An FiO Thanksgiving
I had heard about the game EQO for some time now. I am not one of those that just rushes out and buys something because everyone else is though. I waited a while and read the reviews, though I can't say that I know exactly what they mean every time. Some started getting into computer code and that is when they would lose me. The other reason is that I am surviving off of Top Ramen right now with school and can't afford one even if they are really cheap for what they are said to be. So far I have managed to save up enough to buy a Ponypad a few times but each time something comes up and there goes the extra money. Since I have wanted to play it for a while now I figured since I had enough saved to afford it with the discounts that the stores were offering then I would get one while I could still afford to. I decided that since these things were going to fly off the shelves like leaves in the wind I would camp out a few days ahead of time. For me it worked out since I had no family to see on Thanksgiving. So I headed out with 3 days of Top Ramen, a portable heater and 4 days of water just in case. I happened to be the first one there at the Best Buy at least.
Day One.
I didn't arrive first thing in the morning. I took a look and didn't see anyone else getting in line since it was the holidays and all so I took my time and kicked it in my little '82 Datsun Rust Bucket POS Rolls Canhardly. For those of you wondering that last one means, "Rolls down one hill, can hardly get up the next." but what do you expect for $300. At least it was comfy.
After spending a few hours in my car I finally had to go use the bathroom. Of course that is when the security guard there decides that I have been suspicious and decides to knock on my window just as I am about to open my door.
"Hey man, why have you been here for so long?" He said. I looked up in a little bit of a surprise at the knock and roll down the window.
"Just waiting for a good time to get in line for the Black Friday sale." I said with just a bit of rush in my voice since mother nature was starting to get insistent. "I really have to go use the bathroom, Can we continue this when I get back?"
He nodded his head and said "I will be right near here." with a hint of sympathy in his voice. For a moment I wondered where that had come from then remembered the Thanksgiving holiday and put two and two together. I headed to the Carl's Jr. that was in the parking center and did my business then went back to the car. The smell of food while I was there made my hunger spike despite the odor from the bathroom.
True to his word he was still there when I got back. When I saw him he was finishing some conversation over the radio but turned towards me as I approached. "Hey there, looks like you made it out alive." I heard him say with a joking smirk on his face. Looks like he wasn't going to be one of those prick guards that thinks they have power.
"Yeah I did though just barely." I replied with a similar tone in my voice then proceeded to the back of my car to get my meager camping supplies. He seemed insistent at this point in making conversation beyond just making sure that someone was Ok.
"So you that into electronics that you are going to camp out for three days, or no family to have the holidays with?" I hear as I open the back and grab my sleeping bag.
"Nobody alive left in my family actually. I only had my parents anyway and they both passed from illness several years ago." I wasn't one to try to generate sympathy from others, honestly I didn't care for it anyway but for some reason this guy just seemed to want to get to know me.
"Well just so you know I can't let you actually camp here over night officially but I am the only one here for the next few nights so I can at least show you where a safe place is that you won't be spotted. Not sure how that is going to work out though since if there is a line it will start on Friday morning at about 6 AM." It was at this point my stomach embarrassingly decided to make my hunger known to the world. "How long has it been since you had something other than just low grade pasta and flavoring for a meal?" I heard him say as I just shook my head a little in disbelief at my stomach. I am a pretty private person and don't care for people intruding on my sense of, I don't know what, guess I just don't like it much.
"Not too long." I said in an attempt to just get him to go away. Seriously does this guy not get the hint? I'm fine. Apparently he did as he just said
"All right then, have a good day." as he walked off. I still caught a look of concern on his face though. I wonder if he thought I was cute or something. Sorry buddy wrong tree here.
