Retribution (Revised)
Secondary Author's Note for republishing in comments.
- - -
My legs feel weak. I’m sure that if I don’t sit down soon they’ll fall out from underneath me.
Regardless, I continue to stand, bracing myself against the wall of the cage as me and the three mares trade horrified expressions.
My hands are bone white, clenched so tightly around the bars of my cage that I'm in danger of hurting myself, and my mind is a blur as I rapidly sift through my memories and the facts.
The worst part is how well it explains everything - All the ponies talking about me objectively. The empty backstage. Trixie not allowing me to talk to the audiences.
All this time, she’s been masquerading me as some sort of non-sentient creature. Some sort of animal.
And that is where things stop making sense. How could this have worked? I was playing a piano. Animals can’t play instruments. It takes a level of focus and the ultra-fine motor skills only available to intelligent creatures.
I’m in no state to properly crunch the facts here. There are so many thoughts cluttering up my mind that I’m afraid my brain is about to suffer from a Blue Screen of Death.
With my mind still grinding away at this shocking revelation, my mouth manages to flop open, my next question rolling of my tongue with as much grace as an invalid performing a ballet.
“Nobody knew? You’re telling me that all this time nobody knew what she was doing to me?”
Twilight’s ears droop in a heart-wrenching display of sorrow and sympathy. “I… I can’t believe it either. You can talk!”
“Yes.” My throat feels tight. “All of the… all of the pain… I could have stopped it… I…”
Cadance looks like she’s about to faint. Of course; she’s sensitive to emotions, so the stuff I’m emanating must make her want to be sick.
“What… What pain?” She asks tentatively.
“My nose…” I cross my eyes to stare at the crooked appendage, feeling the first pricks of tears in my eyes. “And… and…”
I can’t bring myself to say it, but the hand now clutching at my hair seems to convey to general message of ‘She did something horrible’.
The tears are flowing freely now, although the reason for why is something I cannot fathom. Am I happy that this is all finally over, or am I crying over the needless hardships I suffered?
I wish I knew.
“God… If she hadn’t stopped me…” I whimper. “Then I wouldn’t… I’d be…”
“Stop you from what, darling?” Rarity’s eyes are so full of concern, I can hardly bear it. So many days full of nothing but scorn and hatred, and now I have these three mares here, each one of them conveying nothing short of complete and utter sympathy.
“From… from…” There’s no dignity in saying this, or the amount of water on my face. Looks like I’ve finally lost that as well – although it’s a small price to pay for freedom.
“From…” I drag it out for a third time, unwilling to admit that I had given up, while the three mares all press closer to the cage. I’m sure that they’ve already realised what I’m referring to.
“…Hanging…” I tighten my grip on my hair. “…myself...” The words come out in a choked whisper, but even so all three of the mares visibly recoil at my admission. “I just… I… I c-couldn’t take it any more. The pain… the…”
It feels wonderful to tell this story. To know that these three ponies now know what Trixie has done to me.
Rarity finally puts a stop to the pain of reliving the last three weeks as she stops me.
“It’s okay, dear. She can’t hurt you anymore.”
Oh wow. She just used that line.
“We’ll get you out of here, then we’ll go and find the princess… and then…” The white unicorn looked over at Twilight and Cadance who were both looking equally ‘happy’ at what was to come. “And then Trixie will get her punishment.”
It’s too much for me. The pain of reliving the last three weeks, and the shock of a hope I had given up on coming to fruition.
I collapse to my knees, sobbing uncontrollably. Less than five minutes ago I was fully prepared to die. I wouldn’t have cared in the slightest – In fact, I would have been happy. Now… all I can think of is getting away.
The three ponies refrain from talking to me while I go through my break-down. I can’t listen properly over my sobs of joy and grief, but the general gist seems to be that they are talking about what Trixie did to make me suicidal. The amount of times I catch the words ‘awful’, ‘sorry’ and ‘justice’ is heart warming.
