Chapter 29
Following along after Spud, Hennessy loped through the woods at an easy pace with Piper on his back. He had been a little irritated with her at first, just climbing up there, but now he could not remember why he had felt irritated. She was hurt, he had watched her legs get gnawed on by swarming rats, and some of those bites had been right down to the bone.
All in all, he liked Piper, she was easy to get along with, she knew his secret, and she hadn’t judged him for it. In fact, she didn’t seem bothered by it at all, which felt pretty weird, all things considered. She had figured it out on her own, and he hadn’t told her anything when she had approached him and asked. In a way, it felt good to talk about his secret.
Hennessy, a colt, wanted to be a filly.
He was happy how he was, he was aware that there were ways and means to actually become a filly, and he didn’t want to change his body; no, he was happy enough being a colt, but he wanted to be a filly tom-colt, or perhaps a coltish tom-filly. It was difficult to explain, or even talk about, and Piper had been the first pony that he had ever said anything to about his secret thoughts and desires.
He suspected that Lentil Pakora knew, in fact, it seemed as though she had seen right through him.
But there was another pony that Hennessy wanted to talk to, to share his thoughts with, but this pony was Lord Death of Murder Mountain, as Piper had called him. Hennessy knew that he was nursing a crush, and crushes were dangerous. His last crush had ended badly, as he had crushed upon somepony who did not reciprocate, or even appreciate being crushed on.
The beating had been savage and he had suffered multiple broken ribs, none of which were ever treated. It was terrifying, having a crush again, especially when one was crushing on Lord Death of Murder Mountain. Flicker wasn’t exactly attractive or good looking, but there was something about him, something worthwhile, if perhaps hidden. There were all those taut muscles and keen, furtive eyes. Everything about Flicker made Hennessy’s twelve year old body, which was deep in the throes of puberty, respond in an animalistic fashion.
“Whatcha thinking about, Hennessy?”
“Not a darn thing.”
“Liar.”
Sighing, Hennessy thought about all of the things that he wanted to talk about, but was afraid to. The pressure felt like it might burst open at any minute and everything inside of him would go spilling out, or worse, exploding out. Piper was open-minded, so what could it hurt? She seemed kind enough, and he desperately wanted somepony that he could share his thoughts with.
“Piper?”
“Yes?”
“Do you know much of anything about puberty and growing up?” Hennessy’s drawl intensified from his nervousness.
“Only a little. My mother would freak out if she found any books about it and she would take them. Got me in some trouble at the library.” After letting out a sigh filled with far too much pubescent angst, Piper added, “You know, you can always ask Doctor Sterling.”
“Oh, I don’t know if I can talk to another stallion about it—”
“And why not?”
“It’s powerful embarrassing.”
“But you can talk to a filly about it…”
“Well, to be fair, you ain’t just any filly, and no, I wouldn’t talk to a filly about it either, but I need to talk to somepony.” Hennessy felt Piper squirm on his back and he screwed his courage to the sticking place, as the old saying went. Perhaps it was just better to let it all out. “Piper, I’m all scrawny and little—”
“Are you kidding? You’re big for your age.”
“No, Piper… lemme finish, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Piper, there are parts of me that are scrawny and little, and I keep wondering why.”
“Ooooh…” Piper sucked in her breath and held it, causing her cheeks to bulge.
“It really bothers me… my dad and my brothers all said it was ‘cause I’m a faggot and they said it would make parts of me fall off… for a long time I thought that was true, that everything would fall off, and I had nightmares about it. But now, well, ya see, I was one of the youngest, and not being a fighting type, I wouldn’t stop my brothers when they took what little food I got and a lot of times I went hungry. Doctor Sterling says I’m malnourished and he wants me to eat a lot and I’ve been wondering if being malnourished is why I’m all small and shrivelled up back there. I’m scared, Piper… I’m scared and I don’t know how to talk about it.”
“Oh my goodness,” Piper said, letting her held breath out.
“I’m really scared that I’m going to eat better and get food and everything will get better back there and maybe I’ll start growing, and when I start growing, and I start getting that thing that colts have, that thing in the blood and the body, I’m worried that if I start growing, then maybe I won’t want to be a filly anymore and I’ll want to be a colt or stallion and I won’t be gay… and that scares me a whole lot, not being gay, ‘cause it’s become a big part of who and what I am on account of how much I’ve suffered for it and all the pain and crying I’ve done. What if what I think is a lie and I’ve suffered ‘cause I was sick or some no good reason?”
“Hennessy, I’m saying this as your friend, but you need some real help, the kind of help that I can’t give you, and you need a way to sort this out. You need to talk to Doctor Sterling. You need sorting out just like Lord Death of Murder Mountain needs sorting out.”