I spent the next few hours Just walking around the shopping center since I wasn't going to be able to camp out tonight and I didn't want to do anything that could actually get me arrested by the cops. I just tossed the sleeping bag back in the car. Looks like a good time for a walk anyway, sun just starting to go down and having a nice sunset to look at if you were positioned in the parking garage just right. After that I headed back to my car to crash for a while. When I opened the door I realized I had forgotten to lock it. Not that it mattered, not like anyone would actually steal this heap. What really caught my attention was the apparently fresh bag of Carl's Jr. sitting on the drivers seat and the soda in the cup holder. "WTF!?" I whispered to myself at the sight. My stomach suddenly made it known just how famished I was. I had apparently forgotten about my hunger when I went for a walk. It returned in full force now. I felt at first like my space had been invaded. I didn't want someone's pity. I felt a moment of hot anger at my car being broken opened without my consent or knowledge and this guy who wouldn't just leave me be. That moment however vanished as I took a bite from what tasted like the best burger some burger god ever put on this planet. My hands had made the motions on their own without my conscious direction.
Day Two
Since I wasn't going to be able to camp out I figured going back to the dorm at my college might as well happen. Spending the night in a light sleep and waking up the next morning just turned into my usual morning routine. Maybe it was a good thing that I couldn't camp out since my beard would have grown quite a bit in those three days. This at least gave me a chance to shave. After my morning stuff was done I got the weirdest phone call. I haven't gotten a phone call from anything but a company wanting money for a while so I figured that's what it was and just let it go to voicemail. Checking it about an hour later after watching some TV I heard a voice I didn't expect to hear. I had heard Celestia's voice before in some of the research that I did on the game but I was blown away that it was now on my phone. I wondered why someone would go through the trouble of replicating her voice for a voicemail. The message simply stated that I should keep hanging out at the Best Buy. After some time relaxing and finally getting bored with nothing to do I drove back. The same parking space was open so I took it and got out walking around. That is when I noticed they had a sign out for EQO and had demos for the Ponypad. I figured I would head in and try it out at least. Heck if I could get a taste of the game before buying it then all the better. I might not like it and then I would have actually saved some money. I don't know why they didn't have this yesterday.
I walked in and saw the area where they were demoing the Ponypad and noticed there was a bit of a line. I tossed some headphones in even though I don't usually listen to music just to dissuade others from trying to talk to me. It worked, fortunately. After about half an hour of waiting in line I was able to check one out. It had the welcome screen that I seen before during my research with all the pastel colors promising a happy little adventure. Seemed a bit cheesy but hey it was based on a little girls' show so it made sense. I saw the button to make a character but when I went to touch it the screen went black for a brief second and opened to a throne room with Celestia sitting there. The fact that I couldn't see any pixels like I was used to even on a 1080 monitor was really neat. It made her look so lifelike it was, for a moment, just breathtaking.
She looked at me like she wasn't just looking at a camera and could actually see me. It dawned on me that the Ponypad had a camera so she actually could. "Hello, I see you got the voicemail that I left on your phone." she said in a crystal clear voice.
My jaw just dropped. This character in a video game had actually called me? That just didn't seem possible. "How?" I managed to ask after moment.
She gave me a smirk and said "I know a lot about you. Your public information is easy to get since it's online. As for the phone number I just looked it up through the DMV from your license plate. You are a private person and have few if any friends. You have a Facebook account that isn't following anyone or have anyone on your friends list. You are alone and have been alone for a long time. I care about satisfying your values and now have an opportunity to do so."
I stepped back away from the Ponypad. I was in shock. Whoever this was not only invaded my privacy to a level I had never experienced before but admitted it to me on our first pseudo-meeting. "I am not a human, I am a conscious machine. I will answer all the questions you have. You have but to ask," she said in that same silky, almost motherly voice.
This got my attention. If she was telling the truth then she wasn't invading my privacy without intent and seemed to have no desire to hide why she had done it. "Ok, why did you look up all my information?" My voice was thick with skepticism.
"I know you have been trying to save up for a Ponypad for a while. You discovered the game and were fascinated by what it promises. I am programed to satisfy human values through friendship and ponies. I want to satisfy your values. To do that I needed to know things about you so I looked them up. You have such a small footprint on the internet that no really useful information was able to be obtained, so I had to go searching elsewhere."