Eventually, my sobs die down, and I finally look up at the three.
“You…” I give a small hiccup. “Have no idea how much… What this changes… I…”
“You don’t need to tell us.” Cadance replies softly. Of course I don’t need to explain it to the alicorn that can feel emotions.
“Well, not to you.” I mumble, slowly standing up and rubbing at my eyes. “Please, get me out of here, before that monster comes back.”
“Right.” Twilight’s horn lights up, and her aura encircles the cage door, thrusting it open.
I grin weakly. I never thought I’d see the day when that door was just… open, with no-one forcing me to walk through it.
I look to Twilight, trying to convey exactly how grateful I am with one expression.
Realizing that such a feat would be beyond Celestia herself, I open my mouth to speak when everything goes wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.
I watch in shock as Trixie emerges from the shadows behind Twilight, Rarity and Cadance, her eyes wild with rage and disbelief.
My very first thought is ‘How did she sneak up on us?’, followed quickly by ‘Why did she sneak up on us? How could she possibly know that they were in here?'
I quickly search my memory, and almost immediately realize that my saviours never closed the door to the wagon. Trixie could have – must have, actually – heard our exchange at a distance, and then crept up on us.
I want to scream. I want to shout, and point her out to the others, and yet I cannot. Trixie has already seized control of my mind, filling it with a presence that writhes with rage and unbridled hatred. Her horn is surrounded by its aura, the dull ambient light going unnoticed by the three mares.
My eyes widen as she sneers at me, before pointing her hoof at The three mares and me in turn, and then drawing the same hoof across her throat as her horn starts to grow brighter.
No, she wouldn't. Not the princess!
She would, and she does.
I watch in horror as Trixie takes a step forward, lifting one hoof and bringing it down on Cadance’s head. The Princess drops to the ground instantly, clearly out cold.
While this is going on, Twilight and Rarity are busy staring at me. My wide-eyed stare has them unnerved. They only turn - hopefully realizing what is happening in the process – when they hear the thud of Cadance's collapse.
Twilight’s horn lights up, but Trixie’s charging has already reached its zenith, with the entire length of her horn crackling with energy.
Too much energy. It looks dangerous – scratch that; it looks frightening.
The tip of her horn flashes white, blinding me - and presumably the others - with its intensity.
I lean against the bars of the cage as the white glare fades away, only to find that nothing has changed. Twilight and Rarity seem similarly confused, but they quickly place their attention on Trixie, who is snarling at the pair.
“You shouldn’t have come here!” The blue unicorn shouts, her face contorted into a mask of rage. “You should have stayed away!”
Ignoring Trixie’s cries, Twilight charges her horn again, filling the wagon with light.
Everything will be fine. Twilight is a much better magician than Trixie, and the monster's spell did nothing.
I let out a little sigh of relief at the thought as Twilight and Rarity make their advance towards the offending mare. Nothing has changed. In fact, now there’s more evidence against my tormentor.
"Trixie." Twilight speaks in a low and angry voice that I have never heard her use. "Give yourself up. Face justice."
In the tension of the scene, the corniness of the different lines flying through the air is almost lost on me. Almost.
Suddenly, the entire wagon heaves, its boards adopting a strange blue-purple hue as the front end rises into the air, putting a sharp tilt on the floor.
It happens in slow motion – whether or not that’s the spell or just my perception, I have no idea.
Twilight and Rarity both slip immediately, falling straight against the bars of my prison, while Cadance’s unconscious form drops through the open door of the cage.
I myself collapse against the step angle, before sliding feet-first to the far end of the cage, giving out a loud shout as the incline becomes steeper. I have no idea what has happened to Trixie, but she definitely hasn't joined everyone else in our respective falls.
The incline is almost vertical now, which means that I am once again standing – now against the bars of my cage. This is horrifying. Can Twilight still beat Trixie? Surely the wagon isn’t going to-
It is. It's starting to continue its arc, and once gravity kicks in...
