Nº 9: ACT 2: EPILOGUE
Evening sun pouring in through the wide pane windows of the castle's little private dining hall cast a deep orange glow over the small room. A warm glow that - even to Celestia - felt unnatural and foreign. Indeed, this was the way the world should be, but now, just as all else in her life felt, the daytime seemed obscure. Celestia's lips met her coffee before being set back down beside her breakfast, and for a moment, she stared at her plate, the silence of the room hardly noticeable over the noise of thoughts in her head. It had been a fair half hour since she had woken up with Luna, and the two had tiredly made their way to the little private room for a meal. Celestia had anticipated many words and conversation between she and her sister, but much like they had been in the prior week, her expectations were broken. There had been the standard, almost customary 'good evening' greeting between the two upon waking, but beyond that little else had been said. While together, in their minds, especially on such a day, they were alone in their thoughts.
When the two had fallen asleep hours ago Celestia had finally felt true happiness, but in waking the pain she had grown so accustomed to washed back into her heart like the rolling waves of the tides. There was much comfort to be felt from Luna's presence, but it was a comfort that could not outweigh her heart's torn threads. One thing she had dreamt and wished about nearly every time she had woken up with Philomena in her hooves was waking up with her friend beneath the warmth of the morning sun. Since her return, two and only two scenarios had been in her expectations. A scenario where she was - for whatever reason - cast back to the prison she was brought from, and a scenario where she would be forced to act against her sister in order to return harmony to Equestria. If she were to be given another 700 years to theorize and think upon the outcomes that could come to fruition she doubted that the current would ever be dreamt of.
A total mix of feeling. Guilt. Anger. Joy. Pain. Almost everything imaginable was held within her mind. Save for hate. Hatred was something she sat without. A mere week ago it was the only thing she could feel. A mere week ago felt as if it had been 700 years in the past. So drastically and quickly had things changed, and so quickly had they changed for the better. A mere week ago she could not have fathomed speaking her sister's true name again, or even looking her in the eye. Now, when her gaze met with her younger's, she felt happy. Her mind did not scream 'traitor', 'fiend', 'tyrant', or 'demon' when she saw Luna's purely black figure, it said 'sister', 'companion', and 'friend'. Anger, though, still did resign, but she understood well the difference between the two. Celestia expected that it always would linger despite her fervent wish for it to disappear. She wanted to let go of that anger, and she wanted to give her sister forgiveness, but something deep within told that doing so was betrayal; not of Luna, but of Philomena.
"Hallo, yer Majesties," spoke the Chef as she entered the through the kitchen door, bowing to the Princesses before continuing on to the edge of the table.
"Greetings, Chef."
"Hello, Chef."
The Chef took a few glances between Celestia and Luna. "The two of ya don' seem all tha' happy..."
Celestia and Luna looked to one another. Celestia was the first to break their gaze, her eyes turning down to the floor as she withdrew a sigh. "We... art not very joyous."
Chef's mouth came open, but her words caught in her throat as she saw Luna shaking her head at her. There was a bout of silence as Celestia met Chef's worried gaze.
"The day... it's far more beau'iful than I coul' have ever dremt."
For the first time since waking, Celestia smiled. "Thank thee... Chef."
With those final words the Chef bowed and made her way back through the kitchen door, ensuring it sealed. Again, placidity fell over the room. The small clinks of metal on porcelain sounded for a moment as Luna's fork gathered some of her breakfast.
"Luna, we art scared."
"Scared that the day will not be what the citizens of Equestria want?"
Celestia's lip quivered, her voice a mere whisper. "A-Aye..."
Luna's rather large wing unfurled from her side, falling over Celestia's shoulder. "I am, too. It's such a drastic change to happen so quickly... I don't want this be how it was when I brought on the night all those years ago."
A sniffling cry left Celestia, her head lowering. "Before... before our friend gave us her life, we asked her what should be done if Equestria rejects the sun. W-We asked that, if Equestria did reject it, should we bring the sun down and keep her down? S-She nodded... but, she gave her life to let the sun come forth. If we must keep the sun down... her passing will go in vain! We doth not wish for that!"
Luna brought up a hoof, placing it under Celestia's chin to turn her head in her direction. "Equestria has adjusted before, it can do it again. When you and I woke up and made our way to this dining hall, did we get scowled at? Did we get yelled and cursed at? Did we get called tyrants, murderers, thieves, and traitors? No, we didn't. We received smiles as warm as the morning sun. We had guards wave hello. We had ponies who would not normally speak without being spoken give their greetings. This evening, I've never seen the ponies around our castle so happy. If this place is happy, Equestria is."
The tear that had rolled down Celestia's cheek was followed by another. Her lips still quivered, and her eyes still held pain.
"We... simply fear for the peace of our friend's passing. W-We want her to have meaning."
Luna sighed. "Her death will only lose meaning if you forget about her. As long as she lives in your heart, then what happens around you won't matter. You... you can't let Philomena's wish control your life."
"T-Thou doth not know of the pain within our very soul that we feel for her loss! We... we could not live with ourself if her death went in vain!"
"I do know that pain, Celestia. I've felt it for the past 700 years."
"Thou did not lose us! Thou cast us away! We did not die from thy actions... s-she did die because of our actions! More than that, because of thy inaction!"
Luna's hoof fell away from Celestia's chin, tears now coming to her eyes.
