Luna Doesn't Handle It Well
"Tea?"
Kristen raised an eyebrow at me and glanced over at the teapot in my magical aura with a frown. "Tea? Really? You're not a tea guy."
I shrugged and poured myself a cup. "Well, I'm married to a mare who almost IVs the stuff, so I've developed a bit of a taste for it. Besides, it's helpful for a bit of a kick in the morning."
"And not that two hundred bit cup of coffee?"
I smirked and rolled my eyes. "No, that's more Luna's thing. Speaking of Luna, the three of us have a meeting later today, if you'd like to join."
Kristen shrugged and took a bite out of the chocolate chip cookie from a plate that she had just conjured. "Sure, why not? Rainbow canceled her flying lesson for me, so I'm free all day." Kristen grabbed the remaining cookies and shoved them in her mouth then, in a move that completely surprised me, she grabbed the plate and ate that too.
"Um..." I slowly pushed my dishes aside and stood up. "What was...?"
Kristen raised a hoof at me as she chewed. After a few seconds she swallowed, paused for a moment as if in thought, then shrugged and began walking out of the room. "Just trying it. I've heard I can do that now."
"Yeah, you can," I replied. "Not sure why you'd want to, but you can."
"Well I made it with my chaos magic so I thought I'd just try it out."
"I see."
The two of us walked in silence toward the outside of my palace where my chariot would be waiting for us. I kept shooting glances at her, but either she didn't notice or ignored them. We didn't say anything as we entered the chariot, nor when it eventually took off. However, eventually I hit the point where I couldn't stand it.
"So, uh... what does a plate taste like?"
"Ceramic? Chicken."
"Really? And you're not just saying that?"
Kristen shook her head. "Nope. Ceramic tastes like chicken, plastic tastes like oranges, glass tastes like cookies and cream ice cream, paper tastes like string cheese..." She shrugged and laid down. "You know. That kind of thing. I figured that if I have the power to do all of this stuff then I might as well use it and see what happens."
I held back a grimace. I'd heard stories of Discord doing that kind of stuff. I mean, I'd seen her biting into the dining room table, but that was out of frustration more than experimenting. But if I could just eat random everyday non-food objects, I'm not sure if I would. Eating a glass jar just to see what would happen was not really something that I had a lot of interest in.
More than once I'd wondered if part of Kristen getting Discord's powers was getting his personality. She could do just about everything she wanted. That kind of power, the kind that we'd need the Elements of Harmony to stop, might just go to her head. Then again, maybe if Celestia and I were a guiding hoof, we could avoid trapping my sister in stone to stop a mad power trip.
No. No, that wouldn't happen. That wasn't the Kristen I knew.
Of course, I wasn't the TD she had known either.
We conversed about random topics for another hour or so before a bright light flashed in front of me for a few seconds. A scroll popped out of it and landed in my lap. I frowned and lifted it up in my magic.
"What is it?" Kristen asked.
"Let's see." It didn't have a seal on it, and the ribbon holding it closed seemed rather hastily tied on. I slid it off and unrolled the scroll. "Probably from Celestia. Most ponies... don't..." My eyes widened. "Oh my gosh. It seems Luna has gone into labor."
Kristen's eyes widened. "Seriously? I thought ponies were pregnant for eleven months! It's been, what, six?"
"Yep, that's how long alicorns are pregnant for. We learned that with Celestia. Must be our unique biology."
"Guess so. We really gotta get over there now, I guess. You've got a second daughter or a son on the way."
"It seems so," I said with a smile. Despite the rather odd family dynamic of all of it, I really was looking forward to meeting my new child.
"So how was Celestia during labor?"
I shrugged. "She did pretty well with it for the most part. Not a ton of problems, other than the normal pain of giving birth, but she handled that as well as could be expected."
"No epidural?"
I frowned. "How? It takes ancient weapons made of dark magic to pierce our skins. How are we giving her an epidural?"
Kristen bobbed her head. "Good point. So Luna's going to handle it well, right? She seems like the hardy type."
I paused as I considered that. On one hoof, Luna was the most warlike of the three of us. Even considering everything I'd done in the war, Luna still gravitated toward a fight more than Celestia and I. Being an alicorn meant that it was still harder for her to get hurt, but it's not like she'd never felt pain before. She liked a good scrap. Having said all of that, foalbirth was a totally different scenario. Celestia dealt with the pain with relative dignity and, er, grace. Sure she still cried out in pain, but she held it together fairly well. Luna?
