I've always been a lover and writer of fanfiction, but it wasn't until I got into MLP that I really found something I loved writing about. Hope you all enjoy.
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A young antisocial teen receives a deck of Duel Monster cards and is thrust into an amazing adventure. How will he fair when the fate of the world rest on his shoulders.
Takes place in the Equestria Girls universe but is separate from canon events, so there are some differences from the movies. So remember that when you see something that wouldn't make sense in the movies.
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This was a really good start. I noticed a few typos in a few parts but noting major. I love the Yugioh series and Arc-V is the best one yet so this was a good one already. I'm willing to look at any fanfic that shows Flash Sentry in a good light so that also scored some good points from me. I noticed that some of the aspects of Flash's deck and his personality seem to be similar to Chrono and his deck from Vanguard G, is that right? Nice touch if it is. I look forward to more of this so I'm tracking it.
7739703 I've been caught. Yes Flash's deck is based off Gear Chronicle and Flash Heart Dragon is Chronojet with orange in place of yellow and Flash's Cutie Mark on his scarf. I can't remember where the idea for this came from but all I can remember is thinking this would be a really great Yugioh deck
This is another good chapter. I like how you are combining aspects from both Arc-V and Vanguard G together for this. The way Flash saw things through Flash Heart Dragon for a moment reminds me of a lesson Yuma learned in Zexal, how duel monsters are just as scared of going into battle as there users are. Can't wait to see more of this.
However, if I could give a little constructive criticism, I think you might want to edit these a little better. I notice a few typos every now and then but also the punctuation for several sentences seems wrong. Just for example:
The question mark should go after "takes" not "he asked." Also you'll want to put a period at the end of "Show yourself." I noticed this happened a lot through the chapter but it was still fun to read. Just a little advice if you want to improve your work. I look forward to the next chapter.
Giving Pinkie a party themed deck actually works well, especially since the effects seem to rely on her guessing on the top card, essentially showing her random nature.
I noticed one major typo in this chapter though:
I think you mean version.
7747868 My bad
The old Applejack and Rainbow Dash rivalry never gets old. Nice look at both their decks before using them in a full duel. The twist ending where Twilight wins thanks to Flash going behind her back and her forcing him to be her Co-Rep was funny. There was one small problem though: during the smear campaign you put "A vote for Rainbow is a vote for Anarchy" twice, I think you meant to put Applejack's name the second time. There were also a few other typos like "fought" instead of "thought" or "some" instead of "summon."
Still a fun chapter. I predict the next summon method will be ritual summoning.
7754590 actually I meant for the posters to be the same words. It's an idea I got from the Simpsons when Bart was running for class president in the episode "Lisa's Substitute."
7754616 Oh, I didn't know that. My mistake.
7754617 It's fine. PS good guess, now try and guess who'll be using it.
Wait is a Flashlight ship setting sail...
7756932 Of coarse. And trust me, this isn't going to be like the other Yugioh series where they just forget about it or leave it up to us Fanficer they are getting together by the end.
Pinkie's deck- 'Bubbles and Balloons'
7756979
Wait what 20 years? Scootaloo is Flash's si... Wait there have several stories with that as a part... I was kind of expecting Trixie to refer to herself in the thrid person, but glad you didn't go that route but kept her as Trixie.
So we have pendulum, syncro, fusion, xyz and now ritual summons, of course there are the card unique summons but we hit all the main types outside of normal... Unless I missing something.
But yeah 20 years...
This was a fun, long chapter. Trixie is one of my favorite secondary characters and this version that you showed was fun to watch. Always nice to see a cheater get beat. That ending was a little surprising but I have seen that idea a few times before. The only major typos I noticed were:
You mean had
Just remove the h at the end
You mean hey
So umm do Rarity and Fluttershy duel?
7762371 You'll find out soon
Wait.... 'Set the table for five...' so Shining lives on his own or ... I see what you did there...
7762421 TEASE.
Rarity's deck is gem-based and she uses fusion... should have seen that coming. A few spelling error, but all in all a great read, with sibling-bounds and a nice duel. Looking forward to more.
Wait... am I forgetting something...
'20 years'...
