How to Disappear Completely

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Startle

"And that's..." Bon Bon giggle-snorted, covering her muzzle so as not to spit on the tray of freshbly-baked candies. As she continued applying the rolling pin, she looked across the brightly-lit space of her eatery. "And that's when the sarosian said to the pegasus, 'No... you have chicken mouth!'" She tilted her head aside and giggled a fuzzy storm.

"Okay. Seriously." Lyra leaned forward in a chair propped up against the counter. "That's the millionth time I've heard that! Who made it up? Where did it even start?!"

"Pfffft..." Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "Haven't got a single funny bone in your body."

"Hey! Have lots of bones... ... ... ...that are funny!"

"Uh huh." Bon Bon merely smiled. "You need to get out more, Lyra."

"So what if I prefer being inside?" Lyra sighed, smiling calmly as she folded her forelimbs. "It's nice and quiet."

"Yo!" Flash Sentry screamed, suddenly hovering above her. "Check it!" His wings flapped harder, blowing at her mane and tail.

"Aaaaaa-aaaaaaa-ackieees!" Lyra rocketed up on all fours and swatted at invisible gnats. "Guh! Gah!"

"Oh! Oh jeez..." Flash winced, clutching his muzzle in shame. "My bad. I guess I was using my... uh... 'upper atmosphere' voice."

"Don't do that!" Lyra frowned, her mane a tattered mess. Her nostrils flared as she stood with a growling pout. "You almost scared the green right outta me!"

"I'm sorry. I'll promise to be more quiet next t—"

"Oh hey." Lyra blinked, the anger and shock suddenly drained from her being. "You're flying."

"Huh?" Bon Bon looked up from her work. "Oh snap! Way to go, Brad!"

"Derpy Hooves taught me!" Flash smirked proudly. "Gave me lessons and everything! Watch!" He lifted upwards. "Isn't it sweet?" His skull collided with the ceiling fan. Bonk!-Bonk!-Bonk! "Ow!" He landed on the floor, clutching his cranium. "Ass biscuits!"

"Uh huh... yup..." Bon Bon giggled in spite of the painful event. "Derpy taught him alright."

"You okay, Brad?" Lyra asked.

"Whew... yeah..." He smiled, squinting out one eye as the throbbing pain passed. "Never felt b-better..."

"You really... truly didn't know how to fly before this afternoon?" Lyra asked, her voice cracking.

"I know, right? Crazy sh—er... stuff." Clearing his throat, Flash stood up tall. "All it took was a single afternoon of practice with Miss Hooves by my side. She made it really simple, y'know? Soon enough, I was feeding on... like... feathery horse instincts... or something. It's like riding a bike! You two should try it sometime."

Lyra giggled.

"Neither of us are pegasi, Brad," Bon Bon droned. "If Lyra and I began flying thanks to Derpy, it means she exploded another water heater."

Flash rolled his eyes. "Well... heh... you know what I mean." He trotted forward. "And... y'know... Derpy really did help me. She deserves a lot more credit around here—"

"Oh, we don't doubt it, Brad," Bon Bon said.

The teenager blinked. "You don't?"

"We tease Miss Hooves because we all adore her."

"Yeah!" Lyra nodded with a bright grin. "She's like... Ponyville's good luck charm! In some... uhm... really... weird... wonky... totally not stupid way... eheh..."

"She was the team favorite at the Equestrian Games," Bon Bon added with a proud smile. "We wouldn't have had it any other way."

"Huh..." Flash stared off, blinking lazily. "I just... got the feeling—"

"Oh, don't get me wrong, she takes some getting used to," Bon Bon said. "That silly pony used to fly into my window here when the place first opened up. Nyeuuuuuuurr—Thwump! Regularly! Everyday! Got pretty annoying. But... heheheh... the whole thing actually drew in customers. Sooooooooooo..." She shrugged. "...as long as she's not hurting other ponies or—even worse—herself, then we're peachy keen with her clumsiness."

"That's... so strange," Flash muttered.

"What's so strange?" Lyra cocked her head aside. "That we love our neighbor?"

Flash stared back. He took a warm breath, his eartips twitching. His smile was the most still thing about him. "Forget I said anything."