In the end I settled for a helpless shrug.
"Oof, that's not good if she doesn't," Kristen said with a grimace. "She might tear apart the entire room."
"Might," I agreed. “Celestia will probably be there to prevent that and to make sure that she doesn't accidentally kill any of the doctors. Plus I'll be there to help her through it."
"Should I be there?" Kristen asked.
"I dunno. Do you want to be? It's your niece or nephew being born."
"We'll play it by ear," Kristen said. "If I think it's a good idea for me to stay, I'll stay. If not, I'll go."
"Sounds good to me, I guess."
Just then another scroll popped up in front of me. This one didn't even have a ribbon around it. I grimaced and unrolled it.
"She's not handling it well."
Kristen returned my grimace and leaned in to speak to the pegasi pulling our chariot.
"You'd better step on it."
"This isn't a car."
"Alright then, flap harder or fly faster or whatever!"
* * * *
We narrowly missed a blast of powerful magic that obliterated the wall behind us as we opened the door to Luna's room. Alrighty then. Kristen and I walked in to find Luna in a standing position leaning against a bar that had been placed in the middle of the room. She had a doctor, a few nurses, and Celestia around her.
"So how is it going?" I asked, closing the door and casting a shield spell around it.
"This is no time for flippant jokes, Antares!" Luna growled. "If you-- GAH!" She started breathing heavily and her horn charged up for another spell. "If I have to have one more contraction I'm... I'm..."
"Princess Luna, please calm down," The doctor said as a nurse dabbed at Luna's forehead with a wet cloth. I noticed that both the doctor and the nurses had shield spells around them. "Breathe in..." The doctor breathed in deeply. "And breathe out." He exhaled. "Just like that."
"Thhhhhh. Vvvvvvvvv. Thhhhhhh. Vvvvvv. Thhhh. Vvvv."
"Not quite Princess Luna. Unclench your jaw a little. That's right."
"Listen to the doctor, Luna," Celestia said as she cast a few spells to keep the room safe. "I have gone through this as well, and I know that it is painful."
"PAINFUL?!" Luna roared. "Do not talk to me of pain!" Luna shot another spell out of her horn which bounced off of the various shields in the room like a ping pong ball before running out of steam. "I am the goddess of pain! All shall despair when they endure what I have! I will use this pain on our enemies!"
"Let's calm down a bit Luna, okay?" I said as I gingerly walked up to her.
"YOU!" Luna wrapped me in her magic and dragged me over to her. "This is not fair! You are not fair!" She whirled her head around to Celestia. "You do not love me as your dear sister! I must endure the pain of foalbirth without the joy of the actual intercourse! Should I desire another foal then I shall not listen to your objeeeeeeeooowwwwwww objections! I shall rut him until neither of us can stand!"
"Do I get a say in that?" I asked as I canceled her magic.
"Only in what we do," Luna growled. "Tis not fair that I must endure this without the fun paaaaaaaooooowwwwwwrrrrtttsss."
"We'll talk about all of that later, Lulu. For now just focus on what joy you will feel when you are holding your child for the first time."
"Gmph." Luna turned her head to look at me, but spotted Kristen first. Her eyes widened and she pulled Kristen snout-to-snout with her. "Lady Kristen. Dearest Princess Kristen. You are the goddess of chaos itself!"
"She's what?" one of the nurses muttered, exchanging an uneasy look with the other one.
"You have the power to make this instantaneous! You must take away all of my pain and speed up the process!"
"That would be an awful idea," everyone else in the room said at once.
"You really want chaos magic to be involved in the birth of your foal?" Kristen asked. "Chaos? You know, the thing that doesn't have any rules? I'm not that powerful anyway."
"Then whaaaaaooowwwwtttt." Luna took in a few more deep breaths. "Then what good are you?" Luna tossed Kristen aside, but I used my magic to catch her before she could hit a wall. "You all merely wish for me to endure this pain as paaaaahhhh part of a sick joke between yourselves!" She glared over at Celestia. "This is revenge for my teasing you when we were fillies!"
"Come on, Luna, I don't think--"
I should have seen it coming. Really I should have. But I didn't. I got to close, allowing Luna to snap her hoof out and punch me in the face. So there's that, then. Odd, really. She punched me in the face when she found out that Celestia was pregnant, then she did it again when she's in labor. Oy.