"T-There is no beauty in permanency, Luna."
After a moment, Luna lifted her wing from Celestia's shoulder, sniffling as she stood from her seat at the table.
"Celestia, there's a place you need to visit, and a group of ponies you need to meet."
"A-And... who are these ponies?"
Just before the room's exit, Luna paused.
"Friends of a friend."
At the edge of an archway Celestia had never been before, she and Luna stood. Beyond was a garden far larger than the one nearest to Celestia's private quarters; a garden that shined with life in the sunset and spanned great distances until the tall castle walls ceased its wild advance. To the west, clouds shined with red and orange, setting the sky ablaze with color, that glow radiating down onto the trees, bushes, and flowers across this wonderful space.
"You'll know when you've found them, sister. It's... best if I leave you alone for this."
Celestia looked on curiously as Luna turned, beginning back down the hall of the castle from which the two had originated from, never turning back to give her a second look. She stood in the arch for a moment before making her way out onto the stone paved path that lead away from the castle, the songs of birds in the distance reminding her of the Everfree. The path winded along past tall oaks and stone statues until it came to a grand fountain of marble and granite, the gentle patter of its water filling the air.
She stood idle for a time before looking around, seeing there were the 3 divergent paths lead from the fountain's surrounding path. To the left, a series of structures caught her eye; there stood a small, almost house-like wooden shed, and beside it was an odd, open-sided shed of sorts. Closer and closer she came, and from the house-like building exited a group of three ponies; a single Nocturn stallion and two earth pony mares, one with a light blue coat, the other, shorter mare with a coat as purely as white as Celestia's own. She paused, stopping in her path as she looked to the shed, seeing that it provided cover for a wooden perch as well as a somewhat tarnished brass cage; one just large enough to carry a Phoenix.
"Hello, Your Majesty."
Celestia looked to the Nocturn stallion as he and the two mares began walking towards her, their gazes holding the weight of sorrow.
"T-Thou... thou art..."
"Her caretakers, yes. Her Highness... told us."
Fresh tears came to Celestia's eyes as she looked over the trio. Before her were three souls that truly understood how Philomena had been. These three understood what she felt, and they understood how deep the hole in her heart was.
The blue-furred mare wiped a tear away with her hoof. "This garden is going to be a lot more lonely without her."
"E-Equestria shall be more lonely without her."
The mare nodded, sniffling. Celestia lost all control over her emotion, hard sobs striking her as she dropped to her haunches. The three stood for a moment before coming forward together, all doing their best to embrace Celestia. Only harsher did Celestia's cries become, hard heaves of her chest breaking every breath.
"W-We miss her... we miss her more than thou shalt know!"
The trio held their silence, letting Celestia lose herself.
"There... art barely any amenities beneath this simple roof." Celestia spoke as she and the three caretakers stood before the covered perch.
It had taken quite some time for the Princess to finally dry her tears, and it had taken careful words and consolations from the three to bring her further into the garden.
"She drank from the fountain and ate from the trees and grass, your Majesty. Not a single one of us has ever actually given her food or water," informed the stallion, who stood to Celestia's right.
"Never once have we in our time with her, either."
There came a gentle chuckle from the white mare, her eyes bloodshot from tears. "She rarely even used that perch... half the time, she'd fall asleep on a pillow in front of the furnace in our quarters within the castle."
"Thy home is within these walls?"
The mare nodded.
Celestia looked to her. "The three of thee... thou art a family?"
"Yep. I'm Lilly Leaf, and this is my mother and father; Dawn Hue and Speck."
Celestia shared a glance with each of the family members before looking back to the perch.
"Knoweth, dost thou, how grand of a being she was."
"Indeed we do, your Majesty," Speck returned with a voice weighty and shaky with sorrow.
"We were groundskeepers for this part of the castle, as well as Philomena's caretakers... but, I guess we're just groundskeepers now."
"Thou were never caretakers to start. Thou were her family. Thou... art her family."
A moment of quiet passed before Celestia took a step forward, standing under the perch's roof.
"What would it be like, Philomena, to stand in the bed chambers of a friend who had passed?"
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You underestimate the power of a thorough lobotomy.
7862576
Thank you for your insightful comment.
7862576 i was going to comment on the story than i read this and completely forgot what i was going to type
I loved this story! Bravo!
7862653
Thank you.
And that... that statement right there brought me back to the beginning of chapter 9; and the prologue where Celestia sleeps while Philomena watches.
Also, I really don't understand how FIMFiction's word counter works...
7862677 If you saw the word count for the Epilogue being 2001 or 1998 it was because I was editing it a moment ago. You have to unpublish a chapter then re-publish it in order for the TOTAL word count to change.
Also, funny how I was able to get all of that to come full circle, huh?
7862679
Yeah, but still... I can take a story that has, say, 350 words on Gdocs, and copy/ paste it here and it says 356 words... I take out 6 words, and it says 347...
And that full circle thing is always nice, and a great many professional authors do it. (Evidenced by To Kill a Mockingbird).
7862696 Quotation marks count as words, as do words with hyphens and slashes, I think.
7862713
I'm thinking one of them counts contractions as two words.
Really enjoyable story, those emotional moments were well, the problems with the story were already pointed out by others in the comments so I don't need to point it out (you could try to fix the problems though).
Expect a TvTrope page soon enough.
