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Prologue488 words
Flurry Heart- Ponyville1,864 words
Breakfast.1,387 words

Flurry Heart- Ponyville

I sit here, on the station, my wings hidden under my thermal. They probably should have sent someone more trained than me. I look around. Where did they want me to go? I take a note out of my thermal and squint as I try and try and read her poor hoof writing. Finally I decipher the message. Flurry Heart, You are a refugee from Crystal empire. Go to ponivyPonyville orphanage. Find what you can about the elements of harmoni Harmony. Love you. Cadance xxx.

I look up and am startled by a pair of gold eyes looking at me. I tuck the note away in my thermal. "Hello." I say. The pair of eyes blink and back away. Soon I can see a whole pony. The pony is a grey pegasus. She grins. "Hi! I'm Lost Colour. But everyone calls me L. Well everyone except Elegance and Twinkly. So who are you? I ask this because you are new. I know everyone in this dumb little town." I blinked, my brain processing what she said. Finally I formulate a response.
"My name is Flu-" I close my mouth quickly. I'm not Flurry heart anymore. "Flapjack." I blurt out quickly. I smile nervously. The white pegasus raises an eyebrow.
"You sure?" She's says in an amused tone. I look at her in confusion. She sighs and looks down. She looks up again. "Where are you heading FJ?" I tilt my head in confusion. FJ? Finally it dawns. That's Flapjack shortened. I feel like an idiot. I realise that L is waiting and quickly say my story.
" I am heading to the Ponyville orphanage." I say. L looks at me in interest. "I am an Refugee from the Crystal Empire." I fight down the urge to vomit. It is hard to talk badly about the Empire I am to rule in a few years. In the time I am having my internal struggle L butts in.
"Yes I've heard it's horrible. Apparently everyone is a slave there and it is ruled by tyrants." I know she is being sympathetic but Celestia I want to strangle her. I continue my story hiding my hatred.
"My parents were made to stay in the empire but I managed to escape. They ran a flower shop before this began." I pretend to be wistful. L nods sympathetically.
"I'm sorry." She says softly and I nod. Her tone brightens as she says. "If it is any consolation I live at the orphanage too." I nod like I am happy but inside I want to kill myself.

I am startled when she takes my hoof in hers and drags me deeper into the town. "Come on! It's this way!" I thud my hooves on the ground as quickly as possible, so as not to be dragged. As we rush along I try and pull away for I am sure I will die. How can a PEGASUS be stronger than an ALICORN! In the end I stop struggling and just let myself be dragged to my doom.

Finally we stop. I look over at L dazed. She looks fine and is even smiling at me. How dare she! As I start to fix my wind blown hair, she starts to laugh. I turn round to her and glare but she doesn't notice me. How dare she laugh at me! My glare deepens but to my surprise I start laughing too. Soon my body is racked with laughter and L's laughter grows.

I gasp as I try to fill my lungs with air. Just as I start to be able to breathe L thumps me on the back. "You're not bad Flapjack, you're not bad." I choke winded and summon a glare which I shoot at her. She just chuckles.

She turns a smile still on her face. "We're here." She says loudly. "Yes back to the shack." She mutters under her breath and frowns. I pretend I haven't heard and I look up. Ahead is a dull red house. It is weird coming from the Crystal Empire. I guess I forgot I am in Harmony Kingdom now. I gulp back a small sob. I've always wanted to come out of the Crystal Empire but now I am out of the constricting palace I want to go home. "Get a hold of yourself Flurry" I muttered under my breath. I feel something on my back. I turn my head tears blurring the bottom of my eye. Meeting my eyes is L. She smiles sadly, her foreleg over my back. I lean into her foreleg sometimes it is hard to remember the Harmonians aren't real ponies.

After some time L pulls away. "Hey it's okay. One day Princess Nerd will defeat Princess Lovealot." How is it that I can go from thinking of her as a real pony to wanting to kill her in less than 5 seconds. "Anyway" she continues, oblivious to my seething. "You have a home now." She turns her head and looks at me. "Follow me." She trots swiftly into the dull building ahead. I look at the brick block uncertainly before following L. "I'm watching you building" I mutter as I enter it.

When I get inside I tear my eyes from the structure. I blink as my eyes adjust to the darkness. Inside there is a small square room with a desk in the middle and a hall either side. L walks confidently to the desk and puts her foreleg on it in a cocky way. Sitting at the desk there is a small green unicorn. She is wearing a top that says "I am the boss." The top is covered in coffee stains. Next to the mare is a small mug. "Keep cool and drink coffee!" is the message on the cup. I bite back a groan and start walking unsurely to the desk.

