• Member Since 28th Jul, 2016
  • offline last seen 17 minutes ago

Saberking2012


Would love to have more followers, readers and (constructive) criticism. Please and thank you.

E

Diamond Tiara is starting to get angry over how late Silver Spoon is. So, she decides to do a little investigating to see why. After a certain phrase is heard, the memories of a forgotten past resurface and not for the better...

I would like to thank TheMajorTechie,VitalSpark and PeerImagination for editing my story. I also want to thank Amethyst_Dawn for proofreading.*

*Has a dramatic reading from The Barcast*

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 46 )

Great work! I hope you have a happy Mother's Day!

8162148 Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.

:pinkiegasp:I FORGOT TODAY WAS MOTHER'S DAY! OMG, I'M THE WORST PERSON EVER! THANKS FOR REMINDING ME!:fluttercry:
More like "How Could I Forget...? :ajsleepy:

8162563 Your welcome(?). Anyways, how was the he story(Assuming you read it)

8162623

Take the plunge and read my seemingly long review about your story. I just wrote this to feel professional, but it does tell you how I felt. xD

~MY LITTLE REVIEW~

Oh, I found the story heartwarming.

It started with Diamond Tiara's regular impatient self, but she softened up after hearing that Silver Spoon was visiting her mom. Even though I feel like Featherweight was randomly thrown in there for Tiara to have someone to talk to, I like how he didn't understand the message the way she did.

Now about that fluff... I nearly cried!

The way you set the story with Tiara in a way being taken in by Silver Spoon's family was sweet. It makes sense how she'd consider Silver as a sister. Also, I think people who've lost parents can relate to what both Tiara and Silver were feeling while talking to their mom. Diamond Tiara didn't go back because she didn't want to accept the fact her mom was dead, fitting her character as being a little insecure about certain things. And Silver Spoon, she was quick to accept it, and made the most of the extra time she had to visit the one she held dear. Silver Spoon hardly has any character, but we've seen hints of supposed traits. I think it makes sense with how you wrote Silver.

I don't really see anything wrong. You've presented Tiara and Silver having a strong bond, so Tiara knew exactly where Silver would be. You made me smile with Featherweight's cluelessness, and Cherliee was being to good ol' teacher she is. I hardly have anything negative to say. Like I said earlier, I feel like Featherweight was only included so that Tiara could talk to someone, but the scenes where they interacted made me grin. And if I ever wanted to write a story similar to this, I would most likely also add another character for one of my main characters of the story to have a small talk with, so saying adding Featherweight was bad would make me a hypocrite. xD I just find his presence random, but it helped me smile and understand a little about the bond between Tiara and Silver since he had to freaking clue about what Silver said.

Grammar didn't seem to have any mistakes as well. But I'm more here for the story, not the grammar. As long as I can read it, I'm fine.

This story is honestly perfect in my opinion. Wanna know your score from me? 11/10, the best anyone can get from me!

8163463 Well I'm glad you liked it. Maybe when u get the time, perhaps you could "review" my other stories as well? Maybe give a bit of pro/con if you will.

I swear I remember reading this exact story a couple months ago... :derpyderp1:

8164173
It does say you were one of the editors, and Saber wanted to wait until Mother's Day to post this one. :twilightsmile:

8164293 Oh. Yeah. :twilightsheepish:

As you can tell, I'm pretty scatterbrained at times.

8164173
8164293 Well your not wrong. As Dawn said, I wanted to wait until Today to post it and from the looks of it,it seems to work. Overall, has it improved?

8164327 Oh. That's good. I was worried that it wouldn't be any good for a moment...

8164331 Would you like to take a peek at my own upcoming story?

I've been working on it on and off for the past few months, but my current plans are to release it in conjunction with a second fix that serves as both a sodestory and a continuation of a series I've already got going.

8164337 And thank you for the watch. I hope to not disappoint. I'll look at the story in the morning.

8164352 Alrighty. It's the first story of its kind that I've written, so I just want to ensure that I'm doing things right.

8164298
Dude, I know the feeling. Just look at my avatar, and you've got me for the past week or so. :rainbowlaugh:

8164320
It's as even better than I remember, Saber. :twilightsmile:

8164359 Thank goodness. I was worried that it wouldn't hold up or somehow turn out worse :facehoof:

Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?

8164414 It's tame. Mainly memory but I won't spoil it here. Nothing Graphic(hence the E rating)

8163632
Well sure. Might get to that soon if you want me to. Just send me a message and I'll be on it if i can.

8166298 What story catches your eyes. No particular order(although my most recent stories fair better then my past)

8167009
Stories I like? Basically anything. I can read a huge genre of anything, I'm easily entertained. And most of the stories I've read so far interest me. You're a really good writer, and I'm glad I stumbled upon you. But I happen to like adventure, comedy, and heartwarming stories the most. I also don't mind a bit of romance being thrown in there!

8168983 Well, I only have 1 of those 3(With one comedy coming in the near future)

Sooo, you can have a graphic depiction of someone being stabbed and bleeding to death and keep an E rating? In yet, I had to give Does It Matter? a teen rating...

