Chapter 2
All but Twilight and Pinkie stood there with their jaws open in shock. There was a creature laying on the floor of the library on its back, barely breathing, and it wasn't anything Equestrian. The initial surprise of its arrival had worn off of Pinkie Pie, and Twilight looked more concerned about it than anything else thanks to the noticeable injury it sustained.
After a few moments of silence, and the group examining it from top to bottom from a safe distance, Applejack was the first to ask what was on the mind of everypony.
"So...what're we supposed to do with it?"
She was met with everypony's bewildered stare, but unfortunately, none of them could come up with an answer.
"I suppose we could...try to wake it up?"
They eyed the librarian dubiously, not especially keen on the idea.
"How else are we supposed to know where it came from or why it's here? We just have to wake it up slowly and quietly so we don't startle it too badly. So, um, who wants to go first?" Twilight asked with a weak smile. Twelve angry eyes shot daggers at her.
After a tense moment, Applejack sighed loudly, offering herself voluntarily. Bravely, albeit slowly, she walked up to it and leaned in closely. They all looked at her with a hint of relief that they didn't have to step up to the plate. She raised her hoof to its chest and gently poked at it.
"Uh...hello? Anypony home? Rise 'n shine?" She pulled her hoof back and bent closer to its face. She could almost felt its soft breath on her snout. Applejack took a few steps backward and shrugged. No luck.
Twilight spoke up, "Spike, could you run upstairs and get me a cool wet washcloth. It's still got that nasty gash on its head. The water may help wake it too for all we know."
"D-do I have to?"
Spike's question was met with a glare. Sighing, he headed to the bathroom and returned with what she asked for. She took the washcloth from him and rubbed the wound carefully, not wanting to aggravate the injury further. The blood had dried a while ago, but it was still a mess. She twisted the rag and drained some of the water on its head and face. Its eyes twitched in response to the droplets of clear liquid jabbing repeatedly at its skin, and it slowly inhaled a large breath, groaning. It appeared Twilight's idea had worked; the creature was starting to come around. Maybe then they can see what its story was.
However, as it stirred, its eyes suddenly shot open and its left...claw, or whatever it was, started almost involuntarily reaching for its shoulder and side simultaneously as if it couldn't decide what to grab onto first. It slowly rolled onto its stomach and winced hard. Its eyes may have seen a small purple horse and a tiny green and purple lizard looking at them, but its brain only registered one thing – pain. A lot of it. It looked around quickly and saw an open doorway on the other side of the room.
The girls recoiled in fright and quickly made sure to not be its way, wherever it was going. Fluttershy ducked into a ball behind the rest of the group up against a bookcase and shook like a leaf.
The creature started to crawl towards the doorway, but unfortunately its right foreleg, if it could be called that, didn't seem to want to work; it fell to the floor limp despite there not being any visible injury. Every movement this thing made seemed to make it grit its teeth and slam its eyes shut. Its breathing rate quickly skyrocketed and it looked to be on the verge of tears. It found the door frame and hoisted itself up onto its knees. Mixed looks of confusion and horror decorated the ponies' faces.
The creature, still quivering madly in agony, glanced down at its limp limb, took in and held a sharp breath, bared its teeth in anger and slammed its shoulder into the wooden frame. A loud, sinewy pop erupted from its body on impact, jolting its joint back into place. The jarring, crunching sound almost made a few of them throw up, and the aura of fear and panic was universal throughout the room.
The monster's face froze up, appearing as if it wanted to scream, but all it could muster was a squeak. It collapsed onto its knees and crashed down onto its side. The impact of the floor sent a convulsion throughout the creature's body again, and it was clear that a second wave of pain suddenly hit. It slowly curled itself into a ball as it shook, and its breathing became labored again as horrible anguish overtook him.
Twilight took the lead and nervously approached after a few insane minutes with Applejack and Rainbow Dash tentatively following. The creature laid in front them, unmoving, save for its racking tremors. Rarity lifted a hoof to beg them to get away but couldn't find her voice. Pinkie was scared out of her wits, and Fluttershy was frozen on the floor, laying on her side, stiff as a board. The three brave ponies crept up beside the creature and into the kitchen next door to get a better vantage to try speaking to it. The stranger was staring blankly at nothing in particular, focused only on its agony.
