• Member Since 22nd Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen April 9th

Rhulain


T
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Aria Blaze is almost never happy. Today is no exception.

A randomly updating series of semi connected one-shots about everyone's favorite grumpy siren

I'll probably only update this when I need to flex my fingers and whittle away at my writer's block

Cover art by the ever awesome Wubcake!

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 9 )

I liked it, it was good fun and suited Aria's character. I particularly appreciated the scenery porn of the sirens' house :pinkiehappy:

Have to say I'd do away with the all-caps shouting, though, it's one of those things that screams 'bad fan fiction' at me :twilightoops: But the interactions with Adagio were great :twilightsmile:

That’s a lot of products to be lugging home without a car. I’ve tried lugging home a large amount of stuff like that home once. It was a half mile walk and was a pain in the ass to accomplish. My guess is that she’s going to steal the cart.

8704246
Shhhh! It's a secret:pinkiehappy:

I can neither confirm nor deny the possibility of grand theft shopping cart.

You know, I reckon this is the start of an interesting and pretty damn amusing story if it's realised. I don't necessarily see an end to the story, well ever really; disjointed standalone chapters under a theme are always extremely good for a quick laugh and a lightening of the mood and I think this can become one of my favourites in time!

The only real gripes of any calibre that I have are a couple of grammatical ones, examples being:

Long purple, teal striped, hair cascading down her back in a tangled mess only added to the anger in her violet eyes.

A slight overuse of commas in some sections, the one in-between striped and hair creates an unnatural flow of speech in the reader's mind. A trick for this one is to just try reading it out loud and see if it sounds 'right' or not.

And the other minor nag I have is the use of capitals to show volume increases during a sentence that's already being shouted. Italics are handy here because they're always context sensitive; when somebody is speaking or thinking it is likely a person interprets them as extra spoken emphasis or more emotion relating to that one word/phrase, however if used in a sentence that is clearly being shows that there's been an escalation in volume without need of caps.

-BUT!
Those are just my opinions on things and I believe there will be people who don't really mind, or rather actively enjoy the writing style. I for one do look forward to more of what is going to shape up to be an indubitably smile-inducing read <3 Keep it up!

8706692
Your opinion is always welcome, dear May. I shall keep your constructive criticism in mind. Maybe I'll edit this chapter, maybe I'll just apply it to new ones. Let my authorial growth be seen.

I've gotta say I do really like the direction that the story is going in! I feel that at times there's a little bit too much description going into things (This one is probably just on me don't think too much on it) but the fact that I don't think even once you've made repeated use of an adjective yet is nothing short of ridiculous, so props with that one.
The references are nice, they get an easy giggle out and I do think they have a place in a lighthearted story like this one. The important thing is just be careful not to go too overboard, maybe just try and go for one slightly obscure one each chapter and make a game out of readers 'finding the meme' or something? I dunno I'm not you.

Anyways, made me smile! Keep it up <3

P.S. Commas.

8706885
Anything new for this to be had anytime soon?

9313984
Thanks for the interest. I’ve honestly been stressed and busy recently and every time I try and think of what to do next, I can’t come up with anything worth while.

Once he was sure she was gone, he let out a sigh of relief, and called his family to tell them he loved them.

Most people are so ungrateful to be alive.
But not you.
Not anymore. :pinkiecrazy:

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