- Member Since 18th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen April 10th
Magpiepony
I'm a pegasister who just can't get enough pony magic in her life!
Magpiepony
Joined 18th Jan, 2014 ·
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I want to see what Rarity decides to do next.
I absolutely love "Circle" and "Would you rather" too! I think I've watched Circle twice this year just because of how spot on they got social prejudices and mental manipulation. Would you rather always gave me chills when I watched it, which is why it was so good. Haha .
This story is just as good, if not better because ponies. I can picture everything so well (which could be good or bad considering that this is a horror story). 10/10 and going in my favorites. Definitely going to be a good Halloween read for Losty.
Yeesh, this is like "SAW" for ponies. All Starlight needs is a creepy doll, and the imagery is complete.
7684186
I love Saw, but Would you rather was ten times better in my opinion. I feel like Saw just went too much on Jigsaw's story and then got away from the purpose of making the crooks rethink their lives.
This story had me in tears by the end xD
7684255
I haven't really seen either, except bits of Saw's traps and scenes, and I'm not really that much of a fan. If I want gore for the sake of gore, I'll take cadaver dissection as a class (which I have).
Still, this was an interesting thought experiment (poor choice of words), even if the outcome is less-than-pleasant to stomach.
7684287 I know right! I've even seen the movies she based this off of and it still turned my stomach and made me cry xD I have to say, for someone that doesn't dabble much in horror she really has a knack for it.
If you aren't into the gore I'd still check out circle if you liked this story. Would you rather definitely wouldn't be something you'd want to see though.
Congratulations magpie, you actually made me care for the victims in this kind of story. But still, I'll have to agree with starlight with some of the points she made in this story.
Epilogue? or even maybe a sequel? This was really well done.
if you did decide to do a sequel, maybe Rarity could get a hold of twilight's portal book, contact Sunset, and have Sunset bring their human counterpart friends over, and go crazy on Starlight. LOL
I was giggling like a maniac while reading this. Starlight's my favorite character, and seeing her lapse back into her villain-ness was truly great and appreciated.
I live stories like this. And I can already tell thst Lost's reading will make it ten time more harrowing.
Great work, Magpie!
7684452
Or maybe Rarity sics a pissed off Discord on her.
Congrats Starlight, you're the first pony to die from having their head shoved up their own ass. Literally.
Then maybe try to have Rarity learn that time travel spell to go back and kill filly Starlight.
Problems with Starlight's smugness: Discord. Celestia. Luna.
In fact, let's bring in all three. I REALLY want to see Starlight hurt for this nonsense...
...Can I write Discord reacting to this? I have some ideas... Or do you have something in mind?
This is dark...BUT I liked it
I'm a horrible person
It was AWESOME! But I think Applejack would have won x)
7684522 I wish Rarity had the guts to do anything. She spent that entire time trying to save her own skin. There's no way she's actually going to stand up to Starlight . She's just gonna go back to Ponyville and pretend it never happened . Mourn the lost of her friends with the rest of the world like she has the right to. Ughhhh, I've never been so angry at her or Fluttershy before.
7684452
It would be so cool for Starlight to find out about Sci-Twi and kidnap her. The Rainbooms have to play the game to save her while Starlight forces Sci-Twi to play another version of the game on her own.
7684850
I know right! AJ totally should of made it to the end. She didn't even have but a few lines in it and her challenge at the end was just sad. Even when she died it wasn't a worthy death. I get that they had to prove the point of the circles but I sure would of liked to see Aj talk the trials out with her friends.
Wow that was completely insane . I how hope Discord learns of this so he give Starlight what she deserves.
7684986 now I really want to read that...Lol
Maybe, at some point in the story as well, Sunset touches Starlight, sees everything that transpired in the events of this story, and goes into a mad rage on Starlight, with Starlight laughing all the while Sunset's beating her.
7685196
I can picture it so vividly it scares me. It really would be a good story. Maybe one day it will happen. <:
I just can't decide if I'd want to see it still in the pony world or in the human world with all that technology and the fact that the human body can take so much pain before breaking .
... I sound so sadistic xD but it really would be a good story.
