Using Alternate Universes!
Rarity and Rainbow Dash stood outside the doors to the Crystal Empire, both clad in puffy jackets, armor, and each holding a weapon of choice. Lazily, Rainbow Dash spun a blunt sword across her back, while Rarity’s chosen spear remained buried in the snow. She’d chucked it there the moment it was given to her.
“You know…” Rarity began, angrily huffing out her nose, “this vacation of Twilight’s sure isn’t feeling much like a vacation. Where’s the relaxing spa visits? The hot springs? The world-renowned Crystal Empire culture and cuisine? What have we gotten instead? Six hours a day of guard duty! What a joke. This Empire is getting such a bad review once we get back to Ponyville.”
Rainbow Dash’s sword slipped off her back. “Wouldn’t be so bad if Sombra showed his face around here once in awhile. Wasn’t that the whole reason Twilight had us tag along with her? To help keep him under control? It’s been months since Sombra’s done anything to get inside. Think he’s finally dead?”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Probably not. Probably just drinking at that bar of his.”
“I was hoping he’d try a catapult eventually,” Rainbow Dash admitted.
“Or dress up like a mare,” Rarity added. “Wouldn’t that be silly?”
“Or pretend he really had to use the bathroom inside. I mean, anything than nothing at all!”
Suddenly, Rarity cocked her head to the side and gasped. “I see someone coming! Maybe your wish will actually come true, Rainbow Dash!”
Rainbow Dash furrowed her brows. “About the whole bathroom thing? Let’s hope not.”
She picked up her sword again and held it out.
“Rarity! Your spear!”
Rarity glanced at the buried object wearily. “I have something better.” Then out of her winter jacket, she pulled out a small blowing horn that looked a lot like Twilight Sparkle’s very own horn. She stuck it to her lips and blew. Hard.
“SPLORT!” it wailed, clear across the Empire and beyond.
That only made Rainbow Dash snicker. “That’s gotta be the worst horn sound I’ve ever heard, Rarity. And I’ve heard, like, three of them.”
The wooden doors behind the pair shot opened as Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Fluttershy shuffled out. All wore protective armor as well—besides Applejack, who still clung tight to her trademark hat, regardless what a hard strike from something like an axe might do to her skull.
“You rang the Sombra Signal?” Twilight asked, slamming the door behind them. “What’s he doing this time?”
“Don’t know yet,” Rainbow Dash replied, eyeing up the vast expanse of chilly white snow as well as the approaching figure. “But he seems to be coming fast. Think he’s trying to ram his way in?”
Applejack gritted her teeth. “Not on my watch.”
The five mares hunkered down to the snow while Fluttershy remained behind, offering overwhelming moral support to the group. Tensions ran high through them all; the clear smell of fear was in the air. Most of them hadn’t seen the nefarious King Sombra in years and this was to be their very first encounter.
Anything could happen. Anything.
“Thank goodness you are here,” Sombra said, slowing his pace at the very last moment. “It is of the upmost importance that I speak with you all.”
The one that ruined the mood ended up being Rainbow Dash, falling on her back to laugh until tears formed. “That’s it!?” she blurted out. “All that buildup… for this!?”
Sombra took a step back, clearly confused. “I… I do not understand.”
“I believe she’s referring to your latest look, darling,” Rarity told him. “I must say, it is a tad much. The new horn. The lighter fur color. Now I simply must ask: how long did it take you to re-dye your mane and tail? That must’ve cost a fortune. And don’t you think that blue streak is a little outdated? Solid colors are all the rage this year. Ask anyone. Me first.”
As Rarity spoke, Sombra glanced himself over—new purple cape, blue armor and all. He then sighed. “Now I understand. You believe myself to be the tyrannical King Sombra of this world, don’t you?”
The six mares nodded.
