• Member Since 22nd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

The Abyss


Thanks for all the memories.

Sequels1

Comments ( 100 )
Sorren #1 · Nov 19th, 2016 · · 3 ·

Hey, this was pretty good! There were several instances where you confused past and present tense, but they're hardly noticeable unless you're actually looking for them.

Sapient tentacle panties. Who woulda thought? How you came up with this idea... is beyond me.

Cum Inflation with Egg Implantation

Well I'm sold like an XBOX on Black Friday :pinkiegasp:

7734417 Could you point out the mistakes for me please?

Bruuuh its so great.

I'm not really a fan of tentacles :x Maybe I'll read it for shits and giggles later.

Sorren #6 · Nov 20th, 2016 · · 1 ·

7734430

A dark red carpet, as soft as can be, covered the entire floor from wall to wall.

That's the first one I noticed, with the usage of the word can, in an otherwise past-tense sentence. Granted, this is one of those ones I'm really not all too sure about, tbh. If I'm wrong, please correct me.

as memories of what happened in there slid into her mind.

What had happened. The lack of the word 'had' doesn't quite make this present tense, but it's grammatically incorrect in context. Even if you are referring partially to internal thought, it's still in the narrative.

And that's as much as I was able to find on mobile right now. I thought there might have been more but I also may be wrong.

I immediately added it to my favorites because I know it's going to be good as always.

Alright, time for me to clop. :derpytongue2:

“Uh oh... she took my panties! Who knows what she’s going to do now?”

Ultimate defucktion ofcourse.

Hentai sense is tingling :pinkiecrazy: Tentacles detected. :pinkiegasp: :pinkiehappy:

7734417
7734461

OH MY GOD YOU WERE SO POLITE AND POINTED OUT ACTUAL MISTAKES I RAGE AND DOWNVOTE YOU INTO HELL GO SUCK A COCK LIKE THE BITCH YOU ARRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Huh...this was....something.

:applejackconfused:

I commend you on this delightfully sexy story. Definitely adding this to my bookshelf for clop.

Well that was intresting.

We need more Consentacles here (and everywhere else)!

Just one detail bothers me a bit:

Their tips opened wide, spreading Pinkie’s pussy apart to give them the room they needed. They pushed egg after egg inside of her tight passage,...

Even if mentioned in the description, this is kind of sudden.
I would add one or two sentences between these two; maybe with how she is suddenly feeling something what she indentifies as an single egg-shaped object or something around that.

I'm left wondering how Pinkie Pie left. Well, likely the panties teleported her away, but it was a little sudden and unexpected. Why can the panties use magic?

7734666
That's not what's happening at all but hey, strawman.

.....:ajbemused:...

7735897 It's Pinkie. The panties don't have any teleportation powers.

7735228 Yes, it definitely was something.:twilightblush:

7735864 Pinkie is out of it at that moment. She only realizes what is happening when she comes too and feels her belly becoming bigger.

7734666 Heh, someone had too many shots of Fireball.

7734633 I tend to write pony stuff typically, but I have a couple anthro/humanized clopfics laying around.

7734461 I'm not certain if the first thing you quoted is incorrect, but I'll change the second one. If you had to rewrite the sentence, using the "Soft as can be" line, how would you do so? I've always written stuff like that, and nobody has ever corrected me or brought any issue with it.

7734437 Awww, why not three?:pinkiesad2:

7736320 Just replace can with could. And yeah, like I said, I wasn't sure either.

And most people usually aren't picky enough to be willing to point out every little thing, either. When I preread for people I focus very heavily in fluency and smoothness.

7734456 Think of how Pinkie acts in the show. This clopfic is a little bit more light-hearted than my other serious ones.

7736326 ...Oh. Lol duh, you're totally right! Would you like to preread for me in the future? I could do the same for you.

7736344 I already offered once before and you said you didn't need my help.

But I suppose, if you want. Just shoot me a PM if you wanna talk about it more.

7736347 I'd just hit you up on Discord. You have skype?

7736252 Nothing, just not my thing. Sorry. You have fun with this.

7736364 If this isn't your thing, then why even click on it?

7736072

ZING!

And there went the joke over your head, buddy. Me and Sorren? We know each other well.

~Skeeter The Lurker

7736287

Oh you know me. I hardly drink.

~Skeeter The Lurker

7736377 Damn! Well, there go my hopes for getting drunk with you and Wanderer D at next year's Bronycon. I was gonna buy us a bottle of something nice to just plow through.

Because ponies, man. Ponies.

7736385

Now now. I never said I wouldn't have a few.

~Skeeter The Lurker

7736389 Haha, okay good.

Hohohohoh, once more you have written a delicious story~
Nicely done!

7736369 Excellent point.

My reaction when I read the fetish list:
derpicdn.net/img/2012/12/19/187223/full.gif
No, seriously.

7736330
Then I think I'd find it tasteful :pinkiesmile:

7736376
Oh right, because everyone knows about who's friends with which douchebag in the world. Silly me to forget. :ajbemused:

7736918

I don't, actually.

I do, however, expect one to be able to discern sarcasm and the like. Just sayin'.

~Skeeter The Lurker

7737093 I thought you were being for real, too. Sorren was getting attacked on other stories because he left some criticism on them, so I thought you were bashing him here.

7737105

Known him longer than you, actually.

Eh. Sarcasm never does come across in text form.

~Skeeter The Lurker

7737093
Sarcasm across text is your pr-


7737120
That.

Nothing against you really, just, sarcasm is literally undetectable without tone or body language. Hell, I make the mistake of using sarcasm all of the damn time much to the displeasure of a lot of all of the people on the internet.

It really doesn't help that Sorren comes across as a bit of a dick sometimes, critique aside.

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