“I’m so invested in what I am… it defines me.” As he spoke, he felt Piper pat his neck. “If we get Lord Death of Murder Mountain sorted out, what will he become?”
“Prince Peaceful of Happy Hill?” Piper let out a reluctant laugh that was equal parts amusement and discomfort. “Hennessy… for what it’s worth, I don’t think it works the way you think it does. You’re gay… and that’s just fine. As for your problem… well, you shouldn’t worry about it. Anypony that loves you isn’t going to notice, at least, that’s how it should be. Real life sometimes doesn’t quite work out the way it should though. But you shouldn’t worry. If it is just malnutrition, you’ll have a growth spurt or three since you are eating better and everything will get sorted out and everything will be fine.”
“Meow.”
As Hennessy and Piper came into a copse of beech trees, they noticed the hunched over form of Flicker, and he was not alone. A pink pony sat on the soft forest loam beside him, and she had a foreleg draped over his withers. The muted sound of weeping made both Hennessy and Piper’s ears prick up. Hennessy came to a halt and Piper had to hold on to keep from falling off from the abrupt stop.
“How… how did she...” Piper started to ask, but it was no use, and her words trailed off even as she thought about how useless it was to say them. There was no explaining Pinkie Pie, even to a fellow Pie. It was a lot to take in; somehow, Pinkie had passed them, found Flicker, and had tried to comfort him. There was also the fact that Flicker had feelings, and he was crying. Even after being blown up, after much pain and abuse, he hadn’t cried. So it was obvious that something had hurt him, and hurt him badly. It was something that hurt worse than being mauled by a bear and getting exploded with dynamite, which made Piper ache just thinking about it.
“I think Lord Death of Murder Mountain needs a hug,” Hennessy whispered.
“He’s getting one,” Piper replied, also whispering.
Pinkie Pie sprang up, bounced a few times in a circle around Flicker, and pronked over to where Hennessy and Piper stood. She paused, mid-pronk, suspended in the air right in front of Hennessy, and she reached out to pat the surprised earth pony colt on the cheek. “He’s all yours, I’ve softened him up a bit for you, but he really needs his friends. He’s a tough nut to crack, maybe even tougher than Cranky Doodle Donkey. There wasn’t much I could do for him.”
Then, Pinkie Pie unpaused her pronk, bounced, and pronked away, her tail bobbing, and she began to sing, “‘Cause I love to make you smile, smile, smile… yes I do… it fills my heart with sunshine all the while… yes it does… ‘cause all I really need's a smile, smile, smile… from these happy friends of mine…” And then, without warning or explanation, Pinkie Pie vanished behind an oak.
Spud, his stubby, sausagy, hairless tail held high, crept through the loam to where Flicker was sitting, climbed up his back, and then somehow sat down upon Flicker’s hunched withers. He meowed once as he reached out his paw and began swatting at Flicker’s ears, and then meowed for a second time.
The second meow was when Hennessy found his get-up-and-go, which for a moment there, had got-up-and-went. Pinkie Pie had that effect on ponies. Hennessy walked to where Flicker was, sat down, and Piper slid off of his back. Piper wobbled around on her legs, not steady, and somehow made it to the other side of Flicker, where she sat down.
“We’re a messed up, rag tag group of heroes with a crazed, maybe even psychotic loner, a cat-creature made from nightmares, a fabulous hick from some alicornless backwater, and a scrappy, plucky leader that doesn’t have a clue what she is getting into.” Piper looked over at Flicker, who sat sniffling beside her. “This would make for a fantastic comic book or even a movie.”
“My mother’s right.” Flicker’s voice was strained and scratchy. “I don’t know how to fix myself. I’m a pony with built in blinders.”
“Oh, it’s not that bad.” Piper tried to smile, but failed, and the corners of her mouth fell. It was pretty bad, and it was difficult to lie about it. “You are just single minded in your direction and your purpose. But we can fix that.”
“Doctor Sterling has tried exposing me to art, music, and culture.”
“Well, maybe you need to be exposed to friendship,” Piper replied. She almost added, Or maybe even love, but thought better of it and kept it to herself. “You need a hobby, something that isn’t work related—”
“I have a hobby, something I keep secret. I don’t want other ponies to laugh.”
“What is it?” Hennessy asked.
“Never you mind,” Flicker replied in a brusque manner. “Pinkie Pie already blabbed about it.”
“We don’t want to laugh at you, but it is okay if we laugh just a little bit at each other, isn’t it? I mean, we’re all going to be working together for the rest of our lives, right? We’ll know all of the embarrassing bits and the secrets that each of us have.” Piper gave a pointed stare to Hennessy, but he was oblivious. “I have a stash of simulated alicorn porn that my mother never found. Rather saucy images… I keep them because every time I look, I bust out laughing because of how ridiculous it all is.”
