• Member Since 24th Apr, 2016
  • offline last seen February 24th

Pinkie Pie Sweets


E

Sunset Shimmer was able to escape from a fire in the throne room. But during her first day in the new world she gets hit by a car trying to save Screwball and lost her memory. After the incident Screwball offers to let Sunset stay with her and her dad. Can Sunset handle having a lost memory and survive living in a now world.

Chapters (56)
Comments ( 170 )

Grammar seems to be the biggest problem here, but over all it seems like a good story.

7869917
I remember I was trying to spell gray. But I guess in some cases gray and grey are kind of the sameness thing to me. I just didn't realized the r wasnt there

Even if your story at itself is quite nice, have I to that the way how you write it is reather unrefined. Mostly two things bother me while reading it.
First is your frequent repeat of the same word, even if there is a plethora of words or phrases with the same meaning. It makes a story sound dull and unimaginative, and should be avoided like the plague.
For exemple:

Sun is glad that her aunt like her, but is kind of getting squished being hugged by her aunt.

As Sun is getting squished, she struggling says, "Um… Eris… I'm squished."

Smothered, crushed, in a vise grip, just to name few here.

Second you unnecessarily repead things that already known.

Screwball asks, "Tired Sun?"

"In a way," Sun answers feeling a bit tired.

Discord sit down on the bed where Sun is and he can tell she is tired.

After Sun's agreement to Screwball's question, we know she is tired, you haven't to say it in the following lines, it only looks silly and makes reading it slightly annoying.

I announce that things not to complain, but to criticise helpfully. You should take them to heart in the future, to make your stories more pleasent to read and to imrove as a writer for yourself.

SCOOBY DO. this entire chapter was just a scooby doo episode:facehoof:

helping remorn Disord. The girls are going on with their normal lives

A. How did disord die the first time?
B. How did he die the second time so as to remorn him?
C. Who is disord?
D. Who were they helping remorn him?
E. And how are they going on with their normal lives after seeing somepony die?
F. I think you need an editor dear sir or madem

Your friend,

Twilight Sparkle"

Should be:

Your friend,
Sun

"Yes Tirek and I used to be part of a gang," Discord replies.

"A gang?" Sun says confused.

"Yes and I let him talked me into doing stuff in my college years. Stuff I'm not proud of," Discord says feeling guilty.

"Gosh I never though how much Tirek leaves a big impact on you," Sun says feeling sorry for Discord.

"Yes then Celestia and Luna was able to talk me out of a big scandal and able to convince me to let the police what Tirek and the others were doing," Discord replies.

"After that Tirek and the other members were put in prison for 10 years while Discord was being put to 5 years of community service after giving his testimony," Celestia explain the rest.

How did he become a Superinterdant he was a flipping Gang member, I mean a teacher maybe but Superinterdant!

Aun can't help but feel sorry for her and wish she can do something to help her, but she thinks it might be best to give her some alone time.

Um is that supposed to be Sun instead of Aun

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

It's very nice to meet you and glad that you were able to reply to my message. I can tell you that I was giving the name Sun because I don't remember my real name.

I lived in Canterlot city with a family who adopted me, a man named Discord and his daughter Screwball. I also have wonderful friends named Applejack with her big Brother Big Macintosh and her sister Apple Bloom and they along with their Granny Smith are my neighbors. Rarity and her sister Sweetie Belle. Rainbow Dash and her little sister figure Scootaloo. Fluttershy and her brother Zephyr Breeze, and Pinkie and her three sisters, Maud Pie, Limestone Pie and Marble Pie. They were able to help me get through the tough time I have and very grateful to have them as friends.

As for your question, it's kind of how I met, Rarity and her family, Screwball and Dad, and my Principal and vice Principal Celestia and Luna. I don't feel comfortable telling you about now, but I'll tell you someday. I would like to know about you and hope you reply soon. I would also like to be friends with you as well.

Love,

Sun."

Oh they are all going to freak as they have all faced Discord

Discord happily says, "That is a lovely sense of chaos and mystery."

Then he mutters to himself, "How come I'd never thought of it."

"So what do you think of all this?" Fluttershy asks.

Discord smiles at Fluttershy and answers, "I think Sun and Sunset are the same and she is living in another world where there are counterparts to us, but still have no memory of her original origin."

"Told ya," Pinkie says with a smug on her face.

Yeah Discord and Pinkie Got it

why did you have to do an episode that was just scooby-doo? :flutterrage:
:pinkiegasp: the van of discord would become the new mystery machine? :pinkiehappy:
:pinkiesmile:

for a moment I thought you would try to play Scooby-doo again :rainbowwild:

I want to see and the reaction of the ponies, for the last menssaem of sun :pinkiesmile:

very good, please continue it :fluttercry:
If this story continues, give me the link, please? :raritystarry:

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