A little over three thousand years ago, everyone on earth was changed into ponies, griffins, and other mythical creatures, before being tossed into the timestream. A university student on his way home from a camping trip finds himself wrecked after the highway vanished from beneath his car. After a swift rescue from the local returnee rescue team, the young stallion and his new friend now struggle to adjust to life in the revived city of Las Vegas.
This is a side story taking place in the "Ponies After People" universe based on Starscribe's story "Last Pony on Earth".
Edited by my good friend, Celefin.
Chapters (7)
This story is good and obviously has a lot of effort why do you not have more followers oh well I will be a follower
7785410
Thank you so much!
And yes, I've gone through a lot of research on how Las Vegas would look like after 3,000 years after civilization collapsed. (Thanks to my high school obsession with geography, structural engineering, and the "Life after People" TV series). This was basically the introductory chapter and all the cool science-y and logistical stuff will come in the next chapter!
Again, Thank you for the like!
Interesting. From memory, Canon was that there were a few thousand, not five million convertees.
Five million would mean you've got in New York City:
8 million / 1200 = 7000 ponies.
There are 8 ponies per square kilometer, and your nearest pony is a few hundred yards away.
Just walking out to do what you do every day you should see several ponies - not even needing to search. (assuming all the other ponies are doing the same).
There is nothing of course wrong with this, and it does make rapid civilisation return quite plausible - but undermines fundamentally for example the whole HPI storyline, as there are so many returnees.
7786772
Yeah, just a little derp in my memory. I fixed it up already.
Off to a pretty good start so far.
I'm looking forward to reading your explanation of how Las Vegas still exists.
I'm not a fan of the present tense narrative, but I can live with that.
without all teh people ponies the available water supply in the Los Vegas would support a smallish population and logically lake Meade would still be there
7787345
Hey thanks!
Yeah, I found myself tense-hopping all over the place over the past week, and I'll admit, I hastily decided on present tense.
In hindsight, past tense would've probably fit better. Not sure if I should revisit and edit the pretense or not. But that's something for tomorrow. Five feet of snow makes me lazy.
Anyways, thanks mate!
7787347
Even without Lake Mead, the Colorado River would always be able to support a substantial population. But the Hoover Dam is a very strong and earthquake proof structure. It'll last well into the 10,000 year mark. Considering the water level of Mead began dropping in the 80's its safe to assume the population its able to support would very likely be half a million pony people plus agriculture.
7787656 I also assume without so many people drawing upon it Lake Meade would recover some at least
You have my interest. The-Horse-With-No-Name's entrance was something I've been mulling over myself. Somebody got around to it!
I'm also a fan of Goldfur's ARRR, more of that theme is always welcome.
Right. You should get yourself an editor, or at least a proofreader. There's some strange wording here and there and I almost stopped reading at the multiple tense switches right at the beginning. I continued because I love the setting you've decided to work with. Well, I'm glad I did.
Anyway, the world needed a LPoE Mojave fic. Do carry on.
7789816
I tried polishing it up within the past couple days. Every time I look at it, I always find something new to fix.
But anyways, I'm glad you like it! Means a lot to me!
Alright, just read the chapter, thought I'd give my thoughts.
Overall, I think it's a great start! The writing itself is pretty good, though it does have some small errors. The sort of thing that's bound to go away with a little more time spent writing, mostly. But I'll stick to the things I like before I complain a little. I like that the story starts En Media Res. The story could've spent a lot more time retreading old ground and it doesn't really, it just skips right ahead to "now the adventure can start". Considering so many side stories have trouble having things happen, this is a good sign of what's to come.
I also enjoyed your job with characterization. I think the cast of this rescue team could be interesting enough to tell a story about, so long as we don't get bogged down later. Pointing later in time is also good, though it might be something to watch out for. That period of history is unlikely to have much resemblance to society as we remember it-- it will be interesting to see how you portray it.
Now, there were some errors, which were my biggest gripe with the story thus far.
As you noted, the most frequent mistake was the way the tense switched, usually into present for a verb or two before moving back to the past tense the rest is written in. An editor would of course fix that, or you could try out something like grammarly. It generally catches little mistakes like that, but be warned, it also marks things as wrong that aren't, so trust your judgment over the AI.
One area where I'd be less forgiving of mistakes is in your story summary and long description. This is the first impression of your story, so read it over and over and make sure it's 100% perfect. No excuses here. Let's look at some of it:
This sentence is a runon, not to mention having a capitalization mistake (the "A"). Suggested revision:
Minor mistakes in the rest of the text aren't nearly as big a deal-- most of us here aren't paid for this, so we do our best and that's what we can do. But do keep an eye out while you're writing for those tenses.
One minor gripe. "Buck" only means the male of an antlered species (especially the fallow deer, roe deer, reindeer, and antelopes). As ponies lack antlers, it doesn't apply to pony stallions.
To all following this story, i've unpublished chapters two and three so I can make the story more organic. Don't worry, the chapters you love will be back, but before that, I want to focus on character development before they start seriously interacting with each other. The refugee rehabilitation is a good several chapters of world building and character development that I sincerely regret overlooking. Please be patient, I wanna make this story enjoyable for all!
It was - though enjoyable - quite rushed. Looking forward to version 2. :)
7832547
Thanks! I'll work overtime to get it up and running for you all.
Though probably not tonight, cause new years. But yes, I want to slow it down just a little bit. Way too rushed7832641 You'll let me edit it first, young stallion!
7833029
Of course
Very good start... but only first chapter, and its all :(
7837199
No worries! There's more to come! There were originally two more chapters but they moved way too fast through the storyline so I unpublished them for now. Those chapters will show up again eventually, I'm just working on some earlier chapters to clarify and streamline the story.
