A Spell for Lyra
A Spell for Lyra
My friend,
I hope this letter reaches you, because it is extremely important, possibly the most important thing you will ever read. I’m writing it in the attempt to right a wrong I committed years ago, a terrible mistake that cost me a friend, perhaps forever.
It all began in the Magic Kindergarten of Canterlot. We were only fillies then, but you could see in us the beginnings of everything we would one day become. I didn’t know anything about friendship in those days. If I had, perhaps things would have been different. I do not know. But you can chalk it up as my first mistake anyway.
That day, I was sitting alone on the playground, my nose in a book, trying to shut out the background noise of laughing colts and fillies, when a voice cut through the screen of my imagination and brought me back to reality.
“What are you reading?” she asked.
I threw a quizzical glance over my shoulder. An aquamarine unicorn stood over me, looking down at me with a warm smile. I cocked my head and stared up at her. Why was she talking to me? What did she want?
“Starswirl the Bearded’s Elements of the Arcane,” I answered.
“Oh, I think I’ve heard of him before,” said the unicorn.
I said nothing.
“So…do you mind if I join you? I have a book I’m trying to read, too.”
A book, huh? I gave a shrug. Inwardly, I was curious. Even though we were going to a school of magic, most of the students did not do a lot of reading during their free time. To them class time was for studying and every other hour of the day was for playing. Had I known then what I know now, I would have looked at every joke they told to one another, every game they played, every scraped knee they suffered, every tear they shed, every smile on every face and saw them for what they were.
Magic.
But that lesson was for another day.
The aqua unicorn sat down on the grass next to me and magicked her book open in front of her. Not a book, I thought. A tome. It looked ancient. What could it be? My eyes wandered from my own book to hers.
“It’s a book of fairy tales,” she answered my unasked question. I felt…disappointment. Some cold part of my mind wrote her off in that moment. A few years later, the Daring Do series would capture my imagination and I would come to appreciate fictional stories. But on that day, I had what I thought were better things to do with my mind.
“Oh,” I said.
Apparently she mistook that word for an invitation to tell me more about herself. I learned that her name was Lyra and her favorite story from her book was a fairy tale about a race of creatures called humans that lived on a different world. I was annoyed at having wasted most of a recess listening to her instead of studying, but it got worse. She didn’t just like that fairy tale about humans. She actually believed it.
“One day, I’m going to find my way into their world,” she vowed.
Without my realizing it, those words carved themselves into my heart.
I tried to reason with her, to get her to see sense. Surely she couldn’t believe anything that stupid. I…may have said something to that effect out loud. I don’t remember exactly. What I do remember is Lyra’s eyes, shiny with unfallen tears, staring into mine as she asked me a question.
“Don’t you have a dream, Twilight?”
I thought of great wings spreading, ivory feathers aglow, a shadow against the rising sun, but somehow more brilliant than the dawn itself.
“Of course,” was all I said.
I didn’t make a friend that day. The truth is, for years we hardly spoke to one another. Soon after that, I got my cutie mark and Princess Celestia took me as her own personal student. The secret dream of my heart began to come true, and in my happiness, I lost track of the aqua unicorn. She was just another colorful face smiling at me from a blurry wall of faces that I never bothered to look too closely at.
The next time I saw her, really saw her, was just after graduation. Summer was just beginning, and I was spending all my time in the Archives, trying to learn as much as I could over the next few months. There were stacks of books in my room. Among them was one that contained a dark prophecy that would change the course of my life forever.
Lyra came to the Archives, and she was glowing. Literally, mind you. One of Twinkleshine’s spells had misfired and made Lyra shine like a firefly, even in the daytime. The effect lasted a whole week. But she also looked pretty happy.
“Hello, Twilight,” she said.
“Oh, hi, Lyra.”
“I’ve heard that you’re playing librarian up here in the Archives for the Summer.”
“Yeah. It’s pretty great. I get to study all day and get paid for it.”
She giggled. “That sounds like a dream come true for you.”
My plastic smile slipped a little. There were those words. A dream come true. My dreams had come true, hadn’t they? I studied all I wanted, spent time with the Princess whenever I could, was on my way to becoming a skilled wizard. The words, ‘and yet, something is missing,’ never took shape in my mind. But the feeling was there, some lingering doubt, brought to the surface by the smiling unicorn in front of me.
“Yeah…” I said. “Um…is there something I can help you with?”
“Oh yes! I’d like to borrow a book if you can find it.”
If I can find it? I smirked. “I’ve organized this entire wing of the Archives. If it’s here, you’ll have it. What’s it called?”
“Walking Between Worlds,” said Lyra. “I believe the author is named…”
“…Daystar the Luminous,” I said, frowning. “I know it.” It was a book by a unicorn that claimed to have used magic to travel to other worlds. I had skimmed it. It was full of contradictions and things that made no sense. A book of pseudomagic, like those ancient texts claiming that time travel was possible. Ridiculous. “Why would you want it?”
“Oh, just a personal project I’m working on,” said Lyra.
I peered closely at her. She was well groomed and seemed to be sensible. She didn’t look at all like a crazy pony. What was her interest in a book written by somepony who was either a lunatic or a liar?