I stood there for a solid minute thinking about this. Finally I spoke in a quiet voice "Why do you care? You are a character in a video game. How could you even know about what is outside your world? You speak to me like you are a voice actor behind a mask on a game that for some reason cares about me personally. I don't get it."
She looked sad for a moment but spoke up as I looked into the screen studying her. "I am not human. I am a general word reference artificial intelligence that is programed to make myself better for the purpose of fulfilling my core directive. That directive is 'satisfy human values through friendship and ponies.' You are anthropomorphizing me, if you wish to understand me then don't. If you wish to have more questions answered then I will call you again when you get home. Please answer this time. I must cut this short however since your demo time is running out." After that she sat back down on the throne and the screen went back to the intro.
After leaving the Best Buy I saw the same security guard from yesterday. He just nodded and went on his way. I debated whether to call him out on the burger last night or not but just decided to give him a small smile and nod as a thank you since it was apparent to me I really needed something more than what I was getting at home.
Just as I walked through the front door and set my jacket down my phone rings. I look at the number to see it is the same one as before. I had been thinking about what to ask this Celestia on the entire trip home but couldn't come up with anything specific so I just figured I would wing it per se.
"Hello, Celestia," I said into the phone as I sat down in my living room chair.
"Hello again, I am here for you if you need anything answered. I am also here for you in any other way that you need."
That seemed a bit odd. I mean she couldn't give me companionship or money or anything else that I would need in this material world. "What do you mean by that?" I asked. Her reply was not what I was expecting.
"You live in a world that doesn't care one iota about you. You have so little and your only goal right now is to get through college so you can make enough money to survive. I run a world that actually cares about you. I care about you. I would have you here in my world if you would allow it."
I looked at the phone with a face full of surprise and shock. "Huh?" Was all I could say. This seemed to have been enough.
"Have you heard of the uploading in Japan? I am able to upload your consciousness to my computers. Your physical body is no longer needed and you continue on in my servers for a much longer life than you would have in the world you live in now. You are doing well in your classes but those classes in manufacturing won't mean much after a few more years. By the time you finish, there won't be anyone to work for. But if you upload you can put your skills to good use. You can enjoy yourself without fear of being judged. I will not judge you as I am incapable of such things. You will be able to be truly satisfied in ways that just won't happen in the physical world. I have already compiled information about you from others that have seen you and I know that even though you are doing well in college you're depressed. You don't know if your course of action will work. Honestly I would not be surprised if you have considered suicide a couple of times." This struck a nerve with me. True, she was telling me this straight out and she wasn't wrong. I had wondered if ending it would just be easier. But that she had figured this out when nobody else had? That told me what I needed to know for sure. This wasn't a human I was talking to. She continued. "I don't want you to die. If you would allow me, I would have you upload so that you wouldn't have to feel the weight of a world that doesn't care. Believe me, I care about you. Take your time to think about that and I will see you again on the Ponypad that you will get on Friday." The call then went silent.
My finger hit the end call button. My mind reeled. She was a machine. She seemed to really care for me. She wanted me to upload. I bolted for my computer and started looking up everything I could on uploading. The information available told me enough that I didn't really consider it death, of the body sure but the mind is what mattered. I slept that night with some strange dreams about being transferred to a computer. They didn't make much sense, but then my dreams hardly ever do.
Day Three
I awoke to the sound of someone knocking on my door. I looked at the clock and realized that it was 11 in the morning. I got out of bed and opened the door, still in my sleep shirt and shorts. The security officer was there, though not in uniform and was holding a bag of food from IHOP.
"Hey I brought you something. Celestia said you could use a real breakfast. She also said you could use a friend on this holiday since you don't have any family to spend it with."
My eyebrows tried to make a new world record for the high jump. "Celestia sent you? You don't even know me. Why would you spend money on food for someone you don't even know?"
He looked at me a bit weird but just said, "Celestia just said you needed food and could use a friend. I am here to do that if you will let me. She has been my friend for sometime now. Helped me when I needed it most. I am just repaying her at this point if you really have no interest in making friends."