“I only wish it were that simple…” he began, lowering his head. “You see, I am actually a different King Sombra. From an entirely different Equestria. From an entirely different timeline, in fact.” He paused for dramatic effect. “All things considered, you can think of me as the good Sombra. Back in my universe, I ruled my Kingdom with love and affection. My citizens were happy and content. The love of my life, Princess Celestia, ruled by my side, and together—”
Just as Rainbow Dash was getting back to her hooves, she fell down laughing again. “It just keeps getting better!” she shouted. “Even Scootaloo’s made-up stories are more believable than this!”
Good Sombra pursed his lips. “I do not have time to stand around and guffaw. You are all in danger. All of this Equestria—this universe—is in danger, unless—”
“We let you back in the Empire?” Twilight finished for him. “Sorry, Sombra. This latest attempt definitely isn’t your best. I appreciate the costume and all, but—”
Good Sombra stamped a hoof into the snow. “You think I care about your Crystal Empire? I only worry about my own! Please, you must listen to what I’m telling you.”
The door behind the girls opened again and Princess Cadence stepped out. In her aura was both Flurry Heart and a towel, vigorously rubbing at the tiny foal’s damp mane and tail.
“Anything of interest out here?” Cadence asked. “Flurry Heart was just finishing up her bath when I heard the Sombra Signal.”
Once Cadence finished drying Flurry Heart’s mane, the child glanced at the ponies around her, halting on Good Sombra. Softly giggling to herself, she took to the air and rushed over to him before anyone could react. She buried her head into his chest as Good Sombra held her there with a hoof.
Cadence grunted. “Flurry Heart! You just had a bath! And no one knows where Sombra might’ve been last! He may have slept in a dumpster last night for all we know!”
Good Sombra ignored the jab, ruffling Flurry Heart’s mane while making funny faces down at her. He whispered, “Who’s a good savior of Equestria? You are! Yes, you are! Who’s a good last hope? That’s you! Who loses an eye in the Great War? You do!”
Cadence cocked a brow. “What did you just say about my baby?”
Good Sombra glanced upward, face stern. “Listen and shut up, all of you. I am not the same Sombra that infests this world. I come from a world all my own—a destroyed one, in fact. And soon, the creature that took over my world will come here to do the exact same to yours. The only good part is that Flurry Heart here leads the rebellion some hundred years into the future to try and take back control. Does she succeed? That I was not able to glimpse.”
“How can you know all that future junk?” Applejack asked. “As well as all that stuff from your own timeline?”
“Not all universes or timelines run parallel to each other,” Good Sombra informed her. “Some are far into the future, while others may be stuck in the past. The only relation between them all is that one creature is going from one universe to the next in order to conquer it.”
“What creature?” Twilight said. “One we’ve fought before?”
Good Sombra shook his head. “I’m afraid she comes from a universe all her own.”
“Please stop being so cryptic, darling,” Rarity said. “When will she get here?”
“Whenever she wants to.”
Rarity turned to her friends. “Don’t you just hate it when prophecies are this bland and vague?”
“Probably means he’s making it up as he goes along,” Applejack added. “I reckon this is still King Sombra in disguise. Nice try there, bud.”
“I am not that Sombra!” Good Sombra yelled.
“Who’s this loser?” the original Sombra asked, casually strolling into the heated scene.
Unlike his counterpart, the Original Sombra remained as evil in appearance as could be. Blood red horn. Matching cape. Flowing black mane and tail. Fangs sharp enough to use as a makeshift hole puncher if necessary.
Flurry Heart was the first to react, eyes darting between both Sombras. Immediately, she began drooling from the mouth. “Shoo… mush… Som-som…” she quivered out in pure ecstasy.
Original Sombra glared down at the child. “Cheating on me already, are you, baby? I thought this was our shtick.”
Six out of the seven mares gasped; Fluttershy squeaked.
“He was telling the truth all along!” Twilight said, eyes open wide. “So, this new Sombra really is the good-version!”
“Good Sombra?” Original Sombra barked. “Please. This guy’s a dork. Just look at his horn! Not curved in the slightest. That dashing smile? What’s he trying to win? Ten bits in a beauty contest? And what’s that around his neck? A neckerchief?”