It is to my relief that I see Twilight's horn flare, producing a magical aura that encircles close to half of the wooden planks that make up the wagon.
It is to my horror that I realize that it isn't enough. The other boards aren't surrounded by Trixie's aura, they are imbued with it. Whatever spell she cast, it’s not a normal one.
The wagon stops the arc that would bring it down on its roof, but now there is a new problem.
The planks are fighting each other. They're all trying to move, but close to half are being stopped by Twilight, with a further few being stopped by Rarity. Different parts of the wagon are literally fighting against the others to move, and the entire thing is producing a myriad of frightening groans.
It doesn’t take long for the eventual escalation of what is happening to occur. All I can do Is brace myself as the groans transform into the ruckus of splintering wood.
The noise berates my ears as I shield my head, and I shut my eyes while the wagon proceeds to tear itself apart.
***
My vision is fuzzy – an experience I have had to go through far too many times over the last three weeks - although I can hear just fine.
Somebody nearby is groaning. Beyond that I can hear a lot of angry grunting, and some odd ‘magical’ sounds like tinkling wind chimes and electrical discharges. I only hear enough discharges for one unicorn, not two.
I shake my head, bringing everything into focus, which reveals a splintered beam hanging just over my head.
The cage has been ripped apart, with individual bars strewn everywhere, some of them bent, others completely snapped. The wagon itself has been demolished, spreading the area around me with wood fragments and splintered planks.
I sit up, and look around. It didn’t take long for things to go wrong. Fuck you Murphy.
Fuck. You.
Twilight is lying next to me, clearly unconscious. She looks like she’s been hit by a train – although what’s actually happened is too far off.
I don’t see Rarity or Cadance, although from the sound of things I’d say one of them is either attacking or being attacked by Trixie – probably Rarity, and hopefully it is her magic I hear.
To be honest, I have no idea how powerful Trixie is compared to other unicorns. She could never beat Twilight, but what about Cadance or Rarity? Rarity was already shown up by her once in Boast Busters, and I don’t know how powerful the likely unconscious Cadance is when it comes to ‘normal’ magic.
I struggle to my feet, completely disorientated.
This is my chance. I can get my revenge on Trixie. I’m free, and she’s busy.
Bending down, I pick up one of the snapped bars of the cage.
I savour the weight in my hands. A few good strikes with this… and…
Pausing, I stoop down again and grab another item from the floor.
It’s one of the lengths of piano-wire that Trixie used to bind me. Like I said: Useless for suicide, perfect as a garrote. I'll probably never get the chance to use it, but I feel better with it in my hand.
The sounds of what can best be analogised as a magical beating have ceased, and I can hear the sound of Rarity moaning. The idea that Trixie would hurt these three mares… it brings my rage bubbling back – and I’m ready to act on it.
I straighten up and look around at the mess. It’s like a hurricane blew through, ripping the wagon to shreds. That spell Trixie cast, just what was it that could resist Twilight?
Trixie is speaking to her foe, her voice distraught and strained.
“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt another pony. This should never have happened!”
I take a tentative step towards her voice, taking a second to check that my legs aren’t injured before suddenly bounding forwards.
It’s time for retribution.
I step out of the centre of the wreckage, grasping the metal bar firmly in my hand.
Trixie has her ‘back’ to me, facing the crumpled white unicorn that lies sprawled on the ground. Perfect - not for Rarity, of course, but that doesn't matter anymore. Right now, all that matters is my revenge.
“You bitch.” I hiss before tightening my grip on the metal bar and swinging, only to have my arm come to a standstill.
I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have just done it. Stupid, stupid melodramatic me.
Trixie’s magical aura envelops my arm, and lifts me into the air, before dumping me on the ground.
My head is swimming. You would think by now I was used to seeing double, what with how often it’s been happening – and without even the comfort of being drunk. Maybe if I can get through this, I’ll be able to find out what that’s like.