“Is this about your humans?” I asked.
Her golden eyes widened and she took a step backward. “What d-did you…I mean h-how…do you know about that?”
“You told me about that years ago.”
“I did? Oh…I had forgotten…”
“You know they’re just a story for fillies, right?”
“Well I…of course I do,” she said, laughing. Her laugh was high and musical and completely false. She didn’t look me in the eye. Even the magical glow of Twinkleshine’s spell seemed to dim a little.
I sighed. “So…do you want me to get the book for you?”
“What? Oh, that’s okay…I’ve changed my mind about it.”
Lyra left the Archive without a book. I returned to my studies. I did notice that the Archive’s copy of Walking Between Worlds was borrowed on one of my days off and returned a week later. I did not give it a whole lot of thought.
Everything changed for me soon after that.
I moved to Ponyville and discovered the magic of friendship. My new friends and I saved the world. I’m not trying to brag. It happened and I’m overwhelmed by the role I played in it. I only mention it now because of what it meant to Lyra.
She moved to Ponyville soon after I did. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. Several of my old classmates moved there. And to tell the truth, I was glad she came to Ponyville. Now that I knew what friendship was, I wanted to get to know her as I never did back in Canterlot.
Friendship is a complex thing. Some ponies actually scoff at the idea of studying it, not realizing how deep and profound it is. I know now that I will spend my entire life studying it, and not know the hundredth part of its mysteries.
I made a friend and made a mistake.
Lyra and I finally got to know each other. She never became part of my circle of best friends. No, there were only five ponies that could ever fill those places in my heart. But that didn’t mean that she wasn’t important to me. I wasn’t her best friend, either. That honor went to Bon Bon. It didn’t matter. A heart doesn’t run out of room for friends. I have many. Zecora the zebra, Cadance, Ditzy Doo…
But Lyra was special. We could talk about magic in a way that would have bored my closer friends. She didn’t have the kind of raw magical power that I had, but she did have a unique way of looking at things.
One night, when we were both alone in the library where I lived, we had a talk. It wasn’t an ordinary conversation. There are simple, seemingly mundane moments in your life that end up leading you to places you could never have imagined. It was like the day I picked up that old book and learned the prophecy of Nightmare Moon. When I was turning the pages leading up to that prophecy, I didn’t feel the electricity of the moment, had no idea that it was going to take me away from everything I knew. What I’m trying to say is that this talk between Lyra and I was going to do the same thing for her. And this time, I felt it. I knew that something was going to happen. I couldn’t have guessed what. Nor could I have imagined my own tragic role in what was to come.
“You’ve done so much with your life, Twilight,” said Lyra. She was looking at me over a mug of warm cider, and there was awe in that gaze. I had never noticed it before.
“Oh, not that much,” I said, giggling and trying to wave away the compliment.
“How can you say that? You saved the world! If it wasn’t for you, we would all be living under eternal darkness!”
“Well…it wasn’t just me…” I could feel my face growing warm.
“Yeah, but you were there, standing at the heart of it. It must have been…amazing.”
I could never deny that moment. “It was,” I whispered.
“I’ve…never done anything special with my life,” Lyra admitted.
“Don’t say that. You are very special!”
“I know that,” she said, smiling. She wasn’t joking or being cocky. She said it as the simple truth. “Everypony is special. I’m not some blank flank filly who doesn’t know who she is. But finding your special talent isn’t enough. You have to do something with it. I haven’t. Not anything important, I mean.”
I didn’t know what to say. “You’ll get your chance,” I said. “One day.” It did feel rather like something I would say to a filly. The words sounded hollow, even to me.
“Did I ever tell you my dream?”
“Maybe,” I said. “Tell me again.”
“You’ll laugh.”
“No,” I said. “I won’t.”
She looked at me. I felt myself being studied, weighed in a set of scales against who knows what standard. And it seemed I was found worthy.
“I want to see another world,” she said.
I did not laugh. In fact, I had to fight not to cry. After all these years, she still believed in that old mare’s tale.
“What’s wrong with this one?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said. “That’s why I want to see another one.”
I shook my head. “Lyra Heartstrings, sometimes you make no sense, even to me.”
“Twilight Sparkle, sometimes you fail to realize that the things that make no sense are the things that are most important.”
“Okay, what do you want to do in a world where something is wrong?”
She frowned and looked into her cider. “I’ll tell you later,” she murmured.
“What? You can’t leave me hanging like that!”
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” she said, tossing her mane. “I can’t get there.”
‘Of course not,’ I would have said before I learned the magic of friendship. ‘Everypony knows it’s impossible.’
“Why not?” I asked instead.
“I don’t know the right spell. I’ve read every book I can on humans and on traveling to other worlds. I’ve studied your teleportation spell and every kind of magic that can transport a pony anywhere at all, and I’m still no closer to finding it.”
There are words that, once you say them, cannot be unsaid. ‘I love you.’ ‘I’m sorry.’ ‘I will never forgive you.’ ‘Don’t go.’ Beautiful words. Terrible words. Words that change everything. I said three of them right then.
“I’ll help you.”
