The Snark Knight Begins: One
DRIVEN BATTY
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Self Insert
By Tangent
"Everything seems to be in order," Dr. Big McLarge Horse tapped his hoof on the paperwork on his desk as he addressed the young Pegasus couple sitting across from him. "Thank you for volunteering as a host family for foster services."
"Well, uh..." the pegasus stallion, Straight Arrow, stammered slightly as he and his wife stared as the HORSE sitting across the desk from them. The doctor's presence seemed to fill the small office they were in, literally as well as metaphorically, and it was quite hard to ignore the fact that the stallion looming over them from way over there was most likely at least as big as the Princess, perhaps twice as broad, and built like a rock farmer. He should know, considering that he flew courier mail to the Pie family rock farm, and had seen Igneous Rock Pie showing his daughters how to shatter boulders with their hooves.
"What my husband is trying to say is that we felt that looking after a young filly or colt would be good practice for whenever we decide to have foals of our own," the pegasus mare, Raindancer, filled in when she realized that her husband was drawing a blank. Which was understandable, given how huge the doctor was.
Dr. Big McLarge Horse repressed a sigh, as that wasn't the best reason to foster a recovering filly with no known relatives living close by. They were the last pegasus couple on the list who happened to have a ground based home, and the only other couple on the list at the moment were the Cakes, neither of whom were either a thestral or a pegasus. The rest of the ponies on the list were all single, and not one of them was a flyer. On the other hoof, they had volunteered, and their reason wasn't the worst he had heard either.* Bracing himself for the worst, but hoping for the best, he spoke. "You do realize that your potential charge is a thestral filly, right?"
"Oh, yes," Straight Arrow nodded vigorously, shaken out of his stupor by the question. "Nice enough folk. Meet a few of them on the job from time to time. Didn't think we had any living in Ponyville though."
"We don't. Young Beatrice Abbigail Normal will be the first thestral resident registered in Ponyville's census records."
"Well it's certainly not a typical Ponyville name," Raindancer commented. "A bit of a mouthful, really. Does she have anything else she likes to go by?"
"So far, to the best of my knowledge, the young filly has admitted to Abby Normal, Batty, Nocturne, Ragnarok A Go Go, Armageddon A Capella, the Great and Powerful Woz, and Moonraker, although the one she responds the best to is Batty." Which was something that gave Dr. Big McLarge Horse a headache, considering that the young filly had most likely latched onto the rather derogatory nickname after hearing it applied to her. Possibly by his own staff. "Quite frankly, given the variety responses she gives whenever she's asked for her name, I doubt that she's given any of us her actual birth name yet."
"We'll see if we can get her to stick with one," Raindancer offered.
"So, when can we see the little darling?" Straight Arrow asked.
"Now's as good a time as any," Dr. Big McLarge Horse stated, standing up.
Straight Arrow and Raindancer quickly backed out of the now seemingly even smaller office and gaped in awe as Dr. Big McLarge Horse ducked low to follow them out.
*The worst reason Dr. Big McLarge Horse had heard from a prospective pegasus couple seeking to take in Beatrice Abigail Normal was from Solar Heights and Stormcloud. Who had showed up to the interview with a steak marinated in garlic, and a large book emblazoned with Princess Celestia's crest. He had thrown the pair out of the hospital on their declaration of their intent to purge the demon from the young filly. Damn self righteous empty headed neosolar evangelical reformists. And their paperwork had looked so promising too...
Oddly enough, Miss Normal had enjoyed the steak once it was properly cooked for her. At least once she was assured that it hadn't come from a cow or other sapient creature.
* o O o O o *
The young thestral filly in question was found playing in the small courtyard behind the hospital, under the watchful gaze of Nurse Tender Loving Care, who was watching her hop and bounce between various squares, circles, and other shapes that had been drawn on the paving stones with chalk. Occationally, her bat-like wings would flutter madly as she attempted to assist herself across particularly wide gaps from drawing to drawing, But Dr. Big McLarge Horse could tell that she was still having trouble gaining any altitude. Still, the little filly had made excellent progress otherwise over the past few weeks since she had finally woken up. And she was singing again.
Dr. Big McLarge Horse reserved his judgement as to whether or not this was a good thing, given that the young filly's singing had scared away two previous prospective foster couples. Sounded pleasant enough this time though.
"I'm being followed by a moon shadow..."
"Well, the tune was nice, Batty, but the lyrics were kind of horrifying. Maybe you could change them to something a bit more pleasant?" The sound of clapping hooves stopped any further advice that Nurse Tender Loving Care might have provided.
