• Member Since 16th Jul, 2016
  • offline last seen Feb 5th, 2020

Fenton


Bonjour ma colère, salut ma hargne, et mon courroux... COUCOU!

T
Source

It has been one year since Octavia has moved with Vinyl Scratch. She has learned to know her a bit and she doesn't regret her decision. Indeed, Vinyl is a good pony, even if she is a little raw around the edges.

However, her bound with the DJ is going to be put to the test as Vinyl's inner demons resurface.

Will she stand for her roomate and help her, no matter what the cost is? Or will she give up trying, because, in fact, there isn't much she can do?


Source for the amazing cover art used with the kind permission of Nemo2D. Go check his DA, he is more than talented.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 9 )

Very well written.
To start with, a few tweaks I noticed...

"Ceez, chill out, 'was joking" she replied.

Should be 'Geez'

Vinyl I was sick worried!"

Should be 'worried sick'
Might want to edit those.
Overall, the plot is pretty close to the chest. I don't drink and none of my family are anything more than light drinkers but this is still quite understandable.
Ordinarily, I'd say Berry Punch is the only alcoholic Equestria needs right now but it seems Vinyl's problem isn't played for laughs, particularly if it's hidden.
Octavia might need a bit more characterisation. It's clear she cares a lot about Vinyl and is sophisticated but you might want to emphasise her general aloofness and slowly defrosting persona, maybe a bit more backstory.
Overall though, very good work. Keep it up. :twilightsmile::raritywink:

7767667

Thanks for pointing out the mistake.

Should be 'Geez'

Not in my book. Indeed, if I recall correctly, Geez is the abbreviation for Jesus. I didn't see him appear in the show. Therefore, Ceez is the abbreviation for Celestia. :raritywink:

I've always seen Vinyl depicted as a heavy-drinker in the many OctaScratch fics I've read (I love that pairing/shipping). But there have never been a mention that could be a problem. I wanted to rectify that.

About Octavia, I'll keep what you've said in mind. I intended to develop her during the next chapters, when she will interact more with Vinyl, but it seems that I will have to put more effort into it.

And thanks for the support and your comment.

PS: I've just noticed I forgot to put something in Author's notes. :ajsleepy: And done.

7767745 Ah, hadn't thought of the whole semi-blasphemy thing.
That's clever but you might want to point that out in the author's note.
Glad my advice helped. I look forward to the rest.

Very well-played ending of this chapter, very-well.
You are doing really good job on this. Your descriptions are really fitting and so are the dialogues and behaviour. Really good contrast between classy, yet not overly classy Octavia and Vinyl rough around the edges, not speaking about her typical mood changes.

However, there are a few things I'd like to point out.
When you have a sentence that includes "didn't" the following verb is in present, not past. So, "didn't managed" is incorrect. Correct is "didn't manage".
Second, you have missing commas in normal direct speech. Just like here:

"Easy Lyra" firmly said Octavia...

It should be:

"Easy Lyra," firmly said Octavia...

Looking forward to the next chapter!

7887562

Thanks for the missing comma and the compliments.

About the next chapter, I've put it aside for a moment but I hope to finish it before the end of January. The draft stage has been tough, I've changed a lot of scene, deleting some to add others.

7888792 You're welcome.

Sure, no rush!

Hey, I'm glad to see this continue! :twilightsmile:
There are still troubles with the direct speech (see my previous comments), but otherwise a great build-up chapter. I bet there is still a long way ahead for Vinyl and Octavia.

I started this at 11:30 hoping to be done by 12:00 but I got really into this story. The occasional grammar mistake is notable, but good story so far. I hate to rush you but I like this story so much! I must read more. ~:derpyderp2:

Great chapter, I really enjoyed the magic&talent elaboration. The description of Octavia playing was stunning. Looking forward to the next chapters!

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