It honestly doesn't surprise me though, that in the majority of this 'test', everypony, (excluding Twilight) is trying to save their own hide, rather than that of the pony next to them. Because of what happened in the anon-a-miss storyline, this kind of scenario really is not hard to imagine.
Sadly, Starlight is kind of right when it comes to these ponies. Twilight and Sunset know more about friendship than they do.
7685224 and THEN...as Starlight's laughing through her blood, she manages to spit out "Some role model you turned out to be..." as she gestures towards a very distraught looking Twilight, which finally stops Sunset
I liked the story but I don't see Rarity betraying Fluttershy like that. But whatever.
Expertly written and really really dark.
Though personally I expected Twilight to survive and go into somewhat of a Berserker rage at the end and kill Starlight. I don't know why but I think it would have been even more satisfying for Starlight to see Twilight snap, even though she would then likely end as a stain on three walls, the floor and the roof.
Anyway, awesome story and nice handling of all the things that are strange about Starlight an her role in the show.
this fic and the reading got to me really really bad its so creepy and the concept makes perfect sense do you do writing requests cause if so I have one in mind
but I really loved this story cant wait to see ur other dark and horror writings
7685335
"Congratulations, you found a way to win. And EVERYBODY STILL LOSES." Starlight has definitely gone into "Joker philosophy" territory at this point.
I am SOOOOO glad Magpie has a lot of WAFFY tales in addition to this to get this imagery out of my head. Pray the TWINS never find these "Pinkie Tales".
My anti-starlight friends will love this
7684597
7685138
7684522
Have you guys read A Crazed Gleam?
I imagine that's what Discord will do to this Starlight, only much, MUCH, worse.
Everyone's bringing up Rarity asking Discord for assistance (Raricord?
), but I'm wondering...
Does Starlight have a plan to defeat him, too?
I really enjoyed this work of fiction! I first discovered on Lost's channel, but the story really was not only creative but horrific! I felt like the characters were brought to life along the text, and it brought me chills to read what Starlight planned for the mane six. The descriptions are gold
and I really love all the twists and turns during the story. Great job!! You should totally keep writing! 
I remember watching a movie with a similar plot once. only things that were different was that there was a prize for going through this. it was lots of money, the people didn't know each other. can't remember what it was called though. darn you netfix!
7685300
Well, I don't think RD was being selfish, she chose to brand Applejack because she knew Starlight would let her out of the circle, so she thought she could overpower her.
Then she willingly took a beating until she died.
7687607
I think the question is can she even fight him. snap of his . . claws and proof no horn. the only place he is not able to use magic, she can't use it either. no elements to turn his to stone. she one dead pony or worse forever tortured and never allowed to die pony.
This is so dark........ I love it!! Does that make me a bad person?
Anyway, this is one of my favourite creepypastas. Actually, it IS my favourite creppypasta. Great job Magpie!
WHY?! WHY!? WHY !? STARLIGHT YOU SON OF A BI***!!!!!!!!:?????????? YOU KILLED MY MOTHER!!!!!!! PLUS IT DINT HELP THAT I E
WAS READING THE SAME FIC AT THE SAME TIME LISTENING TO THE READING??
*falls on to bed sobbing loudly*
*door to my room open*
Sunlight Glimmer:Ughhh...Sis what's going on?
Me:MOM'S DEAD!!!!!!!!??
Soarin:What do you mean your mom's dead? Oh I get it this is some kind of sick joke right? *chukels and patts me on the head* Sweety don't make that kind of jokes ok?
Sunlight Glimmer:Yeah sis it's not funny!
Me:I'M NOT JOKEKING SEE FOR YOUR SELF DAD!!!*shoves phone in his hands and plays the reading of this story from the lost narattor* Might wanna let sis out,this is not for kids and wear my earphones I don't wanna listen to it any more*sobbs loudly*
Sunlight Glimmer(you know what I'm gonna refer her as sis):*glances at my phone*"'The Freindship Test" by:Magpiepony read by:The Lost Narrator'*giggles at me* Silly sis is afraid of a simple quiz hahaha???
Soarin(who I'm gonna regard as dad):*plugs on earphones and shoos sis away*If it wasnt for kids why were you watching it and why is your aunt Starlight's faces matted with blood and has a very creepy smile?