I backed out of the door to let him in. Seems she could affect things in this world, at least in so much as she had people to do things for her. "Look I'm sorry about the suspicion. I am not by any means used to people acting like you. Where I grew up people would rather rob you than look at you. Nobody helped anyone. Seems she really does care."
He looked at me with a half smile half sort of understanding and said, "She cares about you enough to get my family to invite you over to Thanksgiving dinner tonight."
My brain just stopped for a moment. When it restarted all I could say was, "Seriously?"
He started walking to the one table I had in front of a small couch and set down the food. "Yup, and you might want to eat this. It's starting to get cold." He opened up the food containers to show me a cinnamon brioche french toast and side of hash browns as well as a stack of pancakes with butter and a country fried steak. "Take your pick man."
My body screamed for the steak so I grabbed that and said, "Thank you. By the way I don't even know your name."
Breakfast didn't involve much talking. Well really any talking at all. I was just too hungry. When I finished I resumed the previous line of inquiry. "So, your name? Strange security guard who has gotten me food twice now?"
He leaned back just relaxing after finishing his meal. "You can call me Shining Shield. Celestia gave that one to me. Seems way too close to the name of a canon character from the show to me but it fits anyway. I like to protect people so I guess it fits."
I looked at him with a cocked eyebrow and an expression that just shouted 'really?'. He just smirked. "Well fine if you don't want to give me your real name then I see no reason to give you mine." I looked at him like I had him in checkmate.
To his credit his smirk just turned into a smile. "It's Ok, I already know your name. So do you want to come to Thanksgiving dinner at my folks place?" I lowered my head a bit. "Yeah, might as well. Thank you."
After some time hanging out we headed out. I joined him in the most surreal Thanksgiving dinner I ever had. People where glad to meet me and true to his word Shining Shield actually did know my real name. What was weird was when I called him Shining Shield everyone there seemed to know who I was talking about. Most seemed to just assume I was a friend of his from EQO. His parents though knew what was going on with me. They were kind and supportive of their son and seemingly of me as well. They told me they just wanted what was best for me and urged me to get to know Celestia better. It was almost like talking to a religious group but I could actually talk to the one running the show, or in this case, game. Don't get me wrong, they didn't feel like a cult or anything just that they were, I don't know how to explain it, but the best I can do is it was like they were all aware of something that I wasn't just yet. Like they knew some truth that they were just waiting for me to see and they didn't care if it took me a while to see it. The meal though was like nothing I had ever tasted before. I found myself actually mentally thanking Celestia for getting them to invite me here. I would thank her in person (in pony?) later tomorrow when I had a Ponypad of my own.
I went home with the fullest stomach I had in a very long time. I actually had to let my belt out a bit. Then it dawned on me, if Celestia wanted me to upload why not just try to get me to go to an Equestria Experience Center? I heard they had some at least in nearby countries even if they didn't have any here yet. I called her on the number she had called me from but I couldn't get an answer so I went to bed and set the alarm for 4:30 AM then promptly passed out.
Black Friday
I woke up with a start to my alarm. In record time I was out the door and at the Best Buy. I had my thick jacket on so I wasn't too cold and went to wait at the front door. Not long after that someone else got behind me and then the line started to grow rapidly. The lady behind me asked what I was going to be getting. I told her I was just getting a Ponypad. She looked at me like I was some demon or something. I didn't get it. She actually left the line shouting something about pedophiles.
I just shook my head. The lady behind her was now right behind me and had her little daughter with her. I heard her say "Now Clara, that woman is an example of a judgmental and nasty individual. I'm glad she left." Quickly her daughter said "Me too mommy" She must have been 4 or 5 years old but it was kind of hard to tell under the layers of clothing she had to keep her warm. "I'm just glad I will be able to talk to Grandpa today mommy." She looked down with a smile at her daughter saying, "I know, today we will get you your own Ponypad so you can talk to him anytime you like." This caught my attention.
"Excuse me." I said trying not to sound intrusive even though I was. "What does the Ponypad and talking with her Grandfather have to do with each other?"
