• Member Since 28th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 38 minutes ago

Cascadejackal


Platypus with a pen.

Sequels1

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The Wasteland Bouquet. Just another bar, in just another town. The same old crowd, even when the faces change. Prospectors, scavengers, anyone that's down and out or just needs to tell their story, get things off their chest. Unicorn, Earth Pony, Pegasus, even Griffon, everyone is welcome. Walk on in, get yourself a drink, and cry your heart out to the pretty mare behind the bar, or maybe the quiet mare with the cold eyes. That's what they're there for, after all.

Thing is, they have their own story. It may not be heard very often, but here it is. Because every pony has a story, and those stories need to be told.

Chapters (41)
Comments ( 396 )

I can give you the quick tip about dialogue. When a different character speaks, move the dialoge down another line.
Currently: "Lily?" "What is it, Rose?" "Even if I'm bad pony now, will you look after me?"
Correct:
"Lily?"
"What it it, Rose?" I asked.(You don't have to add the 'I asked')
"Even if I'm a bad pony now, will you look after me?"

Other than that, great job! Faving and thumbs-up from me. One question, though. Are you going to have the characters of other FoE fics show up in the bar at some point? If so, I want to ask if you could use my characters in a background role.

830880

I'll try and remember that tip, thanks. ^_^
As for including your characters, I'd be happy to, as long as you're comfortable with the way they're used.
If you wanted their appearance to be canon as well, the timeline is pretty open. The prologue takes place during FO:E, but the bar itself will be around at least a few years before Littlepip leaves her Stable.

830992 that's great, mine takes place at about the same time! If you need info on any of my characters, I can give it to you.

831053 I'll let you know how much info I need when I write the next bar chapter. It shouldn't be too long, just a few chapters before it shows up again. ^_^

I'm liking it so far :moustache:

831053 Next chapter is an intermission taking place in the bar, the morning after the prologue. How do you want your characters to appear?
I'm also going to have Littlepip mentioned on the radio, but I'm not sure what part of her journey should be brought up. Any preference? ^_^

Well, I would offer my services as editor, except that I will be travelling for the next month. I'll have to do my quick tips again.

Remember what I said about dialogue. Also, take a look at your story right now. there are big blocks of text. Find point ps where you can break them apart, and it will make it easier to read. (Also, indent the start of a paragraph, makes it look fancier:derpytongue2:)

Frankly, just look at my story. It has first-hand examples of what I'm talking about. AP English Composition was good for something, i guess.:twilightblush:

840546 How about this: write up the bar scene how you see fit, send it to me, and i can write my characters in. From there we can tweak it.

As for Littlepip, you said this takes place before her exit from Stable 2. So, there wouldnt be anything on the radio about her.:applejackunsure:

843109 Quick tips are still a big help. ^_^ I actually broke the last chapter up a lot, compared to the first two, and thought it was fairly readable, but I know there's a lot of room for improvement:facehoof:. So, I guess I'll have a look at your work like you suggested before starting on the next part.

843120 Alright, I haven't actually decided on WHEN Wasteland Bouquet takes place. Well, I have, but it's really vague.:facehoof: How long before FO:E does your story take place? Knowing that, it'll be easier to work on the next chapter.

844149 Mine is pretty much undefined. We're in the eastern part of Equestria, away from the locations of Littlepip, Blackjack,Puppysmiles, and Silver Storm. My plan is to use a statue we found. It shapeshifts, and turns into one of your charaters. Using magic on it will send us to your location and time.

845827 I can work with that. In fact, it's PERFECT.:pinkiehappy:

845827 :facehoof: I have no idea how to send you the chapter when it's ready.

849880 Just use the mail system that's in place. Better hurry, I'm leaving quite soon. You can try to contact me by using my email.

Frankly, we're going to have to put the collab on hold for about a month, but I want to do it.

853907 :derpyderp1: I'll do my best to have it ready today, then. I spent a few hours on it yesterday, so there's not too much left to do.

If the crossover takes more than a week, I'll be putting in a placeholder/teaser for it, and moving onto the next chapter.
So stay tuned, people and ponies! :pinkiecrazy:

Whoa, chapters just keep getting longer. :twilightoops:
Teaser for the crossover and two new chapters, all in one day! Enjoy!:pinkiehappy:

Keep it up. I like character's relationship orientated stories. :twilightsmile:

Just got done cleaning up the first couple of chapters, making them a bit more readable. Wish I'd done that before uploading them.:facehoof:
Feel free to comment, I like knowing what people think of my work. :pinkiecrazy:

901448 Was there anything in particular you thought needed improvement? Any suggestions or advice would be welcome!:pinkiehappy:

903389

Nothing in particular. I Just Felt it could be better. But don't listen to me, I just had my second story rejected by Moderation.