Twilight hunched over and spoke up, "Umm...are you okay?"
Its eyes darted to the purple unicorn and the pain was replaced by shock.
"Y-y-you can talk."
Based on the tone of its voice, it sounded male. The surprise was instantly returned by the blue pegasus. "You can talk?!"
The more cautious of the group took notice but were still far from relaxed. The creature swung its eyes towards the blue horse with the multicolored mane and what it could have sworn was wings on its sides. Twilight looked back at Rainbow and glared her into submission.
"Sorry," Twilight continued. "Are you alright? You look hurt. Bad."
It gazed at her, its eyes hollow and aching, and was reminded of the pain it was indeed in.
"Ribs...f-feel broken," the creature said, tears pouring from its eyes. Even trying to speak was exceptionally difficult for it.
Twilight thought for a moment. "Spike, grab me the Equestrian Medical Journal."
The dragon didn't respond as he was still captivated by this new talking species in the room.
"Spike!"
He came to his senses and located the book she requested, bringing it over to her. She held it in midair and flipped to the index, looking for information about ribs and rib injuries. This thing may not have been a pony, but she was willing to bet parts of their anatomy were similar enough that what she found in the journal could easily apply here. Besides, if its front limbs were longer, one could see it as an extraordinarily ugly, coatless pony.
The creature spotted the floating, glowing book and widened its eyes, shaking in horror but trying to remain as calm as it could. Screaming could just make things worse, never mind the fact that its body would make it pay for doing so. Horses were talking, so, sure, books can suddenly somehow hover in the air on their own. And these horses apparently could read and had medical knowledge. Why not?
"Ah ha, here we are," Twilight exclaimed. She flipped to the middle of the book and skimmed over the information, reading it quietly to herself. Once she knew what she needed, she closed the book and floated it toward Spike, who promptly returned it to where he found it. "I think I can fix your broken ribs if I can find where the bones broke. I should be able to guide them back together and reattach them completely. This is usually something you go to the hospital over, but I don't know how the doctors would react to you. Try to remain calm. What you're about to experience may be a little unusual."
It nodded but this mystery horse's words didn't make it feel any better. Being told to remain calm usually resulted in a situation where remaining calm was not an option. Twilight closed her eyes and her horn came alive with purple energy. The thing's body was slowly engulfed by her magic. Panicking, it cringed and trembled as it watched itself suddenly begin to glow. So much for relaxing.
The creature tried desperately to grab at whatever it was that was surrounding its body and swat it away. Without warning, the bones under its skin steadily slid back into place and the pain spiked once again. It growled through its teeth, fighting off howling at the top of its lungs. The panic and nervous tension in the air was broken by an unusually relaxing voice.
"S'alright, shug. Twilight knows what she's doin'."
Surprised by the strangely familiar accent, it looked over at the source. The orange one with the...cowboy hat? It had seen an orange blur as it directed its attention between the purple and blue horses earlier but didn't take immediate notice of the third in the group. Her twang had a noticeably calming effect amidst the bursts of excruciating pain as his ribs somehow crawled around on their own and indeed appeared to reattach themselves, just like the purple one said.
It felt the last of the bones heal, and the glow that surrounded its body receded away. It took a gentle breath, testing the effects of whatever just happened. The ache in its side and back was dramatically reduced but had not completely disappeared. The soreness was likely going to be around for a little while, but at least talking, breathing, and hopefully moving wouldn't be too agonizing.
The creature sat up slowly and grunted as its body reminded it of what it just went through. It leaned up against the door frame it just smashed itself into a few moments ago, clutching gently at its previously injured shoulder. It turned its attention to the orange one and gazed at it in shock.
"What?" said Applejack, unease creeping up on her as the weird beast stared into her big green eyes.