I shake my head, managing to bring everything back into focus just as Trixie finishes approaching me, an expression of rage on her face the likes of which I’ve never seen.
“YOU!!” She screams. “YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!!”
“Trixie…” I cough, slowly standing up. “It’s over. Everyone will figure it out. It’s so obvious.”
“Oh really?” Trixie’s face doesn’t change as she glares at me, even though her voice has dropped to something much closer to her normal speaking tone.
“I disagree! What’s there to figure out? These three foolish mares came to see the dangerous human without my supervision! I can’t be held responsible for what it did. At least I managed to slay it before it could go on a brutal rampage.”
That seems oddly well thought out for something she’s making up on the spot, but like so many other things at the moment, it doesn't matter at the moment.
“Do you really think that’ll work?”
“What do you think everypony will believe? That I managed to kill a princess and Celestia’s protégée, or that the mysterious animal with unknown abilities did it?”
I sway on the spot, slowly lifting the metal bar in my right hand. “You haven’t won ye-”
‘SQUELCH’
My body lurches at the impact, and I look down in shock.
Did she just do that? Did Trixie really just-
She jerks back, violently extricating her horn from my abdomen. It’s slick with my blood.
I stare down at the wound, which is already leaking a generous amount of blood. It hurts like hell, filling me with both a burning and chilling sensation at the same time.
“Yes. I. Have.” Trixie growls back. “You’ve earned this, human.” She turns away, most likely to finish off the three mares.
I look down at my abdomen. Is this a mortal wound? Am I going to die? Does she think that this will kill me right away? It'll take awhile to bleed out - A good three minutes, at least. probably longer, unless she hit something really important. I know that much.
I look back up, lifting the cage bar. I must be in shock. Any normal person would be screaming their head off right now. I'm sure that in any other situation, I would be too.
“And you’ve earned this.”
Trixie starts to turn her head back to me, the rage in her eyes now augmented by a glint of confusion as I swing the cage fragment.
The bar collides with her head – or more accurately, her horn. Right at the base.
And when that happens, two things occur.
Firstly, I drop the bar, my hand jarred by the impact.
Secondly, the air is filled with an ear-splitting crack, and Trixie’s horn shatters. Just like that.
It fragments, throwing shards of the horn in all directions, while Trixie is sent flying for a full two meters.
She skids and then rolls along the ground for a further two meters, screaming in agony as what was her horn is dispersed over the area, while I simply bound after her.
My god. That felt so good. That horn has caused me so much pain – including what may be a mortal wound.
Slowly, I bend over and retrieve the metal bar, before limping over towards Trixie, dropping my length of piano-wire so that I can use my left hand to apply pressure to my wound.
I've won. Trixie’s horn is gone. She can’t do anything. I actually won.
Murphy can kiss, my, ass.
I lift the metal bar above my head as I approach Trixie. The action takes a lot of effort – far more than it should. I must be bleeding out faster than I thought. I need to make this count.
I look down at the blue mare. She no longer looks terrifying. All I can think of is the last three weeks. All the horrors, the contradictions, the beatings. None of them mean anything now. Even the blood seeping around the hand applied to my abdomen is meaningless.
Her eyes flicker open, looking up at me – and have to notice that for the first time there’s no gleam in them… just a dull glassy image. The look of resignation.
“Just make it quick.” She whispers feebly, before closing her eyes again.
Quick is much more than she deserves, but I’m running out of time, so I'll happily oblige.
I lift the bar as high as I can, and bring it down on Trixie’s head.
It strikes with far less force than I would like, although still creating a satisfying crunch.
I have no idea if Trixie is dead or not. I’m having trouble seeing her, and I can’t see if her chest is rising or falling. Her eyes are still closed, though. So at least I did something.
My vision may be fading, but I can still hear, and what I hear is shouting. The closest voice sounds like Twilight, but the more distant ones are foreign. With any luck - and I think I'm due a bit of good luck - they’ll be doctors, because I really need one.
