A Matter of Monetary Meagerness
The day started like any other, with stretches, smiles, and silliness. Well, after all, that's what the Cake twins expected from their semi-half-adopted sister-cousin-friend, and that's what she gave them; regularity was an important part of a foal's development at this point, something she knew all too well. After ensuring they were ready for the day (and ensuring that Pound Cake had a clean diaper), she descended the stairs and prepped the ovens, starting the first batch of display muffins. Today was going to be superlifabulostastic! She had no idea what that meant but it had to be a positive.
"Pinkie Pie?" Carrot Cake wandered down the stairs, smiling as the apprentice baker set up cake ingredients. "Wow. Up and around already. How do you do it?"
The party pony giggled. "I just wake up and OHMYGOSH I FORGOT TO FEED GUMMY!" She zoomed up the stairs.
Carrot glanced at the ovens.
Ten seconds later, Pinkie reappeared, none the worse for the wear. "Kay that's done. Anyway so I'm planning a party for Rainbow Dash on thursday and I looked at my saved up stock and I realized I don't have enough party supplies to load up the party cannon properly so I'm going to need to go shopping but I'm almost out of bits so I was kinda hoping maybe you could give me my pay for the month just a teensy bit early?"
The stallion looked into the quivering blue eyes. He had suspected this day would come soon, and now... now he had to steel himself. "Pinkie... you already got paid in advance. Last week."
"Oh. Okay, how about--"
"For next month. You've got this month and next month's pay." He sighed. "I can't let you have any more money until next month is over, you see, it'd be bad for business."
"...Oh..."
It was rare to see Pinkie saddened, but it wasn't unheard of. The fact that her mane deflated, though, was more then enough to make Carrot Cake worry. If he didn't act swiftly... well, he didn't know what would happen. "...Maaaaybe you could, um, take up some extra work? I know you have plenty of spare time...."
"Yeah, but where would I go? I mean I'm all bouncy and nonsensical and random and most ponies that hire aren't looking for that."
"Now that's not the way to look at things. Think about your talents, not your weaknesses."
Pinkie gave Carrot Cake a deadpan stare. "My special talent is partying. Look where I am now."
"Not what I meant. Your special talent is not your only talent. Why..." he floundered for a moment, before smiling in epiphany. "You reorganized all the cupboards! And you also made all those things you use, the gyrocopter and party cannon. An inventor and an organizer. What about that, eh?"
Pinkie Blinked, a smile starting to spread across her face as her mane poofed up again. "Really? You think that those are good things about me?"
"I know it. All you have to do is find somepony willing to pay for those and you're set!"
"Yeah. Yeah! I can just wander around town and organizes and invent and... oh, but I use my party budget to invent. And organizing isn't really something ponies want to pay for, you know, especially from me. They see me and only see the silly filly who eats ten cakes at a time--"
"Okay, so maybe those aren't marketable. But you see my point. Maybe you have some other talent that can help you find spare bits!" The stallion put a friendly hoof on her shoulder. "You're full of surprises, Pinkie Pie, and I'm certain one of those surprises can help you out here."
"Okay, if you say so!" Pinkie bounded up suddenly, running to the ovens and peering over them with a practiced eye. "But I promise not to do anything about it until after my shift is over okay? Can't be doing things that be taking time from the ovens! Dangerous."
Carrot Cake chuckled, walking over to his own station and giving the cake pans a once over. "That's good to hear. We need a double-decker marbled for an out-of-town order. Apparently some Canterlot pony heard about us and wanted to have our cake for his dance party."
"Oki-doki-loki! I'm on it!"
***
"You want me to help you write a resúme." Twilight Sparkle shook her head. "Okay, why?"
Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. "Isn't it obvious? I want to get another job, duh! You of all ponies I would have expected to get that because of your deductive reasoning and book smarts although I guess you haven't actually had a job because you were always supported by your parent and the princess as a student well unless you count being a librarian which for you is more of a hobby since not a lot of ponies in this town come here anymore which I always found really weird you know seeing as this is a library maybe they're just scared of you or something not that you're scary--"
"PINKIE!"