Despite its injuries suddenly somehow healed, the fact that several tiny horses were standing there talking jolted it back to reality. The thing spun onto its knees and half-jumped to its left, crawling across the floor in a desperate bid for escape from the bizarre happenstance. The farthest it was able to get was the kitchen wall where it was found leaning up against it by the seven mystery creatures.
It threw its gaze around the room, darting from one corner to another, then to the table, fridge, and lastly, the four-legged things opposite it. The fact that its ribs were better now than they were five minutes ago was irrelevant; this otherworldly specimen was in a place it knew it didn't belong. In its current state of distress, the steady throbbing it was still feeling in its ribcage and shoulder amplified in intensity, but it was too frightened to be concerned.
Twilight, Applejack and the others cautiously approached the strange animal but didn't dare to get too close. It was breathing heavy and rapidly, obviously terrified. Neither side had any idea what to do next. There didn't appear to be any intention of any attacks. But an animal is most dangerous when cornered, after all.
The librarian subtly nodded her friends out of the room and into the lobby. Rainbow Dash and Applejack kept a far, watchful eye on it as they all huddled together.
"Okay, now what?" Twilight whispered.
"Do we bring it to the authorities? I mean, we drag that thing outside, it could cause a panic if somepony spotted it. You said it yourself, you never saw anything like that...whatever it is in any of your books." Rainbow Dash replied.
"Maybe, but I can't just leave it here. Well, not unsupervised at least, and I don't like the idea of just myself and Spike watching over it. I mean, what if it tries to attack us in the middle of the night or something? And if we stayed with one of you to avoid that, it could escape, and who knows what kind of trouble it might cause."
"You're assumin' it's dangerous to begin with," Applejack stated, studying the horrified look on its face from a distance. Strangely though, whenever it looked directly at the country girl, its features seemed to soften just a bit. "Look at it. It's scared out of its mind! Don't ya think that if it was gonna attack us it would have done so by now instead o' runnin' away like it did?"
"Could be biding its time," Rarity suggested. "Waiting until our backs are turned or something."
"We could always just go say hello. We know it talks, right? Maybe it can tell us why it's here," Pinkie interjected. "As long as it didn't stop by just to punch holes in rooftops. What am I supposed to do if it rains?"
"There's not supposed to be any rain until Tuesday, but that's important right now," Rainbow shot back.
"Um, maybe we could all spend the night here to help you keep an eye on it? I mean, if it's not too much trouble, that is."
Twilight rubbed her chin, processing several ideas at once. Having her friends stay the night didn't seem to have much of a downside. The strength in numbers in case it got aggressive was critical, and they had no idea if it could do things like wield magic or somehow lift mountains.
"That could work. We should stay down here in the lobby. It'd be safest that way. Rarity, would you help me bring down some sheets and pillows from upstairs?"
"Of course."
"Thanks. If it tries anything in the meantime, do what you can to stop it and give us a shout. We'll come back immediately."
-----
The last-second sleepover was anything but fun for the girls. While most times they played games and dolled themselves up with creams and mane curlers to keep themselves distracted from any potential dangers – sometimes even torturing Spike by getting him involved too – this night was unsettling. There hadn't been any noise from the kitchen where the monster was still hiding in a few hours. They decided against it having escaped. There would have been some kind of disturbance and the only way it could get out without getting past them was using a window it couldn't fit through. Most likely, it was either asleep or still sitting in the same position they last saw it in – in a ball with its hind legs up against its chest.
The mares and the dragon fidgeted around most of the early evening, trying to forget the fact they had a weird animal in the other room. But, biology started to catch up with at least one of them; Applejack needed a snack. Undaunted, she got to her hooves and marched into the kitchen, despite the pleas of her friends.
A quiet shuffle of the thing's foot as it hunched up in surprise caught the pony's attention, freezing her in place beside the refrigerator. For a brief moment, they just stared at each other, unflinching. She didn't see the outright fear in its eyes from before though it was clearly still scared. Now, it just seemed more curious than anything, as if it wanted to say something but couldn't. It was the same kind of look she received earlier when Twilight began her impromptu medical procedure on it. Her friends watched anxiously from the safety of the lobby but ready to jump to Applejack's defense in a heartbeat. They collectively held their breath as the orange mare stood in place, not taking her eyes off their unexpected guest.