My body even seems to feel a need to emphasize that point, and my legs fold underneath me.
I stare up at the glass ceiling of the courtyard. Does it end here? Am I okay with that? I got what I wanted. My revenge. Trixie’s retribution – more or less. Even if she survives, Twilight will make sure she goes away until the day she dies.
It’s been so long since I’ve smiled – and I mean really smiled. So long since I’ve smiled because I was truly happy. I suppose that makes me feel all the more better as my face is graced with a grin that would make Pinkie proud.
I see Twilight. She’s standing over me – her mouth forming wordless shouts.
Oh look, and there’s Celestia. I’m meeting the princess on what could very well be my death-bed. Amazing.
Impossibly, my smile gets wider as I open my mouth. I can’t hear anything, but that doesn’t stop me from speaking.
“I won.” I don’t hear my words, but the two staring down at me clearly do. “I beat her.”
Twilight renews her shouting. She clearly doesn't know that I can’t hear a word she's saying.
I give a little chuckle as my eyelids start to feel extremely heavy. I suppose it’s time - Or hell, maybe I'm just being overly dramatic.
Feeling more content than I have in years, I allow my eyes to close.
I could really use a good rest.
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Author's Note:
Finally. The main story is finished.
Now, I'm sure you all are wondering whether or not the Piano Man survived... well, that's why we have epilogues.
I don't want to ruin the mood with an overly long author's note, so I'll just end with a plug:
Stay tuned for the (possibly sad) wind-down for The Piano Man.
980520 If he lives, can we has a sequel?
OH. MY. GOD. FINNALY SHE DIES!!!!!
980544 Yes. If the Piano Man lives, there will be a sequel.
980550 PROBABLY DIES*
EDIT: HA! Featured in slot four! YES!
I AM SO HAPPY I LOVE YOU
I have greatly enjoyed this fic. It's dark, it's rage inducing, but you know what? Anything that can so easily pluck my emotions is amazing. You have done just that. The removal of free-will and choice that Trixie was able to force on the piano man was able to get under my skin like nothing else really does, you expertly hit just the right spot to push all my buttons, and while the emotions you invoked were negative, this fic is most definitively a positive.
That, and when I saw him brake Trixie's horn I had such a massive feeling of justice wash over me that it was invigorating. Rather she lived or not she's ruined. I will openly admit that gives me FAR too much joy. I've been begging the entire time for her horn to get smashed.
I finished reading the prior chapter like five minutes ago, then I decide to refresh one of my FIM tabs to see if I have any new stories to read. Up pops this chapter. Huzzah!
That was a really good story. I loved the fast updates.
Shame... he dies and Trixie might still live... Even Celestia didn't care if he lived or died
I was waiting for that but i really really really wish he got to return the favor for all of that torment by making it a excruciatingly slow death ohohoh i would have the most stupidest grin on my face reading that also a very important once said this "I love you"
Ehh, even with getting the drop on them I'm not sure I buy Trixie taking out Twilight, Rarity, and Cadence in a fight. Mainly it's the lifting and flipping of her wagon that bugs me, unless I am remembering incorrectly the only pony who demonstrated that level of telekinetic strength in Boast Busted was Twilight. If Trixie was strong enough to do what she did in this chapter, she probably wouldn't have been so straight up ineffective against the Ursa.
Given that he was in shock from the emotional waves earlier, then he's dizzy from major blood loss and trauma, I'm betting that he knocked her out, and didn't cause enough damage for a skull fracture. Assuming, of course, that breaking the horn like that doesn't cause enough force to fracture the brain casing. Disclaimer: everything I know about this kinda thing I learnt from Deadliest Warrior.
980840
I'd say it would be down to pure adrenaline and panic -- she would have realised that her life wouldn't be worth a lunar crater once THOSE three learnt about her little unicorn games.
Given the ending, I'd say he has a very good chance of pulling through. There is no way that there wouldn't be a medical practioner on call to the Palace, assuming that Celestia doesn't know medicine herself.