"Yes Twilight?"
The purple unicorn breathed in, calming herself. "What I meant to ask is why would you want another job? And I've done real work before, by the way, Shining Armor always had trouble properly filing reports."
"Haha! Paperwork!"
Twilight glowered at her. "I was five."
"...Okay, that is kinda impressive." Pinkie shrugged. "I just need some more bits, the Cakes are getting to the point where they can't pay me enough to support my lifestyle. But I haven't actually had an interview ever ever and I was thinking maybe you could tell me where I should be starting!"
"Wait, you haven't had an interview in your whole life? How did you get a job a Sugarcube corner without an interview?"
An unusually somber expression conquered the pink features as the pony let her eyes drift to the floor. "It's a long and sordid story, Twilight Sparkle. I have no wish to discuss it."
The academician stared in shock, completely unprepared for this reaction. Seeing Pinkie Pie serious, using serious words... she backed up a bit, awkwardly floundering around for some way to cheer her friend up. "...oh, um, I didn't... um, I mean, I guess that's okay? I was just curious."
"Of course you were silly filly! You are a QUESTIONING pony, and questions are things that need answers!" Pinkie bounced up to Twilight, regaining her trademarked smile. "But don't you worry your silly willy little head over it at all! Auntie Pinkie has forgiven you already!"
"Auntie Pinkie?" Twilight raised an amused eyebrow.
"I am a year older then you," Pinkie pointed out.
"Toúche." Twilight grabbed a pen and paper with her magic. "Alright. So... let's start with your education. Did you complete elementary?"
"I was homeschooled, but I did finish all my classes before I left home!"
A raised eyebrow from the unicorn. "Okay, that makes sense... do you have any higher education?"
"Yeppers! I have a theatre and literary degree, a bachelorette's in psychology, some on and off hooves-on experiment with mechanics--"
"Wait, wait wait. You have a degree in psychology?" Twilight lowered the paper. "You're kidding me, right?"
"Um, no. Oh oh oh! Wait right here I'll be right back!"
The librarian watched in bemusement as the pink blur disappeared, silently counting down the time it took for her to return.
"Ta-dah! Here it is!"
"Thirty-three seconds...." Twilight peered at the document in Pinkie's hooves. Her eyes ran over it five times. "...Wow. Oh my gosh, you weren't kidding... Why didn't you tell me you went to the Manehattan university?"
"You never asked, silly!"
"Pinkie, do you realize what this means?" Twilight stared at her friend in awe. "You have a degree! That means a lot! You could, could, open an office and anypony that wanted to could you know, get help!"
"Help?" The party pony hid her degree. "Oh, nonono. I wouldn't EVER use my powers to brainwash ponies! Nevereverever!"
"No, I'm not saying that. Look, maybe it takes an outsider view, but a lot of the ponies in this town have serious problems. I could pull the right paperwork, and all you'd have to do is talk to them about it. I'm pretty sure that's how it works, anyway." Twilight wrapped a hoof around Pinkie's shoulder, pointing into the distance. "Think about it. Ponies that had always felt a little bit off, a little bit wrong, and suddenly they learn how to see themselves in a new light. All because of you!"
"You mean by dealing with their demons, I can make them smile?"
"YES! Yes, that's it, exactly!"
"Hmmmm." Pinkie rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Yes. Yes! This could work! I'd need a place to talk to ponies--no, I wouldn't, I'd keep it at home where they'll be comfortable, and I can be super sneaky when I want to be so nopony ever has to know that that pony needed help!"
"That's ingenious! All you'd really need is a public mailbox that takes anonymous letters! And advertising!" Twilight rushed off to her desk, pulling a fresh sheet of paper out. "'Pinkie Pie, Psychologist."
"Psychologest."
The unicorn paused. "Er... what?"