7837355 It's good) the idea of the fanfic is interesting, I will continue to wait.
7837988 Good things come to those who wait.
Promise.
7842402
This is true, but ...
The wine is stored for a long time, it is expensive; at first. But then it becomes vinegar.
7855536 Of course. We're working on it... the first chapter here just received some serious editing and the continuation is falling into place. *nods*
7855536
No need to wait too much longer. Next chapter should be coming along very shortly!
7856019 oh, this is good news))
7855596
This is good!
Well... damn...
edit: Let me give you a better comment. I loved not only the chapter, but the lore and world building. How the returnee facility works as both education and support group. The volume of... residents seems high, but that's a minor issue as it makes for a better story. I'm not sure if Isaac is gonna be an important character or not, but we did focus quite a bit on him so... meh?
Anyway, the class was good, though I don't imagine anypony took notes. The ending though... I mean, we all know it would happen a lot but still...
A tack I have not thought of looking at. I find it truly fascinating. *chuckles* I was set to move to Las Vegas last year, but the transfer did not go through. Where was I planning on living? Just outside Nellis...
Great work. I'm looking forward to the next. Hope my tale is half as good as yours.
7904824 The number of returnees there isn't as high as you might think. There's probably about 80 of them at a time, so it's not too crowded. Issac will come in waaaaay later on. Not in this story but the prequel I kinda sorta have planned.
And if you thought the ending to that chapter was a real tear jerker, just wait until next chapter.Oh, shit.
Nice chapter, well written as before. Managed to be both dramatic and emotional, which is awesome.
I do have one concern though: I still don't know what the main drama of this story is going to be about. I can't help but feel like this chapter was a bit of a holding pattern until whatever the main story is going to be emerges. The sooner we get to that point, the better.
7941587 You're not wrong. Had you been writing this, I guess you'd put the content of chapter 2&3 in a single chapter, as it's basically still scene setting and more thorough character introduction. For at chapter to break writer's block, I think it turned out really nice though... and it's my fault it took so long to get it published. At least the 737 isn't in a holding pattern anymore. Plot arrival is imminent.
7941587 There was a little bit of a hint during the beginning scene pointing in the direction of the plot. If you can find it.
Unwelcome incident, but it's bound to happen. My thoughts are with Winter Winds. I've seen a few plane crashes up close (nothing as big as a 737, just small craft) and other wrecks, and you captured the witness trauma well. I'm impressed, not depressed. Just waiting for the fun to start. Even though I'm not a doctor, I gots patience.
One quibble to raise is that Nevada plates are not like that, three letters, three numbers. I'm sure you know that, and understand the reason for the changes.
Thanks for the tale so far. I'm hooked for sure!
What about United Airlines Flight 232 that crashed and burned in a fireball? There were 296 people on board, 111 died on impact, yet 185 survived. To assume that everyone died on impact and not even check for those who might have survived the crash would be considered dereliction of duty.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Airlines_Flight_232
Besides, unless the skies were completely clear, the Pegasus ponies could gather clouds over the crashed aircraft and make a near instant rainstorm if they wanted to.
7947031
UA-232 made it to the airport and skidded down the runway.
AA-67 stalled and fell to the ground like a brick.
Here, I made an illustration to show you how I envisioned it.
68.media.tumblr.com/f802ad451d6d1a862df4437bd803e818/tumblr_oldw7tndX51s5gwwno1_1280.jpg
Also, A few things to remember. The Dust Devils are a private organization made up of volunteers. Not all of them are gonna have the professional training rescue crews have today. Especially when it comes to something completely out of their control. The plane didn't glide into a destructive skid, it lost speed and gravity pulled it almost straight down. Almost anybody would think something like that would be unsurvivable. And of course the skies are clear. It's late spring in Nevada.
I have to admit this hit me in the feels
)
My family means a hell of a lot to me and Not knowing what happened to them and even if I'd ever see them again (especially considering my two year old nephew would be all alone when he would arrive back
Well, this just makes me wanna fly even less than I ever
and honestly, reminded me of the airplane flashback from Metro: Last Light.
But nuuuu
7942013
Huh, the whole shipping thing?
7961197
What about shipping?
7961485
Oh you know
7961668
Oh, you mean what the hint was. It's not that.
Or maybe it's a second hint. It's earlier on before Ace gets to the tower. It's EXTREMELY vague or a reason, but you'll be able to reflect on it when the storyline becomes clearer.7961741
Huh, okay then. Well, I await to see it in action then
7961197
Metro? Agree, that would be kinda fitting, despite the very different setting.
The whole 'what was that, what's going on?' thing.
7962825
Indeed, it's just what popped into my mind. And both of them I swear give a phobia of flying
*Cheers exultantly* Yeah! The next part! Wooo! Excellent job, Mixtape! Can't wait for more! *goes back and rereads just for the sheer joy of doing so*
Minor nitpick, they actually can eat meat as ponies, but other than that good chapter.
8031145 I actually just ran this over with Starscribe. Ponies don't eat meat, but they'll still eat eggs, milk, cheese, etc. Also, I'm glad you like it!
Finally got around to catching up with this story, and I have to say that it deserves a lot more thumbs-up than you've gotten for it so far. Looking forward to reading more.
[comment from old version of chapter]
I'm not sure I like where this is going... Someone got kidnapping, black market and dark in my slice of life! 
Um...
(No, not 'keep/drop story' like, plot twist like)
Slavery? That was unexpected and disturbing. Max is going to be pissed off.