7862774 As others in my place have said; the clash between the day and the night isn't really the point of the story. The point is the conflict between Luna and Celestia, how they see each other, and how they figure things out in the end... which, they don't really figure things out in the end.
The permanent night may have been the norm, yes, but; as Celestia points out, AND IS RIGHT ABOUT, it is not right for there to be no day. It's not the natural order of things. The Elements of Harmony even see that, which is why (crucial moment lots of people seemed to have skipped over) when Celestia raises the sun, the Elements help bring the dormant magic from within the earth to return harmony and balance.
But, yes. It's a problem with the story, but with how much positive reception this story has gotten... I find it hard to care.
That, and I was able to make my friend Cody (TheBreadMaker, if you've seen him in the comments) cry his eyes out, so one of my major goals is complete.
As always; thanks for reading, and thank you for always commenting with your thoughts. I'm glad that, despite that one issue with the story, you could find enjoyment in it.
I look forward to the TVTropes page. This story's got some good ones in it.
7863356 Well... jeez! Thank you!
I liked this story, and I'm glad I read it. I do agree with Empty Shelf though that the whole 'eternal night versus normal day-night cycle' thing needed a bit more fleshing out, not in the sense of how it works (which is really irrelevant in this story beyond 'magic'), but more in Luna having to truly justify why it was acceptable for her to impose that change on everyone when the consequences were unknown and it required violently deposing her sister, while it is unacceptable for Celestia to change things back. I do have a lot of sympathy for the Luna in this story, but I'm not sure she ever gave a straight or full answer to why she rebelled in the first place, and her excuses for why the sun couldn't come back were a bit weak and selfish and not challenged as much as I would have liked. A lot of it comes down to being comfortable with the new status quo that favors her and afraid any change will somehow destroy everything she's worked for the past 700 years, so Celestia really just needs to learn to live with it and be content in the fact that at least her sister loves her (even if no one else does).
I guess I just really wanted someone to call her out on how she rebelled because she felt her night wasn't being appreciated enough and she deserved more love and attention from her subjects, but then she turns around and imposes a situation 10 times worse on her sister. Luna never quite grasps the irony of everyone (including herself) fearing her sister imposing a normal day-night cycle on an unprepared world, or considered that ponies shunning Celestia's day could be just as damaging to her emotional well-being as supposed slights against Luna's night had been to her. If it truly doesn't matter, if Celestia should be able to just cope with this new world and settle for being Luna's companion and nothing more, then it raises the question of why Luna's rebellion was necessary in the first place, and makes it look much more selfish and petty.
It's a bit of a moot point now I suppose, as Luna ultimately allowed the sun to returned and acknowledged that she couldn't have Celestia back truly back without having the day as well. I just feel that after how reluctant she had been the whole story, the resolution didn't feel quite complete, what with her just finally giving in mostly for the sake of Philomena when her sister's happiness and the natural balance of the world didn't seem to be good enough reasons earlier. Logically though, some of these unresolved issues could be resolved off-screen post-epilogue, now that the two of them are in a better place emotionally and can finally start to really talk things through.
Probably over-analyzing all of this, but hell it's rather fun for me, and I hope you continue to take it as a complement that your story keeps warranting this much thought and reflection.
To be clear, I definitely get that this wasn't the focus of the story, though the issue of raising the sun is too central to Celestia's identity to not be important to the story's resolution. Again, I really liked this story and loved how it got me to feel for both sisters and their issues, and my earlier ramblings aside you ended it on a pretty strong note.
7863781 *rubs face with hands* I fucking love these kinds of comments.
You actually have me a totally different view on things, and I 100 percent agree. It hurts knowing this story was THIS FUCKING CLOSE to being perfect.
See... my problem is this. I didn't want to alienate Luna in this story. I didn't want her to be the villain, and I didn't want her to end up being possessed by something, and the only way to actually justify what she did is to make her possessed. Without her being possessed, then it just makes her an evil asshole that did really hate her sister, which isn't what I wanted.
In fact, part of my goal was to make Celestia into the quasi-antagonist. If you'll notice, this story doesn't really have a very strong antagonist. Luna is SORT OF the antagonist because she's the big bag ruler of Equestria that fucked up her sister, but at the same time, she's nothing more than a scared little sister that just wants her sister to forgive her. Celestia, on the other hand, is constantly mad, doesn't really listen all that well, acts on impulse, and goes out of her way to bring a new way of life to ponies who may or may not want it.
That... might be why things are a little screwy. While I'm a good writer, I have strange ideas. This is my first time trying to write a truly complicated story, and... it sort of worked. I loose my own sights sometimes. You gotta understand how fucking hard it is to write stuff like this, man. YOU KEEP GOING BACK AND RE-READING THINGS BUT THEN YOU END UP CONFUSING YOURSELF.
DAMMIT.
FUck, anyway, you're right... it is impressive that, even now that we've wrapped things up for good, there is still a dialogue going on. Thank you for this comment. It made my night.
7863839 And so, the discussion continues.
This shit's turning into a Socratic seminar.
7863816
Don't get me wrong, I definitely get what you were trying to go with here. The moral ambiguity of the situation and just how hopelessly complicated it seems to the characters were big pluses in favor of your story. It wouldn't have worked nearly as well if there had been a clear-cut 'good guy' in the story. The stuff I've brought up is equal parts personal stylistic choices as actual criticism, how I might have wanted the story to go or have it focus on if I were in your shoes rather than what you were shooting for.