908127 Keep at it! You'll get there in the end!:pinkiehappy:

Qwuickie Note #3: "It's" is short for "it is". Only use it in place of "it is", instead of before nouns.

It's nice to see an update.

Wow, your story has been improving since the first chapter.

BTW, have you posted this fic in the "Fallout Equestria Fanfictions" group? It can boost your readers a bit.

Lastly, send me the plan for the crossover. I need to work on something, I'm bored as hell right now.:twilightblush:

915040 I've decided to take a break (for a couple of days) from writing, since that last chapter burned me out. Seriously. Look at how long it is!:pinkiecrazy: But thanks for letting me know I've been improving! I'm eager to start writing again already!
It's already in the group. I did that like day one!:pinkiehappy:

I'm thinking about putting up some more of the intermission while I work on the next chapter. There's enough finished that I'd be comfortable uploading it, but only if there's some interest.

Next comments will help me decide! :pinkiecrazy:

this is fuckin awesome chapter!

969208 I'm glad you liked it!:pinkiehappy: Personally, I thought it was too much of an emtional roller coaster.

Wow, your writing quality has improved SO much since chapter one. I didn't see a single grammatical issue, and the formatting is excellent.:twilightblush:

However.

I recommend putting a page break when a period of time passes. It heps the reader understand that a block of time has passed. When jumping from one scene to the next, the reader must understand that it's happening.

The Crossover: Sorry, I've been slacking off on it, and I haven't started yet. I'll probably end up putting it off until I finish chapter 5.

Comment posted by Winter Storm deleted Nov 6th, 2015

1032911 Right, page breaks. I'll try to remember that.:facehoof:
Take your time on the crossover, I've got plenty to keep me busy.:twilightsmile:

1033276
Back a chapter one i said i would wait and see if i liked this. well i do. i also said it could be better. well it's better. I've enjoyed the story thus far. my only compliant is that i wish you would update more often.

Edit: This is only the 3rd FoE side story i have taken a liking to.

1040828 To be honest, I'm enjoying writing it more now than I did at the start, and I think it shows. :twilightblush:
I've been trying for an update each week, so I can get out something decent instead of something rushed. :pinkiecrazy:

Wow, only the 3rd? I feel so special!:heart: Now I feel like I've gotta work extra hard or I'll disappoint everyone!:raritystarry:

1043762
I'm a picky reader. It has to have quality, or the potential for for me to be interested.
So Keep up the good work. Now i need to get to work on some of my ideas.
I had 6 hours to do something yesterday and i blew all of it.

Edit: That last chapter was down right depressing. I had to lower my standards and read a few trollfics to cheer myself up.

1051723 It picked up towards the end a little, and the next chapter should be more cheerful.:scootangel:
And for the love of Celestia, write! Write like you're late with a friendship report!:derpytongue2:

1052841

It better be. I love this story. I want to be all sad. I do know that at some piont they all make up and be happy again, so maybe that's in the next chapter?

Oh and i did write like crazy nearly got a full chapter done yesterday. It's for a new story i is writing.

Let me know if your interested in editing it or know someone who will.

1061756 So far, things are happier than in the last chapter. That's all I'm saying right now. :twilightsmile:
I'm interested to know where you and my other readers think the various relationships are going, to be honest.
I already have the relationships planned out, I'm just curious what everyone thinks.:raritywink:

1063743

Good. Me Gusta Su historia mucho. Soy contento.

WOOHOO!!!! first comment on the chapter.

That was a great chapter. My only pet peeve was that Ibis and Rose did, you know what i mean. In the last chapter Lily and whats-his-face fucked and it drove Rose away. i mean WTF is up with the 180 on that?

Besides that i enjoyed the chapter. Kudos to you ( or is it a singular thing, Don't know don't care) .

Keep it up.

By the way I'm still waiting for Rose and Lily the make up.

Edit: Almost ready to sent you my story. it sould be ready soon. I'm just doing some proofreading of my own first.

Oh man, that Blackjack reference. It makes me feel all fuzzy.:pinkiehappy:

I think I can safely declare your story to be better quality than mine. Start dropping it in every group you can find, people need to read this!

Have you thought about EqD yet?

1091969 Rose and Ibis didn't have sex, but I could have made that more clear. As for why they... did what they did...

Spoilers/explanation in the quote!