While I am walking L starts up a conversation with the mare. "Hey Mrs B." She says confidently. "Mrs B" takes a dredge from her mug and replies in a manner that makes me think she has had this conversation before.
"Hello Lost Colour." L frowns jokily.
"Oh Mrs B I have always asked you to call me L. Please indulge me once." L says batting her eyelashes. Mrs B takes another long sip from her coffee mug before answering.
"No." Mrs B looks down and starts typing on her typewriter. L pouts before realising I am standing there. She looks at me and beckons me over. I walk slowly over to the grubby desk.

"Mrs B..." L starts talking. Mrs B sighs and looks up.
"What is it now-" I catch Mrs B's eyes and she stops talking. Suddenly her frown erupts into a smile. She gets up from her desk and walks round to the front of the desk. She takes my hoof in hers and starts shaking it so hard I am sure it will fall off.
"My name is Mrs Bakewell." She drops my hoof. "I can't say I've seen you around here before." I open my mouth to talk but L interrupts me.
"Mrs B she is a refugee form the Crystal Empire." Mrs Bakewell's eye's round with sympathy.
"Oh you poor dear" she says softly. "Don't worry we'll look after you until the nasty war is over." I round my eye like I am about to cry. Mrs Bakewell wraps me in her forelegs. As she pulls me into a hug I try not to wrinkle my nose at the musty smell of coffee she has all around her. Eventually I am let out the hug and I take in a long breath of fresh air.
"Dear I am going to need your passport." I blink. Oh yes. I pull out my fake passport. Mr Note don't fail me now. I hand it to her along with a fake doctor's note about how I HAVE TO wear my thermal. Mrs Bakewell inspects the passport before handing it back to me. She than looks at me. "Don't you have any other belongings." She says dubiously. My mind blanks for a moment. My parents didn't go through this. Quickly I construct an answer.
"I couldn't bring any belongings because I didn't have anytime to pack. It was a split second chance to get beyond the border and to Harmony." I look down and act sad but really I am trying to hide the sweat dripping down my brow. Mrs Bakewell nods sadly like she understands. She than quickly changes the subject.
"Flapjack you have met Lost Colour?" I nod and L nods too. "OK than you can share a room with her. I'm sure you'd rather share with her than somepony you've never met." I nod again. Mrs Bakewell turns to L "Now I trust you will be a good filly and make her feel welcome and to be well behaved." L slings her foreleg around me, an innocent expression on her face.
" Now Mrs B when have I ever been badly behaved?" Mrs Bakewell raises her eyebrow. She than smiles.
"Go on Lost Colour you can go." Mrs Bakewell turns and heads back to her office.

Before Mrs Bakewell can even sit down I feel myself being dragged down the right hallway and up a flight of stairs. Finally the pulling sensation on my leg stops and I stagger into, what I can only assume is, L's room. When my head stops spinning a yawn escapes my mouth. I suppose I didn't realise how tired I was. A voice cuts through the quiet "looks like somepony is tired." I fight back anouther yawn. "I'm sorry" I mutter as my legs collapse beneath me and I am asleep before my body hits the floor.

Today a new filly came. I dunno whether she is gonna be a friend or foe. She has a really weird accent and seems high strung but... I dunno is it wrong to judge. I mean she seems nice enough but I guess I'm just gonna have to see. Lol u should have seen when she collapsed on the floor it was well funny. Welp I guess I'm gonna have to try and get her into bed. This is gonna be hard she is pretty big. oh also I annoyed Ele and Twinkle today. lol There soo funny when there annoyed. See ya tomorrow.
L

Author's Note:

If you a grammer nazi ignore the last paragraph. And yes i wrote that paragraph with on purposely bed grammer. Apart from that tell me if there grammer mistakes. Hope you enjoyed.

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Sk1Tz

Sk1Tz #1 · Dec 1st, 2016 · · ·

This story desperately needs an editor. I lost any immersion with the story after reading through ten lines worth of mistakes. Ask somebody to help read through and correct the mistakes. The story would be more inviting if it's fixed.

This includes the description as well. Grammatical and spelling mistakes are included there.

As for the premise of the story, it felt rushed from each transition. I sorta like the idea, but it felt clichéd. Everyone speaks monotone like. Some of the big questions that were displayed on the description weren't answered yet in the piece. How did the goddesses die? Why does Twilight and Candace have an intense dislike for eachother and their kingdoms?

Overall, it's plain meh.

Cherry delight