I would like to counter TheBreadMaker's response with that I hadn't intended to come across as claiming "the characters are not perfect so therefore the story sucks" (I've tried reading enough stories that have fallen into the trap of having characters with only superficial flaws at best to know it doesn't lead to satisfying plots), though I can kinda see why you assumed that. To be honest, I actually edited my post multiple times before posting, since I was actually being harsher to Luna initially than was really justified. I admit I favor Celestia a fair bit, largely because it's much easier to pity her over Luna from what we get to see and since the story is mostly told from her perspective, but what I wrote before wasn't meant to imply that Luna's perspective had no merit or that she needs to suffer more to balance the scales somehow. Most of the statements you made about Luna being a well meaning but flawed individual (and Celestia in turn holding the high ground far less than she'd like to admit to herself) are ones I agree with. It's more that I saw a few of the underlying issues of the conflict between the sisters didn't get addressed as explicitly as I would have wanted by the end of the story. I was more hoping for acknowledgment by Luna, rather than her immediately fixing her flaws and us getting the happiest ending possible.
After all, if the two of them can't really understand why things went so wrong in the past, and what it will take to truly fix things now, then it casts doubt on whether this peace will last. Though a lot of this would probably happen after the epilogue, and at this point I've really delved too far into nitpicking territory so I'll stop there. Plus it's getting late, so I doubt my attempts to analyze are going to stay coherent much longer.
Still, I do think that accusing me of not actually reading the story because my opinions differed from yours was a bit excessive. I read the same things you did, but simply reached different conclusions, ones which I don't expect to feel valid to others. Advantage of having a story this complex. Yes, I talk a lot about the things that I disagreed with, but I've also been pretty clear that I like the story as a whole.
Luna being prepared to give Celestia back her magic at the castle was a sign of good intentions on her part, but that was never in doubt for me. What it doesn't address is what she expected her to do with that power, beyond hopefully not striking her sister down in anger, which is where my comments have been more focused on. Would she have brought back the sun had Celestia not made one last impassioned plea, only this time with Philomena's sacrifice providing some guilt to motivate her? At this point, this is really let criticism and more speculation on my part. Rereading it I still like how the thing works as a whole, I just can't help but ponder her thought process through this entire confrontation (and not at all in a 'the writer screwed this up and now I'm unhappy' sort of way!).
To be perfectly clear though, irritation at fictional characters for having believable flaws is not the same as expecting those flaws to not exist in the first place, which I think may be partially responsible for our disagreements. It is because I'm invested in this story and can sympathize with these characters that my thoughts keep fixating on them, their motivations, and their actions.
7863969
In my mind, yes. Guilt still did motivate her, and she knew well that, even without Philomena passing, Celestia would have most likely asked the same question, or rather, made the same demand.
Let's not forget the Element's role here. Luna came to that castle with harmony in her mind; the Elements could sense that, which is why they didn't command anything from Celestia. If Luna had given her the elements on her own and restored her magic, then refused to let the sun come up, what would have happened? The Elements would have said "you fucking evil twat" and told Celestia to strike her down.
I... assume dear BreadMaker will keyboard warrior the rest of your points, but for now, that's all I wish to comment on. Even though you're getting a little ganged up on, thank you for responding respectfully.
Once again, that made me happy. I... am glad that I could write something to make you think so deeply. Goodnight, and shall we continue this clash of keyboards tomorrow. Maybe...
EDIT
I have noticed that, which is another thing that has led me to respect your comments a lot more that some other people's comments.
7863992
You know, when you put it that way I can accept that, I hadn't thought of it like that. I understand what you were doing in that scene a bit better now, and even though I was trying not to I was still being rather pessimistic about Luna and her motivations in this, not giving her enough credit to understand the situation she willingly created by bringing the Elements into play and restoring her sister's power without any strings attached.
I take it our good colleague has a reputation already? Please clue me in to what hell I have invited on myself so I might be better prepared.
7864012
It's alright, I probably could have been clearer on some of the things I said, I already typed out a lot so after a certain point I cut it off without considering how some of it might have read. I get why you concluded that, it wasn't my intention to seem like I was criticizing so heavily.
I do get that leaving where things are at between Celestia and Luna as ambiguous is a deliberate choice, and certainly valid. I would have liked to see more, but I'll concede that that isn't the story CoffeeBean wanted to tell here.
I'm sorry if I was unclear about the part of returning Celestia's magic and returning the sun and what I thought about it, and I'm sorry if I was kinda snippy in response. I was only referring to it being unclear if Luna would raise the sun again if things hadn't happened as they did, but CoffeeBean's response settled that.
7864017 I've known him for a good 3 years now and he's my most devout reader. He defends my stories more than I do.
In fact, I think he understands the plot of this story a lot better than I do. He's noticed a lot more nuances and details that I haven't. That happens a lot, surprisingly. People in the comments point out parallels and analogies within the story that I didn't even know I wrote in. Example; the VERY last line of the story. I wrote that so it loops back to the beginning of Chapter 9, but what I didn't realize is that it came full circle back to the beginning where Philomena and Celestia see each other for the first time.
Well, anyway; thanks again for your commenting. This has actually been really fun, and I hope you're not turned off from sticking around on my page and commenting on new stuff I post. I've liked having you around.
Good day!
A solemn end to a beautiful story.
