Chapter 19
The Jerk
Chapter 19
“A month?” I asked, in bewilderment.
“Yes.”
“That’s pretty cool. I beat my record by a week.”
“W-what!?”
“My previous record was two weeks. That’s one more week. I wonder how long I can stay awake for now.”
“You’ve been out for a month and you’re talking about RECORDS!?”
“Yes.” I answered simply.
“What is WRONG with you?!”
“Nothing. Nothing could really top being abducted by aliens, so ever since then I have been keeping records for just about anything.”
“Y-you were abducted by aliens?” Said the princess with a shocked expression.
“Yes. Not as benevolent as one would think. I had to fight my way free of being a prisoner and completely annihilate every living thing on the ship. It was pretty easy actually.”
“You killed them?”
“Well they were planning to dissect me, so yea. Whatever. I also got a kickass alien ship out of it. Blew up another one in the process. It even has a death ray!”
“That’s pretty kickass.” Said somebody behind Luna, and Discord emerged from an impossibly small hiding place. Behind the door frame. I mean, how the fuck did that work?
“Discord. You owe me a fucking explanation.” My tone dropping from cheerful to deathly low.
“What? Why are you looking at me?” He held his mismatched hands up in a warding off gesture.
“Because after you went into my head, and started fucking with my memories, I started doing some weird shit. I mean, for fucks sake, I punched myself in the face with a power fist. What the fuck would possess me to do that?!?!?” I mean it. I honestly didn’t want to punch myself. I mean, I wanted to at the time, but thinking back at it, I never would have done that before. Stop looking at me like that.
“About that....”
“What?”
“Well, when I went into your memories.... I might have left some residual chaos behind. What happened in the jail was your body trying to expel it.”
“So... What? Am I going to die of chaos poisoning?”
“No. Your body expelled it all while you slept. Unfortunately, there were side effects.”
“This is going to be fun.” I sighed. “Alright. Spit it out.”
“Your body has adapted to chaos magic. I won’t be able to help you with my magic anymore.”
“Oh.... That’s not too bad.”
“You’re not surprised. Actually, I don’t even know why I think you should be surprised anymore.” Interjected Luna.
“Not the weirdest thing that happened to me. Not by a long shot. I once deliberately irradiated myself so that a crazy perky bitch could perform research on me.”
“Why on Earth would you do that?!”
“I needed the money.” She shook her head and pinched her nose.
~~~~~
“So then I was like. Bitch please! I’m the fucking Lone Wanderer, you can’t stop me!” Everybody burst out laughing. “Anyways, that’s how I got kicked out of the vault for the second time in a year.”
“So, let me get this straight John. You went in there to help your former girlfriend, and you ended up blowing up the air filtration systems.” Celestia said, with a perfect deadpan face.
“Hey, I didn’t know that a pulse grenade would do that!” I protested. “Besides, most of them went to Megaton, so they all ended up fine.” She smacked me upside the head.
“You are so stupid John.”
“I try my best. So, are you finally going to tell me how you worked things out?” I asked, gesturing towards Celestia and Discord.
“Fine. We all fucked. The end.” Said Discord. Celestia punched him in the gut.
“Shut up Discord. John, what actually happened was-”
“We all fucked.” Said Luna. I chuckled.
“NO!” She shouted. “WE DID NOT FUCK! He just explained the situation. If Luna trusts you, and you trust Discord, and I trust Luna, that means I trust him.”
“If you say so Celestia.”
“I do say so.”
“Fine. Anything else happen while I was asleep?”
Luna spoke up this time. “Well not much. The Changeling queen has declared a state of emergency. All four of us are Equestria’s most wanted one, two, three, and four.”
“Who’s number one?”
“You.”
“Me?!” I was genuinely surprised.
“Yes. I see that we finally found something that surprised you. Bout damn time.” Said the asshole. You can guess which one he was right? Yea, Discord. He still was an asshole.
“I really shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, almost everybody evil in the wasteland wants me dead.”
“That many?”
“Yea. Although the number has been severely reduced since the Brotherhood gained more power.”