"With an E." Pinkie walked up and pointed at the paper. "Deliberate misspellings are silly, and ponies see me as silly. I have to build on my reputation, or nopony will take me seriously."
"What?"
"Trust me Twilight. I've advertised enough parties that I know how to get ponies' attention. Psychologest."
After a moment, the unicorn shrugged, finishing her penstroke with a flourish. "Alright, you're the entrepreneur. Here." She cast a laminating spell and handed Pinkie the paper. "Your business card. Now just let me head to town hall and file the paperwork, and you'll be all set!"
"Thanks Twilight!" The pink pony wrapped her in a hug. "You're so superlifabulostastic!"
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And thus begins the adventure. But wait, what's this? Pinkie Pie has no patients! Not to worry, that's where YOU come in!
In the comments below, I want you to suggest ponies for treatment. Now, I'm going to leave this unupdated for about a week, so you'll have plenty of time to give me ideas. But once a pony is chosen, they'll be seeing Pinkie Pie. And then... the real fun shall begin!
Honestly? Have Celestia see Pinkie. Could reference so much into it like Trollestia, Molestia, people referencing to her as a Tyrant, perhaps Twilestia shipping or Spilestia, issues with her sister, etc.
Yenius!
Also one of the flower sisters (or all three) for their fear fainting/panicking
... is the title misspelled on purpose?
This looks to be off to a good start! Unfortunately, you might miss some attention because people think that the title's misspelled. Perhaps consider putting in a dash before the 'gest'? (only in the title maybe).
I don't think she'll be short of patients, given that all the ponies in this town are crazy!
Love the idea, and have an idea for a charicter.
Diamond tiara.
Take it where you will. If you want me to, il post more or less what her letter could look like.
Sorry, once in head this idea will in my head. I only have an idea for a letter. Not much past that.
Can't wait for update!
Perhaps Derpy could get an appointment. And I bet Scootaloo could use some help.
Need to get Lyra checked for her obsession with mythological figures. Cause I mean, seriously.
Very interesting setup. Hard to gauge where this is going to go from here but will be adding it to my email alerts to see.
As to suggestions for treatment: Princess Luna, Cutie Mark Crusaders (confidence and bullying issues), Fluttershy (confidence, socialization), Spike (species, adoption, and other issues), Granny Smith (perhaps a serious one dealing with coming to terms with possible death in future), and Derpy (because nothing is complete without her).
Even though I gave those suggestions think its better if you go where your own muse takes you rather then reader suggestions. Either way look forward to seeing what you do with this story. Looks like it could be a lot of fun
.
The only pony I can think of to suggest as a potential patient would be Big Macintosh only because he is the big silent one. He also has the most potential for various types of problems to talk about ranging from stress with running the farm, potential foalhood issues because he took Smarty Pants, shyness since he is so quiet, maybe even anger issues, or just simple mare/colt issues depending on whichever you fancy. Maybe even all of the above?
I suggest either (or both) of the Princesses. Also, perhaps Lyra and Bonbon, concerning their relationship.
This is an excellent start, and I look forward to more!
I am liking this! Having the most random pony be a psycologest? Haha!
As for suggestions, maybe Big Mac?
Come on, he only ever says Eeyup, or Nnope! Maybe make his meeting abit troublesome by haveing him say that during even that time.
As to people suggesting the princesses, yes please! But maybe save them for later? Personnal suggestion.
Twilight for OCD.
That is all.
Wow, this sets up for potential. I can definitely see all types of guests meeting up for Pinkie Pie. Tracking.
"But i haven't actually had an interview..."
Also a minor mistake, there.
First pony that popped into my head was Rose, or one of the others of the fainting flower trio, before I was done reading the chapter even.
I also kinda want to say Trixie, but I don't know why she would be in Ponyville.
Maybe Rainbow Dash, angry that everyone always assumes she's a lesbian?
There's also that jelly-obsessed guy, but we don't exactly know much else about him.
