Equestria Heroes: The 3Ds (starring: Spike, Discord, and Big Mac)

by Phantom-Dragon

Appleloosa Rangers Part 3: Ain't Home On The Range

Applelossa

The five were out in the desert, making their way to the abandoned mines. On the way, Discord took the time to conjure up some instruments and led his own one draconequus band, while singing a western song.

"Is he always like this?" Scarlet asked the boys.

"Well, he's not as chaotic as he was when he was just evil," Spike replied.

"Eeyup," Big Mac agreed.

"Hey, now that you've mentioned it," Braeburn began. "Was that the time he-"

"Eeyup!"

"And you-"

"Eeyup!"

"Oh."

Discord was strumming on a banjo as he sang the final lyrics, "Cause you ain't home on the range! Cowboy, you're really up the creek!~" Discord was holding the the note, when the banjo's string broke, and he entered in a coughing fit.

"Discord!" the group shouted, trotting over to the draconequus's side.

"Discord?" Spike asked. "You alright?"

"Yeah," Discord muttered. "I love to cough." With that, Discord got up, snapped his fingers to conjure an inhaler, breathing into it, before he continues, "Guess since I'm just half of the glory I once was, I might as well cough whenever I'm trying to lighten the mood of the adventure, with some good old fashioned singing."

"Y'know Discord," Spike began. "It would all be very helpful if you would just quit complaining! We're never gonna find our friends if we have to keep on listing to you complaining all the time!"

"Well what do you expect from me?" Discord asked. "I am Discord. I invented complaining! I'm the Lord of Chaos! The Baron of Anarchy! The King of Comedy!" Discord turns his attention to the readers. "And currently the suave, handsome hero of this story." Just then, the ground started to shake. "W-W-W-What's g-g-g-g-going o-o-o-o-o-o-on?" Discord asked, with his voice vibrating from the groundshake.

"T-T-T-T-T-T-That!" Spike answered, pointing to a herd of buffalos charging towards them. "Shall we run for our lives?" the dragon asked.

"Eeyup," Big Mac replied.

"STAMPEDE!!" Braeburn shouted.

[Hans Zimmer - Stampede]

With that, the boys and girl all broke into a run, trying to get away from the charging buffalos. Discord snapped his finger, trying to teleport, but failed.

"Hey, wait for me!" Discord shouted, running after the heroes, narrowly escaping the buffalos.

The heroes kept on running, not daring to look back. Eventually, the buffalos soon caught up, and the heroes were later scattered, with Spike riding on Big Mac, who was riding on Chief Thunderhooves, while Discord was running with a buffalo on his back.

"Wait, what?!" Discord asked, before he and the buffalo switched place. "That's better," he smiled.

Meanwhile, Braeburn and Scarlet were still running, when running to their sides was none other but Little Strongheart.

"Little Strongheart!" Braeburn exclaimed.

"Braeburn?!" the young buffalo shouted, causing the others to cease their stampeding. "What're you doing here?" she asked.

"I was just about to ask y'all the same thing!" Braeburn replied. "It ain't exactly the time for your stampedes yet."

"Yeah!" Spike added. "You guys almost got us roadkill back there!"

"Eeyup!" Big Mac agreed.

"Sorry about that," another buffalo apologized. "You see, we were stampeding the grounds so we could chase that tatzelwurm out."

As proof, the buffalo directed the heroes' attentions to the said worm that was tunneling away in fright.

"There's your tatzlewurm," Spike said to Scarlet, who nodded her head in fright. "And there it goes."

"Again, we're really sorry," Strongheart apologized. "We were so caught up in the stampede, we hardly even noticed you were in our paths."

"Apology accepted," Spike replied, followed by the rest of the gang. Except for one. "Discord!" Spike nudged the draconequus.

"Yeah, yeah, I forgive you," Discord grumbled. "Apology accepted. Yada yada yada. Are we good now?"

The buffalos looked at the draconequus, with a mix of sad and insulted glances.

"Please, forgive our chaotic friend," Spike whispered. "He's having some issues for the moment."

Strongheart nodded in acknowledgement, before she asked, "So, what were you doing out here?"