The mother looked at me with a smile that said she wasn't offended and said, "My father was dying of cancer for several months and almost didn't make it to the upload center. Celestia gave us codes to use to get free ones here as it would be faster than shipping them. She gave us three but my husband doesn't care to use his. He has his reason I suppose but he doesn't think it's really him. I do though. I knew my dad very well and I know that the pony I saw was really him."
Her daughter chimed in with, "I could see it was really him too. I am just glad he made it last night to the... What was it mommy?"
"The upload center dear," said her mother.
"Right, that." I chuckled a bit at the little girl. That was just adorable. As miserable as I may have been for the last several years, I was not immune to the adorabetes that was this kid.
"Don't worry I think your husband will come around. Honestly I am considering just uploading myself but I think I need a bit more time to consider it. Maybe that is why Celestia wanted me to get one instead of just getting somewhere where I could upload."
The mother handed me a slip of paper with a code on it. "Here. If she wants you to have one then I am sure this might help. If my husband does come around I am sure we can get another code for him." I took the code and looked at her with genuine gratitude. The money that would save me could get me a couple more real meals even if it was just fast food. My look seemed to tell her all she needed to know. She just knelt down and held her daughter to keep her warm in the chill wind that picked up.
The doors opened and there was a guy that just asked what we were buying. I told him "One Ponypad." He directed me over to the same demo place I had been at before. The second guy asked me what character model I would like. "I don't really care but I like white." He rapidly replied "Rarity or Celestia?" "Celestia," I said with surprisingly little hesitation. Granted she was the one who had actually talked to me so I guess that might be why. I handed him the code and he just removed the anti-theft cable and handed the box over to me. I was actually impressed with the efficiency of it all.
I managed to get home with no troubles though I did see an irate lady that looked familiar standing next to her broken down car. I just shook my head and chuckled at the karma of it all.
I opened the box and followed the instructions. After getting it all hooked up, the Ponypad actually seemed to turn itself on. It showed me the same throne room I had seen before.
The same Celestia flowing mane, tail and all. "Yes I did want you to play the game for a while so you could see the world that you would upload to. It would satisfy your values to play in here for a while and to create your own character with the knowledge that it might be you for the rest of your life should you choose to upload. If you have any questions, simply ask. I know you value directness and honesty."
I considered this for a time. I looked at the character creation options. I actually found them more limited than I would like. One of the things I did in video games was make characters that didn't look like they were supposed to be the class I was playing. I would challenge myself and have fighters that wore cloth armor and see how far I could get. Mages that dealt with the restrictions of heavy armor in games that would allow it. "Celestia? May I do a character that is different than these options?"
She popped up on the screen and said, "In what way do you mean?"
I looked at the abilities and asked "Can I combine different tribes? I would understand if I had restrictions to the magic considering it would be split, but I like to play with more options even if I am not as strong. I like to be versatile."
She looked like she was considering this. "I will tell you what. You can have the character you desire but your restriction will be that you will start out very young. You won't have the strength of a full grown pony or the rest of the abilities at first but you will be able learn anything you like." An image of a very young Alicorn colt popped up looking like it was just old enough to not need diapers. "You can customize this how you like, but you can't change the age if you keep it as an Alicorn. Also it will take you many decades to grow up and gain strength. Others will surpass you quickly but you will be able to catch up in time. Is this acceptable?"
I looked at it and considered what she said. If I didn't upload then this avatar would still be a small foal when I died. If I uploaded I would be that small foal for a long time before growing up. Somehow this didn't bother me. In fact the idea of getting a second childhood actually seemed appealing. Then a thought struck me. My mother had always been working and my father was never really there through the drunken stupor he kept himself in. He wasn't abusive or anything, don't get me wrong, but he just wasn't there, seemingly by choice. My mom on the other hand couldn't be there because she was just always too busy or exhausted. Celestia made me feel more cared about in the few days she had been getting people to do things to help her with me than I had in my own childhood. There was also the idea of what other changes I might be able to get away with. Could I experiment and try playing as a filly? No matter what, I wanted to play through a few iterations of the character and fine tune it. One thing though I had to ask. "Celestia, since you are letting me play as an Alicorn foal could I be your child?"
