Hazel Eyes in the Moonlight

by Oddling

16 - Brooding

Resting high in the sky, Celestia’s sun shone brightly as it bathed the land in its warmth that afternoon. The sun’s rays bounced off of the sides of Twilight’s crystalline castle which caused a vibrant array of color to reflect and paint the grounds near it with a beauty that could not be seen anywhere else. A small smile graced Jim’s maw as he took in the sight through an open window on the castle’s third story. He had never seen such a particular sight before and it had been more than enough for him to stop and appreciate the view.

Such a pretty display of color… I wonder if mother would have loved to see something like this…

The thought was enough to strip away Jim’s smile, his face shifting back to neutral and calculative. It had been many years since he last thought of her. From what he could gather, his thoughts about the past when he had revealed certain things to Twilight and her friends the other day had stirred the memories out of their slumber. Sadly, Jim found his thoughts drifting back to what should have been forgotten history on a number of occasions over the past two days. To make his mood more dampened, he also thought constantly about what might befall Scootaloo if his fears were realized and his curse really had been passed on.

The fur on the back of Jim’s neck stood up and he snorted angrily. Not only had he been foolish in not fighting against his curse more adamantly in the cave, he had completely overlooked one of the most important things regarding his own blood. I’m such an idiot!

The gentle creak of door hinges caught Jim’s attention and his head swiftly turned to look in that direction. Just down the hall, Spike stepped out of one of the rooms and closed the door behind him. The young dragon almost instantly took notice of Jim’s presence in the hall. “Oh, hey there, Jim. Uh… are you okay? You look a little…”

Jim sighed softly and shook his head slowly. “I’ve been in better moods. Just trying to deal with what’s been happening over the past few days,” he replied, doing what he could to keep his emotions from affecting his tone. Though he hardly knew the little dragon, Jim still liked Spike enough to actively avoid getting angry with him, despite the fact that Jim just wanted to snarl and storm off at the moment. “So what were you up to, Spike?”

Spike’s expression fell slightly and he let out a tired sigh. “I was just helping Twilight prepare for the Princess’ arrival. Apparently, with everything that’s happened over the past week, Twi kinda forgot to keep things tidy in her study. Unfortunately, the study is usually where she holds her meetings with the princess so it’s been quite a chore fixing it up all morning.”

Jim chuckled gently. “You have my sympathies, Spike. I’d offer to help… but I’m kind of on edge and my temper is short at the moment. I don’t want to risk snapping at anyone before… they arrive.”

“Hey, no worries. Twilight told me most of what happened and, to be honest, I’m not sure I’d know how to cope with anything like that,” Spike sympathized. “I mean, I don’t know about my parents at all, well, aside from them being dragons. Yet even imagining something like what you had to go through is just…”

“Yeah… and that’s only one of many things from my unfortunate past.” Jim’s expression fell once more and his ears sank back as he recalled yet more of his depressing history. The thought of telling the young drake about some of it grew and his hazel eyes drifted up to Spike for a moment as he considered the idea. After all, there had been a few occasions where others had said it was healthy to get certain emotions and such off of your chest. Still… Spike just seemed too innocent and under the age required for such a conversation topic, in Jim’s opinion, so he decided against the idea.

Jim’s gaze slowly drifted back out the window… only to discover that the angle of the sun had moved and that the chromatic light display upon the ground had all but vanished. It seemed that there was nothing more to keep Jim there. “Well, good luck getting things ready for the princess’ arrival, Spike. I’m going to go try and ease my mind somewhere…”

“Oh, uh, sure. Thanks, Jim. Um… if you don’t mind, you could try relaxing by the park. It’s not far from here and it’s pretty serene this time of year,” Spike offered.

Jim paused mid-step. The idea held some merit. Being observant of his surroundings had always given Jim a different perspective when viewing the world around him, but a sudden realization halted any further thought on going out. He offered Spike a small appreciative smile and shook his head softly. “Thanks for the option, but I think I’ll find somewhere else. See you later, Spike.”

Jim slowly left the hallway, his paws and hands making no sound as he walked while Spike looked on with a lightly saddened expression. He may not have been the greatest at reading others, but he was pretty sure he knew why Jim had declined the idea of going outside. Spike’s eyes drifted over to the nearby window as he thought about the way he had seen other ponies looking at Jim. Nopony had opened up to him, in fact it was as if most of the town had found out about Jim’s failed attempt to kill Scootaloo and had all but shunned him. Just because he was a fierce-looking werewolf that had come out of the Everfree Forest, ponies grew continuously more cautious around him, though some of the increased fear had come from Jim’s unhappy expressions he wore over the past few days. His focused gaze and standoffish body language were more than adequate in driving timid ponies away. Come to think of it, there had been fewer visitors to the castle’s library since Jim started staying there.

