The Night Princess and the Day Off

by Crossed Quills

Chapter 7: Sunday

Sunday

It was the seventh day, and the Day Court was in session.

While Celestia was the ultimate arbiter of the Day Court, the solar diarch had long ago established a court structure that ensured that her role was largely symbolic. This wasn’t due to any apathy, but most of the cases presented did not, in fact, require the wisdom of centuries. Indeed, property disputes, arbitration in most civil matters, and the odd appeal to one of the tied ‘highest courts’ in the country were really better served by the judges and barristers that had trained for their whole lives in contemporary legalese, and were well-versed in modern case law.

But Celestia was still physically present because at the end of the day, the bit stopped with her. Her word, while still subject to appeal, was law in effect. And to give her credit where it was due, she viewed her obligations to the court as a privilege and an honour. Some claimed that she had perfect recollection of every case she had ever overseen, over the thousands of years since the practice had begun.

Others claimed that she had a team of historians prepared to brief her if some historical precedent that she needed to know about ever came up. But those were silly ponies with no sense of romance in their souls.

And so, Celestia sat, regally but uncomfortably in her chair. All of the other seats in the courtroom were padded, some quite decadently so, but the throne was bare, spartan, stone. This too was deliberate, intentional, symbolic. This was the seat of power, and no one should grow too comfortable sitting there. In place of hubris, all one grew on such a throne was piles.(14)

---

14: There were many layered myths about how only Celestia could sit comfortably on such a throne, because she was Righteous and Good and Just. The princess herself maintained that it was because with considerable practice, one eventually developed an ass of steel.

---

Indeed, a great many traditions of the court were symbolic, so much so that the meaning of many of them had been lost to time, as the ponies that had developed them had faded into obscurity – and, if one was being entirely honest, some of the symbols weren’t really all that apt. The casual observer would know that the Plinth of Destiny represented something, but only because there was a small brass plaque that named it the Plinth of Destiny, and that was too good a name to waste on something that didn’t represent some higher concept.

Chief Justice Iron Heart – who received no end of teasing for his name and title combination, but who was really quite kindly and understanding, an earth pony from a traditional family in the mining and smelting industries – stood solemn vigil over the Day Court today, as with most Sundays. He was, in Celestia’s opinion, the perfect pony for the job. Thoughtful, experienced, patient, and expressing a wisdom that, in her modest opinion, most ponies didn’t reach in their first century.

Right now, it was clear that patience was being strained. Badly.

Lord Clearing House had stood before the court for a full ten minutes now, and the pony would not. Stop. Talking. Bad enough that he was slandering a member of the Royal House – for all that Luna was being exceedingly patient, and even looked vaguely amused – but he was doing so poorly. Everything from suggestions of fostering Nightmare cults to reckless endangerment of the university in the pursuit of knowledge was being lain at Luna’s hooves.

“Lord House.”

The noblepony froze, clearly poised to rebuke the judge for the interruption, but then equally clearly thinking better of it. It was possible that the rumours of the House family fortune diminishing with rapidity due to gambling losses were true, especially if that was the kind of poker face that the current foal of a noblepony possessed. The Chief Justice took a moment to roll that thought over in his mind, before chastising himself for savouring it so.

“Your honour, I-”

“Will be silent.” Iron Heart was, broadly, respected within the Equestrian legal community, but it was a respect that was tinged with the slightest hint of fear. An encyclopedic knowledge of legal and historical precedent, a lifetime of experience, and the fact that he had taught law to most of the barristers operating on the level of the royal court at the University meant that anyone who knew what they were doing in the Equestrian justice system was aware that the Chief Justice had certain lines, beyond which it was inadvisable to push him.

Iron Heart had heard the expression about ‘those who couldn’t do, teaching’. He had set forth in a dedicated effort to prove his personal theory that this was mostly said by those who couldn’t do or teach, and principally he had taught respect for the court of law, and particularly a court adjudicated by himself.

“I have listened to your frankly pathetic attempts to slander your sovereign for the past...” Iron Heart checked a large pocketwatch. “Eleven minutes and forty.” He frowned, returning the watch to the pocket of his robes. “Princess Luna has generously ceded some time to you when you sought to object to her announcement that she had met your requirements for the passing of the Worker’s Rights bill. As unusual as this was, I decided to allow it. I will admit, when doing so, I had been hoping that you had anything of substance to declare.”

There was a pause.

Luna cleared her throat. “With permission... while I will admit that it’s never fun to hear ill of oneself, I felt it best to allow Lord House the opportunity to plead his case.”

