Homecoming

by Rose Quill

Chapter Six - Celestia

As I entered the room, I couldn’t help but look down at my hooves. Before me on a familiar throne sat the Princess of the Sun and ruler of Equestria. She was focused on a scroll floating in front of her, quill swirling around as she signed it and passed it to one of her aides.

I felt the gaze more than saw it. "Sunset, welcome. Please, have a seat.”

I moved forward and dipped down in a bow before her before settling into the cushion before the dais.

“How have you been?” she asked, her tone guarded.

I worked my jaw a few times before finally whispering. “I’ve been well, your Highness.”

I heard a few steps and her hooves came into my view. She tilted my head up to face her.

“Please,” she said, a soft look in her eyes. “Don’t be afraid to face me. You are not here to be punished.”

“I should be,” I said, turning away. “I defied your orders multiple times, violated the rules about forbidden sections, made demands that I shouldn’t have made and disrespected you.”

“You made up for those actions by your deeds beyond the mirror.” She sat before me on the floor. “I have missed our conversations.”

I fought the tears that wanted to well up back down. “I…I do not think I deserve this kindness, Princess.”

“I see that the lesson on humility finally set in,” she said kindly. “Perhaps a bit too well.” She folded a wing across my shoulder. “I am sorry about your mother, how are you holding up?”

I cursed inwardly as a tear slipped free. “I kind of feel numb at times, but sometimes I can’t keep back the tears. I feel that I wasted time, that maybe I should have come back at least once to visit, that I…”

“You have done nothing wrong, Sunset,” Celestia said. “You could not have known…”

“Nothing wrong? I did nothing WRONG?!?” I exploded to my hooves, whirling away from her. “I bullied my way into power beyond the mirror, returned to steal an Element of Harmony from your final protege - who completely surpassed everything I aspired to be, by the way - in order to enact a very ill-thought out plan to return and take over Equestria and became a raging she-demon nightmare and only realized the error of my ways when Twilight followed me and managed to somehow activate the Elements to burn the evil from me.”

I looked at the princess, anger and shame warring for control, tears streaming down my face to drop to the floor.

"I was so angry at you for the longest time," I said, sobs starting to break free. "Blaming you for what were actually my mistakes.

“I’ve dishonored everything you ever told me, taught me, or demonstrated to me through arrogance, pride, and ambition.” I finally sat back down, hiding my face under my hooves. “I failed you in so many ways.”

“Oh, child,” Celestia said. “While your actions were indeed guided initially by pride and ambition, everything you’ve done since Twilight went to retrieve her crown shows that you did indeed learn what I tried to teach. I doubt you had truly turned evil, you merely lost your way.” A small mirror floated over and settled before me. “I asked once before and now I wish to know: what do you see?”

I looked at the mirror, seeing the tear-streaked face and puffy eyes. But I also saw none of the self-hate that had been there for years. Pain, yes, and some lack of sleep, but they were kinder now. Happier despite the current grief. And I also spied something in the way my mane had settled.

“I see my mother,” I said simply. “I can see her mane, I remember her laughter, how proud she was when I got accepted to the school, and when you picked me to be your personal student.” I couldn’t help the smile.

“What would you wish for now had you the opportunity?”

“Just another day, a chance to say goodbye.” The tears were still flowing, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I let my defenses down and let it all out.

“I’m sorry, Princess,” I whimpered through my tears. “I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve the treatment I gave you at the end. I missed you so much!”

She pulled me in closer, cooing gently, wings folded around us like a shield.

After a few minutes, as the sobs ended but before the embrace ended, I heard her whisper.

“I never gave up on you, you know.”

I looked at her in surprise. “But you expelled me,” I said in confusion.

“I may have dismissed you as a private student, but I never expelled you from the school proper. I was hoping that removing the expectations or illusion of being groomed to join me and interacting with other ponies more would help you get past your prideful nature. But I would have always had time for you had you not fled. You were my student, Sunset, and in many ways not unlike my own daughter.” There was an odd look in her eyes that I had seen only occasionally.

I realized that as ruler, she had made many difficult decisions over the millennia: she had been forced to banish her own sister and spend a thousand years being reminded of that fact daily as she raised the sun and moon. Every pony that came to her were either seeking advice or fawning over her due to her title. Though she had founded a school for Unicorns, she had only taken in four students personally in the entire tenure of the school. Anypony that she grew close to she was destined to watch as they grew old and passed away.

Behind the regal bearing and compassion, I could now see regret, sorrow, and loneliness alongside the compassion and wisdom.

“I see you understand now,” she said, a sad smile touching her features. “And even now, if you choose to stay or return beyond the mirror, I will always be willing to talk if you need it.”

I pressed back into her, relief flooding me.

“But some final advice, from teacher to student?”

I glanced up at her.

“Forgiveness can't truly come from without, Sunset Shimmer,” she said. “It took me many years to forgive myself for banishing my sister despite its necessity. She still struggles with her forgiveness of herself for her actions as Nightmare Moon, but she is overcoming her sorrow.”

She leveled a somber look at me, compassion in her eyes.

“When will you forgive yourself, I wonder?”

Those words stayed with me the entire journey back to Ponyville.

I had forgiven myself, hadn’t I? I had made friends, been accepted even among the people I had tried to subjugate in my blind ambition.

But deep down, I knew there was still a part of me that blamed myself. It was smaller than it had been, but it was still there. Still lurking.

And I would do anything to keep it bottled up.

Comments

[BenRG]

I think that this is one of the better imaginings of Sunset's reunion with Celestia.

[Lucid Dream the Mule]

Just as we can be our own 'worst critic', sometimes the most difficult person we can ever forgive, is ourselves; even when everyone who cares about you, already has. We cannot erase all of our mistakes, but we can keep them from burying us.

[394VikingPinkiePie]

Great chapter! The way you player their interaction (with Sunset unable to forgive herself and Celestia sharing her own struggles) really tugged at my emotions.

[Bardic_Knowledge]

Sunset's dialogue with Celestia actually reminds me of something I'm working on. For almost a decade I hated myself, but lied to myself about why (in part because I subconsciously wouldn't let myself see it). I figured out that I wasn't the real source of my self-hate just recently, and it's been a bit of a struggle to allow myself to be complemented or take even the smallest bit of pride in something I've done (though that may be in part because pride can be dangerous if you let it get away with you).

[Thor447]

“When will you forgive yourself, I wonder?”

...how does one forgive themself?

[ScisetShimmerEvan]

What happened with Celestia I wasn't expecting to see go so good.

[PresentPerfect]

okay, regardless of anything else, you've got an A+ Sunset/Celestia reunion scene right here :')