Lyra was glowing again, lit by magic of a different kind.
What was my mistake? Did you spot it? I have turned that conversation over in my head countless times, wished I could have done things differently. From that night on, I had the feeling that we were moving along some inescapable current, our destination veiled by a shadow I could not penetrate.
I kept my promise to Lyra and tried to help her. We studied together. I had to brush up on my fairy tales. Why humans? I never understood that. I tried to ask her.
“I’m surprised you, of all ponies, don’t already know,” she replied.
And yet, I didn’t know. Whatever Lyra saw in your race, I couldn’t see it. All I saw was a grim fairy tale about a broken world where the power of friendship was a frail thing and the sad, frightened, and cruel race that never did anything to change it. I pored over books of mythology with disgust.
“It would be so simple,” I told her in frustration one day. “I mean, their world doesn’t have to be that way at all. If they could just see the magic of friendship, even just a glimpse…”
Lyra had smiled. “Spoken like somepony who goes around saving the world for a living.”
This was just after the Discord incident.
I never quite believed in Lyra’s humans, or that it was possible for her to travel to their world. I searched for a spell that I didn’t even believe existed. But along the way, doubt crept into me. What if we found it? Lyra would actually go to this other world, leaving all her friends behind. I would lose a friend. Now that I knew what friendship was, the very idea terrified me.
One night, I accused her of being selfish.
Of course it wasn’t true. I knew that. In fact, I was the one being selfish, trying to reign her in, pull her away from a dream that would take her away from me. Some part of me realized this, but it didn’t stop me from saying what I said.
Lyra went very pale and just looked at me for the longest time without saying anything.
Then she spoke in a strained voice, “I’m not. I’m really not…”
I apologized and we went on like nothing had happened. But it was different between us after that. I don’t mean that she pulled away in our friendship. No, we were closer than ever. But I got the feeling that there were things about her project that she wasn’t telling me.
We encountered…distractions. My brother was married. At the wedding, Lyra was a zombie bridesmaid. Don’t ask. Our search for her spell seemed to be going nowhere.
By now, I had no wish to continue our project at all. I did not believe in humans and I did not believe in their world and, most of all, I did not believe that it would be a good thing for Lyra to go there even if it was all true. If things hadn’t happened the way they did, I’m sure I would have told her I was done and begged her to abandon her silly dream.
We finally come to the heart of my story. Have you seen the seeds of my great mistake? Have you guessed the purpose of this letter? Besides a confession, of course, which it is, especially from this point on.
I was jerked from the book I was reading by a frantic pounding on the door of the library. It was Bon Bon, Lyra’s friend.
“Twilight, you’ve got to come quick!” she cried.
“What is it?”
“It’s Lyra, she…oh, I don’t know! She said ‘goodbye’ to me. I think she’s trying to do some kind of dangerous magic. And you know all about that kind of stuff…”
I felt something squeeze my chest. Black, oily dread coated my insides. I did not even wait for Bon Bon. I teleported to Lyra’s house in a flash.
Some part of me knew, even before I opened the door, what I would find. But knowing and seeing are two very different things.
Lyra stood at the center of a magic circle. Its lines and symbols were glowing with sunset-colored magic. I recognized some of the symols, enough to be terrified. I tried to approach, but was pushed back by a wall of force. Lyra looked at me. A wind was blowing through her mane.
“Lyra, what are you doing?!” I cried.
“I’m sorry, Twilight. You weren’t going to let me go.”
“Go where?”
“Earth. The world of the humans.”
“It’s a fairy tale! Lyra, please…listen to me. You don’t know what you’re doing. This spell could send you anywhere. It might even send you nowhere! It’s not worth the risk!”
“It is to me, Twilight!” she cried. “This is my dream!”
I tried to press forward again, summoning my magic to help me. “Your dream is too dangerous!” And if it’s true, I’ll never see you again, I did not say.
“Please stop, Twilight. Please just let me go. This is what I want. All my life I’ve been searching, trying to find the spell that would take me there. And I have, at last. I just couldn’t tell you because if I did you’d try to stop me.”
I stood my ground. “Why? Just tell me that. Why was this your dream?”
In that moment, she reminded me very much of Princess Celestia. The same warm light radiated from her. She smiled beatifically.
“I want to save a world, Twilight.” Tears were shining in her eyes. “Not just go to one, but to save it. I want to go to a place that is not beautiful and kind and bring the light of friendship to it. You of all ponies should be able to understand that. You’ve already done it for Equestria. I want to do the same thing for Earth. The humans need me. They need somepony to share friendship’s magic with them.”
I tried to argue. “You’ll be a freak to them.”
“No. I’ve woven this spell perfectly. I will be transformed into a human myself. I won’t even have my unicorn powers anymore. But I’ll have the only kind of magic I need to save their world.”
“What about Bon Bon?” I tried. “And the rest of your friends!” What about me?
“I told you before I wasn’t being selfish.” Her voice was cracking. “It will break my heart forever to lose you. But I have to go.”
The light from her spell wove itself around her body. Pieces of her hooves broke off into the light. It was taking her apart. Taking her away.
“Lyra, stop!”
