• Member Since 3rd Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen 28 minutes ago

XenoPony


Hi, name's XenoPony. I'm an avid pony writer and fan fiction author with a wide range of stories.

T

Terror begins after Twilight and her friends make a horrifying discovery in the heart of the Everfree Forest during a trip to the castle of the two sisters - a hideous creature spawned from within the depths of their darkest nightmares. Now trapped within the dark ruins of the ancient castle with a violent thunderstorm raging outside, everypony must fight not only for their own survival, but for the survival of the whole of ponykind. Only one thing is certain, however, locked within the cold void with the no means of escape - the darkness is the last thing they have to be afraid of.

Audio adaptation here!

Edited by: Infinite Affection, lunargaurd4ever and stupidhand14.
Pre-Read by: LoneUnicornWriter.

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 64 )

Oh boy, I'm already getting a bad feeling of what's about to happen. :applecry:I hope Twilight and company make it through the night alive...:raritydespair:

And so the first to go is Pinkie... No, not her!:fluttercry:

7680364 7680366 The nightmare only grows from here.:pinkiecrazy:

7680478 Dunno if I should be scared or excited...:pinkiecrazy:

7680612 I don't think good is the word any of them would use.:pinkiecrazy:

The thrill intensity increases. More chapters! :pinkiecrazy:

Yeesh, whatever this thing is, something tells me it won't stop till all the ponies are dead.:fluttercry:

he asked eagerly, earning a scowl from Rarity

he said, yet there was little frustration in her tone as she smiled.

What's with ponies changing genders in this story? :rainbowlaugh:

7683509 Something us have messed up with chapter two when I moved it over from Google Dosc. Or toughs must have just slipped through editing.:twilightblush: Regardless, thanks for pointing them out.:twilightsmile:

7685997 Don't quite understand what you mean by that.:unsuresweetie: But okay.:pinkiehappy:

Poor Starlight, having to destroy her friends like that....

To quote the Transformers books, it's never the end!

7686083 Indeed, but given the amount of attention this story actually got, it might be the end for a while.:ajsleepy:

Oh well, I got more stuff to come.:yay:

7686085 But all the same, a great ending to a spinetingling tale, Xeno! And I can't wait to see what else you have in store!

7686001 Don't worry, its just a smiley :3 like X_X or similar ones.

7686083 I hope you're right, I'd love to see more of the creature in this. It's a very intresting monster.

So this is basically grimdark "Aliens" with ponies and nobody playing the part of Ripley.

Bah. *tosses another black hole at the world*

I..I was getting a little worried there. Man I cant wait to read the:applejackconfused: next chapter!!!

7690058 Well, with the queen thing laying eggs, and the fact that it's basically taking place in a populated region rather than... say, on some remote island where there's a crashed flying carpet with a fossilized draconequus with a hole in its chest...

Oh that would be a great parody set-up... :pinkiecrazy:

7690133 It never made it clear whether or not these creatures had a queen though.:unsuresweetie: Also, that parody dose sound pretty awsome.:pinkiecrazy:

7689495 Ripley wasn't till after the first spaceship crash. :trixieshiftleft:

7691150 Ripley was there from the very first "Alien" movie!

Anyway, I've stolen several dozen super-massive blackholes from the center of galaxies and flung them all toward this Equestria. That should clean up everything nicely.

*trillions of civilizations are destroyed as the galaxies fly apart without their central masses, but Alondro doesn't care because destroying these nasty monsters is clearly far more important!* :pinkiecrazy:

7691471 Prometheus came before tho. :3

7691483 :twilightangry2: THOU HAST SPOKEN THE ABOMINATION!!! :flutterrage:

Seriously, "Prometheus" sucked balls.

7690231 7691150 7691471

They're right, Ripley was in the Alien movies right from the start. Even the bad ones. Yet while it's no secret the monster is this took an awful lot of inspiration from the Xenomorph, it's actual based off several creatures thought pop culture, in both appearance and its characteristics. As for whether or not they have a queen? Well it's up to the readers interpretation really, I aimed to keep a lot of the aspects of the monster unknown.

It's also pretty clear that, while the monster did hatch from something resembling and egg, it was only ever referred to as such by the characters, who let's be honest knew nothing of what it really was. It's also clear that the creature has no problem reproducing without any of the glowing orbs, evident by the black slime and the fate of the main six (excluding Pinkie). It's a monster in the end, think of it however you'd like.

Also, Prometheus was okay-ish. It's not a direct prequel to Alien, and that's what makes it tolerable, just hope Alien: Covenant makes things great again.:yay: I have no idea about all this talk of black holes either, but whatever I suppose.

7691483 I thought it was okay to be honest.

7691565 I know. I just liked the trailer to be honest. The movie was alright. Excluding the Prometheus, Ridley was there from the start, but since it's not a crossover none of the characters did hot have to act as Ridley. :ajsmug:

7691973 Yeah I did say this wasn't a cross over too. Also, Prometheus still has one of the best trailers I know, shame it didn't quite live up to it.:ajsleepy:

7692647 A shame indeed. Do you plan on doing more with this story though? I think this is something people would like. :)

7692651 Maybe. Although all the main six are dead now and it kinda implies that everypony else will soon be too so... Yeah. There might be a squeal, but I don't know for sure yet.

7692651 But why? There's no hope. Unless you're a sadist who enjoys watching innocent little ponies being torn apart by demonic monster aliens... in which case I must send demon viruses into your brain. :pinkiecrazy:

7694582 Well not really, but I would like if I could see more of how they would survive against them, to avoid spoilers, and each other.

