• Member Since 22nd May, 2016
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Son of Sanguinius


Just a Canadian with a love of fantasy/sci-fi and a bit too much time on his hands. For Sanguinius and the Emperor!

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Source

After decades of brutal warfare, humanity has finally breached the defenses of Equestria, and now strikes at Canterlot itself. High above the walls of the city, Celestia watches the world she built burn around her. Her gambit has failed. Humanity has endured her assault. Now all she can do is wait and watch as the war she started comes to an end.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 10 )

I cast +1 Like at this story.(as soon as it allows me to do so)

Good to see that you are as creative as ever.

This is an ending without a story. A truly epic tale is hinted at, but that's all. Just hints.

No real story here.

7764318 I know. It just sort of happened in the midst of doing stuff. I did my best to keep everything the right mixture of vague and referenced to allow for easy inference, though I'm not sure it worked.
If people want, I might eventually flesh out the events that got us to here.

7764708

If people want, I might eventually flesh out the events that got us to here.

Maybe only if you're really passionate about the story that led to this ending, with characters that readers can really care about.

It might just be perception, but a fair number of TCB-related stories tend to be little more than thinly-veiled attempts to glorify the author's favourite side in the human-pony war that has somehow managed to spill over into meta territory. It probably won't be easy to avoid being stereotyped as such right off the bat.

7764799 Indeed. I've been toying with an idea for a TCB story for some time, but this is unrelated. Even now I'm considering scrubbing the TCB elements from this, what few there are.

7764218 Thanks! Glad to know I'm still able to entertain.

Meh.

This story isn't bad or anything. But it feels kinda generic. The characters feels like cardboard cut outs going through the motions. Cadance dies of a 'broken heart,' Luna and Twilight get slaughtered off screen with barely a mention by a character we haven't even heard of. The rest of the Mane 6 aren't even mentioned. And our hero is a stereotypical human with, of all things, a magic sword. Which is somehow to blame for Equestria losing the war.

Eve the ending is troperific, with our cutout hero wandering off into the sunset to never be seen again (like that could happen in modern society,) while carrying away the innocent child of his mortal enemies, who he will raise himself. A lifelong task he accepted from a mortal enemy without a second thought.

Like I said, it's not BAD or anything. It's just shallow. It has all the depth of a puddle. Maybe if we'd seen more of the backstory, built up the characters, the narrative, given them some more emotion... But as it is, I couldn't make myself care about any of these characters. :pinkiesick:

7764832 I absolutely know. This was a story that more happened than anything. It started as a narrative method of answering a question, and just sort of grew from that. Aside form that. it was an exercise in implication, to see how much of a story could be told without saying it.
But thank you for the honest assessment.
And to be fair, it's Canada. We're still filled with empty space no one lives in.
You know what, I might just write the story proper of this war, just to make this ending make sense.

It was good, wouldnt mind knowing how this happened. But please dont make it a full blown TCB story. Not a fan.

I have to agree with the others: While this ending is a good read by itself, and can certainly stand alone, it does feel like there's an entire story that should go along with it. I have no problem with that, but it is noticeable. I really liked how you were able to put a lot of little details about the war and those who fought in it, the sense of finality, and that Roland was willing to hear Celestia out before killing her.

Only issues I saw involved the tense shifting between past and present, such as this:

In the castle, that magnificent ivory pillar, she waited, the Solar Queen, Celestia herself. She stands alone.

And the last paragraph where Celestia asked Roland to spare Flurry Heart should be split in two, as it has two characters speaking.

Overall, a very good effort.

7764928 I think I'm going to scrub out what little TCB there is. It's not really necessary. I just needed a pretext, and Xenolestia was the first response.

7764987 Thank you. Sorry about the tense, it was originally a present tense description, then was converted to past tense narrative. I'll fix that shortly.

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