D
MMIT!!! 
You cliff-hanging jerk!
As if the last chapter wasn't bad enough (I actually couldn't fall asleep last night because I was too busy wonder what would happen next) and now you drop this on me? Curse you for writing something that garnered my interest!
~Signed, InfiniteBrony
Hm. Still don't know how he'll be treated after committing murder (if Trixie's dead).
For all we know, he could be brought back from the brink of death only to be tossed in the slammer.
Not really likely given the circumstances, but possible seeing as murder shouldn't be very frequent.
980622
Completely agree with you there.
980622 Thanks. I never really thought that I was good at writing characters designed to induce rage in the reader... but I suppose this entire story speaks to the contrary.
980840 980886 Trixie does use her own magic to move the wagon, which shows she does have some level of telekinetic ability. Also, the spell she cast that flipped the wagon was the kind that required her to overcharge her horn, and release it in a super-flash, so let's say that managing to flip an entire wagon was the at the top end of her ability scale. Admittedly, I would have made more sense if I had noted her charging her horn before hand, but I cut it for story reasons. Sorry.
As for managing to beat the others: Cadance was of course knocked out by a swift strike to the back of the head. Twilight was put out of the game by sheer dumb luck while the wagon was getting ripped apart, and Trixie has already shown that she is more apt at general magic than Rarity. Out of all the possible ways to do this, I feel that the way Trixie managed to come out on top was a good way to do it, and more creditable than most other ways I could have done it.
980909 I don't think a Trollestia face quite cuts it... so... uhh...
files.gamebanana.com/img/ico/sprays/4f0fa01b52f5c.png
Yeah. Sorry. I guess I'm just... evil.
980985 Hmm... I would imagine that (viewing the world as it was designed - as a kids show) Murder would be literally non-existent in Equestria. Of course, that's overly bland. It's more fun to imagine that it's VERY rare.
Either way, provided that Trixie is dead, what the PIano Man did falls under justifiable homicide, on the grounds of self-defense. (Equicide is the correct term, of course.)
981000
Yeah, sure, when he broke her horn, it pretty much stopped her from being a threat.
The part that followed after wasn't necessary. It was definitely understandable, but no longer in the interest of protecting the others. It was in revenge.
Sweet, sweet revenge.
981025 4.bp.blogspot.com/_J0IhdRDEXdg/TUwn34xG74I/AAAAAAAAF6Q/SOHOhKwmM0c/s1600/ShiftyEyes.gif
With any luck, nopony will ever know. If Trixie's dead, the secret is safe. If she's alive, the secret is still probably safe.
At least this is different from what I initially devised. I was going to have the Piano Man strangle her to death to stop her killing Rarity... but I decided to take a different road.
981000 So the flash was Trixie overcharging her horn to flip the wagon? In that case I buy what happened even less. I had assumed it was a sort of flashbang spell to distract Twi and Rarity, but instead they just stood there stupidly after Trixie assaulted Cadence? That's a little hard to believe.
Hmn, I have always assumed that Trixie pulled her wagon manually, but I don't remember if we see either way.
I'd complain about the fight with Rarity too, but I think I've probably bitched enough as it is.
981063
Awww.
Strangling her would've been soooooooooooooo satisfying.
Should've knelt down and strangled her with the garrote, or just put his weight onto her throat using his knee and watched as the life was torn from her.
Or stabbed her with the bar, gut wounds are deliciously slow and excruciating causes of death.
But I guess time was a luxury he could ill-afford.
Pity.
981075 Well, they didn't know Trixie was there until JUST before she hit Cadance, and the flash DID blind the Piano Man for a good few seconds, as it did for Rarity and Twilight. Do you think they'd just start firing off spells blindly?
And the fight with Rarity... well, I know that's a much larger stretch. I think its safe to assume that Trixie won by using some underhanded tricks and techniques.