"That was wonderful!" the pegasus mare exclaimed cheerfully. There weren't too many thestrals in the cloud dancing circuit (well, none at all currently as far as she knew), and visions of dance classes and voice lessons for the young filly filled her imagination. She was sure that with a little training and discipline, the young filly before her would have a bright future ahead of her.
"None of this nonsense about losing your wings, young lady," her companion stated firmly. "We'll have you up in the air in no time."
"Hello?" the confused filly greeted the two pegasi (and Dr. I'm-Not-So-Secretly-An-Actual-Clydesdale - it was kind of hard to miss him, really), tilting her head to one side as she looked at them.
"Now come along, Moon Shadow! We need to get moving if we want to get your room set up nicely before your bedtime."
"But I'm only awake right now because the kitchen doesn't serve lunch at mid... wait, Moon Shadow?"
"Well, the doctor here was just telling us that you don't seem to be sure what your name actually is, and Moon Shadow sounds like such a nice one. I'll help you clean up the lyrics of that little song of yours though. The nurse is right, they are kind of horrifying if you think about them. Whatever were you thinking?"
"That it was just a nice song I remember from when I was little," the apparently newly dubbed Moon Shadow stated, tilting her head the other way as she tried to decide whether or not she wanted to make a break for it.
"Can you remember any others?" the pegasus mare asked.
"Sorta maybe? My memory isn't really the best right now."
"I'm sure we can work on that too."
"Um, shouldn't you be introducing yourselves? I mean, before arbitrarily renaming me or whatever?"
"Oh, right! Well, I'm Raindancer, and this is my husband, Straight Arrow. We're going to be your new foster family!"
"Okay?"
Well, at least this pair hadn't opened up by throwing raw meat at her face. Though she was still debating just how far she could feasibly run before Doctor Oh-My-God-You're-Huge caught up to her again...
* o O o O o *
The recently renamed Moon Shadow trotted amiably between the friendly Pegasus couple who had just become her foster parents as they made their way through Ponyville. There was, she noted, a lot less pink and lavender than she remembered from the show, although they were still present in significant enough quantities that they were probably the town's official colors. Either that, or the resouceses to produce stains and dyes in those particular colors were plentiful nearby, and thus less expensive to buy in bulk locally. It could be anything, really, but while Moon Shadow was somewhat curious about it, she wasn't interested enough to actually ask.
Well, not about why pink, lavender, and cream were the predominant colors of choice for most external walls at any rate.
"Do you live in a cloud? How does the furniture stay up there? How does the plumbing work? Do cloud homes even have plumbing? Is Super Mario a thing here? What about other video games? I think I saw some arcade consoles over... yes! There they are!"
Raindancer laughed at the little fillies rapid-fire questions. "We don't live in a cloud house, Moon Shadow. Straight Arrow and I live in a nice little two story family cottage near the post office where he works."
"Oh," Moon Shadow tried to keep the disappointment out of her response, and instead turned her attention more fully on the outdoor arcade consoles they were going to pass near. The titles she could see from this angle were Diggy Dog, Pack Mare, Prance Prance Celebration, and Bunny Quest II, with a few other cabinets set at the wrong angles for her to see what their names were.
"Would you like to try some of the games, Moon Shadow?" Raindancer asked.
"Yes, please!"
"Maybe after we pick out some furniture for your room," Straight Arrow suggested. "We're almost at Quill's & Sofa's, and if we arrange to have the furniture delivered, we can see how much time we have available afterwards for Hayburgers and a few games."
"Sounds like a plan," Raindancer agreed. "What do you think, Moon Shadow?"
"Can I get one of those bunk thingies where the bed is above and there's a desk below?"
"We'll see," Strait Arrow responded neutrally.
Quill's & Sofa's turned out to be a full on furniture store, although the main display room was primarily taken up by a variety of sofas. It also has a small section near the sales counter where quills and other writing supplies. They were greeted by a pair of Earth Pony stallions shortly after entering the store.
"Welcome to Quill's and Sofa's! I'm Quill, and this is my son, Davenport!* May we interest you in some writing supplies, or perhaps a sofa or two?"
"We're getting a bedroom set for our new foster daughter, Moon Shadow," Raindancer spoke up, placing a wing over the small threstral by her side. "She's interested in a loft bed with a desk and maybe a chest underneath."
"I'm not familiar with the design, but I'm sure Sofa will know what you're talking about, or would be able to make it if you give her a description. Davenport, go get your mother. She's probably in the back making sofas."
"Again," Davenport commented under his breath. "Sure, Dad!" And with that, Davenport set off on his epic quest into the warehouse section of the store, in search of Sofa. "Seriously, Mom needs to find a different hobby. We already have two dozen sofas on the showroom floor..."
"While we're waiting, can I interest the little lady in a set of writing supplies? School's not too far off now, and it's never too early to get a head start on the things you need!"