Good Sombra glared at his evil doppelganger. “You have a better way of cleaning up unexpected spills? Never mind. Just stay out of this. One version of Sombra is more than enough here.”
Original Sombra trotted behind his other self, eyeing up every inch of him. “I always wondered what my butt looked like from behind.” He whistled loudly. “Damn. No wonder you mares never let me inside the Empire. You just love to see me leave!”
Good Sombra closed his eyes in frustration. “Please stop staring at my nether regions, you repugnant swine!”
That only made Original Sombra wrap a meaty foreleg around his other self. “Our nether regions, Sombra! Ours!” He chuckled deeply. “And don’t pretend you’re not flattered. Good stallions like you always like the bad ones, don’t they?”
Before things could somehow get any creepier, the entire sky went black and a mad cackle filled the air. Somehow, the Crystal Empire felt even colder than usual.
“It’s too late!” Good Sombra shrieked. “She’s already here!”
“What did we just discuss about being vague?” Rarity asked snidely. “Would it kill you to use a name?”
“How about Queen?” a familiar-yet-different voice said, as smooth as silk.
And just like that, a third Sombra appeared. One much different than the others.
Queen Umbra smiled devilishly at them all, features slim and graceful; the very air around her body swirled as if due to a great heat. Purple vapor oozed from both seductive eyes.
She looked powerful. Sexy, too.
Flurry Heart appeared on the edge of overdosing on pure Sombra. Still in Good Sombra’s grip, she held out two hooves in Queen Umbra’s direction, only to be wholly ignored. She sniffled as Good Sombra soothed her, patting her along the back.
Pinkie Pie whispered to her friends, “Holy moly! You know she must be really evil to make a baby cry!”
“I will do more than make babies cry!” Queen Umbra exclaimed, taking a step towards them. “I have conquered dozens of Equestrias in the last week alone! Do not believe that anything can stop me from doing the exact same to this one!” She glanced at the other mismatched Sombras. “Regardless of how many other Sombras are around.”
She paused to give her ruby red lips a lick.
“As sexy as they may be.”
Applejack slowly raised a brow underneath her hat. “That’s three for three, I guess. No matter the universe, all Sombras are bull dung crazy.”
Queen Umbra whirled back around. “Silence! Take us to this Empire’s ruler at once!”
Original Sombra raised a hoof. “That would be me.”
Good Sombra turned to him. “No, you’re not! What do you think you’re doing?”
Original Sombra only shrugged. “I’m still not sure. I woke up five minutes ago.”
As Queen Umbra approached Original Sombra, Good Sombra scurried to Twilight and the rest, handing Flurry Heart back to Cadence in the process.
“Okay, here’s the plan,” Good Sombra told them in a hushed tone. “That Queen Umbra over there? Nothing more than a puppet on a string. Weeks ago, in her own Equestria, she was possessed by an ancient evil thought lost and forgotten. Now, that very same evil inside Umbra must feed on pure crystal energy every twelve hours or be forced to leave its host and disappear again.”
“How can you possibly know all that?” Twilight questioned.
“This isn’t time for questions!” Good Sombra said thickly. “We have to find a way to distract her! Something that’ll occupy her for at least twelve hours!”
“I have a question,” Rarity said, fiddling with her mane.
“What did I just say about questions?” Good Sombra snapped.
“Don’t care. This is a personal question. Why do all Sombras seem to find one another attractive? Isn’t that… just a tad strange?”
“It’s nothing more than a common Sombra tendency,” Good Sombra answered quickly. “While all Sombras across all universes might appear different visually, we do all share a few unbreakable tendencies.”
“Such as?” Applejack asked.
Good Sombra thought on that. “Our love of power and control; our brilliant sense of humor.”
All at once, both Queen Umbra and Original Sombra broke out laughing.
Queen Umbra turned to the mares, chuckling. “You know what he named his bar? The Som-bar! Oh, dark demons from below, that is rich.” She pointed at Original Sombra with a smile. “You’re definitely in the running for official court jester.”
All seven mares faced Good Sombra again, whose face was a whole lot redder than a moment ago.