---

Later

The gang are all later in camp, with the buffalos, as they all explained their situations. Needless to say, the buffalos were shocked, as well as amazed, to hear what was happening with all of the little ponies disappearing, and how the boys ended up going on their rescue mission.

"Which brings us to where we are now," Spike finished.

"Eeyup."

"Wow," Strongheart gasped in amazement at the boys' story. "That's unbelievable."

"Indeed," Chieff Stronghooves voiced. "These are dark times indeed. A dark force has released a plague of monsters across the land. And seeing as how it does not wished to be stopped, it has cleverly kidnapped the greatest heroes of Equestria."

"Yes, clever," Discord began. "But it forgot one important thing."

"What's that?" one of the buffalos asked.

"NOBODY TAKES FLUTTERSHY FROM ME AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!" Discord exclaimed, demonically, with his eyes burning red, and the campfire erupting in a blazing inferno.

"Whoa!" Spike exclaimed, as he and Big Mac surrounded the draconequus. "Calm down! Easy Discord! We'll find Fluttershy, and save her!"

"Eeyup!" Big Mac said repeatedly.

With that, Discord reverted back to normal, but with his eyes still steaming.

"Wow, and I though Chief Thunderhoove's a hothead," one of the buffalos whispered, before they heard their chief snorting from behind.

"Anyway," Spike continued. "We're just on our way to the abandoned mines. Braeburn's even told us that you guys told him that you've seen something suspicious hiding in those mines."

"Yes," Strongheart said. "It was just a few weeks ago. I was just out in the prairie, practicing for another stampede, when I saw what appears to be another buffalo, entering the caves. But when I tried to check them out, I was attacked by some flying metal balls that sounded like thunder, and some creatures I've never seen before. I barely got away."

"What do these creatures look like?" Spike asked.

"Well, some of them looked like us buffalos, except they've got horns and hooves that glowed as bright as the sun, and spew fire through their nostrils," Strongheart answered. "And some others looked kinda like pigs, but with horns growing out of their mouths."

"That's them alright!" Spike shouted. "Those are the monsters we've ran up before!"

"Eeyup!"

"And no doubt, they've got my sister!" Scarlet shouted.

"Then what are we doing, sitting here for?" Discord asked. "To the mines!!" With that, and his magic back to full strength, Discord revved his feet up into wheels, and was off, leaving the rest of the gangs in the dust.

"Wow," one of the buffalos said. "He's quite enthusiastic."

"No kidding," Spike replied, before he and Big Mac got up, and ran after the draconequus. "Wait for us Discord!!"

"Eeyup!"

After the two left, Braeburn and Scarlet also ran after their heroes.

---

At last, the five have all arrived at the mines. That rhymes! Haha, Zecora would be proud.

"Well, this is it," Braeburn said, as the group entered the mine. "How's about some of that fire of yours, Spike?"

With that, Spike picked up a battered oil lantern, breathing a small ember, igniting the lantern.

The five went down the caverns, until at last they came across three more tunnels.

"Which way?" Spike asked.

Discord quickly got down on all four, sniffing the ground, before he pointed his head, like how a dog should, "This way!" he barked.

With that, the heroes all broke into another run through the tunnel, going through every twists and turns. At some point, they even defied the laws of physics and did the Scooby-Doo hallway chase.

Spike, Big Mac, and Discord came bursting through a wall, nearly falling into a pit of snakes, that hungrily snapped their jaws at the dragon and stallion. Luckily, Discord was there to help them, simply by pulling their claws and hooves up.

Discord was sniffing the grounds, like a dog.

Braeburn and Scarlet were drinking tea together.

"More tea?" Braeburn asked.

Finally, the heroes came across a huge opening, where they heard the sound of footsteps, and rocks being knocked around. Spike peeked over a cliff, trying to get a good look at the figures below.

"Mother of Celesita!" Spike whispered. "It's those ant monsters, again!"

"Eeyup."

"Lemme see," Discord said, pulling one of his eyeballs out, holding it up over the boys shoulder to have a look. "What in Tartarus are they up to?"