Spike sighed sadly as he looked at where Jim had left around the corner. In a way, he could relate to Jim. He too was different, but it had been thanks to his helpful and considerate personality that ponies had quickly come to accept and like him despite his being a dragon. A deeper feeling of sadness took hold in Spike’s chest as he realized that it would not be so easy for someone like Jim to accomplish befriending others. Just how long had Jim been alone for, and would he ever be able to open up to others? Would there ever be somepony that could help to mend the damage that Jim’s past had caused? Only time would tell…

---

As the day passed, the gentle rays of the late day sun found Jim slumped across the bed of his room. He had explored quite a few different rooms of the castle, none of which tickled his fancy, though he did meet Twilight’s most recent friend and student, Starlight Glimmer. Her initial reaction had been one of shock, but that quickly disappeared as the light purple unicorn mare grew curious about Jim. The basic questions had been asked; what are you? What are you doing in Twilight’s castle? Oh, you came from Earth, what’s it like there?

Jim had spent a little bit of time talking with the curious mare. Conversing with her had taken his mind away from unwanted places, so he had kind of welcomed the meeting. Still, to his mix of relief and disappointment, Starlight had a schedule to keep for the assignment that Twilight had given her so their time had come to an end after roughly ten minutes. Though the library had been a place that Jim had wanted to try relaxing in, the thought of seeing what he could possibly learn from some of the literature being quite tantalizing, he chose to leave instead. He did not feel right staying there if it meant possibly distracting Starlight from her work. Plus, he was inclined to be somewhere quiet and alone. In the end, Jim ended his search by plopping down on his bed… though the fact remained that he was only given the room because Twilight and Fluttershy had not wanted him sleeping in the Everfree.

Ah, Fluttershy… the thought of the kind little yellow pegasus managed to bring a small, genuine smile to Jim’s face as he remembered how adamant she had been in making him stay. She had playfully threatened to get one of Applejack’s lassos to tie him up and carry him over to a proper housing establishment should she find out that he had gone back into the forest. That had been quite amusing to the sizable werewolf and he had been hard pressed not to laugh uncontrollably at the mere visual his mind had conjured up. She’s really too kind. I almost feel that her kindness is wasted on someone like me… but she’s managed to bring a warmth to my heart that I never thought possible until now. Maybe I should pay her a visit. Well, provided the princesses don’t send me to that dungeon, he mused, his smile shifting to a melancholy look as he sighed.

That had been another thing that Jim had not really enjoyed thinking about. The way he had left Canterlot had been fairly dickish if he was being honest with himself. Yes his reasons had been sound enough for his standards, but even he knew that he had committed quite the faux pas in the presence of royalty. Not only that, but he had stomped on any and all friendly progress he had made with Princess Luna. The face she had made, that sad and pleading look, came to the surface of Jim’s mind and a feeling of shame with a hint of self-loathing grew in his chest. She didn’t deserve that… he thought regretfully.

Jim rolled onto his back and stared blankly at the ceiling. His mood had once again drifted into the pit. Yet again he was a prisoner of his past, not even trying to struggle against its grip upon his mind. He knew there was no point to letting his self-destructive behavior continue to consume him, but he just couldn’t find it in himself to give a shit at the moment. In fact, for whatever reason, he felt that he truly deserved to feel this terrible because of the fact that he had hurt Luna like that, what with emotional wounds seeming to be the only thing that would remain a permanent injury for him. Hell, at this point in time he might as well have just had a one-night stand with her and shrugged her feelings to the side while literally chewing on her heart.

With a heavy sigh and clenched fists, Jim rolled onto his side to stare at the small opening of his room’s window. The softly glowing green stained glass had once held a unique beauty to it before, now nothing more than something mundane to emptily stare at. The seconds silently ticked by as the depressed werewolf idly watched the light shift and change until the sun’s final rays had vanished over the horizon. A small part of Jim’s conscious mind knew that the time had come… but that sliver of awareness remained buried beneath his slowly churning thoughts. It wasn’t until the quiet metallic clops of hooves and the faint scent of dark chocolate and raspberries took hold of his senses that he stirred from his side. He slowly sat up on the bed and looked to the door to his room.

The hoofsteps came to a halt just outside of the door. Silence dominated the air for a good many seconds before a light rapping against the door shattered it. “Jim? We… seek an audience with you.”

Author's Note:

Well, it's been a while but I think I've finally gotten out of my rut. Here's a little something to get the ball rolling again with this story. Sadly... this is more of a somber chapter. The next one will still be a little on the melancholic side, but it will be a pretty big eye opener for anyone who's been curious about Jim's past. I had originally thought I'd wait a little longer before going into this part of the tale, but it just felt natural to lead into this (most likely because I'm also in a more sedate state of mind from events in my life recently).

In any case, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Look forward to the next one.

Comments

[Shadow_Quill]

Yay for the chapter, sad for the Jim.

[J-TBone]

8256968
I know right. Poor Jim. Maybe Luna will hear him out before her sister sends him to the sun for hurting a little pony :-\