“You keep talking about this ‘Brotherhood’. Who are they?” Celestia spoke up.
“The Brotherhood of Steel.”
“Cool name.”
“It is. They were originally founded in the west of my country, and were dedicated to collecting, categorizing, and protecting every piece of technology anyone ever had. That meant taking it from people, even if they didn’t have stake over it.”
“They don’t sound too nice.” Said Luna with a wince.
“They weren’t. Eventually, they sent a contingent to the eastern seaboard, and when Elder Lions took over he declared that they wouldn’t seize tech from others, and they would protect everybody there from harm.”
“He sounds nice.” She said with a smile.
“Yea, but unfortunately, there were a few that were still dedicated to the old ways of the Brotherhood and they left to start their own faction. They call themselves the ‘Brotherhood Outcasts’ to mock him.”
“That’s horrible! They should be praising him for what he was doing.” Said Celestia, with a look of shock.
“Actually, I agree with their methods. Even though the Brotherhood is all well and good, the Outcasts stayed true to their original mission even with the threat of expulsion and death.”
“B-but they steal things from people!”
“No they don’t. You see, they kept to their original mission, but changed their standards. I actually work for them, giving them any tech I find, and getting paid in exchange.”
“Well if they aren’t stealing things I can’t exactly oppose them.”
“Exactly.”
“What kind of world are you from John? What kind of place would make you into this kind of person?
“Well I guess I can’t put it off any longer.” I sighed. “Doctor Whooves, get over here.” The crowd parted and the pony with an hourglass on his ass came forward. Seemed like forever since I was at that bar, trying to get him to help me.
“I guess I still owe you that explanation.”
“Yes. It’s about fucking time. You thought getting me locked up would save you?”
“Not at all.” I chuckled. “Alright. First things first, I would ultimately prefer that only you guys know.” I gestured to the large crowd of ponies. They groaned in annoyance.
“Shut up everybody. The less you know, the better. Trust me.”
“But mister! I want to know where you come from!” Said a voice, and a few seconds later came forward the little orange filly that had caused me all of this bullshit.
“Maybe later kid.” I smiled sadly. He was so innocent. “Alright, now everybody OUT!” The grumbling crowd begrudgingly exited the room.
“Alright.... So where do I start?”
“How about the very beginning?” Suggested Celestia with that same motherly tone. It warmed my heart. Hey fucker if you start laughing at me, I will break your nose.
“Alright then... The beginning... Well I guess that would be the war then.”
“Yes, that would work.” She said gently.
“Well about two hundred years ago, my ancestors fought a war. It lasted about two hours and it almost killed all life on Earth. No one really knows who started it, but the country I was from - The United States of America - was previously in a conventional war with a place called China. At one point they just started launching nukes at each other and in the end, it didn’t really matter. It killed almost everything on the surface.”
“What’s a nuke?” Asked the doctor in curiosity.
“A device about the size of a small room, that was capable of killing everything in a large radius. The average power of the larger ones was about 200-750 kilotons of TNT. The smallest one I have seen could destroy a place the size of an average residential street. The larger ones could easily devastate a city larger than Canterlot. I mean, the mountain it was on would probably collapse under the pressure from the shockwave. Hell, Ponyville would be hit with the shockwave.
“That’s horrible!”
“Yea, I know.”
“Well how did you survive? You said something about a vault.”
“Yea, was getting to that. Anyways, because humanity was unfortunate enough to foresee the threat of a nuclear war, and to survive it, they built underground bunkers called vaults.”
“Why do you say that humans were unfortunate to survive? Aren’t you happy your race lived?”
“No. Because even in the aftermath, humans still fought each other. Even with a threat worse than death at the hands of radiation, mutants, giant bugs, or any other number of things, we still fight each other.”
“Why?”
“Because of how people are. That’s the way people are. The human nature is to be on top, even with other humans. Everybody wants to be in control. It’s self preservation, but some people don’t think towards the overall progress of humanity. That’s what the Brotherhood was trying to do. They didn’t care about individuals. They wanted to better humanity with the remnants of civilization.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. That’s why sometimes I wished humanity died that day. Because we will never put aside our differences. We will never work together without that ONE person always vying for power.”