Applejack slid her eyes away and decided upon a possibly dangerous gambit. Slowly, she pulled open the door to the fridge, boldly turning her back to the creature, even if only for a minute. The others winced at her display of bravado. Was she nuts?!
The country girl carefully closed the door and turned to face the thing, doing her best not to make any sudden moves. Between her teeth hung a bright, delicious red apple. She noted the shift in his eyes from her face to the fruit. It must have been hungry too, she reasoned. Though, how did it know she was holding something to eat? Dismissing the question, Applejack took the first of several extremely cautious steps toward the alien. Her hunger suddenly didn't seem to bother her.
"AJ, what are you doing?! Get back here!" Rainbow Dash hissed.
Ignoring the command, the Stetson-wearing mare found herself only a few hooves away the beast's hind legs. Not taking her eyes off the stranger, she gently placed the apple on the floor and nudged it with her snout. Taking two steps backward, she sat down gingerly and observed its reaction. Outside, Spike and the girls had silently risen to their hooves and tiptoed up to the doorway, hiding just out of sight and trying to listen in.
Though Applejack kept her eyes on the being in front of her, the thing couldn't stop glancing at the apple. Cautiously, it outstretched its forelimb, watching her the whole way, and took it in its claw. Just based on the appearance of the one limb and how it seemed to function, she gathered that it must have been similar in form to Spike, only taller, ganglier and decidedly less scaly.
What it did next dumbfounded the mare. Instead of bringing it up to its mouth to eat, it simply lifted the apple off the floor a few inches – though it did struggle a bit, most likely due to when it slammed its body into the door frame – and dropped it, and then did it one more time.
"Uh, it's...just an apple. Ya eat 'em," she said to the creature.
Apparently satisfied with the response, it took hold of the succulent apple and held onto it closely, studying it carefully and curiously. What was it after?
"The book. From earlier," it mumbled. "It...floated."
"Oh. You were tryin' to see if the apple floated too?" she queried.
It nodded, barely. It may not be much, but at least she was starting to get somewhere. "H-How'd it do that?"
"Twilight just used some of her unicorn magic, that's all."
"Unicorn magic?" he whispered, his eyes darting around trying to make sense of such a revelation. He continued between heavy breaths, "And...the wings? Um...pegasus?"
Applejack blinked and cocked her head back in mild surprise. "How do you know about all that? Are there unicorns 'n pegasi where you're from?"
"Stories. Fiction. Where the hell am I?" The fear he had lost started to return as he prepared for an answer he probably wasn't going to understand or like.
"You're in Equestria. I'm...guessin' ya ain't familiar with the place, judgin' by yer reaction."
Stunned silence was her only response. It blinked and shifted uncomfortably in place, panic trickling back into its mind. The fruit slipped from its grasp and hit the floor with a soft thud, rolling along and coming to a stop against the wall. The mare winced sadly as her gift unintentionally fell. Hopefully it could be salvaged later.
"Um...where're ya from? Why're ya here?" the mare gently asked, glancing back up at their guest. "Oh, and uh, do ya have a name? Ah'm Applejack."
Though it heard the question, it was too shaken up to answer. A queasy feeling began to stir in its stomach, and it swallowed repeatedly, fearing that it was about to empty its contents onto the floor.
"Easy, shug. Just relax. You're with friends here, I promise," whispered Applejack as she reached over to the terrified visitor. Though she felt that a comforting hoof could help it calm down, she was still uneasy. For both their sakes, she had made sure not to show any sign of nervousness herself. "Everythin's gonna be okay."
Over the next few minutes, the creature's quivering gradually died down as her voice repeated in its head. It paused to turn and gaze at her, a wave of calm washing over it. The sweet-sounding mare smiled warmly as it appeared to her that she had broken through and brought his mind back from the brink. It hadn't looked so peaceful since it was laying unconscious on the floor.