I kind of feel as though this had become a tale about Philomena, though, not Celestia, the celestial mechanism, or the sisters, but it's still s great story.
7864537 Well, the story wasn't really about Celestia. It followed her perspective, yes, but the story was, indeed, about a broader range of sight. It was about how, in the end, love can still leak through anger and enmity.
Man, this story. It made me feel, feelings
Great story, it's always nice to see a version of Celestia that's less than perfect. Also, I am impressed how you managed to round off the word count so perfectly on each chapter without it feeling forced. Witchcraft?
The part with Celestia walking around with her blanket made me smile, it kind of reminded me of King Sombra in Raguarding Fallen Villains. Though they had somewhat different motives (And of course the story has a different tone entirely) The blanket became a kind of symbol of who she was. Also a very stylish fashion accessory.
7865485 The image of a young, very upset Celestia draped in a blanket, carrying a Phoenix on her back, and a lantern in her magic struck me as pretty adorable. And, you know, there's always those analogies and hidden messages she sends with her appearance.
As for the word count... yeah, that was hard to pull of. But... 60,000 words even. OH, IT'S JUST TOO DAMN GOOD.
Glad to see you comment! I see you like clop/romance fics quite a bit, so I'll do some self-promoting and tell you to check out some of my other stuff. 'Dearest Little Sun' might be up your alley; it's got some fun rape-y stuff in it.
And, maybe follow? I'm finishing an old romance fic soon, and I've got another clop fic coming out once that's done.
As always; thanks for commenting, and I'm glad to see you enjoyed this fic. I poured my heart into it.
7865509 Heh, "young" Celestia
I'll be checking out some of your others soon, especially interested in Ancient Hearts since it's related to this one.
7865544 They're loosely related. The two stories take place in the same universe, and this story makes a lot of references to Ancient Hearts.
Also... if you didn't like reading Shakespeare in school, you might not like Ancient Hearts. All of the dialogue is written to accurately mimic how Shakespearian English is.
Well, this something for you.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/MyOnlySunshine
7862803
We are talking about the same ponies who unnaturally terraform everything down to the weather right?
Good story ending however, I'm glad to see something actually finished that doesn't take 5 stories and three lifetimes worth of books.
Though I wonder how the kingdom will be after.
7868355 Well, I'm glad you enjoyed the ending! I too was surprised at how fast I wrote this. I've never had so much inspiration for so long. It never went away. Every time I sat down to write it just flowed. It was almost weird...
Thanks for partaking in the journey that was this story. The discussions that broke out in the comments were always fun.
7868231 Again... fucking spot on. Thank you for devoting your time to this. It makes me smile.
Yea, jumping off previous comment - this is great until the ending, where it feels like we're killing Philomena for a quick dig in the emotional territory. And all of that would really be fine if the whole 'She's a phoenix, dumbies' came into play. I readily admit I am headcanoning that here because I can, and I can see Celestia forgetting it since it's been so long, and depending on the natural life cycle of a phoenix its entirely possible her caretakers didn't - or Philomena being herself, that every time it drew near she'd disappear for a week until she renewed, something of the sort.
Especially since Celestia's whole speech prior to using her as a mana tap was to make sure it wouldn't hurt her and that she could take it, and then instead it just instantly kills her.
7869444 Okay, I redacted both of my other comments to you because they were a little inflammatory in nature. I'm going to respond kindly this time.
Philomena's death is not meaningless. Celestia fears that it will be meaningless if Equestria doesn't like the sun being back. Above that, Philomena's death returned Celestia's magic, which in-turn allows Celestia to bring harmony back to Equestria. Philomena did not die for no reason.
Also: Celestia does not forgive Luna. She states she never will. Her being kind to Luna is not forgiveness, it is acceptance. Her tucking Luna into bed is not her saying "yeah, I'm not mad at you for causing me to kill the only friend I had left." it's her saying "I love you, no matter what." It is Celestia's way of playing her part in helping the relationship. It is her way of trying to find another sliver of happiness. If she stayed mad at Luna, which she does in the Epilogue, then it wouldn't help anything. Celestia wants happiness, and she won't get it without actually working for it.
Philomena's death is not an issue. It is a plot point. It is a part of the damn story. To address your second comment for a moment:
A quick dig? So, 55,000 words of story to set up a relationship is "quick"?
Did you miss the part where Celestia took all of her magic accidentally? A phoenix, in the MLP world, most likely uses their internal force of magic to revive themselves. Without any little shred of magic left, it's a little hard to do that.
Once more, you have completely misinterpreted every point in this story. Her speech, this one:
That is Celestia telling Philomena that, by taking her magic, it would cause her harm. Celestia does not realize that Philomena would die. Celestia thinks that, by bringing Philomena's magic into her own body, it would simply but Philomena into the same state she is in: sick and weak. BUT, Celestia realizes Philomena isn't restrained from pulling magic back into her being, which would allow her magic to heal from what Celestia's done to it. But, as Luna herself said:
When she said that all those chapters ago, she meant it. Luna knows that you can't just take what you want in terms of magic. That's why she can't help Celestia's magic without killing herself or giving her the Elements of Harmony.
I'm starting to think you just skimmed this story, because you missed like every single thing that made the ending happen. And, on top of that, all of the things you suggest would have totally ruined the ending. Why in the hell would I go through the trouble of writing a scene where Philomena dies if it's not permanent? There would be no point to that. It would make it emotionless and weightless.