“Meow.”
“No, Spud, you don’t want to see that.” Flicker drew in a shuddering deep breath, held it, and then shook his head. “Once upon a time, I was different. I can remember being different, but it’s all growing dim now and I remember less and less of it. Sometimes, sometimes it feels like my cutie mark is consuming me, and I don’t want to make it stop. I just want to exist in the moment and fulfill my purpose. Just be rid of all the complications, the doubt, and just exist purely in the moment with no fear of the future and no worries about the past.”
“If you did that, you’d just be your cutie mark and you’d stop being Flicker… that’d be bad.” Hennessy scooted a little closer to Flicker and his ears angled over his face in concern. “Your cutie mark, your purpose, it shares your body with you. Flicker, you have to hold on to who and what you are.”
“Who am I?” Flicker asked. “Does it matter? The only time I feel whole is when I am wearing the mask, and why does a pony in a mask need a name? The mask is perfect uniformity and order. We all look the same. When the mask is on, I’m not the weak little colt that used to be scared of everything. I am the faceless slayer of rats. I have power and authority. I’m no longer afraid of what is under the bed, or in the closet, or of the scritchy-scratchy sounds in the dark corners of the house at night. The mask has made me the nightmare of rats.”
“There is still a face, a voice, and a heart beneath the mask…” Piper felt a tightness in her throat, as this hit close to home. She too, felt the dangerous allure of the mask, and she worried if she might also succumb to the seduction of anonymity within faceless servitude of purpose. “We are more than the masks we wear.”
“But what if I don’t want to be?” Flicker asked.
Piper found that she didn’t know how to answer.
Stats
Page generated in 0.029 seconds
Total duration
1,072 users online
1,952,045 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
7774273
The romance tag was there from the beginning.
I feel bad, because this is a heavy chapter and I keep giggling at "Lord Death of Murder Mountain."
"He's named for what he does."
"Well, what does he do?"
"He does death!"
I really find myself wanting Flicker to meet Pebble and give her a talking to about what it means to be an older sibling.
Wonder what kind of identity issues Piper has since they all seem to have identity issues. She definitely seems to have a lust for power that she seems a bit divided on. Hennessy I can definitely relate to, not sure if he is just gay or if there is some transgender issues instead that he is just not prepared to cope with yet (it's easier to be seen as gay than transgender even to yourself growing up as the phobias can be often self directed) time will tell which way that works out. Flicker seems a tough nut to crack though and kind of wishing we got to see a bit more of Flicker pre-mask like the events going on in his life shortly before getting his cuttie mark and his initial reaction to the mark rather than just after the fact descriptions.
7774314
In this instance, it saves Flicker from a bad end and gives him something to live for.
and there it is.... the question that I'm sure everyone had on their minds.
Squirm? What's there to to squirm about? Flicker having an emotional crisis? Honestly it's about time. The germinating romance? Pfft, I'm a grizzled veteran of many shipping wars. Hennessy? The more he gets to talk about himself the more I start to empathize with him, assuming that's Hennessy's preferred pronoun. The rat murder? Well, okay, that might make me feel a bit queasy from time to time but otherwise? Bring it
The stones tumbling
Small damaged machine, and yet
Shelter 'neath the boughs
7773203 It's fine, I didn't want that sweet sweet chocolate cake... or the bouncy castle... anyways...
IM SORRY PLS LET ME IN
So that's Hennessy's big secret. Saw something along those lines coming, but not that specifically. Good job. I don't surprise often. I doubt that Flicker will care, but that all depends on how his own existential crisis plays out. I have a feeling that most ponies go through something similar to young Master Nicker's conundrum. Just look at the Mane Six in the show. Their character development can (loosely) be defined as them becoming more than their cutie marks. Congratulations! You've added to my head canon in a somewhat meaningful way.
7774314
Imagine that as you write one of your stories, someone makes a comment on it. It is fairly far into the story, at least 29 chapters or so. The comment says something along the lines of "please keep 'x' elements out of the story", where 'x' has been tagged for your story from the beginning, and at this point heavily alluded to, and even said outright. You reply to their comment stating that it has been there since day one, and maybe you assume they have just mistakenly missed the tag. You might hope they don't mind and end up enjoying the story anyways, but it doesn't cross your mind to change one of the fundamental aspects of your story for some random person. They then reply to you by telling you that just because you have already written the story like that, won't change your opinion of it. At this point, you probably think that person is incredibly stupid. As in, on a scale of 1 to 10, this guy is a fucking potato.
