- Member Since 4th Nov, 2016
- offline last seen May 11th, 2017
Mythical Witch
I am a nice witch, but if you make me upset... you'll end up in a cauldron of soup. So be nice to me, my friends, and family, and you'll survive the night.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Uh... Just spotted this. I'll read it later(?!?)
Call me crazy... but this seems rated M, unless the rules changed.
Right to the naughty bits though, I like it. A fair shot for a first fanfic... but that third character was really too random for my taste. I don't know how Sci-Twi would find him in the first place, unless you assume she's had more than a few with him while hanging around with AJ.
That said... if you were aiming to turn anyone on, I didn't quite feel anything... or maybe I have to re-read. It's late.
Overall, you had a strong start. I appreciated the explanation that they didn't last long the night prior... but as they progressed following their awakening, there didn't seem to be a build-up. More of "I'm up, you're up, let's do it now." I won't deny tho, Sunset pawing at Twilight is always nice.
You have my like... glad to see you giving your own fanfic a go.
7730942 I changed it to M. Sorry, wasn't quite sure what to rate it. Also, I'm aware it isn't that great, but Il work on getting better.
7730948
Psst. Turn to the present-tense side, like me!
Mwahaha... nah, just kidding. You'll wind up either sounding like the show, or a script for the show. I regret nothing.
You have a strong beginning, I can't emphasize that anymore. Also a very strong picture, like what.
Sorry but... truth.
Maybe Sci-Twi and Sunset should have sex in front of their friends?
Well this was good. Always was a fan of nipple suckling.
Sorry, but I didn't enjoy this. I like the SunLight pairing pretty well, but introducing Big Mac felt wrong. There was no set up to it, no introduction. He just suddenly appears.
Also, if you're going to tag the fic as having F/F you should also tag the M/F/F. Without that tag, it really comes out of nowhere. I had no reason to expect Big Mac to be involved in the sex at all, and wouldn't have clicked on the story if I did.