Me:*sniffs and wipes eyes*Dad I'm not a kid any more.I'm 15
*shrugs and watches the clip*
Ummmmmmmm,.......ok?
1 hour later
Dad:*sobbing left eye is twitching breathing is heavy* That son of a bitch.....
*Doors open to my room I scream*
Me: YOU MONSTER!!!!! YOU TRAITOR MUDERER!!!!!!!!!!!! How.could.you!?*sobbs*
Rarity:I'm sooo sorry dear I....I told your sister about your mother's passing.....*sobbing from my sis's room*
Dad:How could you kill Dashie? I thought she was you freind.
Rarity:I din't kill Dash my dear... It was Fluttershy who took her life.......unontentionally of course I was the one who killed....Flu...Fluttershy!!!!!!*falls on to the floor and sobbs me running towards her and hugging her sobbing too*
Me:It's not your fault.....Auntie It's Aunt Starligh's falut.....
Dad:Yeah Rarity......It's not your fault....It's getting late. You're welcomed to stay at the guest room tonight tom.morning I'll head straight towards Celestia to have Starlight punished.
Rarity:Thank you for your kindness
Me and Dad:Your welcome
Me:I better go check on sis.
*Dad and Rarity nods and Rarity hugs Dad and sobbs on his shoulder*
*I enter sis's room sis is sobbing*
Me:Hey sis how are you holding up?
Sis:Do you think mom's happy? Where ever she is?
Me:*smiles sadly and nodds head*Of course sweety! Mom's in a better place now. Tell you what...... Get your pillows and blanket you're sleeping in my room if you want.
Sis:*smiles softly ang gathers pillows a stich doll,a frozen blanket, mom's and Dad's WB limeted edition plushes(cuz y the hell not??) *we head out the door says good night to Auint Rarity and Dad*
Sis:good night Sis
Me:night Sis love you
Sis:I love you too
* we both head to sleep*P.L:We hope they are fine especially thekids for we are sure this has caused them great pain looseing their mother at this age*sighs and flyes away*I can only hope that Easy Breezey will help her father throug this tragedy.
Me after reading the story:
i wish she makes another like this
that made it saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me after reading Easy Brezezys comic at the end:
Excellent work, You nailed the atmosphere so good I felt like I was experiencing this with the characters. This story has shot directly into my top 10 favorite grim-dark tales.
Now somebody needs to make a Starlight Glimmer horror song, like Rainbow Dash's Rainbow Factory song
Rarity may have failed the tests, but she did finish them. She was set free.
Make a sequel or second chapter in which Rarity makes Starlight suffer every last ounce of pain that her friends did.
Make.
Her.
SUFFER.
i understood everything up til the "betrayal" cause the rules were said that {if both of them pick [choice] they'll both die & if 1 of them pick [choice] & the other 1 pick [chance], the 1 that pick [chance] will die}, they both decided on "chance" & only 1 of them follow through with the agreement, so where's the "betrayal" at the end?
Just as smug
In any case, I'll have to say that the story was a tad predictable. There's only so far you can take a torture story before the ending becomes obvious. Of course she'll get away scot-free while making them look like fools. There's a bit of a lack of detail too. Applejack's death is just a flash of light and boom, she's barbecued. Seems strange for someone as sadistic as Starlight(and there's no doubt that the tests are sadistic) to make it such a quick death. Rainbow's death is also a bit vague, I get that dying from a beating is quite possible, but it seems bizarre to be killed by that of all things when she's survived much worse than a beating with a metal rod(namely the impact force of the explosion she used to level AJ's barn) and her reaction to her wings getting broken also seems rather strange(she wasn't screaming in agony when the boulder crushed her wing in the Tank episode after all). Her death also felt rather...sudden. Fluttershy's stab wound is also forgotten about pretty quickly, I don't believe it's even mentioned once more despite it evidently being a deep stab.
Also, Starlight's characterization. Her being evil isn't problematic, that's the premise of the story. What's problematic for me, at least, is how scientific she is. This mare is a raving lunatic when she's evil who tosses out jokes and smarmy comments on a dime. Talking like a Terminator takes a bit away from it.
