http://squiby.net/adoptions/ I'm a young inexperienced writer who loves APPLEDASH!!
A families rainbow Pegasus gets a little drunk on a special cider and accidentally ruins the Apple Family Zap Apple Harvest. She is forced to work off the debt but will she find that a certain orange earth pony can be more than she seems? Will sparks fly between the lovers? Or will they fizzle and die?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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quite a few spelling mistakes but a decent read so far
You missed a [ /i] in the middle of the text and the rest is displayed in italics, up to the end
The action unwinds a bit too fast for my taste, all the different relations between ponies aren't established that well.
I like how you jumped from them sleeping in the same bed to AJ saying she loved RD
You really need to get a proofreader (It's spelt until, not untill)
860688
I do have a proofreader actually I just wanted to get this out there first before I proofread it.
. 860675
My proofreader said that had happened to them and didn't know how to fix it sooo... I'll try but it may not work.
860675
I just fixed it so
860786
Cool, it looks like it's gonna be a good story
860675
Do you like it? I am a novice and this is my best story so.... Yeah...... I'm horrid at filler.
And the bombshell drops!! XD
AWESOME WORK!!! Looking forward to the next bit!
I truly am ecstatic that my second story has taken off like this! Tank you people!
you need a proof reader and i think you may have over did it with the accent. the stories good but you need to add description.
861304
I know! I have 8 likes/dislikes and 6 are likes!
as Fluttershy says 'yay!'
861421
Ok ok. I do have two editors already and I really wanted this out there. After chapter five or so I'll go back and completely perfect the spelling. (I hope) and I use auto correct so you dant want to see it without. I completely SUCK a spelling.
861421
860688
860665
To you all I have a great proofreader now- GT!!! They read it all and fixed the mistakes soooo... As fluttershy would put it yay!
862069
just read the other comments. sorry
>>alafero
It's fine.
hmmmmmmmm. pretty good. has potential. please continue
863735
I shall my friend. Next chapter will be intense!!! I should warn you- it's not going to be as much as a AJ,Rainbow Dash pov as it is Rairity and Fluttershy
863765 hmm, curiouser and curiouser... I cannot wait to see what you have planned!
863861
Hehe.... I'm an evil person. Let's say my least favorite ponies will not be in the sequel.
Pretty interesting story, but there are a few problems. First, it is rushed, you need to slow it down so that there is more to read than what you have. Second, when character's are speaking their thoughts, it is better to have them italicized that is 'these'. Also "Err…no. No I don't. Rainbow Dash responded blushing. You are missing the extra set of quotation marks after don't. & before Rainbow. It is a pretty fair read, just be sure to fix the mistakes about, and I can guarantee that this will be better.
From hell, to you, and back again,
Soto Konoha
887192
Thank you! I truly am trying to slow it down. I'm working about a paragraph a day with chapter two.
I thought you guys deserved a little update. So there it is! It is not spell checked or final. This is about the first half.
YES!!! Rarity got rejected!!! RariJack is worst ship EVER!!! SUCK THAT!!! APPLEDASH FTW!!!
Lol Rarity got reject. I do love AppleDash better than RariJack, because it actually makes sense. But I am still a little disappointed at the pace of this story. It's too rushed, events are happening too fast when it needs be be slow.
906749 Agreed. This whole chapter is rushed / things are happening WAY too fast. Also I'm really scared what Rarity will do when she'll learn that Rainbow Dash and Applejack are together.
(RariJack GTBO, AppleDash FTW!)
906749
This is a teaser.
907241 I can understand the teaser, but even the first chapter is really rushed. You don't have anything in there to prolong the event for even just a little bit. All the information was rushed in on after another, and this disappoints readers for the very short story with nothing to complicate it.
I HATE APPLEDASH!!!!!!
)
lol jk
(I don't like it though......
HAH!
Rarity got REJECTED< BBBEEEEEYYYAATTTTCHHHHHHH.
XD
907771
Now is the blog I posted making sense?
do adding commas fall under not-spellchecking, because some sentences need 'em
911015
Yep. This is a teaser because I don't want to keep you waiting.
Rejected! Ooooooooooooohhhhhhh
Applejack if you cheat on Rainbow Dash I will hurt you!!!
Yep, this really good (rarity got rejected
) but its rushed