“You can laugh if you want,” Twilight told him. “What she said wasn’t funny, but…”
And so Good Sombra did. For a solid thirty seconds.
“Som-bar!” he croaked, wiping a single tear away. “Brilliant.”
“Any other Sombra tendencies we should know about?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I have a feeling it has something to do with capes. Am I right? Cape fetish?”
“No,” Good Sombra said timidly. “With egos as large as ours… we can’t help but find other Sombras especially attractive.” He grimaced as they all glared at him. “Hey! I’m not the only weird one here! Honestly, would any of you not make sweet, passionate love to yourself if given the chance?”
The seven mares pondered that bizarre question.
“I would,” Cadence admitted. “I feel I have no choice. Princess of Love and all.”
Rainbow Dash smirked. “I never back away from a challenge.”
“Too late! Mirror pool already happened!” was Pinkie Pie’s joyous answer.
“I think we’d just snuggle, honestly,” Fluttershy said softly, hugging herself tight.
Rarity had clear twinkles in her eyes. “Could you even imagine anything more beautiful than two of us?”
Rainbow Dash snorted. “Could you even imagine how many times they’d say ‘darling’ to each other?”
“Only if my double helped around the farm first,” Applejack said with a nod.
“Only for scientific purposes,” Twilight said last, sheepishly. “Scientific purposes that may or may not involve copious amounts of charts and lists.”
“See!” Good Sombra chirped. “Everyone’s weird! Now, stop asking useless questions! We have to distract Umbra for at least twelve hours, remember?”
The Original Sombra whistled at him. “You coming, dork? I left the ownership papers to this Equestria back at the bar and now I’m taking Queen Umbra there to sign and celebrate. Maybe have a drink or two. Why don’t you tag along? Unless you’re too good for us other Sombras.”
“Ownership papers?” Good Sombra questioned, before Original Sombra tipped him a wink. “Oh. Now I see what you’re doing.”
Gently, Rarity nudged Good Sombra forward. “What better way to distract someone for twelve hours, hmm?”
Good Sombra gulped, steeling himself. “For Equestria!”
Then he trotted onwards to join his fellow black-maned simpletons.
“I call backdoor!” Original Sombra shouted, gathering Umbra’s attention.
“What was that?” she barked.
“Backdoor to the bar, my Queen,” he answered smoothly. "That's the VIP door. Very Important Ponies, only."
In complete silence, the seven remaining mares watched the trio of Sombras trot away, and for the longest time, none of them said a word. Perhaps mere words had become meaningless by that point. Until Fluttershy summed it all up, of course.
“Did King Sombra just save all of Equestria by having sex with multiple versions of himself?”
Princess Cadence comforted the soft-spoken mare, holding her close.
She nodded. “That he did, Fluttershy. That he did.”
Just when I thought my Sombra fetish couldn't get any worse. 
If you haven't read the MLP comics, Good Sombra is based off this guy:
And Queen Umbra is obviously created by a bunch of horny internet neckbeards. Not me, of course. I couldn't grow a beard to save my life.
Truth be told, I was done with this story until a few days ago when a few comments gave me some new ideas. And possibly even an ending to it all that's just dumb enough to work.
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Finally!!!!!
You are not just leaving me on that!
I need to see a Sombra Threesome! You're not the only one with a horribly crippling Sombra fetish!
TBH I'm right there with Sombra when I say Umbra is hot. I'd hit that like a freight train.
A ending that's so stupid that it just might work?
You just said the magic words. I whole heartedly endorse this.
I was just hoping for another chapter of this earlier, but this was so weird, I don't even know how to describe it, other than Mirror Pool Happened...
This story is always good for a chuckle.
*Stares at last few lines of this chapter* D:
I'm just saying but erm please please please make a clop of these 3 teen rated as they hit on and fail get drunk and just when there about to its past 12hrs and things go back to normal
When I saw the title, I was like, "What."
Nice Chapter! ... 1st Picture's broken.
Typos: Too many O-s:
looses an eye
booth seductive eyes.