Swallowing hard, it finally said, "Matt. Matt Doherty."
"Nice to meet you, Matt Doherty," Applejack beamed.
"Just Matt's okay."
"Alright," she chuckled. She slouched and softly exhaled, feeling that she could at last relax a little. He noticed Applejack's released tension and let his legs slide out steadily, wincing a bit from the soreness still flowing through his body and stretching them flat onto the floor. This helped put her at ease even more, once he fought past the pain. Ground had been made, and hopefully he'll continue to open up to her. "Why are ya here, Matt? Mah friend Twilight is really knowledgeable about, well, just about everythin' it seems, and she has no idea what ya are or where ya might've come from."
The five hidden ponies and single dragon hesitantly crept through the doorway and into the kitchen at the sound of Twilight's name, still wary of this Matt creature but curious as to what was going on nonetheless. Applejack glanced over her shoulder, checking to see if her friends were acting rashly, and back to her new acquaintance. He had frozen up, holding a breath in his lungs hostage and was staring anxiously at the group behind the blonde pony.
"It's okay. No one's gonna hurt ya. Ya have mah word."
Matt's eyes darted over to Applejack and back to her group of comrades a few times before he loosened back up. "I'm...I don't know why I'm here. Was at home and...and then there was a...a hole or something in front of me from out of nowhere. Pulled me in, felt like I was being ripped apart. Then I woke up here and...well, y'know. How are you speaking English...or anything at all really?" he quickly asked. The question was burning a hole in his brain ever since the mare originally shared her concern a few hours ago.
"I'm speakin' Equestrian. Never heard o' English."
"Doesn't make sense," he muttered to himself. "The hell's going on?"
"Easy, Matt. Let's take this one step at a time, see if we can figure some things out, okay?" the country girl said in a hushed tone, almost sounding motherly. She didn't want to have things fall apart this far along. "You mentioned earlier that you knew about unicorns and pegasi from stories. Have your...uh, I'm sorry, what do I call you? Like, we're ponies. What are you?"
"Human. I-I'm a human."
Twilight and the others took a watchful seat beside their orange friend as the two gradually got to know each other. The new knowledge of Matt's species was enough for the librarian to jump into the conversation, finishing her friend's question for her. She needed to know everything, as always.
"Have you...humans ever made contact with ponies? Like Applejack said, I've never even heard of anything like you in any of my books. Yet you seem to know a little about us somehow. Oh, I'm the Twilight she mentioned before. Twilight Sparkle."
"Heh, Ah guess it's safe for introductions," Applejack stated, waving a hoof not too widely at her friends as she gave Matt their names. "That's Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy there in the back, Pinkie Pie–"
"Hello!" the pink mare blurted out, seemingly past her initial anxiety about Matt and back to being her usual outgoing self.
"Uh...hey," the human said with a tiny nod.
"No thanks. I had a big dinner."
Matt stared at Pinkie, befuddled at her random comment. His lips curled and he rolled his eyes when he realized the ridiculous pun. "Oh, the...horse-hay...thing."
"Yeah, Pinkie can be like that," Applejack admitted, quickly returning to the last of the introductions. "And that's Spike. He's a dragon. Just a young'en though, in case you were wonderin' why he looks different from the rest of us."
The visitor stared at the tiny purple reptile. Another fictional storybook creature. He didn't look threatening. In fact, he looked just as curious as his pony friends.
"Are you male, by any chance?" Spike asked.
Matt blinked, a little surprised that the baby drake could speak as well and yet simultaneously not. "Yeah, I'm a guy."
The dragon perked up. "Cool. Be nice having another male around here for a change."
"Spike, be serious," his guardian scolded. "He said he was sitting at his place, minding his own business, before something bizarre brought him here. He probably just wants to go home, right?" the unicorn asked sadly, understanding what it was like to be out of place. Being thrust from Canterlot into Ponyville was a bit jarring at first, but she knew she couldn't possibly understand what Matt was going through.
His brown eyes sank to the floor and he nodded woefully. So too did Spike's spines fall in disappointment. So much for hoping.
