the cows then. Hopefully those dancers won't eat all of this too." He turned back towards Twilight with a grumpy expression. "And for both our sakes I hope you figure this one out soon Twilight. Our supplies aren't going to last forever."

In the distance, they could hear Ponyteyn yelling at some pony in particular. The high notes of her voice rang off the crystal like a tuning fork. Twilight held her head as she felt a migraine coming on. "If our sanity even lasts that long."