“John. You shouldn’t think like that.” Celestia said, trying to cheer me up.
“Why not?” I snapped harshly.
“Because look at all you did! You came here and you tried to help us! You fight for good!”
“Just because there is one good person in the world doesn’t mean that humanity is good. In the end days of the old world, before the war, there was a crisis. An energy one about our fuel source running out. Instead of working it out together, and finding another solution, we fought over who should have the last of it. Humanity will always have those people in power that make bad decisions.”
“But...”
“I don’t want to hear it. Let’s talk about something else.”
“Ooooh! Teacher, call on me!” Shouted Discord, who was inexplicably sitting in a school desk chair raising his hand.
“What do you want to ask Discord?”
“What kind of things do you do for fun in your world?”
“Fun?” I deadpanned. “Are you fucking kidding me?” His expression wilted a bit.
“Well yea... I mean, there must be something you do....” He trailed off.
“I fight. The highlight of my day is crushing a mutants head with my bare hands. I can’t really do anything more than keep going.”
“There! There it is! Something bright about humans!” Celestia cheered. “You keep going to protect others, from these... What did you call them? Super mutants? Like that one that came here with you.”
“What did you say?” I said, clenching my fists. My eye twitched imperceptibly.
“You keep going!” She said nervously.
“After that.”
“The super mutants?”
“One step more.”
“The one that came here with you.” I punched her, hard.
“YOU FUCKING BITCH!” I yelled. “FAWKES WAS MY FUCKING FRIEND!” I started walking towards her, and she scrambled back in fear.
“J-John, what are you doing?!”
“I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!” I screamed in rage and ran towards her. She had a nasty fist shaped bruise on her face. She got up and tried to run before I tackled her. I punched her in the gut and when she curled up in pain, I started to strangle her. I began smacking her head into the ground while my fingers closed around her neck, her eyes widening in in fear as oxygen starvation began to take hold.
I felt something getting a hold of my back and pulling me away. I turned my head briefly and saw Luna futilely trying to pull me back.
“JOHN STOP IT! DON’T DO THIS!” She yelled in fear, realizing there was nothing she could do.
“SHE INSULTED MY FRIEND!” I yelled, turning back to Celestia. Her fur was turning a deep red and I could see her fading out. “GIVE ME ONE REASON NOT TO!”
“Because you’re better than this!” Came the voice of Discord surprisingly. “I won’t try to stop you, but just think it through.”
I looked at the once regal princess on the ground unconscious, her once wavy mane now wilted and a very light grey, all shades blending together. It wouldn’t be long before she died. I let go of her throat and backed away. Luna rushed up to her sister, probably checking her pulse or something.
I breathed deep in and out a few times.
“I’m still angry at her. Don’t follow me.” I said, walking out of the room. I could feel the angry glare of Luna on the back of my head burning holes in my skull. But nobody followed me. I traversed the long range of caves that had been expertly cut into a large structure, probably honeycombing a mountain or underground. I had to admit, it was damn impressive. I kept walking, letting my Pip-Boys automatic mapping function keep track of where I was. Some time had passed before I finally looked up and found myself at a bar. Pretty fitting I would guess.
Wasting no time, I sat down and looked up to find the bartender my favorite pony. I smiled.
“Heavy Shot! How’s it going you sonofabitch!”
“Oh hey there. By the way, thanks for rescuing us and all. We really owe everything to you.” He said, gratitude in his eyes. I could see it.
“It’s no problem, really. Just what I do.”
“So how did the interrogation with the princesses and Discord go?” My newly enlightened expression dropped.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Whatever you say. You want anything to drink?”
“Hardest thing you’ve got.”
“One absinthe coming right up.” He turned around, poured it into a small shot glass and skillfully slid it down the bar to me. I grabbed it, and promptly downed it whole.