It's a decent torture fic and I'd probably be a lot more forgiving on it if I hadn't suffered a Saw overload this week, but yeah. Torture tests that you know is just going to end up with the bad guy going "Haha, you fools, now you see how I know human nature better than you" makes it essentially a spin the wheel game as to in what order they will die as opposed to who will die. Also, going off of a brief wiki summary of Would You Rather, a good portion of the tests being the same as the movie also does lower the enjoyment factor a little for the variety of kills.
I listened to lost's reading of this and... I hate to say this, i really, really do, i am so sorry, magpie, but I just don't like this story, which is weird how i can become okay whilst listening to something like Rainbow Factory or Something Sweet to Bite, yet THIS is the gore fic that turns me off?
i dunno, it just doesn't make sense to me. i know it's AU despite not having the tag, so that should stop any argument i have on the spot, but i can't help feeling this just isn't something Starlight would do now because, one, her morals wouldn't allow it and, two, she's not that bloody STUPID. Not to mention the line about her not getting a throne makes her sound like a whiny child who thinks they'll get something special if they behave just because they want something, then throw a big tantrum when they don't get what they expected.
With Rarity able to escape, she can tell everyone what happened and killing a PRINCESS of Equestria isn't exactly going to be overlooked. Now, Starlight may not seem to care as shown, but she SHOULD. Why? Discord. She SAW his reaction when he found out the changelings kidnapped Flutershy. Does she REALLY think it WON'T be worse if he finds out someone killed her, especially Starlight herself?
On top of that, without the elements of harmony, whatever big bad that comes next which ONLY the elements could have defeated, she's just doomed them all. Way to go Starlight.
And then there's the one character in this fic who just was so OOC that it just pulled me out of the story: Rarity. She is the Element of Generosity and she right away just brands Twilight? Then, as soon as she's given the option of knifing Pinkie or beating on Dash, her first question is about how to stab Pinkie. And, finally, at the very last one, after her little speech, Rarity is selfish enough that she tricks Fluttershy and only goes into apologies after she learns Fluttershy will know she was betrayed? Nope, sorry, this just didn't do it for me.
I really hate being so critical or sounding mean (dunno if i AM being mean or not, but it sounds like it in my head), but this fic just didn't feel right. i know it's a SAW reference, but it just feels wrong to me with how random it feels Starlight just jumps the gun from seeming fine with her current life, to suddenly wanting to kill the mane 6 nor why Rarity is suddenly so selfish she's willing to harm and then even kill her own friends instead of following her element to try and save one of them.
Sorry mag. this just wasn't a fic for me.
7691001 sorry I guess....
That's how I was feeling ask Sunlight I was screaming whenever sompony got killed,hurt you get the picture
Rd:Hey hows it going!!
(just imagine that in rd k?)
Me:MOM!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!!! *runs towards mom crying hapoy tears*
Rd:what do you mean?
Me:nevermind mom.
Rd:
Overall, this is pretty good story especially for a writer who doesn't do much horror. I give it a 8/10 and suggest for any creepypasta fans to give it a chance. Trust me you won't be disappointed or in the very least not that much. (Only if you expected it to be on the same level as Rainbow Factory or Cupcakes.)
To say nothing of a story written entirely torture and kill the mane six, the laughter test really cheesed me off. For starters, all the other tests are based on choices; this is just "suppress a natural reaction or you die". There's nothing poetic about it. Furthermore, gas can't be attracted to moist places? It's not alive? Like, I suppose it could be, magic and all, but that was never specified. And even if it was the case, the nose is also a moist place, so it just seems like an unwinnable scenario designed to kill Pinkie specifically, and maybe someone else incidentally.
Did anypony have a Saw movie flashback or in nature? Anybody?
Great story by the way!
Ah, but according to the scientific method I think it is.
I'm sorry, but that's not the greatest excuse for making one of the trials non-lethal and the rest deadly.
And now I'm curious as to what a test in Magic would have been. For that matter, what kind of test could the M6 have performed to prove that pure individual power is stronger than friendship? I can't think of any situation where not using power leads to you living.
Now on that note, how exactly does designing a test whereby performing one's specialty proves it's worthless? That's like saying, I bet my gun is better than your sword, if you hit someone with your sword and they die then obviously my gun is superior.