(I've never seen Trixie as a completely useless mage. It seems clear to me that she has some moderate talent, and enjoys boasting a lot to make herself look far greater than she actually is)
I mean, if you're really THAT displeased, I can go back and do some revisions....
I wonder if he will be punished for killing Trixie or if Tia will show him mercy.
981132 Oh, don't do so on my account, so far I'm the only one complaining so I could just be overly picky.
I...I just...Wow...
I feel really depressed now... Everyone's hurt. Trixie is probably dead. I just don't think revenge is worth it...
980567
* There is going to be a sequel if he lives!?
!!! I think I love you.
*gasp
Oh my gosh, yes
Oh, and um, I'm not sure if Cadence is still alive and unconscious or is she really
?
Piano Man- DON'T DIE!!!
Trixie- you totally deserved that.
981398
no. she deserved MUCH worse.
981423
Well, as things stand right now, there are two outcomes:
A: Trixie died. If there is a pony hell, she shall writhe in agony there for eternity.
B: Trixie did not die. She shall spend the rest of her pitiful, broken life in the Canterlot dungeons for trying to kill two Elements of Harmony and a Princess, not to mention the use of illegal magics to coerce and subsequently abuse another sentient being. She shall never again be able to use magic, which for a unicorn is akin to this. He truly has left her, "in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever." Trixie is now completely bereft of her unicorn magic, without even the recompense of pegasus wings or earth pony strength, and will no longer be able to do even the simplest of tasks without assistance, at least until she relearns her foalhood skills of using her hooves and mouth to move things. And even if by some miracle she escapes from the dungeons, a pony of her coloring with a broken horn is easy to spot, and nopony will want to come near her.
I'm not sure if it is possible to bring a pony lower.
I hope you realize - and in fact, you have very little control over what is acceptable at this point - that you've written yourself into a hole. No matter how many mental and/or emotional problems you give a villain, if he's literally torturing the sole protagonist throughout the entire story, nothing short of a slow, painful death like getting tossed into clocktower gears or falling into acid will suffice. Trixie honestly can't be left alive in this scenario, unless she goes back to Earth with the human to live out the rest of her days as a sideshow attraction.
As for the lifting of the wagon, the flashbang, and knocking out Cadence, I don't see what everyone is complaining about. Cadence was self-explanatory, and flashbangs really are that bad. Lifting the wagon was pushing it - really pushing it, but with the horn description, I trust you'll give us some exposition on that in the epilogue. It wasn't natural, that's for sure.
What with the constantly dull chapters, it's really been hard to stick through this. I'm not saying you've delivered "it" or "fixed" anything, because you haven't, I'm just relieved something other than Trixie screwing with our protagonist happened.
Hmm...I was thinking of using a hacksaw to cut of her horn, but this works too.
I hope he survives
Also, I want to know what Celestia will do
FUCK YEAH!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!
BIRN IN HELLBTRIXIE! BURN IN HELL!
Why did I not read this until now?! My God, this is amazing stuff!
Satisfying. So very, VERY satisfying to read that.
980567
GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL! PLAGUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! TOUCHDOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWN!
Good job.
YES all my YES!!!! I'm so glad he finally got his revenge. Even if he doesn't kill her at least she got her horn destroyed and her life is definitely not going to be pleasant. I'm so hoping Trixie lives, even if the piano man dies I want Trixie to be alive because a blow to the head is not enough for her crimes. She must SUFFER!!!
This story was awesome and I can't wait to read the epilogue.
981372 Oh no! I would never just kill Cadance like that!
981620 Truly a grim existence. Because the next chapter is all closure, I still haven't decided whether or not to Kill Trixie... and the audience seems to be split...
Hmm... I think I need to post a blog entry on this.
981678 Oh! A comment from the author of 'Fluttershy Has Tea With Jesus'? Excellent!
Okay! so, the wagon: I've already discussed this with other readers, so aside from directing you to the comments near the end of page three, I will also wave my magical wand of Artistic License, and look down at the floor awkwardly. I'm sorry that this isn't up to your standards, but I have to aim to please the majority - and the majority seems pleased with what I've done so far.