"Where are you from, anyway? I don't think you mentioned that," Twilight continued.
"Um...planet Earth? Mobile, Alabama? I'm not really sure how you want me to answer that question," Matt mumbled. He didn't honestly understand what good it would do. The likelihood these small horses knew about Earth when they knew nothing about him was probably nonexistent.
Despite that to be the case, his answer garnered quizzical looks between the mares. Unsure of what was suddenly on their troubled mind, he beseeched them to fill him in.
"It's just that...well, ponies without wings or unicorn horns are called...earth ponies," Applejack explained, a baffled tone carrying her words. An equally baffled look landed on Matt's face, his brow furrowing in bewilderment and his eyes almost bursting from their sockets. "Though we mean 'earth' as in the ground and stuff."
"You're sure your species has never made contact with ours?" Twilight asked again, an eyebrow curiously cocked. "It may explain the language thing if nothing else."
"Our higher ups would never admit it if they did. Can you imagine millions of people freaking out over something like this?"
"But, you seemed to have calmed down alright. Why would the rest of your species freak out?"
"One person can be talked to, reasoned with. You ever try getting a group of people to relax in the face of something strange?" Matt fired back with a subtle hint of sarcasm.
Twilight glanced away from their guest, her cheeks turning a slight shade of pink as memories of a few stressful situations she had been through crept into her mind. "Err, yeah, actually I have. Didn't work out so well. Still, this is an amazing discovery! It's not every day you learn of another world inhabited by intelligent life!" the nerdy mare gushed.
"I...guess? I mean, a lot of people believed other planets had to have life somewhere." He shrugged. "Guess they were right. So, uh," Matt paused, grimacing as he tried to think of a way to ask the question that was on everyone's mind, eventually deciding on simplicity, "what now?"
Each mare except Twilight glanced around, working on an acceptable answer. The inquisitive young pony beamed as the only thing that she felt that mattered at the moment came forth from her lips.
"Tell us about your world." Almost as soon as she spoke, a gasp flew from her lips. "Oh my gosh! I should take notes! The learning possibilities could be endless!"
As she was ready to enthusiastically bounce into the lobby and grab an exceedingly large stack of parchments and every quill she could find, she felt the weight of everypony's eyes staring blankly at her. She shrunk away as her cheeks turned pink.
"Uh, you don't mind, do you?" Twilight sheepishly asked Matt.
He blinked twice, slightly perplexed at the unicorn's sudden wacky behavior. "Sure, knock yourself out."
With a squee of delight, she got to her hooves and hopped out of sight. In the library's main room, they could hear papers rustling wildly and desk drawers being thrown open and slammed shut over and over. This continued on for several minutes, none of the equines acting the least bit surprised.
Applejack and the rest laid down and got comfortable for whatever stories Matt was going to tell them. She saw his still puzzled expression and quickly looked away, mildly embarrassed.
"Don't mind her. She gets like that."
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oh no.....Twilight is hiding something from the princess
.....what could possibly go wrong
First Mobile Alabama cool my dads from there and second bad ass story so far, have a like and a
hummmm
Oh sweet merciful Jesus. This entire chapter needs to be gutted and rewritten.
Just because the narrator is speaking in third person doesn't mean you don't have to be careful of perspective changes in the story. You go back and forth between the ponies and Matt so often and so abruptly that it's incredibly confusing and jarring. That problem is only made worse by the fact that you constantly refer to Matt as "it", even after his gender has been determined, and even when the narrator is speaking from his perspective. You did something similar with Matt referring to the ponies as "creatures" while he was cowering in the kitchen despite the fact that he had thought of them as horses earlier.
Along that same vein, the detail in the chapter, especially at the beginning, needs to be reworked. Confusing perspective changes aside, there are a lot of missing details in the beginning. For instance, when he pops his shoulder back into socket, you mention that he gets up to his knees, fixes the joint, and then falls to his knees again without ever actually standing up. That was just one instance that stood out. It was far from the only one, and not even the first one in the chapter.
