Under the Stars

The Nordryd Group33 stories ·89 members

Under the Stars

One peaceful night, Rarity and Applejack talk about life.

Late Birthday Present/Informal Commission for Harmony Pie

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

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FourShadow

FourShadow #1 · Dec 14th, 2016 · · ·

Alright man, great job. I love it!

Silent Echo

Silent Echo #2 · Dec 14th, 2016 · · ·

You are awesom this is awesom. I insta like and Favorite your work.

DwarvishPony

DwarvishPony #3 · Dec 14th, 2016 · · ·

This was an adorable piece of fluff. I needed something happy to read.

ShadyAwesomeness

ShadyAwesomeness #4 · Dec 14th, 2016 · · ·

Aw how sweet Instant fave

Applejack224

Applejack224 #5 · Dec 14th, 2016 · · ·

Aww cute

Olden Bronie

Olden Bronie #6 · Dec 14th, 2016 · · ·

Very beautiful and inspiring. The greatest gift of all is indeed friendship! Very nicely done!

Violet Rose in The Rain

Violet Rose in The Rain #7 · Dec 15th, 2016 · · ·

“So how are things with the Apple family?” Rarity asked.
“Oh, the usual,” Applejack said. “Buckin’ apples, feedin’ livestock, Apple Bloom bein’ a handful…”
Rarity giggled. “Our little sisters are growing up so fast, aren’t they?”
“You said it,” Applejack replied. “Seems like I just blinked and suddenly she had her cutie mark.”
“Did I tell you that one of Sweetie Belle’s classmates has a crush on her?” Rarity asked.
Applejack’s eyes went wide. “Ya don’t say…”
“Oh, but I do,” Rarity said. “Sweetie Belle told me he walked right up to her and complimented her eyes.”
Applejack chuckled. “Well, I’ll be. Can’t say I’m that surprised, though. Sweetie Belle’s growin’ up to be quite the looker.”
Rarity smiled. “I knew it would only be a matter of time.”
“Why? Because stallions are always walkin’ up to you?” Applejack smirked.
“Well… maybe…” Rarity said with a grin… and a slight tint of red on her cheek.
“I guess it runs in the family,” Applejack said, giggling. “Actually, now that I think about it, Apple Bloom had somepony walk up to her as well.”
Rarity gasped. “Oh, how adorable! Did she tell you everything?”
“There ain’t much to tell,” Applejack said, chuckling. “All Apple Bloom said was he came up, said he thought she was cute, and walked away.”
Rarity laughed. “Well, I’m not surprised either. Apple Bloom is maturing into a lovely young mare.”
“Mare,” Applejack muttered. “My little Apple Bloom is growin’ up so fast.”
“So is my Sweetie Belle,” Rarity said.
“Where did all the time go?”
“Indeed…”

Try to at least integrate some action of gestures into your story. Here, we see two ponies exchanging words with each other which is sweet, but it would add more depth if we see how they physically react, like, say, Rarity using a hoof to brush an errant twig or a lock of hair away from Applejack's face, make facial expressions lie what you did for Applejack's eyes going wide. Try doing that more often.

Anyway, it's a small nit pick. The romance doesn't really start until the second half of the story, and there's not much to review in here. Hope Harmony enjoys her present.

Harmony Pie