• Published 14th Jan 2017
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Resurgence - BronyWriter



Prince Antares must cope with the world around him.

  • ...
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Taunting

There are certain days where we forego the usual hustle and bustle of our job and just have a day to catch up and sort of compare notes, as it were. It's a great time to catch up with my wife and daughters, which is always great. It's been a year since I've been back to Equestria, so Nymeria's actually saying a few rudimentary words. Mama, Da, dog, Mya, An Lu, and a few other things like that. Maia isn't quite there yet, but she is crawling like a maniac. At least she isn't trying to fly like Nymeria. I can already tell which of my kids is going to be the daredevil.

Fun.

Well, a big part of that is we don't allow any outside business unless it's an emergency. The castle where it's held is locked down from the public, leaving us to our own devices. A lot of ponies think we're discussing top-secret government secrets and playing dice for the fate of the world, or whatever.

I wish. That sounds so much better than what we actually do. It's mostly dry, boring meetings. Sure, it's with my family, but that can only help with paperwork about corn tariffs so much. We did make sure to leave Kristen out of it. One, I don't know what she would do if she got extremely bored, and two, she probably doesn't care much about it anyway. Since becoming the chaos lord her attention span as become... uh... shorter, I guess you could say. Not that she can't focus on something if she really sets her mind to it, but if she gets bored, horrible things can happen.

But so far, we're halfway through the day and nothing bad has happened.

"Alright, so we're agreed on the latest budget, then," Celestia said, closing a book as thick as my barrel. "Any last comments before we completely shelve this?"

"No, nothing from me," I replied. "Obviously I still play the lottery every now and again, so if I get that big winning ticket, I'll let you know."

Luna rolled her eyes. "Most of that money is taxed to the government anyway, Antares."

I shrugged at her. "I know, but hey, it'd be cool."

"In any case, I suppose that a break is in order," Celestia chimed in. "I do not know about you, but I am starving, and I'm sure the fillies would like to see their parents."

"Definitely!" Cadance agreed before giving a rueful chuckle. "Of course, you get to actually hug your fillies. I'm still waiting on mine." Slowly, and with the aid of some magic, she slid out of her chair and got to her hooves. Yes, Cadance had gotten preggers in the last six months. Given that she was a beta alicorn, we weren't sure if the process would be sped up like it was for Celestia and Luna, but given how far she'd come since becoming pregnant, it looked like the middle of the road. She wouldn't be pregnant for eleven months, but not for six either.

"Well, at least you declined Kristen's offer to do your ultrasounds." My eyes narrowed. "I know her. She'd use her chaos magic to show that the foal has a clown nose, or something like that."

Cadance scoffed in amusement and began waddling out of the room. "Yeah, but I think she's excited. She's getting a new..." Cadance frowned and tilted her head. "Second cousin? She's my adopted aunt's husband's sister. New foal. She's excited about the new foal."

"Well, we all are," I replied. "A new foal is always a wonderful thing. It'll just be a huge adjustment."

"I know that from seeing the four of you," Cadance admitted.

"Seeing it and living it are two different things," Luna pointed out. "I saw that with Antares, Tia and Nymeria, and I found out how different it was when I actually had Maia."

Cadance bobbed her head. "True."

As the four of us continued walking to my dining room, we ran into Kristen who was walking down the hall, no doubt up to something or other. She had Bob floating next to her in a large ball of water. She smiled and waved at us.

"'Sup, guys? How are your boring meetings going?"

I shrugged. "Boring. Sometimes interesting. You know how it goes running a nation and all that."

Kristen raised her eyebrow and tilted her head. "Um... not really. I just see you guys doing it. I'm more focused on my powers." She perked up. "Speaking of, I think I finally figured out how to make my lightsaber not destroy things so that we can all have lightsaber fights!" Her lightsaber appeared out of nowhere, and she turned it on to give it a few practice swings. "Here, let me show you..."

