• Member Since 30th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen 19 hours ago

Hillbe


Master of Disaster

T

Spike and the boys are having a good game night in the castle maybe a little too good, Cider flowed and the princess Smarity rules until the girls came home and like in the game the boys get some critical hits. Oops you done goofed.
sex tag only for the Smarity thang.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 6 )

You done goofed

Capitalize each word in the title. While it may look weird or appears to be wrong, it's actually how you're supposed to type it in.

good game night out

If I remember correctly, the guys prefer to play their board game back at the castle. This being said, those words together doesn't make any sense.

(a little too good, Cider flowed and the stories rolled off their tongues and into the gutters)

Don't do this. It makes your fanfiction come off as sloppy, and can easily be done without the parenthesis.

like the game the boys get some critical hits. Oops you done goofed

The girls like the game? Well, for one thing, only Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were even remotely interested in the actual episode, which I'm guessing this is based off from. So, you need to explain to us readers why the others have decided to join. Also, CUPS.

I'll come back with a full review, but I'll need some popcorn first.

7709688 I done goofed :pinkiegasp: funny the title was all caps...will fix the boo boos:facehoof:

Cute fic, though it gets hard to figure out who's talking in that last bit.

7709923 added names...:twilightoops:

Don't you mean Sparity?

7709983 Princess Smarity like in Spikes game, Rescue princess Smarity from the evil Squizard.

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