In any case, Pinkie's definitely the psychologest mare around.
Well-written and cute story. I love it so far!
Can't wait for the next chapter. 
Caramel for gender dysphoria
Bon Bon for Multiple Personality Disorder
I am almost think it should be Psychologuest since she loves to help here guests in her home.
Twilight. Not only is she OCD, she's almost certainly read books on psychology, and impersonated a psychologist to try to settle the non-existent dispute between RD and AJ in Lesson Zero. What happens when the hyper-analytical librarian ends up on the "wrong" end of the metaphorical microscope? She'd probably be inclined to do psychological analysis on Pinkie while Pinkie analyses her.
838472
Read the whole chapter, Pinkie explains it at the end.
As for suggestions. hmm one that hasn't been suggested yet. Maybe Blueblood for his problems relating to other ponies, or maybe Shining armor or Cadance are getting paranoid after the changeling invasion.
I'm gonna watch this and see where it goes, botta tahnk AA for passively showing it to me in her latest blog.
839233
Yea. I looked at the title and thought it was odd, but I already read through it.
Applejack might have a problem with her compulsive honesty causing interpony problems. It's not that she can't lie either, it's that she's so bad at it that lying is useless. She might be making enemies or rivals she could have avoided if she'd been able to tell a small fib.
Rainbow Dash has performance anxiety. She has always combated it by extolling her own greatness. She has built her image up infront of others and has been successful to such a degree that she believes in her own greatness. She comes to Pinkie, hiding behind a mask of relaxed confidence that cracks more and more as the session proceeds, aware of her own coping mechanism, fearful of what will happen to her confidence in herself if she ever complete and utter fails. She is afraid that she'll break if she can't keep fooling herself into believing that she is as great as she boasts.
Rarity... I dunno, other than her mild-to-strong OCD. "Everything must be perfect. Anything else is unacceptable."
Fluttershy, after the events in The Best Night Ever and Putting Your Hoof Down, is concerned about her inner rage. She doesn't want to hurt anypony if she ever loses control of herself. Every psychologist she's gone to insists that she doesn't have anger issues after observing how gentle, demure and kind she is. Will Pinkie be any different?
Twilight Sparkle does not have control issues. Twilight Sparkle does not have a pathlogical need to please her mothe- *cough* mentor figure. Twilight Sparkle is not obsessed with a need for order and planning stemming from control issues that she does not have. No. Go away.
Cheerilee loves foals and loves educatng them in a happy and safe environment. Cheerilee's classroom contains Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, making their classmates unhappy. It also contains the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They do not contribute to a safe learning environment. Cheerilee has as of recently been lax in enforcing homework deadlines, late at grading papers and has fallen asleep during several presentations during class. Cheerilee's garbage bags clink. The CMCs, worried, brings this to Pinkie's attention.
I can't think of anything else right now. Sorry if some or all of them are too dark to use in this fic.
Ciao.
Let me shell out a few.
Spike has mother issues, you know, from his strange relationship with Twilight.
Davenport has that existential cutie syndrome which causes him problems, especially since his cutie is a quill and sofa.
Princess Luna having night terrors, ironic, no?
Mrs and Mrs Cake having marriage issues, because why not?
Daisy, Lily and Rose having constant mass hysteria.
The sea serpent having image issues.
And lastly, Derpy Hooves needs a prescription.
So far it's a good story, the only thing I can say is that she would need a Psy.D., MSFW. Ph.D, ect. A bachelor's degree is actually not enough to open a private practice.
Second I'm really hoping this isn't going to be a joke on Freudian Psychology. Why does no one realize that it isn't used anymore. Well either way.
I know this is nitpicking, but I get tired of seeing how badly people screw with what psychology really is.
839275 don't forget rainbow doesn't like having her hooves touched! that could stem from some some crazy event from her childhood! or she just doesn't like having her hooves touched... lolz
Have mayor mare come in for a yearly checkup as required by ponyville town laws
Discord.
