• Member Since 24th Nov, 2016
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago


I am here to prove that even someone that has dyslexia can write stories. All feedback is appreciate​, and always have a smile.


I am stuck in a land of colorful ponies. What is worst, I have gone native both figurative and mentally. I just can not catch a break in this world. I know I never had the best luck in the world, but what happening in this world is ridiculous.

Help me!

Special thanks to Georg and everyone else in the comments for helping with an overdo editing for this story.

10/22/18 Current the story is being edited once again. I can't believe I fell out some many things while writing this story. My bad.

Chapters (19)
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Comments ( 97 )

hello I am just starting writing stories any tips would be helpful thank you.

One major tip that every aspiring writer can use - proofread. Proofread, proofread, proofread.

I couldn't believe my day so far. One minute I was making my way home from a hard day’s work, next thing I know I was in the middle of nowhere. And that wasn't the worst of it; my hands were gone as well as my toes! In their place were white hooves. Yes, hooves. So, I did the most logical thing. Something anyone would have done in my place. My shriek cleared the nearby trees of their birds. Somehow, by some unknown means I had become a horse with a white coat and a red mane. The color around me was also different - it was almost like the colors used in a cartoon or animé. I tried to use my phone to call for help, or to find out where I was. I encountered several major problems with this. One: hooves don’t work on smart phones. Two: my phone had no signal. And three: I was hungry.

My changes are in bold. In the course of this first paragraph, you changed tenses more times than I could count, you misspelled "horse", "hooves", "thing", and "smartphone" (among other items), and you used no appropriate punctuation. A useful reference would be the classic The Elements of Style (available here: https://faculty.washington.edu/heagerty/Courses/b572/public/StrunkWhite.pdf ), always helpful when writing about the other Elements!

Tip number two - read everything you can get your hands on. Given your established love of FiM, I might recommend Diane Duane's Young Wizards series. ( https://www.goodreads.com/series/40400-young-wizards ) The more you read, the more you'll recognise the steps behind a structured narrative and coherent writing.

Great to see your first attempt - polish things up, and you'll be churning out prose in no time!

Comment posted by Miner deleted Dec 16th, 2016

It's interesting I give it an 8

It's interesting I give it an 8

Well your doing a great job so far

A few missing words but besides that it's great

A few missing words but besides that it's great

I'm scared of Fluttershy now

I say don't end it.

I bet he's gonna purpose

Great chapter I loved it. There's a few words that need to be corrected

:twilightsmile: thanks you

Hm, lots of typos. Did you use your phone for writing this story?

I think, comb it through once or twice and it will be okay!

At first I thought it was a bit of r63 universe, with Elusive here (It's usually name used for stallion version of Rarity)

Why didn't she used a mirror to look at herself and for you to give us her fuller description?

So much chaos. Discord will be proud.

Okay, finished reading what you wrote so far.

Story is not bad, a bit rushed at times may be. What really ruins it is the grammar - easily solvable by finding an editor! You'll see difference in like/dislike ratio very soon then.

Samellan I don't have a editor.:applecry:

If you read again you will see that I wrote she had a look over herself in the first chapter. I never did discribe her eye color.

Yes both they are both in the story.

8026511 Yes, I remember this, but it lacked details.

As for finding an editor - I heard that there is a special group exisits on this site, specifically for finding editors. Try looking it up.

Upd: here is a prepared search request for you)

P.s see a ">>" symbol on the top right corner of each post? It's there for answering messages, attaching a link to a message you answer to.

I might change it later and no I use a laptop.:twilightsheepish:

8026521 There is no end for perfection)

If you use laptop, try using spellchecker, it will at least spot some of the errors.

8026533 :twilightangry2: then my spell check isn't working correctly then.

Also thanks for the editor idea.:pinkiehappy: hopefully someone can help me.

8026537 I am sure someone will)

You, on the other hoof, continue to grow as an author!)

“Why can’t I just have a normal day?!”

what fun is there in being "normal?" :trollestia:

It's was white and had fur on it.

I believe they were called hooves the last time I check.


there are replaced with hooves


My composer only last for a few more seconds.


I am a HOURSE?!"


for it was just losing me down.


“Go case a rabbit


Oh, but it wasn’t for on and on it would

It wasn't for what? Half a sentence missing there.

chock on my shoe you mutt.


This story's actually kind of cute? I dunno, the main character is sort of adorably clueless.

italics are broken at the beginning. Need to throw a [ /i ] in there somewhere.

(or is it a flake now?).


Oh, wait there’s a clearing up head.


It’s too bad you bad you can’t talk.

:rainbowlaugh: Never saw someone clueless enough to not even realize they're talking ponies. Cute!


Ooh, la la.
(Isn't he usually called Elusive?)

Since Rarity is working in Canterlot

Oh, never mind.

Wait we are going to a dud for clothes?

Dude. You go to a dude for duds, not a dud for dudes!



They just in the way

They just get in the way

mush stuff.


I have notice her predicament


Princess Celestial

I like this story so far. The characters are cute, without being too in your face, and I like how the ponies interact, like how Rainbow Dash said “Nothing much. I just don’t have any practical use or need for them. But I guess you like them then?” That was a nice way to express her dislike for clothing, while respecting the ponies who like them. You need to be more careful when you write though, because some of these typoes (Like "Pegues") look like you're rushing to type stuff, without caring about what mistakes you make, and not just misspelling the words. It's really hard to read that stuff, and harder to correct.

with I light trim


There is magic being use right in front of me


You said the same thing lasted time as well.


“You never get a hoofacure and that that.”

that's that



"Well that just happen."


You are going to make little ponies for us.


This has to be Twilight

Oh god, yes. :rainbowlaugh:

Twilight, did you just eat the bouquet of roses that Elusive got specially for Jessica without getting permission or even sharing a single one with her?

Gee I wonder why you can't find a special somepony. :trixieshiftright:

why don’t you just us

its join us

yes join us rainbow so that you may become one of us one of us one of us

i sense a ship sailing off into the sunset

oh i hope theres a next chapter

Yes there is, but it's not done yet. Hang in there.:pinkiehappy:

5 bits says she stays

I tell my friends about those two rules with the 7 and zero but they never believe me.

“YYEEEAAAHHH!” Rainbow tackled Fluttershy and is wrestling with her.

here we see the wild leroy jenkins emitting its mating call.

this really needs proofreading, the story is good, silly and in the right theme, and it feels just like in a episode...
but the typos and grammar mistakes make me cringe and sap my interest of the fic, preventing me to give you a up vote.
once you finish the story, try to do a reread to your story before publishing.

Any chance you can point out the miss takes.

I have dyslexia. :twilightblush:

Also thank you for your comment.:pinkiehappy:

well... there is a lot, but I don't remember which chapter it started (I think it was since chapter 3), but...
the site have a neat little tool that can help you with that (it'll only help to spot the mistakes as you hear them)
just click on the first line of the chapter and then click on 'Read', the tool will make your chapter act like an audiobook and then you can see where are the mistake and fix it

I'm being lazy, I know. I may take some of my time to spot some of the mistakes, but I can't promise anything

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