The ant creatures were moving some crates, digging through the walls in the mines, when a faint sound was heard by one of the ants. It turned to the rest of its comrades, making some noise with its pincers and antennas.

"What are they saying?" Spike asked.

"Beats me," Discord replied. "I don't speak ants."

After awhile, the ant monsters all left the room, through another tunnel. Seeing the coast is clear, the boys and girl all quietly climbed down, carefully looking for clues.

"Okay," Spike began. "Spread out and look for clues. Discord, you're on lookout."

"Why should I be on lookout?" Discord asked. "And who elected you leader?"

"Because you can see in the dark. And I elected myself as leader."

"You can just make yourself leader."

"I can. And I just did."

"Well, what if I wanted to be leader?"

"Who'd want you to be leader? You'll just lead us in the middle of nowhere!"

"So that's how it's going to be, huh? Well, if you're the leader, then where will you be leading us? The Crystal Empire? An alternate universe of comic heroes? Or to Dragonland?"

"Alright then! If you think you'd make a better leader than me, then why don't you quit complaining and be in charge then?"

"Good!" Discord smirked. "It beats than having a dragon like you for leader, since you're the size of a soccer ball, and you don't have wings."

Spike gasped at what the draconequus just said, before he retaliated, "Take that back! In fact, I take back what I said, since nobody wants a semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic being for a leader!"

Discord gasped even louder, as he got in the dragon's face, "Them's fighting words!"

"Yeah, them's fighting words!"

"Enough!" Big Mac shouted, much to the surprise of the two boys and their friends. Luckily, none of the creatures heard him, as he began, "I don't care who's the leader of this team. But many of the little ponies are disappearing from the face of Equestria, including mah sister and her friends! And if you two wanted to see them alive and well again, then the both you will need to get your acts straight together, or ya can just call it a final roundup for the ponies and our friends!"

Both Discord and Spike looked at the stallion in bewilderment, before they looked at each other and sighed, "Fine."

"I've got lookout duties," Discord said, conjuring his eyes into a pair of night vision binoculars.

"And I've got clue finding for me," Spike said, as he and the others searched the place.

"Amber?" Scarlet whispered. "Where are you?"

Braeburn knocked on some wooden crates, whispering, "Anypony in here?"

Big Mac searched, before he stumbled on a glass orb.

Meanwhile, "A teddy bear?" Spike asked, picking up the said object.

Scarlet gasped upon seeing the toy, "It's Amber's!" she exclaimed. "Her second one, that is. She just loves teddy bears."

"Then she's gotta be around here," Spike said, as he started to look through all the crates nearby. Darting at one of the crates, Spike pries it open, "Big Mac! Braeburn! Scarlet!" he quietly called. "Check this out!"

The ponies came over, and looked with curiosity, "Glass balls?" Braeburn asked.

"Those creatures were mining in here for glass orbs?" Spike asked.

"Beats me," Braeburn replied with a shrug.

"Eeyup," Big Mac followed.

"Who cares?" Discord asked, with his head floating by. "We're here to save Fluttershy! Not admire a stash of ornaments."

The ponies and dragon looked at the draconequus's floating head, "Discord?" Spike asked. "Who's watching?"

"My body of course," Discord smirked, before he realizes, "Oh, wait."

Turning around, the boys and girl looked to see Discord's headless body, holding a binocular, oblivious to an approaching ant monster. The ant monster looked at the gang, and lets out a bloodcurdling scream.

"AAAAAAHHH!" the ponies and dragon screamed.

"Now, now," Discord began calmly. "Let's not lose our head, yet. I've got this!" With that, Discord reattached his head to his body, before he dons up in a fencing uniform says, "En garde! Touchée! Cafe au lait! Champs-Élysées! Pompeii! Au revoir! Zoot suit!!" With that, the ant charges after the draconequus, with swords and axes drawn. And in ten second flats, there stood the victorious draconequus, with a pie in his lion paw.

"f I dood it, I get a whippin'" he said, imitating Red Skelton's Mean Widdle Kid, "I DOOD IT!" With that, he threw the pie in the defeated ant's face, before he sang, "Aloha 'Oe', farewell to thee."