"Oh come on," Kristen growled. "Did you seriously just--"
With a cry of anger and pain, Luna brought her hoof down onto Kristen's head with enough power that she went straight through the floor.
"That is for-- guh... guuuhhhhh."
"I think it's time to start pushing," the doctor said, gingerly walking closer to Luna. "You want your foal to come sooner, right?"
"You all hate me!" Luna moaned. "This is a punishment for something!"
"I'm not too thrilled with you about being punched through the floor," Kristen growled as she climbed out of the hole that she'd made. "If I was a little stronger and you weren't in labor I'd show you how not thrilled I am."
"We can talk about that later, now push, Princess Luna!"
"No, no I don't want to push!" Luna moaned. "It will hurt!"
"You're almost done, Lulu. We've hit the home stretch. Think about how happy you'll be when you're holding your foal," Celestia said.
"She'll be more in her right mind," I muttered.
"And I'll be less annoyed with her," Kristen agreed.
With a cry of pain that rattled the windows, Luna started pushing. I pointedly looked away from this part. I'd already seen it when Celestia had given birth and it was... icky. Beautiful isn't really the word I'd use to describe it. Celestia was my wife, so as her husband I dutifully helped her through it, but Luna was just my sister-in-law. I know that she was giving birth to my child, but at the same time I found the situation rather awkward. I'd be here for moral support, and that would be good.
Plus I didn't want to get punched in the face again. It didn't hurt, but it was kind of annoying.
Luna's cries of pain grew louder to the point where I flattened my ears and double-checked to see if the room had a sound spell over it. It did, so the entirety of Canterlot wouldn't hear the noise of Luna giving birth. Or heck, all of Equestria. I briefly amused myself with the idea of several farmers in Appleloosa stopping their work because they heard Luna's profanity-laced shouts of pain.
"Is there nothing you can do?" Luna wailed to Kristen.
"Um... like what?" Kristen asked.
"Anything!"
"That's not a good idea, Princess Luna," the doctor said. "Now push! You're almost there! Push!"
Luna's cries of pain somehow became even louder as she pushed. I don't know how long it took. I kind of tuned it out a little bit because it was making my ears hurt, but after a while, I heard something that I'd been looking forward to: a crying foal.
I wheeled around and saw Celestia cutting the cord and the doctor cleaning up my new foal before wrapping her in a blanket. Luna, for her part, completely collapsed onto the ground with a groan.
"I hate you. I hate you all. Curse you for forcing me to endure that. I hate you."
"Well, you were the one who wanted a foal, Luna," I pointed out as I gingerly walked up to her.
"I still blame you."
"Well, maybe this will cheer you up, Princess Luna." The doctor walked up to her and floated the new foal between Luna's forelegs. "It's a filly."
For the first time in a while, a small smile crossed Luna's face as she gently held her filly close. "A filly. I have dreamed of the day that you would be here." Luna gently nuzzled her.
"Well, there's that, then," I said.
I had another daughter! This one had green fur and a light yellow mane. As the doctor was cleaning her up I did notice that she also had both wings and a horn. Another alicorn. I have to admit that the coloration was odd for a pony whose mother was the princess of the night. Not what I would have pegged for Luna's daughter. I expected her to look more like a bat pony or something.
"Well, Lulu, you have done it," Celestia said, sitting next to her sister. "You have your foal."
"Gbrmph." Luna floated a pillow over to herself and slid it under her head. "I suppose so." Luna began stroking her daughter's mane and smirked up at Celestia. "And mine is better than yours."
Celestia stuck her tongue out at Luna. "I am afraid that you are incorrect. Mine is better. I had her first."
Oh for goodness sake.
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Only college fund? I could think you could buy a mansion and still have money for a couple of cars and extras
congratulations. Now let us have a moment of silence for your sleep scheduled.
This is quite the mouthful. I suggest splitting it up.
Creamy ice cream.
I think Antares should add "Luna's Personal Punching Bag" to his list of titles.
Also, can we get a hint for which villain Antares and his growing family will be facing next?
Congratulation! Also, I heard that even after giving birth woman have a second labor pain, like an aftershock (not twins) that is as bad as the labor itself. Not sure if it happens all the time or is more like some rare occasions but I'm glad neither Luna, or Celestia suffer that, and let's hope neither your wife.
Also, you have to give it to Luna, she really wants a husband or just has fun all together. I wonder if Antares will eventually give in and give a herd a chance?
I think I missed something....when did Luna get preggers?
Congratulations! May the joy of parenthood fill the days to come!
