18 - Prophecies
The orb came to a halt before a birch glade. Andrew immediately recognized the site as the same area the berry bushes were near. Yanking the sizzling orb from the air, Andrew tucked it into his pocket and walked west, his mental map of the glade’s part of the forest fledged out far enough for him to walk on his own. Thankfully, the still white orb ceased to generate heat, allowing Andrew to relax a little. The sounds of the galloping pegasi behind Andrew lowered to a trot as they caught up to the fast-paced human.
Pushing through a familiar patch of foliage, Andrew spotted a wall of blueberries. The pegasi came up beside him as he strode urgently. All of the ponies knew exactly what Andrew had found, but remained silent and still as Andrew parted the brush. He stepped into the clearing, fearing the worst.
Mint’s eyes flicked to the shuddering bush. Snorting, she stood before the rest of the herd as they took cover behind her. Horn at the ready, Mint herself anxiously pawed at the ground. With a grunt, Andrew emerged from the thicket, sending berries to the ground around him. Spying the unicorns ahead, Andrew stuck his orb-tipped branch into the ground and hobbled forward. He held his arms out.
“Guess who’s back?”
Mint bounded towards Andrew immediately, stopping to stand on her hind legs in order to hug him in the proper way. Andrew held his position with a grunt, recovering quickly to return the gesture.
“Andrew!” The mare nuzzled into his hoodie, whickering. ”I apologize!”
“S’all good.” The two split apart, and Andrew took the period to introduce his companions. “These are your pegasi.” Mint beamed at the ponies standing behind Andrew.
”Four?” Lemon questioned as he stepped forward from the crowd of unicorns, a hint of annoyance in his features. ”Four cloudmasters?” Greeny pushed Lemon aside once the stallion was finished.
Mint looked a little concerned as she walked around Andrew to the pegasi. ”Where is your herd, cloudmaster?”
”North.” The black stallion stepped forward, head hung low. ”I could not convince all of them to join us.”
”Cowards!” Lemon hissed.
“Hey!” Everyone in the clearing looked to Andrew as he tilted his stick towards Lemon. “Shut your trap, Lemon.” He settled back down, snorting. “Sorry about that, continue.” Andrew pretended that he did not hear Lemon’s following pony curse.
The black stallion gave a grateful nod to Andrew, then gave a glance about the clearing. ”Where are the hornless?” Andrew took a look around as well, noting that the only earth ponies present were the four foals, the small children shivering together in a sad huddle.
”Confronting Light Land.” This time, Greeny spoke, taking a spot beside Mint. ”The Great Orb has passed once in their combat.” He paused. ”Through the black, it is hard to tell.”
”We fear that they will hold no longer,” Mint added.
“Where are they?”
”Southeast.” Mint shook her head then looked to Andrew, a little awestruck. ”Bush—” She paused mid-snort. “Bushkeeper?”
Andrew shrugged, pointing to the orb hovering above his stick with a finger. “Probably something to do with this.”
Mint stepped forward, leaning her head up to inspect the ball of light. ”What is this fwafwa?”
”It appeared when the bushkeeper was speaking to us.” The black pegasus tilted his head. ”You can understand the bushkeeper?”
”Partly.” Humming, Mint stretched upwards with a hoof. Andrew lowered the stick for her, and as the mare made contact with the orb, a purple ribbon began to spool out from the orb and around her horn. Shuddering, Mint pulled back, severing the connection.
”Strange,” Greeny noted. ”How do you feel, fwalfa?”
Mint was silent.
“Mint?” Andrew began to worry as the mare fell back on her haunches, staring blankly.
”The sky gods are speaking to the fwalfa.”
Andrew turned to Lemon slowly. “What?”
The stallion came up to Mint, eyes flicking between the orb and her eyes. ”The fwalfa stands in the Fabal.” Lemon looked up to Andrew, expression stern. ”It is best not to disturb the fwalfa and sky gods during this connection.”
”How long will it take?” Greeny asked, worriedly looking over his mate.
”I do not know.”
Andrew bit his lip, conflicted. “We need to check on the hornless ponies.” The ponies were watching him, but Andrew knew that they could not understand him. Without waiting for a reply, Andrew took his branch in two hands and began drawing in the dirt. Within a minute, a crudely drawn pony sat before the collected parties.
The midnight pegasus leant forward, eyes wide in surprise. ”What is this?”
”A hornless.” Greeny tapped near the drawn earth. ”I have carved this form before.”
”Carved?” the white pegasus mare questioned.
Nodding, Greeny went over to Andrew’s log bed, pulled a spider’s tooth from the log, then came back over. ”This—” he dropped the ivory ”—is our fwalafa.”