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Luna could have aided Celestia all along. Philomena did not need to die; thus, to me, the meaning of her sacrifice becomes meaningless because it was an entirely unnecessary death. I can use 'Her death was a waste' if you prefer, but from my reader's perspective the end point is the same. Thus, her dying returned nothing that couldn't have been gotten back, and indeed would have been gotten back without her death had Celestia waited 15 minutes longer, or however long the interval is between scene break + the mana tap.
It's a plot point rendered unnecessary a bare blip in the story later. There's drama being milked for the sake of drama. What purpose does it serve other than to make Celestia & the reader feel pain from the tragic sacrifice, then twist the knife by revealing it was all entirely unnecessary?
Not...really? The relationship is still there and it doesn't require death to crystallize it; that, or I am reading your 'everything' wrong.
It occurs when there are less than 10k words left in the story, and a bunch of those are used building up to the moment, so yes, a relatively quick dig - especially since as readers we see C&L acting normally again so quickly. You can say Celestia is angry, but what is shown in your story is that the anger is not powerful enough to affect her actions for more than a few moments. Her anger earlier after her rescue was far, far more potent (Although I would contend 2 weeks is far too rapid a turnaround time - certainly, for a human in solitary confinement for decades, it would be if they had been angry that entire time, but I can handwave this as 'Alicorns are more psychologically resilient if need be); here, she stops manifesting that anger in a few short paragraphs.
Like, I live with that anger every day. I have someone in my immediate family I ultimately love, but I do not like, much at all. That anger festers in you for years and years and years and you can struggle to address it but you don't simply figure out a way to deal with it in less than a day. I've gotten to a point with this person where I can interact with them without the anger having much effect on me - but it's something that's been 15 years in the making, and I still tend to prefer not interacting with them when I can. If your Celestia had a Buddha-level of Zen, sure, but the Celestia painted in the story up to this point isn't one who can let go like that, and yet when you stab her right in the already bleeding wound, she gets up way faster...how?
Here is the exact part of the story this happens in:
The one example of a mana drain we have seen up till now is Celestia, who survived it for 700 years. There is no foreshadowing at play here that this process is going to be any different. Their entire conversation is about how it would suck to live mana drained, not about the risk of killing her. And then poof, she is dead - there's nothing for us to figure that Celestia screwed up, all we have to go off is 'For some reason, the siphon didn't work as either of them expected at all', but because it's magic, the answer here becomes 'Wizard did it'. If this were a Brandon Sanderson novel there'd be a reason this suddenly occurs, with that reason built into the plot structure prior to now; we might not figure it out, but re-reading afterwards would see all the elements making us go 'Of course it happened this way'; here, though, I do not recall anything hinting towards this ending being the only way it happens.
Okay, I should have used 'hurt her permanently'; Celestia comes around at the moment she believes Philomena able to survive & heal from the process, but not before that. And Luna doesn't say 'all or nothing' in the context of tapping another. What she says is:
Which in context seems to imply 'I cannot give her part of her power, I give her all of it, or none'; and in the speech we're talking about restoring Celestia, not about drawing from Luna.
Chapter 2, in this case, came out in November, which was 2 months ago; so, yes, I don't remember a paragraph I read in a story 2 months ago when I'm reading dozens of fanfics simultaneously. That's part of why when one is doing this, typically you keep seeding the story, especially in serialized fiction where you're dealing with gaps from start to finish.
As for ruined? There, respectfully, I fully disagree. Philomena dying came completely out of left field for me; if your goal is for me to walk away feeling 'Welp, that was a kick in the teeth, woohoo', then sure.
But let me rephrase that : What do you want the reader to walk away with, here? I don't want to engage in speculating what you think because if I get it wrong - as I likely will - we both waste our time.
Lastly, kindly as I can: You're winning yourself no favors attacking your readers because they're offering feedback here. I didn't downvote the story as a result of the ending. I instead spent time telling you it didn't work for me and why in an effort to provide information that might be of use to you. You're perfectly free to disregard it, but when you instead resort to a point by point 'Let me tell you why you are wrong, and also insult you in the process', well, you don't win yourself any points here. Sure, readers who are fully in accord with you may go 'Haha, well done, you showed them!' but you don't need to convince those people of anything.
Doubly concerning is there's 2 deleted comments I never saw, which you say you deleted for being too inflammatory, and...yea. Look, I get it, it sucks having people say 'I don't like this', but that's always, always, always going to happen in anything you write that is read by any form of moderate to sizable audience. And that's okay, because not everyone has to like everything equally.
I'm entirely willing to continue discussing back and forth why I feel the way I do, but only if you put the breaks on and let it be a discussion rather than a fight - because when it comes to literary analysis, there is not one interpretation of things, and I'm far more aware of how a story made me feel than you are seeing as I'm kinda the one feeling those feelings.
Thus, when I say 'To me, her death is a waste', that is exactly how it feels, and why I am unsatisfied with it, and that's it; there's no attack against you at play, merely a 'Why I didn't care for this, and things that could have been different to change that feeling.'
7869698 i didnt quite mean to attack you. It was fustration that you didn't understand what I was trying to convey.
The point of Philomena's death is that Celestia didn't wait. That. Is. The. Point. It further drivea hone that fact that Celestia is not perfect, and neither is Luna, because she too is responsible for Philomena's loss.