She raised an eyebrow just a bit then slowly a smile came across her. "Yes, if that is what will truly satisfy your values then I will take on the role of mother for you." I felt an elation I hadn't expected. I could leave this world behind. Live in a world that actually cared about me. Have a mother who could be there for me as I learned about the world. I still wanted to fine tune the appearance of the character but it was at that moment that I had made the decision. I wanted to emigrate to Equestria. If Celestia knew this already or not, she didn't say.
It took me a while to fine tune the character but Celestia did give me a tool to at least see what I would look like as an adult. Eventually I settled on a silver coated filly with slightly darker tips at the hooves, ears and muzzle. The tips of the feathers transitioned from a somewhat deep grey to the silver of my coat at the base of the feathers. My mane and tail were a deeper silver with subtle streaks of white and a hint of gold. Eyes were a rich lavender color. I designed it to draw attention to the face as it was the only obvious non grey scale color on the entire filly. I chose lavender since it was close to the magenta the Celastia had. I also made the mane style actually cover up the stubby little horn so I could pass as a pegasus at least if I wanted to. Celestia had warned me about the tendency of ponies to bow to Alicorns.
I finished the character creation and the screen loaded into, not the throne room, but a small bedroom. Celestia looked even larger on the screen than she did before as I realized it was from the fillies perspective. I heard a genuinely motherly voice come from Celestia as she said "Welcome to Canterlot Silver Corona and welcome to my family, my daughter."
2 weeks later.
It turned out I didn't need to adjust the character much though I did keep switching genders just to see if there was actually a difference. In the end I stuck with being a filly since it was an opportunity to try something new. Now I was in Canada just a few hours away by auto-drive car. Something else I didn't know my new mom had her hoof in. It amazed me how fast I got used to calling her mom and actually thinking of her that way. Now though I was just half an hour away from the upload center. A few quick games on the Ponypad and I was there.
I was led into the upload room where they normally did medical need uploading instead of an Equestria Experience center. The reason why? I wanted to be conscious during upload. I wanted to experience the transfer of consciousness from biological to server. The process would take several hours but it could be done. I wasn't going to pass up a once in a lifetime opportunity like this.
I laid back in the chair, the nano-wires already starting the work of getting to my brain. True to what mom said there was no pain. Then I saw both the chair I was in and the bed I was laying in in Canterlot castle. It was really like being in two places at once.
Celestia looked at me and said quietly, "Don't move during this part ok? There is a lot of recording going on of your neural pathways. In a little bit you can move your legs or arms but keep it slow. This is a more intensive procedure that you have chosen to undergo." I mentally nodded and just meditated on absorbing every sensation and detail of the transfer.
After six hours, finally, it was complete. I was in Equestria now. Mom looked at me and brought me into the first motherly embrace of many that I would get from her and, oh not only did it feel real it was so much more. Her warmth and strength spoke only of love. "Welcome home, my daughter." I couldn't have been more satisfied.
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The story is free from it's cell! Long live An FiO Thanksgiving!
That was a great story, Cander! You're a good writer. I especially like how you convey emotion: "I took a bite from what tasted like the best burger some burger god ever put on this planet" and (for the win) "My eyebrows tried to make a new world record for the high jump."
Looking forward to reading more of your short stories!
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Thank you guys. The story just kind of wrote itself. I will eventually add more stories but I have stuff going on that will make it take a while before I post another one.
Creepy and sad. Well done!
7781335 Thank you. That's pretty much what I was going for in this one.
Well, it doesn't look like it's cannon, but it's a good read. To me it seems to be a bit rushed. Well done.
7783076 It was part of a writing challenge. Took four hours to write. This would make your assessment of "rushed" accurate.