"As much fun as that sounds, maybe the middle of the hallway isn't the best place to do that," I said, taking the lightsaber in my magic before she could really get going. I didn't trust that she'd figured it out. Not after the last few times. She glared at me as I amused myself for a moment by swinging it around a bit before giving it back to her. "In any case, we're going to lunch if you want to join us."

Kristen shrugged and deactivated the lightsaber before sending it back to her room. "Yeah, sure. I was just headed there myself. You have one of the magical fire extinguishers in there anyway. Thankfully I haven't had to use it that often in the dining room, right?"

I rolled my eyes at her as we continued walking. "Yeah, yeah. I'm glad I put it in there. Your efforts at grilled cheese--"

"I know, I know, almost tore apart the known universe," Kristen said with a wave of her hoof. "I'm new to this, okay? A year isn't all that long to develop these kinds of powers."

"At least you're not making any more rings," Luna muttered.

Kristen shrugged with her wings. "Not like that, no. And hey, Twilight and I have had a bit of a laugh about it since. Pinkie and I have really had a laugh about it."

"In any case, let's not have any more Lovecraftian grilled cheeses, shall we?" I said.

"One time," Kristen grumbled.

"Twice," the rest of us said at the same time.

Kristen frowned and tilted her head. "What was the second time?"

I was about to answer when we were cut off by a loud "hello" coming from outside.

* * * *

My retinue and I stopped just outside of the main entrance to Scorpion Castle. To my unlimited irritation, the main doors were closed with two guards standing on either side of the door. As I approached, one of them held their hoof up.

"Halt. Prince Antares is not seeing anypony today."

"Oh, he'll see me," I replied, puffing my chest out and giving them my most winning smile. They'd give in. Both guards were mares, after all. "I'm Duke Banks."

They just gave me a blank look.

My smile slowly faded. "Er... head of the largest banks in Equestria?" More blank looks. "M-my son is making plans to court Princess Kristen?" The mouths of one of the guards twitched into what might have been a smile, but it went away so quickly I began considering that I'd imagined it. I growled and facehooved. "Just tell Prince Antares that I'm here! He'll see me. I have business with him regarding some of my Baltimare branches."

"I'm sorry, sir, but unless there is an emergency, the castle is off-limits today," the guard on the right said.

"Oh, but there is an emergency!" I said with a vigorous nod.

"Is an ancient abomination attacking one of your branches?" the guard on the left replied.

"W-well no, but--"

"Then I'm afraid that you will just have to see him tomorrow," said the one on the right. She had the audacity to flick her hoof at me! "Go away."

"I... puh... you..." My face started going red as my brain tried untangling all of the threats and assurances of the termination of her employment. The nerve of this common soldier! I don't care that the insignia on her armor said that she was a war veteran. She can't do that to me! I took a few deep breaths to center myself, then narrowed my eyes. "Now you listen to me. I will see Prince Antares today! I have incredibly important things to discuss, so if you could get out of my way--"

The one on the right shook her head. "No."

"I'm losing my patience," I growled. "Get me your supervisor!"

The one on the left sighed and rolled her eyes. "Okay, Karen."

"It's Duke--"

She ignored me, instead pressing on her communication gem. "Hey, so we got Duke Monkey Banks out here. He wants to come in to see Prince Antares. What should I do?" She paused. "Uh-huh. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. You sure we should do that? Prince Antares said... yeah, I guess this does fall under that. Okay, I'll tell him."

"It's 'Money' Banks," I growled. "But what did he say?"

"Lieutenant Rapids told me to tell you, and I quote..." To my eternal shock, the guard got on her hind legs, wiggled her forehooves next to her head, made a ridiculous face, and blew a raspberry at me. It was by the grace of Paradise itself that I didn't have a heart attack right there. I could hardly believe my eyes. Nopony had ever treated me in such a way! Prince Antares would have her thrown in prison for this, of that I was certain. The guard got back down on all fours and resumed her stoic guard expression. "So there."

