A Flash Of Memory

by Timelordderpy

Starting From Scratch

The next day at home, the family had just finished breakfast when there was a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it.”

Kurt walked up to the door and opened it to find a police officer in front of him. Scared of what might be said he told First Base to go to his room and he and Sparks sat on the couch with the officer. Unaware that First Base had snuck out of his room, sat at the end of the stairs and listened in.

“I’m guessing you’re here to tell us what happened.”

“We thought it would be easier if we wait until morning to tell you.”

The officer took a deep breath before explain what happened.

“During that night there were a group of students driving home from a party…”

He paused and gave them minutes knowing that they already had a good idea of what had happened.

“The driver was tested positive for .180 blood alcohol level, the other passengers were also tested positive as well. Sadly two of them did not make it and one is currently in a coma as of now.

Sparks was now crying, not just for her son but for the other kids as well. Kurt pulled her closer wrapping his other arm around her and hugging her tight. While upstair First Base just sat there shocked. He remembered when his dad had warned him and Flash about the dangers of drinking and driving. He hadn’t pay that much attention back then because he thought it was pointless considering he’s still too young to drink. But now he hadn’t released that doing that could put someone in Flash’s condition or worse, get someone...killed. He didn’t want to hear anymore and raced back to his room and quietly shut the door. He then jumped on his bed and started crying.

Because of something stupid I could lose my big brother forever.

After the officer had finished explaining everything he gave his condolences and left. Sparks sat back down on the couch and continued sobbing to herself. Kurt gave her a few minutes to gather herself up and went to clean the kitchen before heading out to the hospital to see Flash.

. . .

At the hospital

They entered the waiting room to find Thunderbass and Sunset sitting next to each. Kurt wasn’t surprised to see them here. He was surprised that they weren’t already in the room with Flash. Thunderbass got and walked over to them.

“We thought it would be easier for Flash if you went in to see him first.”

Kurt nodded to him and a nurse lead the family to Flash’s room. While Thunderbass waited with Sunset holding her close. She wasn’t crying as much as she was last night, but she still didn’t look any better.

The nurse opened the door and let the family in, when they walked in Flash was already awake sitting up in his bed with a confused look on his face. He looked up at us even more confused and we tried to put on our best smiles. The nurse went up to him first and told him who we are, still confused he looked up and gave us a smile that was a definite fake. We tried our best not to cry and sat down next to his bed. First Base sat up on his bed and wrapped his arms around his big brother, Flash returned the hug not changing his expression.

“So you are my parents...right?”

Kurt nodded and introduced himself and Sparks, then Flash turned his attention to First Base.

“And he is?”

“Your little brother, First Base.”

He looked down as First Base smiled up at him, Flash smiled too and even chuckled a little bit pulling him closer into a hug. Both parents smiled at this seeing that their little boy wasn’t completely gone.

Comments

[NickyD]

A little short, but not bad. My only concern is the scene with the cops. Could have done more with it. But hey, cool to see this story is continuing.

My advice, if you want to make the story better, practice the "show and not tell" element. I would also advise getting someone to proofread and edit, that way, it'll really amp up the story.

*EDIT* I just realized i was only re-stating my previous comment. Sorry about that.

**ANOTHER EDIT** If you want to get more views on this (which can lead to more comments and constructive criticisms) I recommend posting this in as many groups that fit this story. You post this in plenty groups, you'll be able to gain more of an audience and you can get more feedback for it. I want this story to succeed. Trust me on this, the more exposure you give this story, the more feedback you'll get.

[Timelordderpy]

8301216
Thanks and this is my first time doing a story like this so I wasn't that sure how to do the officer's part that well. But thanks for the advise.

[Haseo55]

It's a really interesting concept you have here and I'm looking forward to more. Also, i hope you don't mind some constructive criticism:

As i said the story is good but it feels reall bare bones. It's not because of the lenght of the chapter but what you have. For example I think that the whole loss of memory should not have been reveald by the doctor but find out after Flash awakens as it ads more drama to the seen and shows how everyone could be afected.

Also how they find out about the accident, well for the parents is ok but it needs more drama. For Sunset and oth her and Flash friends it could have been expanded a little more. They were in school, Sunset wonders were Flash is, ask his friends who don't know and maybe its reveal by Celestia to the school or only those closest to him.

[Timelordderpy]

8306011
Thanks that's really good advice

[Timelordderpy]

Hey guys so you're probably wondering why this is taking so long. Well don't worry I didn't give up on it. I'm just...drawing a blank on what should happen next. I'm sure I'll come up with something...eventually. Until then go check out my other stories.