Just a fella looking to finish what I started
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[Warning: This story has a number of grammar errors in it. I am currently working on fixing them. Judge the story for the story, not the grammar.]
The First adventure of the universe jumping Mr. Carnage. A detective must solve a disturbing murder case in the town of ponyville, there he will gain a new assistant in Rainbow Dash and try to discover the identity and shocking motive behind Equestria's first serial killer in over 300 years.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Enjoy the story
Psycho Man - Black Sabbath
What I... don't like? Uh... I got nothin'~!
Nope, still don't hate a thing~!
ok well im not writer but i think you should tell the audience how the heck he got in Equestria in the first place
and another thing i think you went a little too fast on the meeting rainbow dash part ans the murder part
im no writer i justread but i think theese 2 things will help you, thoose are just my thoughts
Continue continue!
Thanks for the comments, likes and views guys! The story will be updated soon!
Grammar could use some work but other than that, I'd say this fanfic is...
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Onwards, to the next chapter!
Like I said before, it's just the grammar that needs a few tweaks here and there. Nothing major. As for Kirby's comment, I really don't think it matters how he got to Equestria, seeing as the story isn't about how he got there, but what he does while he's there. Just my opinion.
Story so far:
fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/062/4/8/armoured_vault_boy_by_tehspikey-d3asuz1.jpg
"Ya dun good!"
829586 Thanks bro, loving the pictures, if this goes well this will not be the last tale of Mr. Carnage
829738
images.sodahead.com/polls/001517551/4256987656_OH_YEAAAAAA_LETS_DO_IT_answer_1_xlarge.jpeg
Remember the grammar thing, though! It could save your life, bruh. Trust me, I know. I seen some shit, man.
829758 I'll try to have someone proof read it next time, hopefully that will help.
829782 I'm probably gonna sound retarded now because it's probably something that I have seen, but, what is death note?
google.co.uk/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1024&bih=499&authuser=0&tbm=isch&tbnid=DXvPnNMwRAJU1M:&imgrefurl=http://www.funnyordie.com/slideshows/de34ae22de/the-dating-site-murderer-he-ll-kill-you-with-kindness&docid=81kAJe9qhQSYEM&imgurl=http://assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/user_photos/1194450/carrots_width_600x.jpg&w=400&h=600&ei=PaPtT-KbPMer8QPi3Zn5DA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=800&vpy=4&dur=1041&hovh=275&hovw=183&tx=86&ty=61&sig=100769409970457514891&page=7&tbnh=144&tbnw=106&start=83&ndsp=15&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:83,i:358
829793 Death Note is an anime about a high school student named Light Yagami who finds a supernatural book that has the ability to kill someone if you write down their name.
the main plot of the series is Light uses the death note to kill all the criminals so he can become 'the god of the new world'. meanwhile, the police are trying to stop Light from killing everyone with the help of a world-famous detective who goes under the name 'L'.
the thumbnail of this story looks like a ponified L and since the main character of the story is also a detective I assumed it was a death note crossover
829838 Fraid not friend this is an original character, sounds good though so I might give it a watch, did you like the story?
829786
I could do some proofreading for ya! My editing skills aren't worth shit, so I'm only gonna be around to give you pointers 'n' shit. Like, I'll tell you what needs to be corrected, and then you're the one to do the correcting, or something like that. I know that sounds kinda pointless, but hey, what isn't? So how 'bout it, bruh? I won't be dissapointed (or surprised, for that matter) if you say no. This is just the result of sleep deprivation and a near-fatal case of boredom.
830042 I will definitely consider it, I'm nearly done with chapter 3 and I have someone here who can proof read so i'll them have a look but if i keep having this problem I will definitely contact you, again thank you for your kind offer
830372
2damnfunny.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Ace-Ventura-Alrighty-Then-.gif
Mr carnage looks like L from death note I just noticed that
They have the same hair cut the same eye color almost same body color wierd
And they are both detectives
833109 Yay! I'm not the only one!
833109
it probably was based off this death note character (which i need to see now) the description changes him a little saying he's green, has green eyes and a stubble like the construction pony, hope you like the story so far. 