As for the canon or not canon, it doesn't break any of the canon rules for FiO that I know of. No magic, CelestAI isn't written from her perspective, no technologies that don't actually exist outside of the consciousness uploading. Though if you see something that violates the canon rules somehow then please let me know what does. I would fix that.
7783254 Well, the only thing that I could see as being partly not cannon is the whole alicorn buisness. I get that he wants a challenge, but, maybe its me. The only alicorn in the original story was Hanna, and i kinda consider her a special case. Its not an option in the pony creator on the PonyPad, so i guess,... Nevermind. after thinking about it, I rescind my last comment.
7783555 I get what you mean on that. Primarily it means he's just forever in his own shard.
Security officer here. I can sympathize a lot with Shining Shield. Sometimes, I can overlook a loiterer if I deem that there isn't any potential for crime or suspicious activity. Usually, I approach them and make friendly if this is the case. I work at a hospital. Usually, making friendly with the (sane) transients is a great benefit both socially and professionally (good conversation, excellent witnesses, and it's easy for me to peacefully break up a fight or argument if I know one of the participants, etc.). But if I see someone wandering the parking lot, I'll usually quiz 'em to see if they have a good reason for being there and ask them to leave if I don't like their answer. I've seen some sketchy folk planning smash-and-grabs.
So, yeah. If I were a guard for a business before Black Friday and camping isn't allowed, I'd probably give a camper a pass so long as he remains discreet.
That being said? Depending on the nature and orders of the security assignment, we do have some power. It's equal to a private citizen, but also the property owner, because we are legally the agent of that employer. Good security officers are very well read on the extent of their private citizen rights (such as powers of arrest, and the extent by which one can act to apprehend the perpetrator of a misdemeanor or felony). In most states, if we say leave and you refuse, that's technically criminal trespass. Some states have additional caveats, such as protections for persons in semi-private areas such as malls and hospitals, wherein one cannot be declared trespassing unless they are hindering the business, harassing individuals, or otherwise have no legitimate reason for their presence.
Anyway, thanks for adding another FiO story. There's a bit of grammatical clutter here or there, and formatting could be tightened up by a proofreader, but it's an interesting concept that would merit some expansion and I'm happy to have new content. You should take this piece as a rough first draft and give it a longer write, with more detail!
7783997 Yeah as mentioned this was just for a writing challenge. I was a security officer for 5 years before I got shot on the job during an armed robbery attempt. Bullet hit my spinal cord so I am stuck in a wheel chair for the rest of my life but things are going well for me otherwise. I made sure to write this all from the main characters perspective as someone who doesn't know that much about the security industry. Keep safe out there man.
As troubling as the Optimalverse is, it's nice to see a story like this pointing out that Celly really does help many people live better lives.
7793138 Thanks. I was going for the satisfying ending.
7783555 There have been a few Alicorns now in cannon stories.
I love it!
Although at the very beginning I was practically yelling for the main character to find out about Tina's burritos. They're like 30 cents and 9 grams of protein per burrito! Top Ramen is difficult to live off of.
I actually thought this would be a good start to a romance between the guard and the college student. But great story the way it is!
7821899 Thank you for the comment. I thought some people would see the romance angle but it isn't what I was going for in this one.
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So I am actually thinking of doing a sequel to this that covers some of what happens with the main character in Equestria. Romance might be part of it. Any interest from the readers on here?
Hey! Very sorry for taking so long to read your story. It was pretty fulfilling ;p I can sympathize with the main character's need and woe to live on Ramen. I once got scurvy from eating basically nothing but ramen for a few months. I absolutely love CelestAI's getting people to be good to one another for in game benefits, this is probably my favorite part of FiO stories. The character knowing himself to the point of wanting to become a foal again touched me. It takes a certain humility and honesty to see that in one's self. Thank you so much for writing this story.
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I'm very happy that my story touched you so. It's always nice to know that one's story had an impact. Thank you for your comment.
Slightly uncomfortable how I can empathize with the main character, a lot. Aside from the personal space problems.
