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Warrior's Pilgrimage

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Just as a colt becomes a stallion, so too does a calf become a Yak. What starts as an innocent adventure will lead a young calf to face many perils. He will come to know the hardships of becoming an adult, and learn that only the brave may become true warriors.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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Dudofall

Dudofall #1 · Nov 12th, 2016 · 1 · · Sled ·

Well, there are a few typos, but I like the idea of following a Yak through the wilderness! I can't wait to see where this goes!

Comment posted by mylilyak deleted Jun 5th, 2017

Natkomet

Natkomet #3 · Nov 12th, 2016 · 1 · · Sled ·

There aren't that many Yak stories out there and this is an intriguing premise.
I'm looking forward to what happens next, keep it up!

Fenton

Fenton #4 · Nov 15th, 2016 · 1 · · Sled ·

The story idea seems interesting and quite promising. However, it is the first chapter so there isn't many things that help draw attention and interest.

Moreover, you seems to swtich between internal and external point of view in your first paragraphs. When we finally think that we will be able to enjoy the fun of sledging with your character, it comes back to an external POV and we don't have the opportunity to live the ride with him.

I saw that you came recently to this site and that it is your first story. Starting by a multi-chapter story, with an OC of a race we saw only once in the show as the main character might not be the best idea. Indeed, by doing that, you take the hardest way. The advantage of writing about the main characters of the show is that we don't really have to introduce them in details, aside from the few changes from headcannon. Here, we don't know who Agnar is and he is not introduced to us in details. You may have planned that for the next chapters but still, it doesn't help to be caught by the story. (And trust me about starting by a multi-chapter story as a hard start, I've done that. It was an epic fail.)

I won't tell you to stop here, I'll just send you my support because you didn't take the easy road. Try to write some one-shots between some of your chapters, it will help to improve your writing, will get you some readers and will benefit your story, especially if it is near and dear to your heart.

Edit: Still upvoted for encouragement