7764994 The 20 years will be answered eventually. It's called mystery.
Wait... Do Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom duel as well... And if so what are there deck themed?
Will have to wait and see
7765222 Um good question. I haven't thought much about Scootaloo and Applebloom, but I have considered giving Sweetie Bell a Melodious deck due to her love of singing. What do you think they should use?
7765298 my thoughts are Apple Bloom's deck would be similar to Applejack But the focus would be less farm and more homestead, and Scootaloo's would be focused on monsters that fly...(insert Scootaloo chicken joke) or based on fast moving monsters...
I respect Flash wanted to keep his little sister safe, but from my experience the whole "pushing someone you love away to keep them safe" cliche usually does more harm than good 4 out of 5 times. Rarity with a Gem Knight deck is probably what most people imagine she would have, but it fits her so perfectly I never mind seeing it.
7765364 Yeah I have to agree, the forced wedge between siblings caused by the older one thinking it's the right thing is more destructive then anything else and adds unneeded drama, not saying it can't work narratively, but something like Sweetie Belle and Rarity at the start of the episode Sisterhooves Social is way more realistic and organic for siblings drifting a part and having a hard time reconciling type story.
7765315 What would you think to Scootaloo using Dinosaur cards like Velociraptors? Their basically giant wingless super fast birds.
7765422 Sure a dino-deck might work
You .... nice switch Flash Vs. Cadance I must applaud you.
I have to agree that the deck matched it's duelist. Looking forward to the next... Wait
old rival, but we just meet Trixie... Lighting Dust? Gilda?
Impressive work with Cadance's deck, and how she can clearly see the attraction between Flash and Twilight. Just one thing I'd like to point out fast, when Flash set the scale he said he could only summon multiple level 4 monsters, but when Magna Fighter Lucidum first appeared it had a scale of 2, so shouldn't he be able to summon monsters with levels 3 and 4?
7769460 HOW DID I MISS THAT
. I'm gonna need to fix that, give me a minute
7769460 Fixed
. Shows how closely your paying attention if you can spot something I missed, thanks.
7769480 You are welcome. I'm also wondering if Sunset will be appearing in this story at all.
7770041 I'm thinking of putting her in later as Twilight's main rival. I might have her either working for the main bad guy or Cold Steel.
7765315 what did you mean by homestead?
7771865 Around the house
You could have her be the hero again, there is still Gilda. There is also Suri for Rarity, Ironwill for Fluttershy(?), maybe a Flim-Flam tag team Applejack-Apple Bloom or Applejack-Big Ma... YES THAT older Apple siblings VS. Flim-Flam... Do it! Do it!
But concerning Apple Bloom's, Scootaloo's and Sweetie Belle's deck: TEASE!!!
Lightnings deck seems cheap and tears the opponent down bit by bit, sort of like her canon self is.
7774681 I always viewed Lighting Dust as Rainbow Dash without having Fluttershy in her life, a dark mirror if you will
7774694 Yeah, she's most often seen as Rainbow Dash from the first season before her character development, except with no redeeming qualities like loyalty to her teammates.
7774781 well I do believe that Lightning is redeemable, but yeah she is what Rainbow could have been without her friendships
I have to say I fucking love this story
This HAS to be the best yugioh crossover I have ever read, hands down.... outstanding work bro
7776776 You flatter me.
Well that was a big cliffhanger. How will Flash get out of this one? I like the throw backs to the first Yugioh series, those are always fun since it started it all. I noticed though, during her duel Scootaloo said she overlaid 2 of her monsters, but then her Xyz monster is the only one on the field. Did you mean she overlaid all 3 of her monsters?
Exodia is mentioned and called attention to
But how will Flash win?
Wait a minute... Exodia has been mentioned and called attention to, this is a mystery story, aside from the 20 years ago thing every one of Chekhov' s Guns have been fired so far...
7777546 Chekhov's what?:
:
7777565 Chekhov's Gun, it's a rule of plays, you call attention to an item that item has to have some significance to the plot.
7777565 In Aton Chekhov's own words "If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second of third chapter it absolutely must go off."
7777887 Oh, well unfortunately Exodia was just in that for a call back. It has nothing to do with the story.