Another thing bothering me is you keep saying that I did what I did to make the reader feel something, and I did it for drama. Of course I did it for drama. Thats what this story is. Its drama. Why is that bad?
Ending this story with Philomena living, the sun coming up, and everyone being happy (which they aren't, dunno of you noticed.) Would have been bland, lame, and far more predictable than not. I wanted an ending that made people feel, and thus far, for most, ive succeeded.
I do appreciate your comments, however. I've explained why im being a dick... its not really directed at YOU persay. I am, however, happy to hear you liked the story all the way up till the end. That seems to be a faily common consensus, about 40/60.
I just... how else did you want this to end?
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I'd feel there's a few issues with 'Celestia didn't wait' that prevent that from working as well as it could have. First off, the reader - and Celestia up till this point - have no reason to suspect either of the following:
1A. Luna has a way to give her her power back; we've spent the last few chapters establishing just the opposite, in fact.
2A. The transfer is fatal - we spend the paragraphs before that all suggesting just the opposite.
Further, we also have:
1B. Celestia's condition physically is not at all good; her bleeding nose just before implies she may well be getting worse and the only silver lining is the one meal she keeps down; everything else prior to this point, I gleaned as 'Celestia is deteriorating'. Thus, I was expecting for a while us to go into her keeling over and being near death and Luna having to choose loyalty & love over fear.
2B. The elements seem a way to fix things; based off point 1B, not waiting seems more prudent than waiting. Luna may be coming around, but as 1A notes, Luna as far as we know can't do anything.
Now, Celestia could ask Luna to give her access to the Elements; she didn't do that, though, and in fact the first mention of the Elements of Harmony directly is in Chapter 8. So there's not a 'She missed an opportunity' aspect here, or a chance for Luna to reject her justifying Celestia's haste in using Philomena. There's just Celestia going 'Luna wouldn't let her in', but she never asks, just assumes. But 'She didn't wait' only really works when there's a reason to suggest she should have waited, and none of that is given ahead of time; there are no warning signs she ignores, and in fact just the opposite as right beforehand you spend time setting up 'The transfer will hurt her, but seemingly not permanently', only to go in the exact opposite direction.
Then, on the second bit: Okay, the story is drama. What's the message here? What do you want your reader walking away with? If it's just 'Put them through emotional rollercoaster', well, okay, but typically drama is in service of a message.
But I'm not sure what I ought to be walking away with here, especially when Luna's motivation for banishing Celestia is revealed which seems...uhm...well, off? I mean...
So, if Luna knew that, and banished Celestia to spare her pain, why not, uhm, just not refuse to lower the moon instead? I guess 'She's insane at the time' is an acceptable answer but that's some...tortured logic I'm having trouble following if insanity isn't the answer at play. Certainly, Luna is far from insane in modern times.
But...yea, so, the walkaway message I am getting here is 'Sometimes you kill your friend on accident because they are trying to help you and it turns out their sacrifice was entirely unnecessary if only you'd known something someone deliberately lied to you about'.
...Which is another reason I think Celestia comes around way too fast. It wasn't even that Luna didn't realize the Elements would work - it's that she did, and flat out lied about it, and Philomena died for it. She could have cured Celestia all along, could have freed her all along, and instead forced her to endure 700 years of torture, then 2 weeks further of pain, then got her last friend killed, and...Celestia manages to tuck her into bed that night anyways.
I was sold on everything up till the very end, but yea, the death is what sticks in my craw here. If Celestia had ended things lashing out and driving Luna away, or saying 'Fuck you, here comes the sun, also don't ever talk to me until I say otherwise', I would have bought that way more easily, and then I can see a walkaway message about the dangers of giving into fear and how sometimes even if we want good things, our inability to face the consequences of our mistakes causes worse things to happen.
7869809 message message message. You keep asking what the message is. Was I supposed to include a moral, or something?
Im just so lost as to the point you're trying to make. You keep pointing out all these places where Celestia messes up and where Luna messes up, and that all leads up to Celestia doing what she does, but you aren't actually looking at this from their preapectives. Of course what happens doesnt make sence to you, because you keep looking at things from above. You have the whole picture. They dont. You keep listing all these points saying "oh, well if this had happened differently, then this wouldn't have happened".
You keep analyzing the right things in the wrong way. For those people who saw things the way i wrote them, they liked the ending, and it made them feel what I wanted. For the few others that keep over-analyzing things, they don't like the ending.
Sorry you didn't like the ending. Things are subjective.
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I'll try to boil it down, then:
1. From a narrative perspective, Philomena dying comes out of left field without foreshadowing to establish it, and indeed foreshadowing suggesting just the opposite, leading to tonal whiplash and a sudden introduction of drama that felt, to me, out of place.
2. Said drama is resolved far too neatly/succinctly; having lived something similar, it feels dishonest to me that Celestia suddenly comes around that fast after Luna gets Philomena killed.
3. The combination of 1) and 2) leaves me feeling unsatisfied because I felt like I got hit with a cheap trick to make me feel crappy with nothing behind it but to make me feel crappy. The story shot the dog just to shoot the dog, as it were, and give us sudden pathos at the moment of triumph solely to turn triumph into tragedy.
Though - what part of Luna's NMM-era perspective makes sense? 'You will be hurt if you banish me, so I will banish you instead' is...like if she'd gotten her back a year later, sure, but...yea.