Now imagine that kudzuhaiku is the author of that story, the story happens to be this one, and you are that fucking potato. If you can do all that, you now know what it is many people are thinking about you.
Damnit you can't just write super good stories all the time, I'm gonna be late for school!
7774314 I'm troubled by this, what part of the weedverse doesn't contain romance? In fact what story if any of Kudz's dues not contain romance. Imagine living in a world with no romance, you wouldn't call that living.
I am no romantic in person but I appreciate it in a good story and can't remember one, in any medium, that I like that doesn't.
7774505 There are chapters without romance but they are rare. Truthfully a lot of action is dictated not necessarily romantic love but there are many types of love.
7774528 I was referring to stories as a whole not necessarily specific chapters just to clarify. without it we wouldn't have Maud & Tarnish, The sisters & Gosling, even Blueblood & Raven as twisty as they seem, Trix, Lemon possibly inc Twinkleshine and Sumac & Pebble are starting to come along too, oh and Vinyl & Tavi. The whole of the Chase is awash in it. The Catch had still to get any serious things really happening yet but I could see things progressing there too, shame it's gone quiet I didn't mind that story.
I'm starting to think that Flicker is going to have a problem because Ms. Death Zebra and S.M.I.L.E. have recruited him. Theoretically, they wanted him because he was a merciless killing machine (of rats; so far) and he's good at it. They didn't pick him because of what else he was or who else he could become. No, those jobs are re-inforcing what his cutie mark/destiny are trying to make him. I would say that those extra jobs may not be helping him, rather they are going to keep him from being a more open pony with life outside of work. So, maybe those things --with all their supposed good intentions-- wont actually be good for Flicker in the end. Maybe, he's gonna have to give those up so he has he freedom to be more than just a killing machine.
Hrm.....
7774417 I expressed a sentiment regarding this that is an opinion. I did not attack the story, nor did I insult anyone.
Then you insult me and are incredibly rude with little provocation
Regardless I'm going to delete the comment, mostly because I don't want to be plagued by silly replies like yours that can't respect something outside your own.
7774314 so many downvotes :V wow, they hate you for having an opinion.
Anyways, romance is a part of life, it's kinda everywhere.
7774809 Eh, comments gone now anyway. I'm not gonna deal with this many people freaking out about me having an opinion.
Also, I won't argue that's mostly true.
I'm not gonna say anything more because people will likely freak out and become incessantly rude if I express any contradictory opinion.
7774817 I just thought the downvotes were funny. What is even the point of votes on a comment?
7774820 It's not the downvotes. They don't really make a difference. It's the fact that I was insulted for expressing an opinion and that my comment would likely get numerous responses along a similar line of thought that got me to delete it.
7774823 i figured as much, but that was more of a tangential line of thought added purely for shits and giggles.
7774864 Tea does have a variety of flavors that coffee in my experience can't quite match, but I can't deny my fondness for a good cup of coffee in the morning over a hot cup of tea.
... Well, that explains that one incident.
If it had been that simple, you wouldn't have gone out to the forest to cry, Flicker.
Well now, that's not quite what I expected.
That seems incredibly unlikely.
Not sure how I feel about the potential Flicker x Hennessy relationship. I initially assumed that that was clearly coming down the pipe and was fine with it, but chapters later and it just doesn't feel like Flicker is there at all. Maybe I simply stopped paying attention to hints about it on account of thinking it wasn't the operative story ship after all, but aside from the staring incident a few chapters back it feels like everyone around Flicker is shipping him but he really isn't involved.
7774322 It's possibly that being Trans isn't so bad in this 'Verse. After all, if I am reading this right, there's a Potion that will be a quick fix. BAM! With Transformation Alchemy, I bet you could easily get a great Sex Change that would be a lot more thorough for a fraction of the price that we have IRL. Why I bet they could make Big Mac look as feminine as Fluttershy.
I got a bit confused there for a minute. Who had the alicorn porn? Because I don't know if it's piper or flicker?
All hail Lord Death of Murder Mountain
I'm hoping for a Flicker x Hennessy x Piper relationship; would be good for em but probably wouldn't work. Ah well, whatever it turn out to be, bring it on! Good work so far Kudz!!
7777500
THREE HAILS FOR LORD DEATH OF MURDER MOUNTAIN
LEAER
HAIL
LEAER
HAIL
LEAER
HAIL
it is now 10:30 and i need to sleep
this is your fault kudzu
your stories have barbed hooks in them
I was squirming at the chapter when the one unicorn branded Hennessy and clamed she owned her, this chapter dose nothing to me in comprasen to that one
8145696
Gender pronoun salad!
THE ALICORNY PORNY IS REAL :O