And finally, as with chapter one, ponies were badly ooc, and Matt didn't even have a personality at all. If he's laying there on the floor "barely breathing", why did no one help him? That's the sign of a serious injury that needs immediate medical attention. At the very least Fluttershy would have done something, since in canon she helps anything and everything that's injured, regardless of whatever fear she may have been feeling moments before. Similar problem with the time he spent crawling across the floor in crippling pain, as well as all the time he spent sitting in the kitchen being more or less ignored. Why did no one talk to him since they all already knew he was capable of speech by that point? Even if they were wary, I have a hard time believing that Twilight's curiosity would leave her alone for that long. And their obvious fear of him throughout the chapter is more than a little uncharacteristic of any of them (except maybe Fluttershy), since we regularly see them stand up to things far more terrifying and obviously threatening than a scared creature curled up into a ball in the corner of a room.
HiE stories are a weakness of mine, so let's go for one more chapter and see if things get better.......
3859287
Plothurt much? just because you individually demand an edit of this chapter, because maybe their personalities don't suit your taste, It doesn't mean he'll have to make it so.
As I wrote before, poeple seem to forget that there is an endless possibility of reactions, depending on the current universe of the multiverse you are in. Thoughts and reasons can be twisted in each respective version of Equestria and characteristics can differ. You are just assuming that this person wants to make a story with accurately canon behaviour, for all the ponies. Who is to say that they don't just fear "it" because of it's strange form? He is basically the "unknown" and the "unknown" is always feared, more so by prey animals, especially if the creature grunts, gurgles and groans around. Besides, Twilight really was curious about him, which is why she brought him to the library in the first place. They are just a bit more apprehensive in this universe, obviously.
While I agree it was sad that Fluttershy didn't help, this roll was somewhat filled by Applejack for a change.
I don't see anypoint where he is refered as "it" after he states his name, and especially after he tells his gender.
If you refer to "its voice, sounded male", this is only an assumption determined by the pitch hight of his voice. He can still be refered as "It" as long as he doesn't state his name in addition or his gender specifically.
For example if you hear a lion growl, can you tell if it is male or female? Besides alot of poeple still say "it" to an animal even if they know the gender:
Gender is unimportant while adressing an animal, or even an unknown creature. Different story though, when you get the name:
...you get the point.
About the perspective, while I agree that certain situations could be handled a bit differently perspective wise (for exampel appearent thoughts of Matt could be written in cursive to mark a direct inner monologue), It wasn't really THAT horrible or confusing. In fact he did pretty well.
This is an Introduction chapter, and the narrator is in a mostly neutral position with a slight tendency to the ponies. The human was in pain and scared shitless appearently, trying to cope with the situation. Of course you won't see much of his personality.
Your own POV, in general OOC isn't bad, just different. Again the multiverse can be blamed.
I felt the need to defend this story for all it's worth, especially since I assume he (the author) was unfairly attacked by some fellows.
Just shows that poeple plothurt over minor OOC behaviour and to justifiy the wrongness of OOC with "logic" is bullshit, we are (in this story) in a world filled with pastel colored magical ponies, where pinkie can summon a banquet out of her partycanon which appears out of nowhere.
That said, good work author, your story pleases me!
3863796 It's called Butthurt, nut Plothurt.
wile it feels odd to see a pony ooc I think its fine each story is its own world(unless its a sequel prequel or part of a vrs) and as such the writer has more or less free rang to do with it as they please. the idea they are afraid of matt is great because lets face it pony's are heard/prey animals(with that sort of mental state in real life) wile humans are predators with a pack mental state(and packs have in fighting just like humans) wile the pony's are smart their inner animal can feel the predator in matt witch in turn gives fear but im just looking way to hard into this story so yep
From all the shaking and being scared of little pony's, his name should be Matt DontHurtMe.
5619110 I'm glad I came back here. I would have never seen this otherwise.
And that, kids, is how you cause irreparable damage to a dislocated shoulder.
Excelent pacing. I loved the whole pain scene and its description. Is hard to write physical pain well
HEY!!!