The black pegasus’ eyes widened as they glazed over the bone. A fwalafa carved? He shook his head, mouth hanging open slightly. I have never…
Curious, Andrew picked up the tooth without asking. He turned over the tooth; it had been carved further by Greeny during Andrew’s two days away. “Why were you carv… carv…” Andrew pulled back, jaw held low.
“Greeny…?” Andrew planted his stick in the dirt again and dropped the tooth to the ground. He put a finger to one part of the carving, specifically that of a hovering orb in the middle of a herd of unicorns. “What is that?”
”The Great Orb?” the green stallion queried. ”What of it?” Slowly, his eyes drifted to the carved orb. His eyes went wide. ”It’s—”
“—the amethyst,” Andrew finished, not even bothering to emulate the word’s bray. “How did you know what to carve before you ever saw it?”
The green stallion shuddered. ”I don’t understand, why is fwafwa in our presence?”
Andrew stood as Lemon to spoke up.
”We need to use it.” Lemon’s eyes were bright with understanding. ”Clearly, the sky gods have found it necessary to give us fwafwa. We must use it to stop the spread of the Light Land!”
”It is idiotic to presume such a notion,” the black pegasus snorted. ”Do you know what power the sky gods may have granted us with?” He nosed Andrew’s side roughly. ”The sky gods have put the fwafwa of the Fabal in the bushkeeper’s hooves.”
Andrew tugged at his collar, frowning down at the two ponies, clearly about to begin bickering. ”This is getting intense.”
”He is no willhorn!” He struck his hoof out towards the bone. ”Our fwalafa tells that the willhorn are to wield the power of the fwafwa, not an outsider. One of us are to use it; it is rightfully ours.” A thick murmuring began to run through the herd of unicorns and the three pegasus mares by the end of Lemon’s statement.
“Rude,” Andrew muttered.
The black stallion looked angry, pulling himself upwards. ”A willhorn wrote your fwalafa!” Greeny crouched down as a hoof was pointed in his direction.
”As it should be!” Lemon retorted. "It is not the business of a herd to interfere with another’s fwalafa, nor should an outsider take control! Outsiders are not to use fwafwa, especially god-given fwafwa!”
”Fawa!” the black pegasus growled, strutting forward menacingly. ”It belongs to the bushkeeper. He is no simple outsider; his fwafwa is his to keep!”
”It belongs to the sky gods!” Lemon was no match for the stallion’s height, but he put up a courageous act as the two met muzzle-to-muzzle. ”The fwafwa was created by the sky gods; it belongs to the willhorns!”
“Enough!” Andrew slammed his stick hard into the ground next to the earth pony drawing. He pointed at the drawing, silently staring back at the two herds.
”The hornless,” Greeny peeped out in a quiet whinny. ”Perhaps the bushkeeper wishes for us to take him to them?”
Andrew nodded eagerly, thankful that at least someone was thinking rationally.
”Our argument is not—” A swift whack to Lemon’s chest with a stick sent the stallion keeling. ”Fabfwalfawa,” he wheezed after a solid ten seconds.
“No more,” Andrew growled. “I don’t give two cents to caring about who owns the fwafwa, I just know that we still need to check on those hornless ponies and how they’re dealing with the fire.” He looked over the obedient crowd. “I don’t care about who’s against me, I care about who’s going with me.”
The clearing was silent, save for the occasional groan from the still-downed stallion. Eventually, Greeny spoke up.
”The hornless are southeast,” he repeated. ”I will take you.”
Andrew nodded. "Please."
”Good.” Greeny looked around, then frowned at the unicorns standing behind him. ”Gather your strength. I will alert the herd if we require assistance. Bring my mate to us when she awakes.” Ruffling himself, Greeny looked to Andrew and nodded, snorting once. ”We move now, bushkeeper.”
“Good.” With one last glance of dissapointment directed towards Lemon, Andrew and the pegasi, led by Greeny, began to move southeast through the woods.
“You know Greeny, I’m impressed.” The stallion’s ears flicked in Andrew’s direction, but he did not give any other external reply. “I’m impressed that you didn’t just lay Lemon out when he first started. You sure took control of the situation in the end there.”
“And you… uh… you mind if I call you black one? I’ll just call you Blackie for now. Kinda weird, but whatever. Blackie, Lemon should’ve been dust by now.” The group was quiet for another short period. “I’m impressed that you have that much restraint over your anger. Granted, it did start slipping there, but you didn’t smack him the chest like I did, did you?”
The white pegasus looked back at Andrew as she walked. The bushkeeper knows we cannot hear what he says, correct?
”Yes,” Blackie and Greeny replied simultaneously.
”That was kind of cute,” the midnight colored mare giggled. Greeny blushed at the compliment, but Blackie simply snorted.
”Do not call me cute.”