"Wait a minute!!" Discord shouted.

*disc scratch*

"That wasn't the end! We've yet to find Fluttershy!" With that, the draconequus pulled the curtain up, to reveal the heroes, surrounded by more ant monsters. "Alright you bugs!" Discord growled. "Where's Fluttershy?" The ant creatures all snapped their pincers together, before unsheathing their weapons, and pointing them at the heroes and their friends. "Not talking to me?" Discord then dons up in an exterminator's uniform, with a sprayer ready. "Talk it to my little friend then!"

However, when Discord pumped the sprayer, nothing but air came out, "Oh, poo! Not now!"

"RUN!!!" Spike screamed, as he and the gang all ran down a tunnel. "Wait!" With that, the dragon ran back to collect some evidence, before he set upon by the ant monsters. Dodging their claws, Spike made a run for it, trying to catch up with the others.

Some of the ant monsters jumped and grabbed Scarlet, who didn't hesitate to blast them off with some offensive magic, as well as bucking them away from her. Big Mac and Braeburn saw the ruckus and ran back to help out. After the mare was safely secured, the gangs kept on running, before....

"LOOK!" Braeburn exclaimed, pointing to a mine cart.

The gang all cluttered as they climb into the cart, as it began to move.

Discord snapped on an amusement park staff uniform, while speaking into a loudspeaker he had conjured up, "Please keep your hooves and claws in the cart at all time. Enjoy the ride!"

"Wait!" Spike called out. "Wait! Hold the cart! I'm coming!"

"Spike!" the ponies and draconequus all shouted.

Big Mac tried to apply the brakes, but the handle snapped off, "Oh no!" he moaned.

"Spike!" Discord called, as the cart started to move further away. "C'mon! Run faster!"

"I'm trying!" Spike replied, before he tripped on a rock, spilling the orbs, shattering them. "Oh no! The glass balls!"

"Forget about them!" Braeburn said. "C'mon!"

With that, while holding onto Amber's teddy bear, Spike ran after his friends, who all kept beckoning him, "C'mon, Spike! Move those tiny dragon legs of yours! Jump!" Braeburn then pulled out a rope from his hat, and threw it for the dragon. "Grab the rope!"

"I got it!" Spike shouted, just before he was grabbed by an ant monster. "And he got me!"

Just then, the cart reached a slope, and the heroes and ant monster all went down in an intensive roller coaster ride. The cart took them down in a loop, then up in a huge arc, before going into a big plunge.

"Get your claws off of me!" Spike growled, kicking the ant in the face repeatedly. In response, the ant tightened its grips on the dragon's tail, "OW!!" Spike yelped, spewing some fires in the process, unintentionally lighting some dynamites they passed by.

With that, the bombs all exploded, forcing the mining cart some momentum, as it rocketed itself out of an exit, and blew the ant creature off of the dragon.

"We've lost him!" Spike smiled.

"And we've lost wheels!" Braeburn exclaimed, pointing to the now wheeless cart.

"Eeyup!" Big Mac whimpered.

"Never fear!" Discord said, turning himself into a parachute, allowing the gang to descend safely to the ground, up until he reached his limit, and they plummeted.

*Goofy's scream*

---

The buffalos were simply going about their day, when they heard a scream, looked up, and saw the heroes falling from the sky.

"I got 'em!" the buffalos all said to each other, before they pulled a piece of blanket, and used it as a trampoline for the heroes.

Upon landing, the heroes bounced off.

Braeburn landed on Strongheart, causing the two to blush intently, "This is kind of awkward," he smiled shyly. "Thanks for the save."

Discord bounced off, before he flew into a tin kettle. Big Mac and Spike both landed perfectly on their feet, before they were squashed by Scarlet.

"Phew, thanks for the save boys," Scarlet smiled.

"You're welcome," Spike groaned.

"Eeyup."

Comments

[kurusagi16]

I love the little escapades, but I hope the guys are able to get to the bottom of what's going on.

[Godslittleprincess]

The references and the humor are all spot on.