“One more... You know what? Just give me the fucking bottle.” He was about to grab it, when I leaned over the counter and snagged it.
“Take it easy man!” He said, raising a hoof at me as I began to chug it. I ignored him till nearly the whole bottle was gone, and I slammed it on the counter, accidently shattering it. I breathed in a giant sigh. Heavy Shot looked at me in disbelief.
“How are you still alive?!”
“A few months of practice and a strong liver.”
“You’ve only been drinking a few months?”
“Would you believe me if I said I was nineteen?”
“No, I really wouldn’t.”
“Well it’s true. I started killing about a year ago.”
“Only a year?”
“Yes, I lived the first 17 sheltered in an underground bunker.” I heard some inconspicuous hoofsteps behind me. I looked over and saw the doctor sitting on a barstool next to me.
“I said not to follow me.” I said, absentmindedly swirling the new shot glass I had acquired from Heavy Shot.
“Yes, but you won’t kill me.” He said, turning to Heavy Shot and ordering a whiskey. He obliged and did that sliding across the bar with the glass thing.
“You’re right, but I don’t appreciate it.”
“Was all that you said about your world true?”
“Yes, and I don’t feel like talking about it anymore. So drop it.”
“Sure thing.” We sat in silence for a moment while he ran his hoof over the rim of his shot glass. Finally, he snapped and blurted out.
“So who’s Fawkes?”
“My friend. He died trying to save you fuckers.” I downed the new shot. I ordered a few more.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Don’t be. People die around me, it happens all the time.”
“See, that’s what I don’t get. How can you be so nonchalant about killing?”
I shrugged. “People die, happens all the time. Not like I can do anything about it.”
“But... You have to know that killing it wrong!”
“You think I don’t know that!” I snapped at him. “I would be happy to go and blow my brains out, but I know that my suffering is nothing compared to that of those who would die if I wasn’t there. You wanted the reason I keep going, there it is.”
“You want to die?” His expression changing to one of concern.
“All day, every day. Every time I kill somebody I feel a little bit of myself die.”
“Well.... You could stay here.”
“What?” I choked on my drink.
“Stay here. Once all of this is over, I’m sure that people would gladly accept you here. You could get away from the horror of your world.”
“Sorry doc, but I’m the only thing keeping things from falling into shit again. They need me, and once the situation here is over, I’m leaving. A place like this has no place for me.”
I downed the rest of my drink.
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very...depressing chapter here....
Shame he doesn't know about the Courier.
1333151 i am not sure if you played fallout 3 but this come way before the events of fallout new vegas where the courier comes into the story.
Hey look guys! I bring a spoiler!
THIS STORY WILL SOMEDAY END.
You are welcome!
Love,
-Cortex Repository
Fawkes is the greatest companion ever!
Why did he have to die?
1333317
Yes, but you don't know how much time has passed in the wastelands.
Celestia calling super mutants evil wasn't your best move.
So much pain. Let them help you.......
1333317 Both games take place at around the same time. So they could - In theory - talk to each other.
You never saw me here. -PF
My dick is so FUCKING HARD! moar pweez?
A very good chapter friend
1335504 Thank you.
You never saw me here. -PF
1335513 wait can your character have new Vegas tech like the displacer glove
1335630 He has a power fist. The only power melee weapon in Fallout 3.
You never saw me here. -PF
Pfff. Gauss rifle all the way. I don't just use it for close incounters, I SAVE it for them.
1334414
Quite indeed, quite indeed...
Now excuse me while we, I mean he goes to write more and I pester him while he's at it.
Because thats how the circle of life works. Rite?
Love,
-Cortex Repository
Pfff.... power fist.... I say super sledge.
1333317 The events of Fallout: New Vegas are 5 years after the Lone Wanderer activates the purifier, so technically they are both alive at the same time.
1333429
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/080/853/tumblr_lamd7sA5vg1qzes3oo1_500.jpg
In every single fallout fic I've ever read, the lone wanderer or the courier is always so god damn gallant despite all the suffering they go through, regardless of how crappy they see people. It's really amazing when you think about it.