”Yes, falfa.”
Carrying on in silence, Andrew took the time to inspect the orb on his stick. The purple ball spun silently, casting a strange glow on Andrew’s shoulder and the top of the stick. This was fwafwa, and it was obviously important to the unicorns. Lemon had said something about ‘wielding’ the fwafwa, and Andrew was curious as to whether or not he could use it himself. He felt like he could, seeing as how he was able to handle the curious artifact residing in his pocket.
What had happened to Mint on contact with the fwafwa? She had fallen into some sort of trance, and Lemon had said something about her communicating with the sky gods. With abrupt realization, Andrew noticed something very important between certain events that had occurred and the sky gods. Could it be possible that his hiking pack, his thermos, the magical amethyst orb, and ability to understand the ponies, been given to him by the mysterious sky gods? Looking back the way that his party had come, Andrew suddenly felt very small in the world.
”I hear their hooves,” Blackie noted, ears twitching. Andrew strained forward, eager to hear the same sound that the stallion had noticed, but sagged, unable to hear anything but the distant crackle of flame. ”We’re getting closer.”
True to his word, not a minute later, the sounds of thumps and the rumbling earth came into perception. Andrew teetered in place for a time during one good rumble, then continued forward. Andrew reached for his thermos and took a sip, right as they pushed out of the foliage and out into the open world. He nearly choked on his drink as the true sight of the fire came into view.
Not too far off from them, Andrew could see the herd of earth ponies tearing into the grass. He could see the earth turning brown beneath them, and was amazed to see that a large area of the grassland had been overturned of its grass to reveal the soil below. They were dragging the grass off into a nearby stream, presumably to keep the flammable materials from kindling. What terrified Andrew about the scene, however, was the proximity of the flames.
Not a few miles away were the flames of the burning east woods, slowly but surely encroaching upon the gathered earth ponies.
Andrew swallowed thickly, unsure of whether or not he was prepared to face the oncoming storm of fire. Surprisingly enough, Greeny took notice of his fear and sidled up beside him, cooing softly.
“I appreciate it, Greeny.” His eyes went back to the burning woods. “But I have no idea how we’re going to do this.”
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I'm glad the pony races are willing to work together so early. One day I will wrangle the pony language out of you, then I will go about speaking in a tongue no one in my family could possibly understand just to annoy them.
The story is amazing except for one thing... that other language.
When conversation starts to get thick with it, I lose immersion and get very frustrated because it's not just made-up words... it's made up words that seem to revel in being hard to distinguish from each other unless you intentionally kill your immersion to focus on counting and distinguishing streams of far-too-similar syllables.
For a story like this, one of the things it should be trying hardest to do is to build a sense of atmosphere and immersion... and slamming into those brings my immersion to a screeching halt while the frustration of encountering them kills the atmosphere.
8082311
Good... Good...
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/78/78eac78e61bdd84eac86505e7acf191440dc811fd50383aef7381c98c5bb2230.jpg
Damn it, I caught up
I'm in love with this story 
I'm still confused about those words and my mind just can wrap around them:
falawaf : leader perhaps?
fawafa : which I assume is pegasus
fabfalawaf : ?
falfa: ?
wawafa : Alicorn?
fwafwa: ?
Minty! Yay~!
I was worried. 
I think she's talking to the ToH.
This is getting intense, maybe Andrew will have to use the fwafwa (focus? Like a unicorn horn?) to use the river to douse the flame. Just a theory.
I can't wait for more, this is awesome.
Ten out of ten, would recomend
8082599 pretty sure fwafwa is magic.
Finally caught up with this story, I started reading it when it was a lot shorter but got caught up with work. Feel compelled to say that I love it so far, I think it's really great conceptually with a good premise but also your writing style is very good. My only gripe really is that which ssokolow pointed out in the comments on this chapter, the words of the pony language are really similar and so I break immersion to force myself to focus on those specific words to make sure I've not read it wrong etc etc., but otherwise I think this is brilliant. Looking forward to the next chapter!
8082402
Oh my god, thank you, finally. I've been waiting to see someone's thoughts about the actual use of language in writing; I probably just should've asked. In a previous story, I went over this with a reader, and I believe I've gone overboard with the idea of implementing the language into the story.
During the final rereads of chapter 18, the later my night got, the more confusing everything became. As I added more and more words to the conversations between the pegasi and unicorns, I felt, 'Oh, well I've already started; can't turn back now,' and I suppose that's the wrong way to go about it. I'll try to tone down a bit on the words; originally I wanted to use it for one-off words or phrases that a human wouldn't have had the experience of encountering, like 'cloudmaster.' As you can see, however, I've completely deviated from this idea in a massive, unexpected leap. Woops.