835040 so thats why this is already featured. Meh. I would have to recommend Lyra and how everypony thinks she is crazy because of her beliefs (human obsession, opinion on the city, anything but religion would make me crazy happy.) Or eventually Trixie. Yeah I said Trixie, and if you got a problem with it...
It won't show, 'cause you're the writer.
theawl.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Screen-shot-2010-08-17-at-1.50.31-PM.png
This is good.
Obviously Twilight herself is the one most in need of help. I nominate her for patient numero uno!
I think it might be intresting if evantually we get one of Pinkie's sisters, cousins, or her biological parents as a patient, for her sisters and cousins it could be struggling with life on their own or possible relationship issues with a colt friend or working partner, for her parents it could be coming to terms with having to retire and possibly sell the rock farm.
Also the CMC could be done indvidually.
Applebloom could use some help with having to face the possiblity that her special talent won't have anything to do with apples (she could be afraid that the other Apple family members will shun her for not having a cutie mark that's apple related).
Scootaloo could be dealing with the fact that her idol Rainbow Dash isn't perfect and that she shouldn't spend all her time worshipping Rainbow Dash, or perhaps issues involving the fact that she is no longer the leader of the CMC (Hearts and Hooves Day and Ponyvillie Confidential had Sweetie Belle as the apperant leader).
Sweetie Belle certainly needs help in overcoming her stage fright if she ever were to sing, she also could deal with the fact that she shouldn't try to help her older sister Rarity so much and that it's best if she just lets Rarity do her work in peace.
I have looked though every suggestion so far, and none of you mentioned Berry Punch's drinking problem. (along with being a single mom) Shame on you.
BTW, with all the suggestions, shouldn't Masterweaver be making a list or something? There's a lot of demand!
Potential patients, eh? How about Pinkie Pie? She could certainly use a psychologist.
All I want to say is that this looks amazing and I want more.
843199
Wait, this got featured? Aw man... I was outta town! I missed it! Dang.
Well maybe I can see it again when I update. I HAVE ALREADY SELECTED A PONY. But keep the suggestions coming, I'm keeping me a list!
Update this. Soon.
862928 When will you update it's been over a week now.
889170>>889344
Patience my silly ponies. In fact, I am working on the chapter.... as.... we... speak.
889381 Good.
889381
img.ponibooru.org/_images/37097434b55846b74902666db9958934/160448%20-%20gasp%20MMMystery_on_the_Friendship_Express%20pinkie_pie%20spoiler%20spoilers.png
BTW, you forgot to capitalize "Thursday."
This is awesome. If there was ever another chapter after the next one, I say Pinkie sits down with herself. If you could pull that off, kudos to you.
*edit: there are going to be so many posts, mine might get lost in the madness!*
*edit 2: How do you pronounce that word!?*
Very in character all around. Always a good beginning.
As for patients... Well, I think the entire mane cast should be in there at some point, maybe to "see how she's doing" before spilling there deepest secrets. Celestia or Lun would be cool... The one I wanna see most is Gummy. Yes, Gummy.
I suddenly fear for the safety and the minds of her patients.
838563 I agree Lyra has a serious hand complex
"It's a long and sordid story, Twilight Sparkle. I have no wish to discuss it."
My curiosity has been aroused
I want a laminating spell.
I love Pinkie in this. And you are going to explain the reason she didn't want to talk about how she got her job at Sugarcube Corner aren't you? Maybe not in this story, unless she interviews herself, which could be entirely plausible depending on how well you do it.
I now await more.
I did notice a few errors. Not a whole lot that haven't already been mentioned.
Suggestions: Lily. She always seems the most distressed when things happen, what with her fainting and cries of 'the horror!'. Obviously, this shows a deep rooted problem in her past. Perhaps something traumatic? Yes?
How about Twist? She's...less than normal and doesn't seem to have any friends except Apple Bloom, and for all we know, Apple Bloom ditched her.
Oh this is going to get good, isn't it?