"Do you have a typewriter?"
"Do you know how to use one of those monstrosities," Quill asked suspiciously, his tone no longer quite as friendly.
"How hard could it be?" Moon Shadow asked, tilting her head as she wondered about Quill's suddenly cold attitude. "Don't they only have two keys?"
"Two keys on a finnicky, high maintenance selection mechanism that needs to be well cared for if you don't want to spend more time with it in the shop for repairs than on your desk being a paperweight.** Maybe they'll be worth something once they get all the bugs out, but until then the blasted things are far more trouble than they're worth. You'll find that you'll go a lot farther, and faster, with a decent set of quills and inks, with maybe some pencils on the side."
"Uh... Okay?" Moon Shadow tentatively agreed, not wanting to upset Quill over a subject that he was clearly passionate about. "Do you have colored pencils?"
"No, but you can find them at Drawing Board's Arts & Crafts Shoppe, three doors down, along with a selections of crayons, paints, and other art supplies. We do have a variety of colored inks though, which I assure you will be quite fun once you're good enough with a brush or quill."
"Hmmm... Calligraphy lessons might be just the thing to help speed along Moon Shadow's therapy," Straight Arrow commented thoughtfully as the young (looking) thestral looked at him in horror.
"I think Libram Codex still gives private tutoring lessons in calligraphy," Raindancer agreed, blithely ignoring her new foster daughter's evident distaste at the idea. She'd get over it and come out better from the extra lessons. "We can stop by the Golden Oak Library and ask her while getting Moon Shadow registered for her library card." Raindancer smiled as Moon Shadow perked up at the mention of getting a library card. Reading was a nice quiet hobby, and if Moon Shadow ended up having to keep a more nocturnal schedule like she was using back at the hospital, it would be nice if she had something quiet to occupy her time with.
"Hi, I'm Sofa," a mare introduced herself as she entered the showroom from the back with Davenport following along behind her. "I understand that you are interested in a young filly's loft bed with attached desk and... AAAAAAAHHH! A RAT-BAT!"***
Moon Shadow was suddenly introduced to a flying, two-seat sofa before experiencing an involuntary nap.
There were many apologies, and Moon Shadow's new bedroom set was provided free of charge, complete with a complimentary set of writing supplies that were all set up and waiting for her the next day when she was ready to be released from the hospital once again.
Despite the apologies and the free furniture, Rainddancer didn't want Moon Shadow to go inside Quill's and Sofa's without either her or Straight Arrow along to make sure nothing happened to her.
On the plus side, while dealing with the concussion, Moon Shadow finally figured out how to pick up stuff with her hooves. Not well, but it was a start.
*Later, after his parents retired, Davenport would shorten the name of Quill's & Sofa's to Quills & Sofas after taking over the shop.
**Quill had bought an early model Equestrian typewriter once, when they first came out. His experience with it was such that he has distrusted the horrible things ever since. The one A.K. Yearling uses is a more recent model with most of the bugs worked out. She also does her own maintenance on it, which she finds not too unlike solving one of the traps she tends to come across in her other line of work, so she's been quite happy with her typewriter.
***To be very clear, Sofa isn't being racist towards Moon Shadow for being a thestral. She's just had an unfortunately traumatic close encounter with some random wildlife that had wandered out of the Everfree Forest when she was a filly, and has been terrified of giant bats ever since. To be fair, said giant bats are equally terrified of Sofa, and have yet to make another excursion into Ponyville even now, three generations later.
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It's alive! Woo! Now I just need to read it.
I am looking forward to more.
...yeah worry that these two are a not good choice for foster parents
Gotta love it when being patient pays off, can't wait for more, keep up the good stuff at whatever pace you like dear author.
Batty: So... I wonder how I got my other names?
What a pleasant surprise.
Finally! Let's get this show on the road!
*looks at feed, passes over new chapter for driven batty* huh *scrolls back up to do double take before throwing up a cheer to the heavens and clicking the link to read*
More! I love this story and the idea so can't wait for more.
Nice to see this is alive.
Awesome seeing you updating again! I absolutely love your stories!
Fantastic to see this back!
Oh hell yeah, the homie knows where it's at
I think I would like to see Batty and Crystal Synergy ending up interacting, with neither realizing the other is also a displaced, and both trying to not fuck up the timeline too much!
Let's just say there is a reason no one is living directly under Cloudsdale...
It's true!
Heh.
Nothing more to say.
Nice chapter!
I enjoyed reading it.
But I should probably re-read the first one to get back on track.
Had been a while (over four years, see 7942685)...
nice but when will the next chapter come out?
Sucks this probably won't get updated it has a very unique premise and it was pretty well written. I realy enjoyed what was posted tho.