=====Potential Spoilers Ahead!=====

Rose has repressed every single memory of Lily at this point, and the only one she remembers caring about since her parents died is Ibis.
Ibis has loved her since the Robronco building, and Rose has, over time, grown to love him back. Remember, they've been travelling together for months by this point, so they've had a lot of time to grow closer. They didn't just jump into things. In fact, Rose spent most of that time working out exactly how she feels about Ibis, what he means to her, and what she wants in life.

That amounts to: She loves him, he means everything to her, and she wants to be with him for the rest of her life.

Of course, it's not quite that simple. Since Rose has locked away so much of her memory, all her positive emotions are now attached to Ibis, making her a little bit more dependent on him than she should be. Of course, she does genuinely love him, and will still love him even when Lily comes back. They won't be having sex any time soon though, since just the thought of it terrifies her. You can take away the memories, but the damage is still there, after all.

=====Spoilers End=====

I could message you the more in-depth version, or you could wait for me to explain it in the story. :twilightsmile:
Yes, it's going to get explained. Most of it, at least. Probably from Rose's POV.
Oh, and I can see why you'd think they had sex, since Ibis keeps calling Rose his lover. That's just how he sees her, even if they haven't actually done it yet.


1093610 I'm not sure what groups I should submit it to, to be honest. And I hadn't really thought of posting it to EQD, either.:twilightblush:
Glad you liked the Blackjack reference; I've been wanting to bring up PH for ages.:pinkiehappy:

Wish someone had noticed the Littlepip reference in CH7, though..:facehoof:

1095902 I saw the reference:twilightblush: I got a 502 when I tried to comment on it.:facehoof:

Try looking up any Fallout Equestria groups. Join 'em and drop the fic in.

As for EqD, the only advice I can give would be to go back to your earlier chapters. See if you can raise their quality. Just being slightly more descriptive can really improve a story. Also, if you get denied, the pre-reader should give you the reasons why he/she did, and hopefully will give you advice on how to fix it.

1096629 Yeah, nothing sucks more than getting 502'ed when you're trying to post something.:raritycry:

There's more than one FoE group?!:rainbowderp: That's news to me!:twilightoops:

I've been going back and making small changes to the earlier chapters every now and then, but I want to get WB to a certain point before having a proper go at it. Probably after the chapter I'm working on now, if I've got the time.

Same for EqD. I'd rather get everything satisfactory before submit it.:twilightblush:

1096793

There were blackjack references? Dammit, and i didn't see it.Now i gotta reread it.

Oh and thanks as for the explanation. I think i went off without comprehending.

1097269 How did you not see the reference to Blackjack?:twilightoops: If it was any more blunt, it would have been a sledgehammer!

Yeah, don't worry about it. Like I said, I'm gonna explain the way Rose sees things later on. Well, try to. She's a little... complex.:pinkiecrazy:

1097441

I went back through and it was obvious. It was so obvious i was able to overlook it. My mind is weird so don't ask. I thing making fun of nursery rhymes is funny.

Anyways i get that Rose is a complex individual. The fact that she has repressed all memories of Lily makes sense as well. But i feel that in doing so it should alter who she is some as well, because Lily was always a large part of her life.
Point and case. Before running off Rose would've never considered a romantic relationship with Ibis, but now one has developed.

I'm in a philosophical mood today. Go figure.

1097875 Any ideas how it should change her, then?
Remember, I've already got a chapter planned where we get a look inside Rose's mind. It'll probably be the only chapter I do from her POV, and with good reason. Still, any ideas would be nice.:twilightsmile:

Until that chapter, the things that drive Rose, the way she looks at the world and those around her, are only hinted at through her behaviour and a few lines she has in the earlier chapters.

I will say this much, her world view is very Black-&-White.

1098082

Well I don'y have any ideas per say, but i got good news about my story. I've finally hit my stride. you should have, by the latest, tomorrow. If i stop jerking off sometime today maybe. I'm just gonna PM it to ta.

Ta Ta:duck:

1098082 well, let's take a look at the situation.

Lily showed poor judgement regarding the alcohol and Lucky. After Rose ran away, she will have realized what she did and the harm her sister suffered. Right there we have feelings of extreme guilt and self-loathing.

After what I assume to be several months, we have had no sign of her. That means she either did not search Rose and Ibis out, something has prevented her from doing so, or Rose is deliberately avoiding Lily. By now, she will feel abandonment in either depression, anger, or both.

Overall, we have a mare who feels terrible for her actions, and has been punished for them continuously during the last few months. She is angry at herself and angry at Rose for abandoning her. I wouldn't be surprised if Lily attempts to kill herself or Rose.

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