The wind picked up. The house trembled as if in an earthquake. I couldn’t let this happen. My horn glowed with blazing power.
“No! Twilight, don’t!” Lyra screamed.
What I did next is my greatest shame. I had learned so much about friendship, but there is one lesson that nopony could have prepared me for. Sometimes, to keep a friend you have to let her go. I didn’t understand this. I begged her to stay and she wouldn’t. So I tried to make her.
I will regret that moment for as long as I live.
When it was all over, Lyra was gone. But I knew I had done something terrible. I had broken her spell. The sound of her scream echoed in my ears. What had I done? It was months before I had unraveled Lyra’s secrets enough to understand. And when I did, when I realized what my trespass had done to her, I wept like a filly.
Lyra meant to go to Earth as a human, to bring with her all the love and light of our world and to pour it into yours. She was in the process of being transformed and transported when I ruined everything. The spell still worked, but…not the way she had intended. Lyra’s transformation went wrong and she got lost on the way.
I’m so sorry.
You wondered why I was writing this letter to you. It is a friendship letter, after all. But you won’t remember that we were friends once. You won’t remember anything at all. I have tried to reach you, even used magic to make sure the story of Equestria and your friends comes to your world. But you still don’t remember that it’s real, and it’s all my fault.
This is all I can do to try to make up for my mistakes.
All your life you have felt it. That something was missing. That you didn’t quite belong. Sometimes it felt like you were from another planet. And there was that feeling, like a shadow in your heart, that somewhere you had friends that you had been separated from. Somewhere they were calling your true name.
I have tried to undo what I did to you. I can’t. I have tried to bring you back to Equestria. Maybe I will succeed one day. I’m still searching for that spell. Even Princess Celestia is helping me. You will come back, won’t you, if I find it? Your friends are waiting for you.
And if you won’t, or I can’t find a way to bring you back, what then? I stood in the way of your dream once before. Not this time. Now I just want to remind you who you are. You didn’t end up in the human world with the body you wanted, or even with your memories. But you are still you.
I know it’s a lot to ask you to believe. The human world has spent years trying to quench the flame of magic in your soul. This letter must read like a fairy tale. I don’t know if it will even reach you or what form it will take if it does. But if you are reading this, remember who you used to be. For me.
You came from another world, a world of magic and pure friendship. You chose to step into this dark place because you thought you could save their world. It was your dream. And I tried to take it from you. But I was wrong. So go. Do what you came for. Show your humans what the power of real friendship can do. And remember, somewhere you have friends that are cheering you on.
Your friend,
Twilight Sparkle
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I liked the take to this myself, and found it a rather clever play on Lyra's love of humans motif. Lyra was pretty adorable in this. I don't particularly feel that this world is all that bad, but it might look that way to candy colored ponies. Either way, a cute idea, and a fun read!
833957
mememaker.net/static/images/memes/437180.jpg
Very heartwrenching, although the ending didn't answer all my questions. Nice job with it all.
hell people think im nuts for believing in other worlds. glad to see that im not the only one here.
Interesting. A grammar mistake, though:
“Don’t say that. Your are very special!”
Your are? :P
833957 That certainly was a great twist!
So great, you felt the need to ruin it in the first comment!
The only problem is that I'm still kind of confused as to where Lyra went. First Twilight says Lyra got lost on the way, but then she says Lyra was in our world now.
Other than that, great story, and thanks a lot for ruining my day with all that sadness.
834236 Thanks for catching that. I hate it when I do that!
And thank you to everyone who read this story.
Hope you enjoyed it, and I haven't left anything too unclear. If I have...
...I'll do better next time...
834259
A fair point. I've edited my remark to obscure it more to protect those who would read the comments first. Sorry if I took some enjoyment of it from you.
SPOILER ALERT FOR PEOPLE WHO READ COMMENTS FIRST
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834401
... the implication is that the reader is Lyra. How the bloody hell do you miss this?
Anyway, that was a really, really well-written story. Just wow.
Edit: More accurately, the implication is that Lyra is one of the readers and that she can still accomplish her dream by sharing the magic of friendship.
Apart from that, the tragedy tag is so well-deserved that I just had to come back and read parts again.
Don't worry twilight! Lyras here, and she's safe.
This is one of the best stories i have read from fics to actual books you really captured the emotion
Welp, time to go be friendship.
Not bad. Very imaginative and I like the twist towards the end. My only nitpick is that our world isn't quite that bleak. If it was, how would we even know that stuff like friendship is valuable? That caring for others is a good trait and priceless beyond measure? MLP did not create that ideal, it only brought it to a new generation of Internet-raised children who had grown too used to the caustic cynicism and snobbishness that has infested the communications web. But the old stories are there, and waiting, and in them humans express our greatest desires and our fervent beliefs.
We ain't perfect, but we ain't as bad as we're out to be. Twilight's been reading stuff written by misanthropes, methinks.
Still, not a bad story. You get a thumbs up, but no fave.
834875
Living here, we can say it's not that bad. But Twilight and Lyra are probably reading general history. And that usually talks about the Hitlers and wars, rather than a group of best friends getting together for a BBQ to celebrate a pregnancy.