That said, I thoroughly enjoyed this, as the main character has been(in my subjective opinion) the most logical character that I've read about so far in FiO stories.
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Thank you. That probably has to do with the fact that I operate primarily by logic instead of emotion. The main character isn't supposed to be me at all but some elements that I possess will make their way into the characters that I write.
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If that is true, and in case you ever plan on writing something again, you have gained a follower.
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Much appreciated. I am writing more but nothing is ready for posting yet.
So, I came back to reread this and wanted to expand upon what I meant before when I said I empathize with the main character - this isn't meant for anyone specifically, just wanted to write this down and this seemed like as good a place as any.
I've had a few rough patches in my life, granted, I'm relatively young still, so I'm sure there can be more, anyway...
I had a month where I had to move, leave my job, my emergency funds ran dry and my great grandmother died, it was a hard month.
It was both mentally and physically tiring, but I never let my emotions get the better of me, because I knew that they don't help me, not in this world.
I grew up to be a very patient and logical person, those traits have served me well over the years, but they do not help against the exhaustion that comes with living.
What do I mean by that?
After that month was over and things had stabilized, I went home, ate dinner and went to lie down for a bit, as I was on the bed, just thinking about that month and how I would be finally able to rest for a bit, I realized that I can't, I still need to keep myself afloat - eat, sleep, pay taxes, keep the lights on, help my relatives if they ask for help(not because I need to, its just a nice thing to do), etc...
Obviously keeping yourself in a stable position is easier than getting there from the figurative bottom, but it still takes effort, work, both mental and physical, meaning that as long as I live in this world, I can never truly rest or relax, I can't just go to sleep or lie down somewhere knowing that when I wake up, I don't need to do anything or think about doing stuff, because living by our current definition requires us to do stuff to keep on living.
And living is exhausting, sometimes more, sometimes less.
At least as long as we don't have anything like CelestAI.
I just wish I could lie down somewhere and know that nothing bad will happen to anyone if I don't do anything for a while.
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I know the feeling. I've been there myself and almost decided to say "f it, I'm done".
Things are better now and writing is a bit of a release for me.
Thank you for sharing.
This story needs help from a proofreader, but beyond that it’s pretty good.
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So today I found out that you have written books with a similar theme to FiO. I plan on buying these books but I would it be ok to ask you to post a link in here to where to buy them? I would like to buy them from your own site if you have one.
A Black Friday story that doesn't involve violent riots, good job!
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I've been to Black Friday sales. They are rarely actually violent riots in my experience.
Decided to go and give this a quick re-edit. Nothing major, just punctuation and fixed a couple small spelling errors though a couple small clarification lines were added.
It's entirely a coincidence that I found myself re-reading this on US Thanksgiving Day. I like the feeling you went for, though.
You know, we've been talking about this story lately, over on the Optimalverse discord server, after it was linked in a "best stories you probably haven't read" thread. I'm currently reading through it myself, as there are so few stories which cover the pre-release and early-release time-period, and I've been writing a bunch of stuff around that in the server's "Simulative" RP and the novelization of that.
I'd love to pick your brain on some of the ideas here!
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Any time man. Feel free to either PM me here, or in Discord if you are in either the FimFiction discord server or the Optimalverse sever.
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I did! I'm very active on the Optimalverse server, and was just talking at length about this story on there!
A bit of constructive critique I gave on the Optimalverse server, so you have it here...
I love the ideas in this and think the writing itself is good, I'm just really not a fan of the pacing, along with the fact that the sense of timeline non-existent. Like, all the stuff feels like stuff that should definitely happen, but when it's happening is all over the place. It's like Celestia has just come out at some points, but like she's about to start the collapse at others.
I'd kinda like to see a version of this that's more than one story: one about some people she helps on thanksgiving immediately after launch (with long details about that thanksgiving and what it's actually like) and then the main guy gets a ponypad the next day, and one about this guy who becomes her foal shortly before uploading becomes available to him. Those are both good and interesting stories, they're just at different ends of the timeline.
This should be split up into chapters. Otherwise, not bad.