As for the story itself... Well, frankly, it felt rushed. It's a good setup, but everything goes by way too quickly. In fact, I couldn't even be hit in the feels because of how fast it all went. Also, since when does Featherweight talk? Hay, since when was Featherweight Diamond's friend? Ehh, whatever.

Sooo, yeah, I wasn't impressed by this story. If you had just took your time and let things play out slower, it would have worked; but as is... I'm just not feeling it. Sorry.

8174544 I was told it could be kept under a E rating by editors. Originally, I had it under a T rating but after asking my editors, they stated it's fine as a E. Also, sorry you didn't feel it but I understand. It takes more for some people and honestly, while I poured my heart into it, I tried to write it exactly how I felt so it is unfortunate but understandable. It's your option after all. Should(and if) you read my other stories, I hope they don't disappoint.

8174558 I intend to.

You and me have something in common: We both have an immense desire for feedback... and we can give it to each other. :pinkiecrazy:

I only have five rules:

1. No clopfics.

2. No torture porn fics

3. No clopfics.

4. No shipfics.

5. No clopfics.

It's that simple.

8174568 4(3 of witch are the same)of the 5 I don't do. I only have...a few shipping but nothing past T(only have 1 as of right now)

8174581 Alright, we can do business. You now have the King of Madness in your army! :pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy:

8174585 Can't tell if I should be scared or not. Also, thanks for the follow.

8174594 Why would you be scared? Because I'm crazy?

Have you forgotten? All the best people are crazy! :pinkiecrazy:

8174609 Well your not wrong.

This review is brought to you by the group, "A for Effort".

Name of story: How Could I Forget...?

Total score: 8/10

Pros:
- Mostly smooth transactions

- Conveys the emotion of the characters well

- Good pacing

- Good characterization, and told in a good perspective

Cons:
- Few spelling errors

- DT's memories felt a bit rough and need expansion

Notes:
I, for one, loved this. It was an interesting take on a Mother's Day story for DT. I can't say I've seen many stories like this, and feel that the idea is pretty original.

Yet I think that the transaction to DT's memory of SS's mother's killing was a bit rough. It might have been five years ago, but felt slightly off, and in need of a tad of expansion.

That's the only big problem I had with the story, and found the rest enjoyable. The characters were, well, in character. Transactions and pacing flowed wonderfully. O give you a solid 8/10. :yay:

Keep on writing!

~Randome

8200528 A)Thanks for the review. B)I get the latter(the part about the memory. I take full responsibility for that:facehoof:) but if I may be so bold, where were the spelling words?

8200539
It was my pleasure to review your story.

I can't remember all the mistakes (there's only a few, don't worry) since it's almost 2 AM. :derpytongue2: The one that it can actually remember is this one.

Normally, she’d arrive no later than 1, which is right after school let out.

8200560 Oh. My mistake. on the flip side, if(or rather when) you get a chance, I would love your thought on my other stories. To see if they're good or not.

This is a Twilight's Reviews review.

First off, I must say your grammar has improved, I didn't spot any errors! I really liked the way you portrayed Diamond Tiara by making her seem mad that Silver Spoon was late. I also liked how you've out emotion in the words and made the reader feel connected to the characters' thoughts and feelings, it gave a lot of depth to the story! One thing that you could do next time is trying to be more detailed about the memory that Diamond Tiara was reminiscing. It would be more effective if you had described what exactly happened in italics to make the story seem more emotional. Try using metaphors and similes to make the reader visualize what's going on. For a one-shot, this is pretty good!

8227885 Funny, I felt the same thing with the past part(and people have brought that up). That is unfortunate that I missed that... on another note, I can't take all the credit. The editors(and proofreader) are the reason why it turned out so well. I do have another story coming in this week and maybe other one the following week(depends on how things play out but there will definitely be one this week) but I'm making 110% it's perfect. That is why I'm taking ages to post a story. Sorry about that. Anyways, thanks for the review.

This was pretty good

8339901 Thanks. May I ask what you liked about it?

This has been reviewed by The Reviewer's Cafe.

8346818 A)Thanks. Somehow, I'm not surprised it failed(again... You would think with 3 editors/proofreaders, the story would be perfect.). B)I asked in the Q&A about why it changed from 3 to 1 and didn't get an answer. Could you be so kind as to tell me why that is? C)As for the ending bit, I thought it was suppose to be a comma, hence, why that was placed there. A explanation would help(Via PM as to not spoil it here)

My review of this story can be found here.

I'm kind of bad at pointing out what exactly is wrong (especially since I really liked your story)
But here is this. First of all it feels a little rushed. Too short even for a one-shot. Then your descriptions are kind of confusing, and I mean the part when Diamond Tiara descends into crying and experiences flashback. Aren't there like at least Cheerilee standing bye? Why DT 'wakes up' alone from a flashback? Did she ran to home and fell asleep? I am really confused - and unless you wanted it, it is a problem. Also besides story being just a tinsy bit too short it kind of fails at descripting emotions. I mean you did a good job at showing them, but as a reader I didn't understand why Tiara was acting the way she was acting. Also didn't why Silver Spoon was late (she sometimes visits the grave so it is not the first time right?)

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