9338371
At the end of the last story.
well, it's 2018... you can never be sure.
9338396
How?
9339149
Antares was a sperm donor.
So they actually went through with it? I'll be honest, this was a horrible path to take the story. It ruins the established character dynamic. Despite being apparently equal, what Antares thinks/feels/wants matters so little that they can force him into a lifelong obligation of fatherhood that he can't shuck without being abhorred for it. Plus nobody takes his side on the matter, even his own sister! Qnd despite it being qgainst his wishes, he simply caves to it spinelessly, when he's fully within his rights to deny it. If we follow the same logic it would be totally acceptable for someone to come aling and demand that Kristen be their babymaker against her will, as long as they want it enough. It makes no sense they any of them pretend they qctually care for anyone when they obviously don't! I honestly don't understand the thoughts or motives of anyone anymore.
9339294
Well, to be fair, Antares is a bit of a bitch. A fierce warrior, yes. But still a bitch.
9339271
The only question there is, where in Equestria did a race of herbivores find a turkey baster?!!
I love it har har yeah a person called I love life says she loves something. But anyway congrats on the boy Brony Writer. What are you going to name him? how about TD or Antares
J.K. ,anyways love the chapter I love the way you depict luna giving birth it is so funny.
would it be weird for Kristeen to exlpain to luna that human females have it worse because even when not in labor they expirence a once a month bloodfest? you should touch that subject sometime with Kristeen saying "well once a month the devil uses hot rods to play with your inner organs."
Anyways great chapter love your writing keep it up.
Ooooooooobviously, Colorado babies are born earlier because of the lower atmospheric pressure. Without all that heavy air in the way, the baby just starts falling out!
You may believe this, no matter how retarded it may sound, for I am the God of Science! DO NOT QUESTION ME, HERETICS, LEST I SMITE THEE WITH MUTATIONS TO THY VOLTAGE-GATED SODIUM CHANNELS!!
I've heard that babies also change color several times immediately after birth, could this be why Luna's foal has such peculiar color?
9339921
There are times when I think "I don't think I would mind being either gender, as long as I have the correct hormones and everything."
Then my mother corrects me.
9343225
she’s also a hybrid between a Alicorn and a Scorpion, xD
9339757
come again?
in any rate, i wish the best of luck and a painless as possible childbirth for you, :) in worst case, it’ll be as painful as lunas, in best case? he’ll just POP right out,
9343396
Well, if it's a large enough turkey baster, that may be necessary...
9343398
I can't imagine that it'll hurt to much for me.
now we have 2 new princesses, wear is Flurry at?
9343637
Wasn’t that what i said? Didn’t i say I hope it’ll be as painless as possible a childbirth for you? :3
In other words, i hope it’ll go as smoothly as possible without anything bad happing,
9343470
Uhhhhhh, still have no idea what your on about, :3
9339294
Agreed. I don't like this one bit. But then again, TD getting bent over by the ponies is kinda established and it's bs, despite the fact I like Brony Writer's stories.
9339271 He and everyone else is kinda acting like he's a father. Hell, even Luna said she'd just rape him next time. I don't know where you're taking this but it's spineless on his part.
9345148
Luna was in a ton of pain. No I don't think she meant it.
9345186
Why is TD acting like it's his kid? He's just a donor.
9181728
this is very true. Fanon is very bad in mlp.
I've had the story in my favorites list but has been avoiding it since the end of The Prince... Well time to get back in.
Congratulations on your son! It seems that you're getting the son that Antares had kind-of hoped for.
9338237
Creamy ice cream? Erm... have you never heard of cookies and cream ice cream?
9359813
I can't say I have heard of cream ice cream. Sounds redundant, really.
9359978
Says someone who has clearly never tried it.
9360288
Didn't even know it existed! I have a quest now.
I have been up for over 24 hours binging this series, so, you know, I blame you for that. Or something.
I know Ohana means family and stuff like that, but pllllllllllleeeease keep working on this, I wanna know how luna copes with this, XD,
9358273
Now I only have to wait for an update
And thusly, Cozy Glow, Grogar, and any other would-have-been villains were successfully defeated in a single confrontation, and Cozy Glow vowed never to have sex to prevent having to endure such agony ever again.
That's because people are stupid.
And congratulations. I hope things went well for her, and that you didn't pass out, and that your offspring is healthy and not as noisy as most infants are.
Are the colors random? Like green?, for a dark blue mother and a a red for father?