"Uhm... okay..." Lyra smiled nervously. "...so long as you forget that you... answered anything?"

"What can we do for you this evening, Brad?" Bon Bon asked.

"Got any more gutters that need cleaning?" Smiling, Flash flapped his wings and hovered above the kitchen counter. "I don't need a ladder anymore! I bet I could take care of your storefront suuuuuuper quick now!"

"Ahem," Bon Bon sternly grunted.

Flash blinked. "What's the matter?"

Lyra leaned aside, hissing: "This shop's got a strict no-fly rule."

"Oh... sorry." Flash landed nimbly on the tile floor. "Guess the ceiling fan was my first clue." He curled the edge of his muzzle up. "And my second and my third..."

Lyra giggled, then leaned in to pat Flash's skull. "Yooooooou poooor thiiiiing."

"Actually, about those gutters..." Bon Bon began.

The stallion twirled towards her. "Yeah?"

"I was sort of hoping you'd come back." She looked over the counter. "I'd say it's high time you received some payment for your labors."

"Please, ladies... please..." Flash held a hoof up, smirking. "I only want to help out of the kindness of my heart—"

Just as he said this, a lion's roar filled the room—accompanied by a chorus of low bass cicadas and bullfrogs. This, of course, is all a metaphor. Flash's stomach was growling with unquenched ferocity.

"I... uhm..." He shrunk away from the knowing squints of his present company. "...I-I guess I can't speak for my other organs..."

Bon Bon giggled. "Have a seat, Brad. I'll whip something up."

"Thanks. You're too kind."

"I know."

Comments

[RoboRed]

Feed yourself, you git.

[IceKitsune]

Time for Food!

[Booster Spice]

Now we find out another problem of suddenly transitioning to a strangee new world.

Montecristos Revenge.

Puts you out for the count.

[MidnightReflection]

It's really great that she's willing to feed Flash, but hopefully she doesn't shove a bunch of candy down his gullet.

[Cheshire_Jackal]

This is turning out to be really enjoyable. I was pretty neutral and 'meh' about Flash, but this story makes him very likeable, in a Derpy kinda way.. which is a good thing! Can't wait to read more! ... Maybe at some point I should put some of my writing on here.. Hrm..

[Czar_Yoshi]

Skirts...

You posted new chapters three days in a row.

That hasn't happened since the start of August. That was a few days before I caught up in Utaan. This is the first time I've gotten to see what this is like... and it's awesome. Thank you.

[pahnazd]

No endorsement necessary! Seriously, I wonder when Flash will start thinking that he's on a drug trip or something. This world is literally sunshine and rainbows, doubly so compared to his own one.

[Leftover of Saikano]

Tomorrow, Flash will ask for burgers and then a cow will enter the shop.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Always awkward. You ride off on a crusade, but it turns out you never had to retake the Holy Land. Also, you're your horse.

That metaphor broke down rather quickly.

In any case, very touching stuff, but I still can't help but feel that it's all taking place under the shadow of the other shoe.

[djthomp]

"So what if I prefer being inside?" Lyra sighed, smiling calmly as she folded her forelimbs. "It's nice and quiet."

"Yo!" Flash Sentry screamed, suddenly hovering above her. "Check it!" His wings flapped harder, blowing at her mane and tail.

Ehh, could be more quiet.

Ceiling fans, an indoor pegasus' worst enemy.

[Golden Rule]

"And that's when the sarosian said to the pegasus, 'No... you have chicken mouth!'"

HAHAHA! I literally read this joke 2 days ago in Utaan.

Great chapter, love this story so much!

[Hap]

Just as he said this, a lion's roar filled the room—accompanied by a chorus of low bass cicadas and bullfrogs. This, of course, is all a metaphor.

I really needed a good laugh. Thanks.

[Hap]

7883321

the Setesh Guard's nose drips.

[Sam1221]

7886398

[zaponator]

"And that's when the sarosian said to the pegasus, 'No... you have chicken mouth!'"

What doth life?

[MLai]

I was wondering when he'd faint from hypoglycemia. Finally, nutrients for your toon body.