"I... I..." My eye twitched. "You... you are insolent... When I talk to Prince Antares, he will see you punished to the full extent of his powers!"

"Shall I repeat Lieutenant Rapids's response to you?" she asked.

"Oh, you're worthless!" I roared. "I'm getting into this castle one way or another!"

"Try the front door first. I'm bored," the one on the right said.

"Enough of you!" I screeched. "You'll be sorry! You'll both be sorry!"

With that accurate threat, I stomped past the front door and began circling the castle, looking for any way in. "Hello!" I called out. "Hello! Somepony let me in! Hello!"

* * * *

"That sounds like Duke Banks," I said with a frown. "What's he doing out there?"

Kristen shuddered. "Yeah, his son hit on me at the Gala. I felt like I needed a shower afterward."

I'm glad that her mail doesn't get sent to her directly. She'd flip out if she knew how many letters, poems, boxes of chocolate and flowers he sent her. I didn't tell her for both of their sakes. She'd freak out, and he'd get Audrey II sent back to him.

"I don't think he's just going to go away," Luna said. "What should we do?"

To my horror, Kristen grinned and cracked her neck. "I'll handle this." With a wave of her hoof, she turned herself into a neon orange unicorn with a bright pink mane.

"Uh, Kristen, I don't--"

* * * *

"Hello! Is somepony there?!"

Finally a pony poked her head out of one of the windows. She... er... needed some mane dye. Her coloration must have been a cruel joke by Discord, or something like that.

"'ello? Hoo eez eet?"

I blinked in confusion. A strange accent. Prench, but... far more exaggerated. No matter. I wanted a pony to talk to who wasn't one of those horrific guards.

"This is Duke Money Banks! I am here to speak to Prince Antares about some bank policies that he's started to enact. I need to discuss how they're affecting my Baltimare branches, as well as suggest improvements!"

The pony shrugged. "We'll Ah'll ask heem, but Ah don't sink hee'll be very keen. Uh, hee's already figured it out, you see?"

I blinked. "Wh-what?"

"She said he's already figured it out," my squire said, sounding just as confused as me.

Impossible. "Are... are you sure he's figured it all out?"

The pony nodded vigorously. "Oh yes, it was very smart-uh!"

* * * *

"I told them you've already figured it out," Kristen said as she popped her head back in. I was facehooving, while Celestia, Luna and Cadance had an expression on their faces that were a cross between confusion and just about to burst out laughing. I'd be lying if I said this wasn't a little funny, but I was going to pay for this later.

"Why do you do this to me?" I grumbled. Kristen stuck her tongue out at me.

* * * *

I blinked in confusion. "Well, uh... c-can I come in and discuss it with Prince Antares? Maybe there's something he didn't consider or... an error."

"Of course not!" the pony said. "You're a noble-type!"

My eye twitched. "Well, what are you, then?!"

"Ah'm French! Why do you think zat Ah have zis outrrrrrraaageous accent, you silly pony?"

* * * *

Celestia, Luna and Cadance had just about lost it by this point. I wasn't quite there.

* * * *

Huh? I blinked in confusion.

"French? What even is a French?"

The pony tilted her head thoughtfully. "You know, even where Ah come from, ve're not totally sure."

* * * *

Aaaannnnd that's where I lost it, not just because of the slight level of truth to it, but because it was a Canadian saying it.

* * * *

This was going nowhere, and I was getting mad. My retinue had actually taken a few steps back.

"Now you listen to me," I growled. "You are going to get me Prince Antares, and you are going to get him for me right now! I have important matters to attend to, and they don't involve moronic servants! If you do not get Prince Antares for me, I shall have you fired!"

The pony just grinned. "You don't frighten me, daffy Canterlot Pig-dog! Go and boil your bottom, you son of a silly person! Ah blow mah nose at you so-called 'Monkey Banks!' You and your stuffed-up, cow-faced, spawn!" I had never had anypony blow a raspberry at me. This insane mare made two.