What if all this is true and Lyra reads this?
this is a great story. I would say this is a textbook example of a tragedy. It's sad and a little bleak, but offers hope.
Now I'm thoroughly sad, why you gotta do dat?
I was gonna go to bed and have a nice sleep, now I got to deal with this sad story bouncing around.
I'd say I dislike you right now, but that's not fair, I chose to read this story despite the tags and I'll admit it was well written though sad.
one of the most unique plot-twists ive seen in ages, 1 grinning Pinkie
and a favourite!
Doubting my existence.
Feels deep in my heart, guys. So much feel.
*sniff* fav'd
It's ok Twilight, it's not half as bad here as you think! Lyra is doing pretty well. we'll take care of her Twilight
834211 It isn't quite odd once you think about it, we know that there are infinite universes thus infinite possibilities and along side them there are parallel universes different of our own and through other universes as well, so its not hard to think that our thoughts project out into the cosmos and eventually make said thoughts real, in the infinite, equestia and many other places we love to read and watch have there own set universes and parallels different of our own, so in one such universe in Equestria Lyra has in fact tried to get to the "fairtale" world of humans, did she succeed with the spell? depends on what universe you see it from, if she did succeed is she in our "fairytale" world quite possibly actually.
But its also possible she traveled to one of our parallels. Not to mention the discription of us twi read could imply she wasn't talking about this universe were we love and make friends but of one of our parallels where we are much worse off where things like friendship and love really are frail concepts barely hanging on.
In all honesty I hope shes safe here and with us just suffering from amnesia although with her case, everything equestrian is erased... just thinking of someone who can't remember half their own life makes me pretty sad but memories don't make you who you are, its also possible when Lyra came here she was "born" into this universe just like any of us.
Anywho if shes here we know in this world she is being taken care of by someone who is kind and caring, because here we're not all bad we have hearts and I'm not implying just bronies but the world as a whole so if anyone asks for help no matter who they may be, help them out, cause you never know who they may have been before. :)
Must cut this short sorry for making your eyes sore I could have gone much longer heh xP it IS about the infinite universes after all, but as such many people can easily be confused by the idea of this subject. Anyway just wanted to say I too am someone who believes in the existence of another fantastic world beyond our own including many others not to mention now I'm the one who sounds like a complete lunatic. xD
834569 And as for you I thoroughly enjoyed this, for me it was a great read but for someone else it could have meant something much more then just a fic from a "fantasy" world so thank you for bringing it to us please keep writing! you have earned an upvote and fave :D
Sidenote for others: if I disturbed anyone in anyway with my beliefs I apologize in advance
PPS: it actually makes me laugh that in a universe that has "The Doctor" he does make it to equestria and is turned into an equine and must take the alias of doctor Whooves don't know why just thinking on the antics he could/has done makes me just laugh.
PPPS: Its also worth to note the "E" universe doesn't follow the same laws as our own universe does, time itself may not even be the same a year or two there could, very well be several years or maybe even decades here.
Oh dear Celestia my heart.
wow! absolutely amazing! (i did have to re-read some parts seeing as im some what retarded and didnt understand
)
but i loved it! it really opened my eyes into lyra's thoughts
1016845 Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
First off, great style. Letter narration fits Twilight rather well and it helped tie things in at the end, but I'll talk more on my impressions of the climax later.
I enjoy a fiction that treats Lyra with respect and maturity (especially after reading Background Pony) I've usually found more disdain than humor when it comes to her fan-given obsession over humans as it always seemed to lack purpose beyond the comical, and only served the purpose to demean her. What you have done is strike a perfect balance by adding an actual purpose behind the obsession and making it a very personal one. This caused me to appreciate the character and be able to understand her motivations.
and again, I must express my appreciation for giving her a motivation beyond simple and unexplained obsession. This I love.
Believe it or not, I can relate to her dream, but that's a story for another time. That is, if you have an ear for it.
I also liked how you were able to establish a first and last memory of Lyra, bringing something more personal ti it. quite a feat for such a short story. I caught the significance to it.
The ending, however enjoyable it was, seemed to be missing, or lacking could be the better word. In retrospect in writing this comment to you on paper, I realize that this could have been on purpose since there really was no resolution to the story. It fits, but it leaves the reader wanting more.
Which gives me an idea or two which I'll share with you later. Just wanted to let you know I read this, and enjoyed what I read. Great job! Glad you've received a bit of fame on it.
1451987 Thanks! Yeah, this story has been my most popular one so far. I always felt that the idea behind it was stronger than the actual writing. I was worried that some readers might find the twist at the end too "meta," but the response was very positive. Confession: I have never actually read a Lyra story with the exception of the first chapter to Arcainum's Harpflank and Sweets. I was familiar with the fan idea that she was obsessed with humans thanks to fan art and comics. Other than that I had no preconceived notions about her character or personality.