I can honestly say that I probably would not have sex with myself. Unless it was a sexy version of myself.
...Damn it.
Oooh, Flurry is just a peach~
Good show!
...This is going to be either hilarious. Or depraved. Or both.
by the stars above..
DO THE SOMBRA CLOP
Well... lookie what updated.
ultimate ending: sombre builds his own crystal empire, twice as tall, with hookers and blackjack!
also sombre got his horn back?
8391861
but its an r63 universe version of yourself, its practically not sex!
Could not grow a beard to save your life? *Hold up a gun.* GROW A BEARD OR I GT IT! *Points said gun to his left leg.*
8392102
Masturbation is what it is.
...wut...
PENIS?
One of the best chapters so far
I forgot why i put this on a book shelf until i read this chapter.
8392516
No
Benis
This was good.
Adorable
Im just gunna back away slowly and pretend i didnt read this...
8392140 I actually thought of that exact situation after writing that. Would make a good skit. Like, perhaps he grows a moustache instead and still gets shot.
8392080 I'm as surprised as you are.
8391870 Flurry Heart is probably the number one character I thought I would hate, but ended up loving. I remember seeing pics of her before watching the episode and thinking, "Man. This show's all about new toys." Then I watched the few episodes with her and now she's been in like... five stories of mine.
I was also surprised to really like Sunburst. I should write more Sunburst. And eat more Starburst.
8391861 In highschool, my friends and I were discussing clones for some reason. Then one dude randomly says, "I'd probably have sex with myself." No one replied. Still... an interesting question.
8391821 Corrected. Even the pic. Thanks!
8391818 So not clop?
Can't really do clop with a TEEN rating. And they'd just bicker in the bar for 12 hours? Not that that's a bad idea. Queen Umbra and Sombra would clearly make fun of Good Sombra the entire time. And Good Sombra would just take it. Like the good pony he is.
8391788 Damn. Now there's pressure. Hope everyone likes it when they forget to lock the gate one day and then we immediately cut to credits.
8391776 Maybe on the alt-account. And maybe if I actually knew how to write clop. The penis goes in the hole, correct? That's how it usually works? Asking for a friend.
Although, I must admit the notion of writing the three of them just trying to have a conversation seems tempting; all three with their own ways of doing things and all.
8395617
I did not mean to put some much pressure on you.
Although while it would not be a gold ending, heck not even silver one, but I could settle for that.... although I kinda hope that you have something a little bit better planed than that.
8395617
Ha! Sorry if I seem like a weirdo
Ok this line right here is really suggestive that if the did do stuff who would be taking it lol And Good Sombra would just take it.
8395617
Hehehe, I love Flurry Heart, she's awesome and I honestly hope she becomes a better character throughout the show.
Same with Sunburst, he's an alright guy.
I love this. So much.
Why'd you change the cover art?
I'm just waiting for Vinyl to show up and Bass Cannon the sh*yay* out of everything. Maybe even find the resonant frequency of the Empire and shatter it.
8401921
Because this one is hilarious
Tony Fleecs did a commission at NMND that you might find interesting…
https://twitter.com/TonyFleecs/status/924985260366016514
I believe i have found the funniest story of all time!
Please more!
Having sex with yourself...........I cannot believe I just thought that.
Well I didn't come up with the idea that you did but...you know what I mean. I said it in my brain
...Anypony else actually think about having sex with themselves? Or am I just weird all by myself?
...In other news, I will never look at the curses “fuck you”, or “go fuck yourself” the same ever again.
What about him misunderstanding the term "Idiot-Box"?
LOL That was great, ngl. And I love everyone's responses to the Clone Question.
I've always been biased, ever since I was little.I'm coming back to fics after a nearly year-long hiatus - have you had Discord try to help yet? I feel like this is an excellent idea.
Just who is he helping though???I think I recognize what inspired this segment, and it is stupid in a way that...well...actually it's stupid in a way that fits.
So Comics Sombra?
8831319
Ben 10?
He said time for a spit roast, good thing you're attractive since you can't listen for shit.