How to Disappear Completely

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Filthy

Filthy Rich and Flash Sentry leaned against the railing of the Midnight Oil's bow, watching from a distance as Captain Typhoon's crew carried the last of the large wooden crates over, stashing the cargo away in the airship's hold.

"So, let me get this straight." Filthy Rich adjusted his tie, squinting into the distance as he thought aloud: "You were simply out for a midnight stroll... flying for the sake of flying..."

"Well, it was my first night flying," Flash said with a bashful grin.

"That I'm still trying to wrap my head around," Filthy said, smirking. "Anyways... you were out flying... no rhyme or reason... got lost in the moment... fell asleep..." He looked over at the teenager. "And then—when you woke up—you instantly saw Prince Blueblood's nephew in free-fall and flew to the rescue?"

Flash shrugged. "Seemed like the only respectable thing to do."

"No doubt. But—talk about good fortune!" Filthy Rich slicked the bangs of his mane back, smiling. "I knew there was something about you that screamed 'good providence,' but this takes the cake! Why... if I was a noble in the House of Blue, I'd erect a monument to you in the royal gardens!"

"Why does everypony keep saying that?" Flash exhaled, although the tips of his feathers tingled at the notion. "It all came down to luck. Seriously."

"Hah! Luck and a good neighborly spirit, my boy!" Filthy Rich patted Flash's shoulder. "You deserve more credit than you give yourself! The fact is—you're instrumental in Little Lord Canterloy's livelihood! That will go a long way in the future!"

"I'm just surprised I woke up in time to hear him screaming in free fall," Flash said. "I was in a deep sleep. Dreaming, in fact."

"Dreaming?"

"Yes, I..." Flash suddenly winced, his eyes twitching—as if stabbed by the magical glint of a full moon somewhere. "Erm... funny..."

"What's that, good sir?"

"It... it's..." Flash gulped, shivering slightly. "Nothing. Just... a funny feeling."

Filthy squinted curiously at him. He eventually shook it off. "No matter! It's a real blessing seeing you on board! I wouldn't tell Fancy Pants or Prince Blueblood this, but I've been wrestling with a heap of anxiety over this business exchange for months now. Only the last twelve hours or so have I started to feel a tad less stressed. I like to credit you and your relaxing music at Bon Bon's yesterday; it put me in a real peaceful mood. Now that I see you on board—I feel as if a spirit of good luck is shining on this whole mission!"

"All of this for a bunch of... 'crystalline diamonds?'" Flash's muzzle scrunched. "Am I the only one confused by the whole thing?"

"Heheheh..." Filthy chuckled, straightening his tie again. "I wouldn't put too much stock in what the Empire's getting out of this. Only those Norther ponies can tell the difference between 'crystal this' and 'crystal that.'" He smirked. "Mr. Pants and Prince Blueblood might be obsessed with the Empire joining the Equestrian Union, but I'm far more interested in making peace with the diamond dogs."

"It must be a really huge deal."

"Whew!" Filthy Rich whistled. "Boy, let me tell you! For generations, they've been a thorn in the side of Central Equestrian citizens! But if we could just make peace with them and bring all of this distrust and strife to an end—well—that means a brand new age of trade, commerce, and prosperity!"

"And you want to be the first pioneer of this... 'age?'"

"It's in my blood, Brad," Filthy Rich said. "I smell an opportunity. And every business venture that my family has partaken in has involved the betterment of Central Equestria. My father and grandfather helped the Apples found Ponyville. Tomorrow? Who knows! My daughter just might spearhead an age of equine and canine coexistence!"

Flash chuckled. "That's putting an awful lot of weight on her, don't you think?"

"Yes, well..." Filthy Rich rolled his eyes. "Somehow, I feel that she'll grow out of her infantile desire to be a princess."

"Good luck with that." Flash turned to look at the last of the crates being hauled over onto the Midnight Oil. "So... these 'silver bullets'..."

"Bah!" Filthy scoffed. "I'm glad to have Blueblood along for this trip, but I'd much rather he leave his haughty attitude behind in Canterlot."

"What... exactly are you bringing to the negotiations?"

Filthy Rich grinned wide. "Pies!"

A voice up above sputtered. "P-pies?!"

Filthy and Flash looked up.

Soarin' stared down with beady eyes behind his goggles.

"I'm afraid they're essence of dog biscuits, Mr. Wonderbolt," Filthy explained. "Tasty to a pet of yours, perhaps, but not to ponykind."

"Oh..." Soarin's ears instantly sagged.

"Soarin'!" Spitfire hollered from a distance. "You're lagging behind! Pick up the slack!"

"Er... r-right, Spitfire!" Soarin' zoomed ahead, circling the two ships along with his wingmates.