The experienced courtiers, well familiar with the art of courtly speech, quite clearly heard Luna say ‘allow the pompous twit to make an ass of himself’, and yet the stenographer’s record recalled nothing of the sort. On such a knife’s edge, the world can turn.

Iron Heart raised an eyebrow, now dashed with salt and pepper as the inveterate judge approached his fiftieth summer. “I see. And now that he has done so, you intend to rebut his points? Such as they are, I mean.”

“I do not.”

This set the court to murmurs and rhubarbing, as crowds were wont to do. Technically, since all ponies present were either born into privilege or elected to high office, they were ‘discussing sotto voce’, which just goes to show that you can get away with gossiping like a fishmare if you have a title and are willing to call it something in another language.

Iron Heart’s brow raised further, threatening to join his maneline. “You do not wish to answer this direct insult to your house and honour?”

“I see no insult in what he has said.”

The murmurs raised in volume, becoming too loud to warrant the title of ‘quiet aside’, and just becoming speculative gossip. Even a title, wealth, and pretention will only carry a pony so far.

* * *

Cadance and Shining Armour, watching from the Visiting Royalty section which held only the two of them, exchanged glances. Cadance’s was worried – Shining’s, amused.

“How can you smirk at a time like this?” Cadance hissed at her husband.

“I always loved cartoons, growing up.” Shining smiled, clearly basking in the warming rays of nostalgia. “My favourite were the ones with animals chasing one another.”

Cadance blinked at the non-sequitur. “What.”

Shining put a calming hoof on his wife’s shoulder. “The best part was when the goofy predator looked down, and saw that he had just run off of a cliff.”

* * *

Iron Heart had returned the courtroom to order. That was his job. If he couldn’t maintain order in his own courtroom, then discord would reign.(15)

---

15: Well, probably not. The constitution had a specific provision for Discord never reigning again, and the villain was mostly reformed at this point. But ‘things would briefly be chaotic’ lacked a certain rhetorical flourish.

---

It had admittedly not taken much effort for him to do so. The Chief Justice of the Solar Court knew where the bodies were buried, and knew who had buried them. Rumours abounded that he knew what everypony in court on a given day had eaten for breakfast, and while this seemed unlikely, he did occasionally greet regular courtiers with a cordial ‘Porridge!’ or a pleasant ‘Apple slices with cinnamon in milk!’. It never hurt to keep abreast of the intelligence reports, after all.

The judge turned to Luna. “You understand under Equestrian Law that as a peer of the realm, his statements, if left uncontested, could damage your reputation?”

Luna smiled. “Quite on the contrary. He has simply taken some fifteen minutes of the court’s time to disprove his own point.”

* * *

Cadance looked at the blotter that Shining Armour had been doodling in. An unflattering caricature of Lord Clearing House had just stepped off of a desert cliff.

She hated it when he knew something that she didn’t.

* * *

Iron Heart looked at Luna, perplexed. Alicorns could go a little funny sometimes, he knew. It came with the long lifespans, massive magical reserves, and semi-divine stature. Still, she seemed competent enough... “Please, elaborate.”

Luna graciously accepted the floor. “Gentle mares and stallions, six days ago I stood before parliament and put forward a bill that would protect the rights of workers in our country. I was told that I was in violation of my own legislation upon technicality, and would have to cease to serve my community or nation if I wished for my bill to pass. That I would have to take ‘a day off’. I stand before you today to say that with the aid of Lord House, I have successfully done so.”

“Preposterous!” The lord leaped to his hooves, evidently not sensing a trap when anything less than neon signage was used to indicate it. “She has done nothing of the sort!”

Iron Heart scowled at Clearing House. “If you interrupt this court again, I will have you ejected. I will not instruct the bailiffs to open the window first.”

The audience considered this. They also considered the fact that the court room was not on the ground floor, and that Clearing House was not a pegasus. They considered the apparent disposition of the Chief Justice, and hushed up, but good. Even Clearing House himself seemed suitably cowed, an achievement that in another context might have earned Iron Heart a knighthood in his own right.

“Not at all preposterous.” Luna continued smoothly. “For you see, my secretary has documentary evidence that a bloc of lords from the House of Lords, approximately a tenth of the number that regularly cast votes in that house, have, approximately half the time, put forward opinions much akin to Lord House’s recent...” hateful screed “... declarations. As these ponies are all peers, their demands for investigation into my character have of course been taken seriously.”

Paper Weight helpfully levitated three large bankers boxes, containing the documents mentioned, on the table next to Luna’s seat. They were clearly stuffed with parchment and scrolls.

