About 3 million years ago Equestria and the surrounding islands were located in the North Pacific Ocean on Earth. Now Equestria at the time had the highest consternation of magic which cause many of the species living there to develop sentience but humans were not among them when Discord put Equestria and the surrounding islands in a pocket dimension to "play with his toys". The barrier of this dimension caused anyone or anything inside to forget the outside world. Discord did this because his magical nature could not effect the outside world completely and he didn't want his toys hiding from him.
Now fast forward 3 million years, the world is a very different place as humans have spread across the planet bringing with them very faint traces of magic. This magic has allowed humans to catch glimpses of Equestria through dreams and has caused the barrier to weaken to the point of collapse as the Earth wants to reconnect with its missing piece. Discord having sense the change in the barrier but having forgotten about it sees this as opportunity to have little fun, sits back to watch the chaos unfold. How would Humanity react? Is Equestria ready for such a change? And will there ever be peace after this?
Read to find out more.
Note: This story takes place after season 6 and Equestria Girls is cannon.
Author's Note: If you have any ideas and/or want to contribute, PLEASE private message me. Also if you click the like or dislike button, PLEASE comment why for some constructive criticism. NO HATE MAIL!
I would like to say that the idea for this story is based off of Widening the Lens.
This is interesting keep going
Interesting, do keep it up
Intriguing....
......continue plz
Interesting hope to see new chapter updates in the near future.
Interesting start; definitely following this. You may want to tighten up the phrasing a little, some of the sentences need a little more punctuation to avoid run-on syndrome...
8048941 I'll admit that I'm not the best at punctuation. But if you point out the problem spots I'll fix them.
whens the next chapter coming out? its really good!
8080008 I don't have a set schedule on when I release chapters. You see I am in the process of moving and I'm currently working on multiple projects both in literature and in physical world.
This is not so much a reboot as a total reimagining.
Since the story Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité by Xhor331 was posted, (France gets sent to EQ), the whole "EQ comes to Earth" concept seems cursed. Both you & the author of Twilight's Struggle have had nothing but trouble. As a true American, I blame the French, of course.
So glad you finally got this up! I must say it's so far we'll written.
I look forward to more!!!
Awesome dude! I'm almost positive this will become popular ad time goes on, you just got to get it put there, let people know it's here!
Interesting, better update soon
As requested, here is my feedback; the story reads too childish (not quite the right word, but the best I could come up with), with too many words for what is being described, and delivery more in line with a report than a description of events as they occur written in past tense. If you would like further feedback as well as examples from the first couple paragraphs I read, please PM me.
Why isn't there a Discord tag?
First Contact, here we come!
Some areas looked a bit rushed, but still manageable. The one thing that stands out thou is that a person has to be missing for 48 hours before the authorities get involved, right? I think that's how it's usually done.
Also there's quite a bit of grammar spelling errors throughout the chapter.
Protection that this was a great chapter to read! I look forward to more!
I like this. I like this a lot.
It is and will be a very interesting story after all ! First chapter I read with the prologue before and I got hooked up by the turns of this story ! You should really continue this, it's the beginning of a really fun and CHAOTIC adventures !
In my experience, they'd be more likely to use "instruments". The word "sensors" is limited to either sci-fi or devices not expected to operate with scientific precision, like the modules you'd plug into your home security system.
You can only get away with this kind of certainty in sci-fi.
In a contemporary setting, the designers of the system wouldn't want anyone to jump to conclusions in the vein of "U.F.O. means aliens", so they'd use phrasing that assumes a problem in the sensors, rather than never-before-seen phenomena.
Something like "CALIBRATION WARNING: Particle classification faliure rate exceeds noise threshold. Please follow troubleshooting procedure E-17."
sextant
and marking down their current location.
Again, you'd never seen a contemporary scientist or engineer talking like this because they'll be in the habit of not jumping the gun.
A better phrasing would be "We are currently at a loss to explain the readings gathered by the module's particle detectors and it has been suggested that our model of physics may need to be revised."
the size of Australia and New Zealand combined,
That's an unbelievable leap. Much more plausible for them to liken it to something like the branching of lightning, given that it's a similar case of energy following the path of least resistance.
(Or, if you really want something closer to ley lines, a root network or system of blood vessels.)
Jumping straight to ley lines is like encountering a fuzzy picture of a new bipedal species and immediately asking to contact an Icelandic expert on troll mythology.
I generally advise steering away from such intelligent characters for two reasons:
1. Making an OC "amazing" in some way is one of the most common things really bad authors do, which predisposes your readers to "get a head start on disliking them so they won't be disappointed later".
(Generally, if you make a character amazing, it's a good idea to make it "all for naught" unless you're really good at the tricks involved in writing characters smarter than you are. For example, a story where someone has superpowers, but all they want is the love of their unimpressed crush.)
2. It tends to wear on readers when an author claims a character is a genius but they never seem to actually demonstrate that intelligence. (ie. The "Hermione Granger isn't really smart... she just bribed her author to claim she is" effect.)
"the kind that is given off from radioactive elements often found in nuclear reactor" is called ionizing radiation and a scientist would never talk as if all types of ionizing radiation are equivalent... they're not even the same kind of thing. Alpha particles are helium nuclei (matter), while gamma rays and X-rays are electromagnetic radiation, like light and radio waves.
8807375
To be truthful I was going for a slight sci-fi twist in order to make magic detectable to human technology. I will edit this when I'm not in bed for the night or when I don't have work during the day. I would like to thank you for pointing out some flaws, I am trying to improve my craft. Keep up the good work.
Again, this doesn't sound realistic. I'm a bit tired right now, so I'm drawing a blank on how to end it, but the fragment I was able to come up with as a starter is
"Officer, my son is hardly a typical twelve-year-old."
"Meanwhile" means "at the same time". Your sentence is like saying "In the San Francisco part of Los Angeles" or "In the England part of France".
Just remove the "Meanwhile" and capitalize the "about" which follows it.
8807442
There's nothing wrong with having magic be detectable to science. The problem is that your scientists/technicians/etc. are acting in ways that are a little too convenient for you as an author despite it being less realistic. (See also: contrived and/or credulous)
EDIT: Also, when I say "sci-fi", I'm talking about the atmosphere the story builds.
If you have CNN in your story and we don't have space colonies, it's not "sci-fi" for the purposes I was talking about.
8807480
Well, this is why I'm part of the Struggling Authors group.
More plz :3
*Finds fic*
Hmmm...
*Sees it's cancelled*
Awww...
*Thinks*
I'll just write my own version. And I'll set in ST:TNG. Let's see how the Federation handles the ponies then.^_^
Expect it in the next few months.
9488935
In Narrator voice
And so, with now Two writers giving up on what could be considered the same exact story, the story chain continues onto the third iteration of the story Widening the Lens, originally created by Harry Leferts and remade by Tresurehunter20. Will Ariel Schnee be able to finish what Harry started, or will the story be doomed to eternal cancelation? Tune in in a few months to find out!
But seriously, I hope that the story i've reread about 3 times now gets finished!