Filthy turned to face Flash again. "It was Fluttershy's suggestion."

"Fluttershy?" Flash repeated, ears perking up.

"Yes. The local animal caretaker back in Ponyville," Filthy explained.

Flash smiled softly. "You don't say..."

"She thought that an edible delight might pacify the spirits of our potential future business partners," Filthy said. "Pinkie Pie and Applejack—other dear souls—worked with her in making the perfect recipe. They planned to have a baked bounty prepared for this week, but... alas... last-second duty called, and all of Princess Twilight's friends had to make themselves scarce."

"Yeesh. That must have sucked."

"Admittedly..." Filthy adjusted his collar as a bead of sweat or two formed. "It was quite stressful. But I got some help from a traveling troupe of freelance bakers out of Fillydelphia at the last second. They were able to finish the job and—voila! Here I am!"

Flash giggled.

"Something amusing?"

"Traveling troupe of freelance bakers,'" Flash exhaled. "Whew... I love it here."

"You ought to tell me more about the land you come from, Brad!" Filthy said. "I'm sure it's quite lovely there too!"

Flash cut him off at the curb. "So... we're setting off for dog-town soon?"

"Seems like it!" Filthy stood up straight, turning about to face the rest of the crew. "Just as soon as Fancy Pants' esteemed Captain Typhoon gives the signal."

"You excited?" Flash asked.

"Most definitely!" Filthy winked aside. "Are you?"

Flash gave an honest smile. "I'm the most excited I've ever been in my life."

"Heheheh... somehow... I'm tempted to believe you, Brad..."

Comments

[ADrunkChangeling]

Inb4 flimflam brothers accidentally a war

[Nagmeister]

7931651 "And that, kids, is why there's no more diamond dogs. Or crystal ponies. Or mountains."

[Mix-up]

¸PIES!!!!

[terrycloth]

7931651 Huh. I was thinking the Phenomenomnomnom sisters.

[Prawo Jazdy]

Hey, why not? It worked for the buffaloses.

[ImpossibleReflection]

7931651

[Booster Spice]

"Traveling troupe of freelance bakers,'" Flash exhaled. "Whew... I love it here."

Blackadder:What suprised me Baldrick, is just how you managed to get so much cream, from such a small cat.

[djthomp]

I continue to really like this take on Filthy Rich.

"What... exactly are you bringing to the negotiations?"

Filthy Rich grinned wide. "Pies!"

A voice up above sputtered. "P-pies?!"

Calm down, Soarin.

[PinkiePieFox]

[FanOfMostEverything]

Nice to see I'm not the only one perplexed by thr "crystalline diamond" thing. Somebody get the Empire a thesaurus.

Definitely looking forward to the negotiations. This could go in just about any direction.

[DrEggnog]

Am I crazy, or is the pacing getting slower every chapter?

[Nazgul of Equestria]

Must have More...
how often do you update?

[The Great Derpsby]

I wonder how Flash will react if he notices he knows those diamond dog fellows.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/5/10/621959__safe_rarity_equestria+girls_screencap_rainbow+rocks_spoiler-colon-rainbow+rocks_diamond+dog_rover_fido_spot.png
Also, shipping for Prince Blueb*lls, please. I would be very grateful.

[MythrilMoth]

Caught up! Yay!

7932300 Austraeoh effect. Get used to it.

[Hap]

"Fluttershy?" Flash repeated, ears perking up.

"Yes. The local animale caretaker back in Ponyville," Filthy explained.

Ah, yes. Fluttershy, the one who looks after all the cartoon boys and men.

[IceKitsune]

7932330
He tries to update this story once a day usually.

That pony sure does love pies!

[RB_]

I'm starting to get concerned by what's keeping Twilight and co. busy. All six of them gone at once, presumably being called away by the map? That's usually reserved for major problems. I mean, I get it's a plot convenience, but still.

[Nopetrain]

I get the feeling the mane six got called to look for this guy.

[Rudy45]

They were able to finish the job and—viola! Here I am!

Unless he was surprised by the sudden arrival of a musical instrument, that should be "voila".

[Rudy45]

7934573 Ooh, good point. Maybe the map said there was a major friendship problem...although, I'd assume Luna knows his location, no? But then again, maybe she has no idea the girls are looking for him.

[katarjin]

7932707 oh now I have a great image in my head..thank you good sir.

[YoshiFawful64]

7934573
Exactly what I was thinking.

[bearwolf216]

Why... if I was a noble in the House of Blue, I'd erect a monument to you in the royal gardens!"

These ponies really love erections in the royal garden don't they?

[Tethered-Angel]

This is making me think of the story The Bounce Test, what with Flash's luck.