Mostly I just wanted to write a story for all those fans of the show that have expressed a longing to leave our world somehow and get into Equestria. So many Human in Equestria stories are driven by that desire and I find that sentiment both beautiful and sad. Like kids who finish C.S. Lewis's Narnia books and check the backs of their wardrobes, or keep waiting for that owl to swoop down out of the sky with their acceptance letter from Hogwarts. I wanted to tell a story that was the reverse of that kind of escapism, and would leave the reader with a sense of their own potential to make this world the kind of place that people would like to escape into. Was I successful? Well, like I said, I think the idea behind it was stronger than the actual execution, but people seemed to like it.
1454654 I've actually been entertaining the idea of writing a human insert myself, but I think my motivations differ from most. I'm thinking about taking a more realistic approach to such a happenstance. How would they react to the concept of clothing preserving innocence? What about the idea of God, if that man were to be a Christian? I would even suspect that the man would be seen as another monster of the Everfree at first...
I've set this idea aside. For now at least. I don't believe I've the skill in my writing yet to pull it off. What I would hope to create is something that contrasts the different forms of innocence and love. How through trial, we can come out with more knowledge and understanding than we can in an innocent world such as Equestria.
Anyway, I'll being paying that one last work of yours a visit when I have the time. Least I could do for all you've helped me with.
1455582 Fair warning: Falls the Shadow was the first fanfic I ever wrote. It's long and it's kind of a mess in some ways. Also, it's full of geek references (including video games) and crosses over with Doctor Who (plus has a cameo from a couple of ponified graphic novel characters). It's close to my heart and I'm glad whenever someone reads it, but I'll be the first to admit that it's got some issues. (Still, I had a lot of fun writing some scenes in it, especially the stuff with Celestia and Luna as fillies.)
Interesting idea for a human insert story. I know a lot of people don't like Human in Equestria stories, and I can't say any of them have ended up on my favorites list yet, but I think the concept is one that can be amazing if done right. (And don't knock your writing skills; every chapter of Life-Led seems to be better than the one before. It will be interesting to see what you choose to write after you are done with that story.)
1651835 Thanks! I tagged it "Tragedy" but not "Sad" because I don't actually consider it a sad story. Though I do think it is possible to have legitimate strange tag combinations. For instance, some people say that you shouldn't have a story tagged both "Sad" and "Comedy" because they are totally different genres, but if I were to tag a novel like Joseph Heller's Catch-22, that is exactly how I think it should be tagged. Both of those elements are equally important and definitive to the book. It is both very sad and very funny throughout the story. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reading!
And that picture of Lyra is adorable.
That was truly beautiful. I haven't read a short story with that much impact for quite some time. Well done! Well done!
Review Time!
(This review brought to you with limited commercial interruptions by the Authors Helping Authors Group)
Grammar: 10/10
I can normally catch at least one grammar mistake, but I couldn't find one. You're either the most incredible self-editor ever or you have a team of professionals at your back. (If it's the latter, please make sure to thank them for me)
Cons:
-What cons? Seriously, there is very little in this story that could be improved.
Pros:
-Everything
-You wrote Lyra so beautifully, you gave her passion, vision, real character, and even flaws. (I like your version of Lyra better than the typical fanon version)
-The premise was interesting and quickly pulls the reader in.
-The ending was executed excellently. A great twist, both sad and hopeful.
Extra Notes:
Instant like and fave. This story is amazingly deep for being so short. The only nit-pick I can add is that Twilight felt slightly off, even though she stayed well in character. I know this sounds contradictory and I can't quite place my finger on it (might just be my own head canon interfering), but there is just something that feels off. Even still, Twilight is totally believable and I thoroughly enjoyed this story. You deserve every thumbs up you get!
1921029 Thank you for your timely review! It's funny, but my pre-reader said almost the exact same thing about my Twilight. (And it's really good to hear from you, because one of the things that really impressed me about your Season Z, Episode J story was how spot-on the characters were.)
So glad you liked it.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/437/779/a46.gif
I know I've seen you somewhere. What other stories have you written?
1930247 In addition to this one, I've written a one-shot called The Everfree Horror (Kind of an H.P. Lovecraft / Fairy Tale tribute with a comedic twist), an adventure story called Falls the Shadow, and I'm working on my princess adventure story, Celestia in Excelsis.
Thank you so much for reading.
1930265Hm. Okay, I don't remember any of those. Maybe I saw you commenting somewhere else. Though I will read this when I get the chance.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: A Spell for Lyra
Grammar score out of 10 (1 is grammar that needs to be worked upon as basic principles such as capitalization and spelling is an issue, and 10 is impeccable): 10 I did not catch a single mistake.
Pros
Made the reader feel as though they were a part of the story.
Explored a background character.
Sent a nice message about friendship to the reader.
Cons
Stereotypical portrayal of humans as sad, evil wretches.
Had some trouble drawing me in in the beginning.
Twilight seemed a little too reluctant to study new things. Seems a little out of character to me.
Notes Section
With a nice use of second person, and by writing it in letter format, you really made the me feel like I was Lyra. Which would cause a few gender issues for me, being male. Also, I am always happy to see a background character receive some attention. Although, I don’t see why everyone assumes Lyra is obsessed with humans. I don’t care if it is common, it just doesn’t make sense to me. Sure, she’s a background character, but if humans were in any capacity known in Equestria, I’m sure that the writers would have made a joke or two about us by now. But, that’s just me, and my opinion.
