I'M STAR SWIRL THE FRIGGIN' BEARDED

by Gravestone

THE EIGHTH CHAPTER

Hello, it's me again, you know the guy stuck as a bearded pony married to four hot-looking mares. Well, I thought today I'd talk about Pinkie Pie and it has nothing to do with her standing right next to me. Now, this mare is not what you would consider normal in fact normal and Pinkie are like oil and water. But there are some good things about her. First, she can cook and I mean that from the bottom of my stomach. The second thing is she's really good at pranks and as you know pranks are my stress relief well one of them the second is none of your bucking beeswax, man I miss cursing. Third, on the list is when I get pissed, I threaten to invite Pinkie over and Twilight shuts right up in fact everyone stops talking.

So here we are Pinkie standing next to me with the biggest smile on her face and a canon at her hip. Yes, I invited Pinkie here for a party and what party you may ask but one of the most important ones ever. With a thunderous boom, confetti flying everywhere, cakes pies treats neatly placed on a table with a banner hanging over it which reads ROYAL BABY SHOWER.

What you thought I’d do something mean to four very pregnant mares am I that heartless “Don’t Answer That Pinkie”. No the reason I’m doing this is that this morning we went for their magical ultrasounds which are like normal ultrasounds but with magic as Twilight would say. Truthfully the difference is instead of a machine and monitors there's a unicorn with what looks like a wire coming out of his plot connected to a big mirror, and I just know you’re all just dying to know what we’re having so go-ahead well why aren’t you dying? Fiiiine ruin my fun you bunch of plotholes and not in a good way. Anyway here's the big news drum roll, please.

Thank you, Pinkie. We the royal family would like to announce to you peasants, wait, what?

“Mumble mumble mumble.” Voice of one of the mares off to the side.

“What do you mean I can’t call them peasants?”

“MUMBLE MUMBLE MUMBLE!” The angry voice of more than one of the mares off to the side.

“FIIIINE, I mean all of you nice ponies here is the big news.
Tai and Twi are having a colt each, Luna is having twin fillies, and Cissy is having fraternal twins a colt and filly.”

So after hearing this, me being the reasonable and responsible adult that I am, I had declared by law that all stallions were to be gelded immediately to protect the virtues of my daughters and the mares to have their ho-hos sewn shut. And what did I get for trying to protect our little girls and boys I ask you, well I’ll tell you, I GOT SENT TO MY ROOM! Can you believe it and all I wanted to do was protect my, Oh heck who am I kidding, I just wanted to scare the poop out of the nobles, Man I Really Miss Cursing.

So here I am walking around the city, what you really think I just do what they said please if you had been reading this story then you don’t know me very well. So as I was saying I was walking around the city just minding my own business checking out the shops and bars mostly the bars. When I was confronted by two of the worst sights ever Jet Set and Upper Crust. You remember those two the recently bald pair any way I come face to bald-face with them and it was like an old Spaghetti Western although I will admit the music was pretty cool, but the tumbleweed was just too much.

“So we meet again, for the first for the last time, Skid Mark and Crusty Undies,”

“It’s Jet Set and Upper Crust you vile monstrosity!” One of them yelled.
And to be honest I can’t tell you who they both looked the same.

“Hey, hey do I stand there and insult you like that I don’t think so?”

You just did by calling us the wrong name.” The other one said.
Seriously I can’t tell them apart.

“Well, maybe but I just want today one thing,”

“Oh yeah, and what's that?” Still can’t tell which ones which.

Taking a deep breath. “I just want to say... WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUAST IS THAT!!! ” Screaming as I point behind them.

And just like the morons, they are they turn and look, and I do my best impression of Jessie Owens and the Road Runner.

So here I am back in the castle, and this time I’m locked in my room with guards outside under orders to ignore me. Do they think this will stop me or deter me from my quest I say neigh! (Insert horse joke here) For I will find the best means of annoying the populace of this world even if I have to get Discord to help me, wait, was that what I wanted to do, or did I want to find a bar to celebrate finding out we were having six kids?
GOD, I MISS CURSING!!!

Comments

[Darksoul85]

Great chapter can't wait to see what they do to him if he breaks his word and gets out of his room

[PinkiePieFox]