- Member Since 31st Jul, 2016
- offline last seen Last Wednesday
Interdimensional cable34
I love reading and writing in my spare time. I believe everyone has the potential to write great and amazing stories. That said I look forward to reading y'all's stories. Don't give up and keep on
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Well it is an interesting start. I'll watch this to see where this goes.
Walltext!
Advice: press the enter key between each paragraph. It'll help you.
"A man chooses, a slave obeys."
Well, this is off an interesting start, I'll keep an eye on this one. Although I have to wonder how this works given that Equestria Girls seems to be modern not in 1958.
7751886
Thank you I look forward to writing more for y'all
7751905
A sorry about that I wrote it on my phone in complete randomness I tried to fix as much as I could
I thank you for your advice
7751985
I figured out a convincing reason that I am satisfied with
but y'all have to wait and see 
7752006 Okay that works then, I look forward to it.
7752011
I meant to mean in my message I asked everyone who favorited what they wanna see for this story I'm interested in what y'all will say
7752028 Ah, well I don't know really, maybe some nods to BioShock 2 or the Burial at Sea DLC, 2 is grossly underappreciated and was a good game.
7752058
True and as a continuation of the main storyline it would be a shame to not include it in my story
I Will take elements from all the games and incorporate them into this story 
7752073 Glad you agree, given the time difference it would be tricky, though you could have Sophia Lamb appear or something.
7752078
I plan on mentioning people like the Alpha's series, Sinclair ,and Gil Alexander during her travels in Rapture and I'll take I'm taking a unique approach to this concept story... constants and variables...
7752105 Sounds good.
7752112
I'm changing the story if not only slightly in order to try something out
I wonder if it end as planned
OH, MY GOD! A story based on a video game that isn't about fallout? Sign me up.
7752413
I recommend reading other bioshock stories on here I recommend The ocean above us and Sirens Song, both are outstanding stories and I highly recommend them if your tired of the Fallout Equestria and Fallout related stories
I am love alot of other people's work and hope I hope to see more comments about this story please may I ask you a quick question? What would you like to see in this story? I'm open to all suggestions and I enjoy readers inputs 
I think you are off to a really great start. You should keep going for sure. :)
7754898
Thanks
I'll be getting a new one out soon 
7754900 Hurray!
Oh yeah, it's a really good start. I like it.
I only have a few notes:
A) On Twilight's segment, you switched from 3rd-Person to 1st-Person amidst said segment. Which was your original intention?
B) There are quite a few incorrectly punctuated areas, mostly just missing/misplaced commas.
C) Dialogue/description is just a little clunky. (I think it might need to be lengthened a little bit.)
D) almost no spacing between paragraphs.
But, no mistakes I haven't made myself: easy fixes, my friend. Have an upvote.
7755239
Thanks for the criticism
I always figured Twilight would start going into 3rd person the more frustrated she became but it's meant to be in 1st person lol 
as for the rest I'll try to fix when I can 
Thank you and looking forward to more feed back on future chapters
7755274
No problem.
I'll admit, that's a headcanon I've never come across before. Very interesting.
Again, you're welcome. I'll look forward to giving it while I still can.
7755304
Thanks
I hope I shatter expectations 
and we see how that goes with her unfortunately situation 
A man chooses, a slave obeys. Also it nice to see a video game crossover fic that isn't Fallout.
8089430
Thanks lol it's slow going because of work and helping people I haven't had motivation to try yet but if I get spare time I'm going to update it
Do you still Continue this Story?
8882295
I'm planning on it when I get a chance!
8882331
Okay then. I apologize if i bothered you with the proofreading, i just miss the Chat and Comments of you.
8882409
Yes I missed those to but I've been hard at work with college and moving soon! So yes I may but I need time
8882429
Okay then, good luck! I look Forward to Work with you again.
It has been years since I see a new Bioshock fic on this group (all the fics I track died long ago) and I hope this one manages to get completed.
I will give you this, the premise given here sounds quite interesting and I'll give you the benefit of the doubt because I know for experience that the first chapter is usually used to set more questions than answers (as I did with my first story) and I think you have done just the right amount of them without us to destroy our suspension of disbelief.
Now, the only writer I know that uses both first and third person perspectives at the same time is Gabriel García Márquez, so I'll also give you the benefit fo the doubt regarding its usage but you must remember the importance of this system because you are kind of giving away who the narrator is and/or you are mixing it on the story.
My only actual complaint is to please separate the paragraphs so we don't have a wall of text.
Also, if you want a video game crossover, I've also done my own try at this and I'm sure you haven't seen it yet.
Best wishes. Like and Track.
hey when are you going to finish this