"What a strange pony," one of my squires muttered.

"I... I..." She was going to pay. "I'll have you thrown in jail forever!" I roared.

"Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! Ah ffffart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!" She paused as if in thought. "And your spawn's so empty-headed zat he needs to put rocks in his skull to keep from floating away."

"Get me somebody else!" I cried. "Go away and let me talk to your supervisor!"

The pony shrugged. "Okay, Karen."

* * * *

My sides haven't been in so much pain in a long time. It wasn't that I was laughing so hard. No, it's because I couldn't laugh out loud or he'd know we were there.

"Oh, I am so going to pay for this later," I giggled. "I think I can see the smoke coming from his head from up here."

"And now for the finale," Kristen said, turning back into a pegasus, only this time with a gray coat and gray hair. She had her mane in a perfectly tight bun, and managed to look like she'd aged herself several decades.

"This can only end well," Cadance said with a huge grin. "Give him hell for us. Remember that we're living vicariously through you at this moment."

"Yes, Princess," Kristen said in a voice that reminded me of Ms. Harshwhinny.

* * * *

The next pony that showed up looked far more serious. Maybe now I could actually get somewhere.

"Hello?" she said, looking down her muzzle at me. "What is the issue? Why are you causing such an ignoble, unseemly ruckus? You, a noble, are acting like a foal who has not been granted the candy bar he has deluded himself into believing he is owed!"

My face flushed and my ears flattened. "I... w-well ma'am, I didn't mean--"

"The noise of your tantrum would break Discord out of his statue, if he still existed! I have seen more maturity from the royal foals!" Her eyes narrowed. "You are of the noble house Banks. Your forefathers built your house up from nothing more than two bits to rub together! How they would weep to see their descendant stomping around the castle grounds like an elephant on LSD, shouting to nopony like a drunkard and a gambler."

I gulped and took a step back. "W-well, madame. It wasn't my fault. The mare who came and got you disre--"

"Ah, so you are a scoundrel without honor as well!" The mare scoffed and shook her head. "You are foisting the responsibility of your own actions on others. I expect such behavior from foals who have their hooves in the cookie jar, not somepony who fancies himself as a paragon of class and grace. The mystery of your son's boorish behavior has been made clear for all of Baltimare, nay Equestria to hear!"

I did make an effort to not have my tail between my legs, but... she reminded me far too much of mumsie.

"You have need to speak to Antares," the mare continued. "His court convenes at eight o' clock tomorrow. Should you find it in you to conduct yourself like a civilized pony, you may attend and put forth your likely inconsequential complaint before him. If you have any decency in you, you shall find it in yourself to apologize to him for your boorish outbursts."

"Yes, ma'am," I said in a quiet voice. Yes, perhaps I had been too hasty in my attempts to get into Prince Antares's castle. I... should have thought things through a little more. Yes, tomorrow at eight, then. With no other possible response, I turned around and walked away.

* * * *

"Wow," I said. "That was... something."

Kristen shrugged and turned herself back to normal. "It worked, didn't it? Plus he's also probably not going to stomp in and complain about everything tomorrow, so there's that."

I bobbed my head. "Yeah, maybe. One can never fully count the nobles out of their behavior."

"True," Celestia said. "But, um..." She paused for a moment. How much would you charge to come to Canterlot and deal with our nobles?"

Kristen tilted her head in thought. "Dunno. Depends on the noble and depends on what you want me to do."

"We did just do the budget, sister," Luna pointed out. "We can see where we can fit her in."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh for goodness sakes. I'm hungry. I'm going to go get some lunch."

"Sounds good," Kristen replied.

With that, she took a bite out of one of my tapestries and trotted off toward the dining room.

Author's Note:

I don't write the Snarcasti-guard enough.

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