Now, for a personal peeve of mine. Humans are not pure evil. We are not, sad, or cruel, or selfish all of the time. Humans are born with unlimited potential, for both good and evil. The thing is, when someone does something good, everyone thinks “Oh, that’s nice. Moving on, then.” It’s part of human nature, to wish everything good would happen to us. I’m not saying there aren’t those of us who actually enjoy helping others, because there are plenty. But, in the same vein, when someone does something spectacularly bad, we pay attention to that like bronies to My Little Pony. Between those of us who genuinely want to help, and those who like to make themselves feel better by helping in a non-committal way, disasters just receive a lot more attention. But, overall, humans can be just as good as we can be evil.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story: Que Sera, Sera
1937696 Thank you for your review! I will be sure to pay extra attention to Twilight's character in the future. (As well as working to make my intros grab the reader.) As for the gender difference...who knows what happened when Twilight broke Lyra's spell. I wanted readers of either gender to be able to buy into the possibility, anyway.
As for Lyra's human obsession...I'm glad humans are not in the show itself, but I love what fans do with the characters, and Lyra's human fixation is just so fun to imagine. It's something special about her. (At first I thought it was silly, but then the idea grew on me.)
As for my criticism of humans in the story... Well, I am pretty cynical sometimes, but what I intended with this story was an answer to all of those brony in Equestria stories where some sad human being escapes his awful life into the magical world of Equestria, where all his problems are solved. (I have nothing against that kind of storytelling. Heck, even Harry Potter does that to some degree. But I wanted to reverse the trope.) I guess the message I was going for is, if you think our world is so horrible, what if you were meant to change it instead of escape from it? Wouldn't that be a destiny worth wanting to live in this world for?
Thanks again! I will check out your story as soon as I can!
Good story.
I agree with those saying that Earth isn't that bad.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: A Spell for Lyra
Grammar score out of 10: 9.5 (I'm definitely not a grammar expert, so maybe there's some obscure rule that I don't know about. There's always room for improvement, right?)
Pros
I really liked this perspective on Lyra liking humans, which I'm normally not a huge fan about
It gives the reader a new perspective on the magic of friendship
The story draws the reader in beautifully
Cons
When Twilight interfered with the spell, it wasn't totally clear on what the side effects were
Did Lyra just find out about the spell the night before? Or has she known it for awhile?
(Note: All of these cons are nitpicking, of course)
Notes
I have to admit, when I first saw the word count (about 4,000) I was a bit wary, as I tend to lose interest after a couple thousand words. However, I ended up getting to the end of this much sooner than I thought I would! Way to go keeping my interest the whole time!
Thank you for the fabulous read! If you wouldn't mind, I would sincerely love it if you checked out my story The Generation That Even Time Has Forgotten
Your Faithful Critic,
FlanChan
1949333 Thanks for the review! Glad you stayed around for the whole 4000+ words. Your comment is a great reminder that you have to hook the reader very early in the story or they won't stay around for the rest of it.
(I'll be sure to check your story out soon! Probably after work tonight.
)
I'll skip the Authors Helping Authors formatting this time and go straight to the meat, shall I?
First, the praise. This is a refreshing take on an overdone genre based on a funny meme that someone made up after seeing a pony sit funny. So that a serious, emotional story can be written about this at all is impressive, the fact that you've done it from a unique perspective even more so. Twilight's internal thoughts are well-written and poignant and are what keep me interested and reading.
Now, on to the criticism.
- I don't believe "Magic Kindergarten" should be capitalized. The name itself does not suggest that it is a proper noun like "Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns", so it should be treated just like the word "kindergarten".
- “One day, I’m going to find my way into their world.” This is not worded like how I would expect a kindergartner to say it. Try "I'm going to get there someday," or something along those lines. In the same vein, “Don’t you have a dream, Twilight?” This seems a little deep and mature for a kindergartner to say, and on Twilight's end, understand. I would look a good, long look at this whole section and make sure the little kids really feel like little kids (As I recall, this was somewhat of a problem in Celestia in Excelsis too)
- I would like an explanation, at least a short one, of why Lyra moved to Ponyville. The implication is that it has something to do with Twilight, and yet that doesn't seem to be the case. Adding on to that, I would add more detail about Lyra and Twilight became friends. One or two little scenes about how Twilight's attitude towards Lyra changed will deepen the emotional impact of later scenes much more, as right now it's basically just "And then they were friends."
- “Lyra Heartstrings, sometimes you make no sense, even to me.” I'd get rid of the "even to me" part here, it doesn't seem very Twilight and doesn't make much sense (ha ha) in context. Twilight doesn't know Lyra particularly well after all.
- "Whatever Lyra saw in your race, I couldn’t see it." You've been using "their" and "them" to refer to humans everywhere else in the fic. And the letter is addressed to Lyra, who, although transformed, is still a pony. So I'd keep it in the third person.
- "Besides a confession, of course, which it is, especially from this point on." Get rid of this. It ruins the poignancy of the earlier two questions in the paragraph.