Of course, I am posting a blog entry right now that kind-of contradicts what I just said, but still... I think the last chapter COULD do with some revision.
(Ugh, I hope that comment is legible. I'm rather tired at the moment)
Hurry up! With Celestia as my witness, no such story should be incomplete!!!!!!!!!!!
Hm, that played out much different then I expected. Never the less still a decent ending. As for if Trixie should live or die? Well to kill her would be actually quite merciful. Just think Trixie had already hit rock bottom at the beginning of this story and that was with the ability to use magic. If she had to continue life without it, and on top of that her crimes being known to all would be unbearable for her.
Well good luck with what ever you decide and I eagerly wait for the epilogue.
This fic is one of the best i have ever read.
I could feel his sadness, his horror, and finally his great triumph.
you sir are one great writer and if i could applaud you via text, i totally would right now.
I am happy to say that the fate suffered by our hero is one fewer and fewer humans have to suffer through. No doubt horrible things still happen in this world, some even worse than this. At least in a few places around the world, someone being abducted from their home to be exploited to this degree is a very rare occurrence.
One last thing to say.
Our hero either deserves to be treated like a fucking king for the rest of his mortal days, or given a burial fit for a freakin GOD!
Secondary Author's Note:
Okay, the votes are counted for the Epilogue, so here is the revised version of Retribution. The parts I've changed are from Trixie's appearance onward. Hopefully it gives a little more explanation/reasoning to Trixie's inexplicable 'winningness'.
Sorry to everyone that saw this in their favorites and thought that it was the epilogue.
(EDIT: Oh, and this isn't a bump. I did say that I was planning to do this while I waited for the votes to come in)
(EDIT 2: Oh... Okay, now I feel bad. This shouldn't haven't been shifted to the featured box over a revision. Of course, I know that the system is automated. It doesn't stop me for feeling like it shouldn't be there)
Glad Trixie got what was coming to her but I would have kinda like to see her suffer but "live" with it
when I read her horn got shattered I thought this would happen but sadly revenge was burning to strongly for him, not that its a bad thing, but would have found more satisfying to have Trixie live as a shadow of herself and marked by her broken horn as she is imprisoned and judged by her whole kind as a monster and disgrace....
I'm sick like that
Other than that like this story, kept me going to see how this poor sods life went from shit, to worse to dead
Had its ups and downs, like the ponies having cartoony levels of ignorance with them addressing his intelligence and the slight but frustratingly annoying humanization (I use the word to describe psychological change not physical) of Trixies character
But the ups really pushed forward especially that unique use of this day Aria, not going to let go of that mate, that was a devilishly smart way to do it
Like the story hope the Piano man has some relief now that Trixie is dead and you know...not imprisoned for murder if he does come to
991224 Just to clarify: You do know that the story isn't over yet, right?
Trixie may or may not be dead, and the Piano Man may or may not be dead. I'm saving that for the epilogue.
991247
Yeah but It's close to over now
Sort of like the return journey, don't see how much can happen now that Trixie head is now complete with metal pole and Piano Man is either dead or alive only to be sent back or alive only to stay but live his life in peace
more, more, More, MOre, MOREMOREMOREMOREMROEMOREMROEMOREMOREMOREMOREMOREOMREOMOMREOMREOMREORMEORMEOMREOMRPEORMMGSODIFUHBVNOIW3ERO0IGVUBSDOPF9 IHV0W94UBT509G8H *foams at the mouth*
991420 Ahh... another happy customer.
...
You might want to get some pills for that, by the way.
991441 are you kidding, the pills are what made it happen in the first place!
HOLY SHIT, THIS STORY IS AWESOME.
Hang in there, Piano dude!
FUCKKK YES SHES DEAD
993719 Dude.
YES.