The Prisoner's Dilemma with a twist, eh? I like it.
This is Cupcakes and Rainbow Factory all over again... NOT Twilight... STARLIGHT YOU B***H!!! Plus she pretty much doomed herself when Rarity tells everyone including Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Shining Armor, Thorax, and Discord... PLEASE LET THAT BE A SEQUEL...
Can't say I was too impressed with this one in the end. I had high hopes for a grimdark story with Starlight in the antagonist role, but she doesn't seem nearly as clever as she normally does, nor even quite as obsessed as she might ought to be in this situation.
I could totally see her, if anypony, setting up a series of Saw-like tests to torture and torment her erstwhile 'friends', but the pony that was and has always been the most instrumental in her defeat and instruction was Twilight. Having a system whereby any pony comes of die as a penalty for one screwing up or going of script doesn't make sense if her ultimate goal is to prove Friendship isn't Magic. Especially if Twilight isn't alive at the end for her to gloat over about it. (Honestly expected her to be wrong in the generosity test and end up killing Rarity and Fluttershy by mistake. Once Twilight was eliminated I'm afraid the ending was all too obvious.)
Which brings up another problem. Once the stakes are established all sense of suspense is drained from the proceedings. It's established early on that Twilight and Pinkie are going to try and sacrifice themselves, and it is likewise established that Fluttershy and Rarity are going to be weak links. Rarity's final betrayal at the end should've been a shocker, but the rest of the story doesn't allow it to be.
What is mildly surprising is that after all that starlihht would choose to let one of them live, knowing that they would ultimately inform the authorities of what transpired. I suppose Starlight thinks if she was able to kill the Elements of Harmony she would have nothing to fear... but in being instrumental in Fluttershy's torture and death it's hard to think she'd escape the ire of the Spirit of Chaos for long.
It would've made more sense if she had recorded the whole thing, so as to blackmail Rarity with her duplicity so that she could not expose Starlight without exposing herself. But that's just another way in which Starlight was far less clever than I would have hoped.
I'm sure that there are many fans who will find this a terrifying read on par with Cheerilee's Garden or Rainbow Factory... but the comparison to Cupcakes is unjustified. For all that stories flaws it had bother mystery, humor, and suspense. The nicest thing I feel I can say about this story is that's Applejack didn't have to suffer.
Still, I don't want to be too critical. As much as Starlight is a monster here, she is handled respectfully and I commend you for that, and the story is well written even if it's not to my personal tastes. As a first attempt at grimdark I have seen FAR worse. I look forward to seeing how your style develops in your next horror story.
Gonna have to hit the dislike button. This was pure torture porn and nothing more. There wasn't anything particularly creative about it and there's absolutely no suspence as it's made clear from the start they can't escape and will mostly all die. Rarity is grossly out of character in this as is Fluttershy. If anything they would have been the ones willing to take the pain to spare their friends.
I'll just work with the headcannon Rarity told Discord what happened, he went back in time to the start of the test, restrained Starlight and saved the Mane 6. Or that Celestia had a vision about it and breaks down the wall just Starlight's about to start.
OR most creatively, in an awesome twist that should have happened and would have redeemed the story in my eyes. Instead of saying the last line somepony else's voice comes out of Rarity's mouth.
"All you have proven Starlight Glimmer is that some ponies do not deserve friendship you UNGRATEFUL WHELP!" Rarity transforms into Luna and it's all revealed to be a dream, one that she had several times in anticipation of pulling it off for real. Luna reveals she's used her own magic to keep Starlight asleep while the Royal Guard move her to Canterlot to await sentencing.
It would have been a shocking twist ending, is completely believable within the world of MLP, would have made OOC moments suddenly make sense and would have given the reader a happy note to end on as nopony actually died. As it stands though, the story is a complete bore, listening to the reading by The Lost Narrator being the only reason I got through the whole thing. Stick to comedy and romance Magpie.
Idk I don't think Fluttershy is that weak willed, and Rarity's betrayal didn't make much sense. I think you captured Twilight's character well though. The laughter test wasn't really that great, but I can't come up with a better one so I'll give you a pass on that. Overall though the story itself is well written. Description and dialogue are done well.