Just too explain, I got the picture from someone off devinant art because I thought it would be good to base the character off,
833768
And I'm glad your not the only one my friend
Here is an extra long chapter for you lovely people
Whooves, Time to hear your side of this story.
Hmm You Can't see make out hint what say Close than Ever be to person you know
They have the same hair cut the same eye color almost same body color wierd
And they are both detectives And Same Think and Everything
yet it not L
TO I LOOK LIKE IDIOT.
Then how are is Not L You could't have Memory as twin brother.
Well Mr.carnage look made nonsensical crap to you mind to explain to me
843250 I'm sorry friend but I do not understand anything that you just wrote
I have removed the Dark tab as there will be dark moments in the story but not enough to justify the tag, thank you for reading, do you think Whooves is the killer?
Possibly need more info to make a more acurates speculation
@mr.carnage lyra says anyone instead of anypony small mistake.quick fix
Yours truly happydeath
860673 Thanks for quickly pointing that out,quick change away!!!
860376
there's and infinity of possibilities in this crazy universe we live in
whether he is or not the killer is something no one knows
maybe even you dont know if he is the killer or not at the moment
....yeah....I got nothing else.
my mad prophet moment just went away.
sorry
but I liked this so keep on going mon
You made me lose focus on my music.
And that's not something that happens easily, bravo.
878783 Thank you good sir/madam I appreciate the kind words
-Mr. Carnage
I'll have to keep my eye on this one, this story so far has consumed my normally infallible focus.
t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTIl_11unVRmwns-N_TqDN-odHJJLUNcvAV0QV6h9FGCn4bKa5Pmw
Hey everypony! listen I was planning a story tie-in story with Whooves and Lyra's first adventure but lately the Whooves thing has been done to death, but what do you think? let me know
889613 well honestly I wouldn't mind it and by god why would anyone suspect the doctor it is not him I mean he's a bloody time lord they don't slit throats
889741 I know what your saying but if you look at the world and you gain enough real world experience you would be suprised to realise that any human being can become a murderer (and that goes for timelords as well) in one moment of passion or rage, sad but true fact
TARDIS is all caps.
In the show he's not called doctor who he's called the doctor or doctor so why is he called doctor whooves?
Mr.carnage should have know that.he said that he was a fan and that he had tennet's autograph. Small fixs should be no problem for you right Mr.carnage?
Your faithful student happydeath
920781 The fan name that has been bestowed to him is Doctor Whooves and the reason he didn't recognise him from the name Doctor Whooves is as you say in the real world he's known as the Doctor or Doctor not Doctor Who, but the reason he still calls him Doctor Whooves is because thats the name he was given and he feels that it must not be the doctor in this reality, do you understand? I'ts like how we have a name foe Vinyl Scratch but the writers called her DJ Pon-3
I will find the TARDIS thing your referring to and fix it, I'm not sure why I did that.
Thank you for taking the time out to help me
-Mr. Carnage
good background story for carnage, Make sure he has something to fallow up on next time
946543 Sure will friend, thank you for sticking with the story.
-Mr. Carnage
cool stuff mon
I will make sure to keep reading it, as long as you make sure to keep it good.
au revoir mon ami
Best Chapter ever I shat myself with laughter
948946 Thats a tough offer my friend but one i shall accept
949676 That must have been a hell of a mess
951077 just joking but I did slip fall out of my chair and hit my head it hurt like a bitch but I was still laughing
951267 Hooray I've mastered comedy in writing
951302yay
WHAT!?
THATS JUST-WHAT?!?!?!?
whyd did they just go asshole mode on his ass!?
I mean, yeah, he arrested pinkie but COME ON!
they didnt even give him benefit of the doubt for christ's sake!!
could you at least let him tell them why?
I mean I understand AJ being an ass about it, but RD is basicly his marefriend!
why could she just ask why he did it.
I dont se the continuity on this sorry, but right now im kinda in "doesnt really care" mode
just put that in mind
Lets see: Bugged by a reporter, yelled at by twilight, chewed out by applejack, and for the grand finale: 2 slaps to the face and chewed out by RD
I have only once seen another day be worse than one of mine, this is it.