Luna smiled, and this time, the alligator smile was hers. “Of course, no EIS investigation has uncovered anything untoward about my character, else I would not be here before such an august body as yourselves. But I have a certain fondness for math, and if my calculations are correct – and of course, I have just been named the Princess of Pure Mathematics by the University council – then those votes, no doubt cast in good faith by honourable and just ponies, simply seeking to defend the realm and uphold the public good, work out in a very interesting way. You see, it would appear that approximately one twentieth of every month, I am a usurping tyrant, attempting to overthrow the good of Equestria, and... oh, what was that other thing?”

“Instill a tyrannical reign of Eternal Night.” Paper Weight supplied helpfully.

“Right. That. I don’t see how it would be helpful, but give the people what they want, that’s my motto.” There was laughter from the crowd now. There was a fickleness to the mob, but Luna had them eating out of her hoof. “So, if I am attempting to overthrow government, et cetera, et cetera, then I am clearly not fulfilling my duties as a Princess of the Realm during that period. I am, of course, extremely lazy in ruling the land with an iron hoof, to the point where nopony but these wise nobleponies have noticed, but what can you expect from a failed usurper?”

The lights of comprehension began to flicker with slow life in Clearing House’s eyes. Too, too late.

“I believe that constitutes a breach of my royal duties. But, just to be sure, I brought along an expert in the duties and laws pertaining to Alicorn Royalty. How am I doing, Shining Armour?”

Shining rose from his seat. “All seems to follow, your majesty.”

“And in failing to fulfill my duties, by noble statute, I am, in fact, only on the clock ninety-five percent of the time. Meaning that I take off approximately eight hours every week.”

There was thundrous applause, and Iron Hoof wondered precisely when his court room had been replaced with a stage showing an implausible legal drama.

* * *

Celestia reclined on a very, very soft pillow, and sipped her afternoon tea. As was her usual wont, Luna had gone for an espresso.

“You realize that your solution only gives fodder to your critics, don’t you, Lulu?”

Luna shrugged. “At the end of the day, I suppose so. But I was reminded that ponies of integrity will call me to account if I should lose the way, yesterday. And that what I was fighting for was worth more than just my pride. Clearing House and his cronies will be back, I’m sure. There’s always some other lie that they can spread, or challenge that they can make that will be based on flimsy pretense to mask their own ambitions.”

Celestia considered this a little bit. “So they lose here, but they try again upon another field of battle.”

“Ideally one that has lower stakes, yes.” Luna frowned. “I admit, it’s different from being a warrior queen. You gain some ground by ceding it. It’s... strange.”

Celestia smiled at her little sister. “It’s what helps us get from today to tomorrow.”

Luna smiled back. “And tomorrow... tomorrow is another day.”

Monday

Author's Note:

And that, as the fellow said, is that.

Thank you to all of my readers for the support that I've received while writing this fic. It's meant a lot to me, and I'm glad you've enjoyed it.

Next up: Night Watch concludes! ... Soon.

Comments

[Clear_Skies]

Certainly well written, definitely love the Pratchett-isms going on throughout your stories!

[Mstar]

This has been simply marvelous from start to finish! I'm sad to see it end but I realize all good things must.

[BlueYoshi]

That was a fantastic story to read. Glad to see it finished and that you put a lot of work into it.

[Crossed Quills]

7917391 I give a more direct shout-out to Ghost of Heraclitus in the author's note of Sunday. Lovely writer, who wins all of the internets.

[Lasairfion]

Very nicely done. It did have a rather Dotted Line sort of feel about it. Write more!

[Alondro]

I usually find actually BEING an evil tyrant who vaporizes his opposition in full view of the public much more permanent a solution. And more satisfying. Especially when they have time to scream.

Oh! I found this great picture someone obviously took of me!

nerdreactor.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/FlashGordon3.jpg

I'm so debonair!

I was even cuter as a baby!

mydisguises.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/487406_496722333715881_1230381576_n.jpg

[Crossed Quills]

7952683 We'll, feel free to share it with anyone else you feel might enjoy it! I like it when people get some happiness from my work!

[e520]

I love stories where luna is a warrior princess in a time that has passed her by

[AyanamiRei]

This story was a TON of fun to read! You have GOT to love it when the villain hoist themselves by their own petard >=)

[Snowdrifter]

14: There were many layered myths about how only Celestia could sit comfortably on such a throne, because she was Righteous and Good and Just. The princess herself maintained that it was because with considerable practice, one eventually developed an ass of steel.

Alternative agitators allude that amazing as an alloyed ass is, any answer alluded to acknowledged access to amazing amounts of angel food cake assuaging and aiding said ass.