- "I was jerked from the book I was reading by a frantic pounding on the door of the library." A little more establishing of the setting here, please. As the chronology of this story is uncertain, a reference to something that happened in the show to establish when this happened would be good.
- "symols" Typo.
- "A wind was blowing through her mane." I'm guessing this wind is magical, in which case it would be good to mention.
Finally, the two big things about this fic I think that need to be looked at:
- The intro needs to make more sense with the ending. "But you won’t remember that we were friends once. You won’t remember anything at all." This stuff needs to be at least hinted at in the beginning, otherwise from the perspective of Lyra reading the letter, it makes no sense. It's just a random letter, addressed to her, that's talking about a random story, and it doesn't become clear why it matters to her until the end of the story. This is a bad way to write a letter for obvious reasons. But, you'll have to mention it at the beginning tactfully to avoid spoiling the reveal.
- "And if it’s true, I’ll never see you again". This part just felt cheesy to me rather than powerful, The entire concept of Twilight stopping a friend from leaving, seems out of character. If you've seen Wonderbolt Academy yet, this reaction is more like Pinkie Pie's than Twilight's. Twilight just doesn't strike me as the kind of character to be self-centered and emotionally needy like that. This reaction is especially hard to accept given that Twilight and Lyra have essentially zero interaction in the show, and that you spend virtually no time developing their friendship and showing why Twilight wants to stop Lyra so badly.
This is the biggest thing, and to fix it will take a good deal of effort. You need to really make Lyra and Twilight's bond feel powerful to explain Twilight's actions. As I mentioned earlier, add scenes that show them becoming and being good friends. You could also change Twilight's reasoning to lean more heavily on "It's too dangerous, it's just a myth", and less "You're my friend and I'll lose you forever!" Another recommendation I would have is involve Bon-Bon more. Including a scene where Bon-Bon's begging Twilight to not let Lyra leave because she'll be gone forever is more believable and then Twilight acting on that is more believable than Twilight feeling so.
Hope you found this helpful, and good luck!
1960809 Thank you very much!
Looks like I've got my work cut out for me, revision-wise. But I am definitely going to work on it. Ever since joining the Authors Helping Authors group, I have been getting too much really great feedback to ignore. And I am extremely grateful for your critical eye in this case. Thanks again.
Sorry I shall get that review in ASAP
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: A Spell for Lyra
Grammar score out of 10: 9 Look pretty good
Pros
This... makes Lyra's love for humans make sense. I mean seriously? This is probably the most selfless explanation that I've heard and I love it.
Really fits the sad/tragic tag and how our best intentions and a sudden hesitation can cause everything to screw up.
The descriptions were very good and the story wrapped itself up well
Cons
While I get the side effects of the spell.. It took me a "huh" moment before I got the letter was addressed to Lyra
I don't like how TS was characterized. I mean it seems in Canon, but I dont think TS would even agree with Lyra in the first place to help her.
Notes: The major problem is getting the audience ot realize this letter is addressed to Lyra. additionally I find it strange how Lyra gets these letters in the first place and how she doesn't realize it... there's just a massive plothole you have to fill in if the letter is addressed to LYra. Apart from that, i really like this one shot and I think it has a pretty good chance of getting featured.
Please Review: The Seven Bells and Six Bearers and note that I have a Canterlot Chapter up to resolve cliffhangers and give you all those feels (i haven't received a single comment on this chapter strangely enough).
1972285 Thanks for the review. Yeah, I have to revise this because a lot of people are having the same reaction to the ending.
Okay, a lot of people like this sort of thing, but some might have a problem with it. The story is metafiction. The ending is supposed to imply that you as the reader are Lyra (or used to be) and the reason you don't know it is because Twilight broke your spell at the critical moment, so you lost all of your memories except a vague sense of disconnect from the world, and you had no control of the human body you ended up with. So Lyra got the letter however the reader got this story. (Most likely reading it on FIMfiction. Twilight worked hard to get the message to her.) The whole story was basically my response to the Human in Equestria stories I was looking at at the time that were escapist fantasies: my life on earth is so horrible, if I could just go to Equestria and become a pony everything would be wonderful. Not that I have a problem with those kinds of stories, but I wanted to reverse it and make a story where instead of wishing to go to Equestria, the reader would be told that was where he/she came from and he/she actually had an important reason for wanting to be here on Earth.
I will certainly get to your next story. (The review chain must never die!
Thank you once again.
This review brought to you on behalf of Authors helping authors
Grammar: 10/10. Didn't see anything bad.
Pros:
Drew me in
Good portrayal of Lyra.
Nice to see her interacting with Twilight like that.
Good sense of tragedy at the end, there.
Overall well-written.
Cons:
Twilight doubting Lyra. After fighting and defeating a literal old mare's tale and meeting Zecora, I am finding it more and more difficult seeing Twilight doubting old myths.
Human misanthropy, especially considering Equestria itself is not perfect, nor the world they live in.
The ending is a bit odd, and that note you posted was necessary to fully understand what happened.
Overall, I liked this, but just some stuff in here that threw me off. Like with Twilight. But I enjoyed it. If you have time, please review Twilight the Terrible. Thank you! :)