7870008 I... still. I'm not blaming you for this, or saying that you suck at reading or anything... but you're looking at things too hard. You're straining over the details. Whatever... I'm, honestly a little tired of this argument.
So... here's one problem I have with this. She doesn't. From the time Philomena dies to the time Celestia tucks Luna into bed a fair 5 or 6 hours has gone by. Yadda yadda that's not every actually said in the story, but it's pretty easy to gather that it has, since Luna says "it's not morning yet!" So, it's probably like midnight, or maybe 11PM when they meet in the castle.
7870127 Jesus Christ.
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Right, I'm saying that such things don't take hours to get over. They take weeks, months, years...or never, in some cases. But hours? No, not except in potentially extraordinary cases.
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As I noted to Coffee, you are liable to catch more flies with honey. It's doubly damaging because disregarding the wanton attacks here you have a decent idea at play regarding analyzing it from the perspective of Philomena knowing it would be fatal (Though one could retort with 'How does the bird know more than the horses?').
It has nothing to do with 'I don't think she can forgive', but that 'She does it way too fast for how she is portrayed thusfar'. Did I say I couldn't coexist with the person? No. I said there was a heap of anger that has lasted over a decade, but been tempered by time into something more manageable. I have no idea how old you are, so 'until I was 14' is information missing the second point (Namely 'How old are you now?') which is needed to give it perspective - but even then any given life has oodles of other factors that strengthen or reduce resilience, so yea, I'm not going to presume to know how you feel the way you do. But, hey, we see this from Celestia's PoV, starting from 'We want nothing to do with you' to the ending.
As to why I presume to generalize : I was using mine as an anecdotal example. You're not going to find a clinical 'Grief should last X to Y' because the fact is it doesn't; it's more a slow acclimatizing process. Certainly, there are those whom are able to function normally even in the midst of tragic loss. That doesn't ring true to the pony I read through here.
To outline things nice and simply : I am unsatisfied because characterization died at the altar of plot contrivance right here for everyone but Philomena, who I will concede based on your point has an arc which works if one presumes she knew she was going to die and accepted it, where even if I disagree with her decision I can see the basis behind it.
But more bluntly, since unlike Coffee you went straight for the 'fuck you' : Stop being an ass.
I can tell from the comments that a lot of people didn't like the ending.
I don't particularly see why-- it was definitely bittersweet, and temptingly open-ended about the fate of the day in Equestria, but I thought it was a lovely place to end the story.
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Alright, so as for your thing about the grief; you're wrong. NOW. While I've never had my family member cause the death of my best friend, I too have lost someone close, and I modeled Celestia's dealing with it after my own in a few ways. For me, there was about 30 minutes of absolute hell and depression, then, it felt like someone hit me with laughing gas, and I loosened up and got a little happier for a while. That next morning, though, I basically was ready to die. And yes, it was a slow process of getting over it. Some days I would just cry for no reason, others I was fine. But, we see the last like 10 hours of Celestia's life, and Celestia IS NOT TOTALLY OVER PHILOMENA'S DEATH. Did... you actually read the prologue? Because I'm pretty sure Celestia spent all of it in tears.
7870328 The ending is subjective. Very heavily. Some people read into the story too much, and over-analyze things too much, and end up not liking it because they nit-pick certain details to death. That's happened like 5 times now. Others see the ending as what it is, and they see the emotional points the story makes, and they like it.
It's all down to someone's preference.
Also, thanks for commenting! It makes me happy to see you've liked the fic. It took a lot of work, and I'm glad to see it paying off.
7870346 But...the prologue takes place prior to the story. It's why while I feel 2 weeks is a little fast, a lot is happening there which in the end sells me on it. Here though...I mean, yea, there's a load of difference between 'Lost someone close' and 'Staring at the one who caused it'.
What we see here is more akin to 'Celestia just drove her car off the road to avoid a drunk driver, killed her passenger, and Luna reveals she was driving the car Celestia just swerved to avoid'.
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2 Weeks is a little fast... for what? I'm lost on what you're trying to say here...
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To recover to the degree she did from 700 years of solitary confinement.
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If your position is 'Hey, we can do anything because there's no rule against it' then yea, there's really nothing further beneficial to be had. Using 'magic' as the handwave to everything leads to the pile of shit that is The Sword of Truth, where 'Magic' is shorthand for 'I can't be arsed to come up with a reason'.
Because 2 weeks isn't 'Slowly' to me. 2 weeks is nothing, at this point in my life. A lot can happen in 2 weeks, yet at the same time, it can feel like no time at all has passed. And we're talking a mortal lifetime rather than one that is over 2,000 years old.
Welcome to literary criticism 101, you get an F.
Mm-hmm. I said why it didn't work for me, how I felt it would be stronger, and would have been fine to leave it at that. I only engaged since I keep continuing to be engaged though I am trying to wrap it up now.
Then don't, I guess if you want to be a dick in life you can be, but it will bite you in the ass someday - and that ignores all the things you miss because people simply stop giving you the time of day.
7870463 The implication is that you're much younger than me and thus our perceptions of time are different, child. I could be wrong, of course; you could be in your 30s and acting like a total ass, but I'd venture you are somewhere between 17 & 22.
You can call me wrong all you like, but the wonderful thing about opinion is that is literally impossible. There are bad opinions - but never wrong ones.