I'm surprised that you found yourself immersed in my story; never heard anyone say that about my writing. It also brings up something interesting; the immersion of the readers. I believe what I can do is keep the language, but try shifting over to a more 'you are Andrew' kind of thing when it comes to understanding the phrases. IE, conversations are clearly understood, save for the occasional word which would translate to those one-offs like 'magic;' something that a human wouldn't need to know the meaning of in a world free of such things. If I have to, I may do away with the whole language, but that would really throw me off my feet; heavy edits to the storyline would most likely take place. I feel that using words sparingly would probably work better for everyone involved, but that's just my opinion.
So, what's your opinion on the use of an imagined language? Replies are open to all; when I finish this story, I'm going to be doing major revisions, and opinions are currently my best way to see what the readers like, dislike, and want.
8083180
i say ignore the issue and maintain course.
The only reason the language breaks his immersion is because he does not realize it is part of the intended mystery.
Please add the Mystery tag to this story so that guys like him are not confused again.
8083180 Alafwa walawa alwalfalfalwawawa.
(OMG!! Did you read what he just called you?)
8083369
That is not at all the intended purpose of the language.
The language was never meant to be this confusing; I went overboard with the ponies' conversation, and I want people to tell me their opinons. So far, implementing the language has been extremely tedious and confusing for me, so I'm asking something akin to, 'do you even want a thoroughly developed language?' The story isn't 'mysterious.' Sure, there are a few strange moments which one does not understand, but it's because those few moments are where the story makes you want to think alongside the character; it's not supposed to make you go meta, like the people attempting to discern the words.
I want the reader to be on the same level as Andrew, but because I overdosed the language and did not equalize it with Andrew's thoughts, many people have become confused. This was not at all the intention. The intention was to invite those curious to contemplate the few words, not ravage over the sentences in confusion. If this chapter was written as a mystery, Andrew would be contemplating the meaning of the words like the commenters here, not simply standing on the sidelines and waiting patiently for them to stop speaking.
There is no mystery here, only author error.
8083393
The real author error is that you forgot you had initially displayed Andrew's understanding to be preferentially selective to those talking at Andrew, so the language overdose only happened because you let Andrew overhear too much.
8083314
And then discord mutants into him because discord has weird reactions to REAL radiation.
#discordlogic
8083393 To be quite honest, during the whole "Fwaflar-blar-garble" scene, I skimmed the dialog with the 'English/Not-English' and 'Quest/Fluff' brain filters engaged and only really read about 30% of that section... I get that a couple of words that 'don't translate' are cool, but when those 8-12 words end up making up about 40-60% of the dialog it becomes,
"blah blah blah Too Long; Didn't Read, *scrolls down to the English bit*"... just a bit too Meta.I'd bet that the words are more distinct and sound much better when spoken aloud, but how many people read Fimfics aloud?
P.S. You might want to make the Bushkeeper have a sit-down with Minty real soon and be like, "Ok, I'm tired of this, you teach me your language, I'll teach you my language." or just have him collect a whole bunch of things and straight up teach their names to Minty, utilizing visual aides in the dirt, body language, actual objects... draw a picture, point to it and say the name, etc... then she can teach the rest.
Stupid wawafa elitists, acting like their dumb horns entitle them to all the fwafwa. Everything in the domain of the fabalafa has some connection to fwafwa! I mean, just look at the balwafa, out there fighting the fire with their advanced strength and connection to the earth!
Also, what's the deal with that wawafa elitist Lemon? He says:
'Balwafa'. As in 'balwafa'? As in earth ponies? I thought we were stopping the spread of a wildfire, not committing apartheid!
8083848
I have forced Lemon to pull back a little on his elitist ways. Fixed.
8083858
I think it was a Freudian slip by Lemon. Nice of you to correct him
8083180
For anyone who stumbles across this in the future, it was copied to this blog post and I replied to that instead.
Andrew's heard just keeps growing and growing.
8083180 It is only such a big deal because.... you only used five fucking letters!!!! The words are all so similar that they become a jumbled mess. If we could puzzle over their meaning by context it would be interesting but we can't tell the damn things apart half the time! Like 8083848 pointed out, the only difference between the words for "earth pony" and "wildfire" is the "f" and "w" are switched. Those words have nothing in common to be so ridiculously similar.
8082599
wawafa : Unicorn
balwafa : Earth Pony
Balfawa : Wildfire(or some variation of)
fwafwa : Magic
fawafa : Pegasus
While the first 4 have been used enough to be certain of, the fifth has only been used once but it matches the pattern for the other two so it's probably pegasus.
8086564
I could say the same thing about English...
Love this story, waiting for more.
8095470 Stone hasn't evolved yet?
I'm loving the story, but I HATE the new website layout!