• Member Since 16th Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen July 15th

WhoHacksFTW


Well, I'm an aspiring writer and I should hope I'm not all that bad at it by the time I get serious about it.

E
Source

"Rainbow Dash. Captain of the Wonderbolts, element of loyalty, Savoir of Gryphonia, and great friend to all." -Excerpt from the eulogy of Rainbow Dash, the last mortal Element of Harmony.

Tank the tortoise doesn't know why his owner didn't come home from the hospital yet or why the purple alicorn was taking him to that crystal castle. All tank wants is Rainbow Dash but he hasn't a clue about the terrible thing that happened to his precious owner.

(Thank you all for reading in advance. Have a good Day/Night)

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 14 )

I can see a good short story here. However I might suggest you get an editor to go over it with you. There are several times you switch tenses mid paragraph. I have the same problem and hence why I found myself a editor.

*sniff* its always hard to lose somewon you Love and its even harder for a child.
Or a pet

I really like how this is going. I find it kinda odd that Rainbow was the one to live the longest. Not gonna lie, I always thought it would be either Fluttershy or Applejack who lived longest with Rainbow being the second to croak.

Anyways that Will and the lack of Tank understanding just gets to ya right in the feels.

7752232
If you think about it athletes take really good care of their bodies, I agree that AJ probably should be the longest lived but she didn't exactly have the healthiest diet. (apples are like candy to ponies/horses) Fluttershy I think would have gotten to close to a dangerous animal at some point and fatally injured once she got on in years, losing some sense. And through this all twilight still looks to be in her late 20's. Poor twilight.

All in all, thanks for the compliment. Have a great day!

7752897
Although athletes do take care of their bodies in some ways, they usually destroy it much faster in many others, especially with the extremes that Rainbow takes things. Still you are welcome. :scootangel:

I read this too early. I'ma be sad all day now :c Damn good story though.

This is so heartbreaking i Love/hate it i Love it becus its good. And i hate it becus it makes Me cry.

Yes she, that is all pretty dang brutal. Looks like Fluttershy was starting to hit a bit of dementia at the end there. Still, seeing that happen to someone I can honestly say that it was a mercy that she died before it progressed too far. Still, poor Tank for finally figuring it out.

A fitting end im Sad now.

This is a very good and very sad short story.

Dang Tank, just gonna leave Twilight like that? Guess Tank was far too loyal for his own good. Hurts that Twilight had failed so hard in Rainbow's last request, but this is how things had to go down. Still, this is a feel punch.

I don't know how she'd cope with the loss of her friends if she really did have the power to have made them immortal. I guess only Pinkie and Dash are applicable, but it'd be a pretty brutal lesson to learn to watch all your friends and family die.

I know I told myself never to read these types of stories because of how sad they make me feel, but I cracked up at the part when Dash had wrote to Twilight, "In the event I don't reach immortality (looking at you egghead)" I can totally see that happening. You, my fabu writer, get a like! Which is rare, seeing as how I normally hate these stories.

8676605
There needs to be comedy mixed with the sads, or the sads will be watered down and if anyone's going to put a joke in her will it'll be Rainbow Dash (and pinkie but her whole funeral was a giant party, less jokes more cakes)

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