Just cam around for reading this story and I have to say it was really good. As a huge fan of the Alien Franchise, I will admitt that it took me longer to get all the great references you used. That being said, despite clearly drawing from Alien and it's many iconic scences it never felt like a ripoff and more like a homage. The charcter were pretty much spot on and so you were sad when they died and the desperation and hoplessnes they faced came across beautifully. Although I am kind of bummed out with the ending (not your fault by any means; I personally would just have liked if Starlight would have somehow figured out a way to beat it probably with some kind of Ice Spell [as it was implied by the logs that it was at least able to keep the larva form of the monster in check] and at least being able to save herselv and the rest of Equestria; but that is just the part of me that wants no harm done to our favourite multicoloured horses), this just serves as a compliment to your ability to make the reader feel an emotinal connection while reading this story and hoping that the characters manage to make it through. Really one of the best Horror Fanfictions I have read, because you truly created an intense scary story and managed to fit it quite well in the established world. Really a tremendous read, that deserves way more attention. Now if you excuse me... I am off reading some more lightheardet fluff before going to sleep :P .

PS: The airship logs at the beginning of each chapter added a lot of atmosphere and world building; just wanted to say that.

7848319 That's so much for the input it means a lot.:twilightsmile: I too am a massive fan of Alien, (only just finished fanning over the new trailer for a week or two ago in fact:pinkiecrazy:) I'm glad you enjoyed the story and my interpretation of it. While it is clear this creature is an homage to the Xenomorph, I really did want to try and create something new and interesting, the monster here was actually inspired by a great many monsters, using the Xenomorph as a base. I suppose the reason I had the monster win in the end was more of a darker interpretation of the story, in all technicality, it did what the Xenomorph could not, it ultimately won. I appreciate that you believe this story could do with more attention, but in all honesty, despite it's like to dislike ratio it has been very talked about. So much so that I may consider a sequel at some point. Regardless, thanks again, and I'm really glad you enjoyed!:yay:

7848335 From a story telling perspective it made perfect sense that the monster won in the end. In the end Horror is supposed to be dark and conjure up feelings like hoplesness and dread. It was honestly meant as praise to your writing ability that I was sad when not only all our heroes died, but it is also implied that at the very least a lot of other lovable characters are going to die/suffer as well. And as I said before while you can see the inspiration from Alien, I liked all the orignal attitiones as well (especially the lights at the top of the creatures head, giving it that Anglerfish like feeling and the really creepy aspects of the black goo). All in all just a great story that I really enjoyed. And when you ever create a sequel to this, you can be assured that I will check it out as well :twilightsmile: . Keep the good work up.

7848408 Thanks!:yay: I supposes what happens to the others will be explored in a possible sequel. There is ideas for it to say the least.:pinkiecrazy:

There are very few fics in the fandom which have genuinely scared me, and this is one of them. You did an amazing job! Your emotional descriptions are detailed and crystal clear, with very few grammar mistakes. You have a great skill at writing the characters like they are in the show, which makes it all the more terrifying to see what happens to them. I got a distinct Alien vibe, and it seems that many other readers did as well!

One thing I will critique this fic for is that Starlight and Spike felt a little superfluous to the plot as a whole. They didn't really do much other than add to the overall body count. Considering how prominent yet under-utilized Starlight is in the show, it would have been better to see her get a more prominent role to up the drama even further. There are several scenes where Starlight is one of the few left alive, and yet her lack of dialogue makes he feel forgotten about.

I also would have liked to see a conclusion about what happened to the pirate ship. Perhaps a revelation as to the fate of the first monster that obviously ended them all. Other than that, I have to commend you for the monster usage. You keep it just in the shadows enough and use the gore selectively, punctuating the deaths of the Mane Six +2 in a terrifying manner!

So many gore fics just overdo it and try to go for full shock value (I'm looking at YOU, Cupcakes!), but this shows how gore can be an effective tool when used in moderation. You have captured the essence of horror and grimdark, so I will HIGHLY recommend this fic to any fans of horror or grimdark pony fics.

P.S: Was one of your inspirations for this creature the Tyranids from Warhammer 40k? I got a big serpent-like Tyranid vibe from the monster, especially this one coming to mind: https://www.frontlinegaming.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/73616_md-Mawloc-Tyranids-Tyrgon-Tyson-Koch-Warhammer-40000.jpg

8427838 I feel the same, I really think this story would benefit from an audio adaptation.

8427869
Hell yeah! Either Scribbler or Thornquill would be perfect for this. Thornquill would make the perfect narrator!

8427904 Yeah, we should suggest it or something. Star a petition?:rainbowdetermined2: It's quite an underappreciated story really.

8427838Thank you, I'm glad you liked it so much:yay:. Thanks for the review too, it's very helpful:twilightsmile:. I can see why you'd make most of the points here and I agree, my focuses here was mostly on the monster and how the personalities of the main six presented in the show would react in a situation like this. Spike was just there and I tried my best with him really:derpytongue2:, as for Starlight? Well, I can see your point and I'd like to have done more with her, but her character was not as fleshed out at the time I wrote this as it is now. Plus, the main six were so much bigger as characters it was kind of hard, still, it would be fun to see how I'd write her in this now if I did it again.:pinkiecrazy:

The monster was really the fun part though, trying to make it scary and all without giving too much away, That is partially the reason why there was no explanation about the ship at the start, to add some mystery to the thing and raise questions. The monster itself was a mix of different things, most notable the Xenomorphs from Alien obviously as well as other monsters from different media. Yeah, it is safe to assume that Tyranids did have some influence on its design too.:raritywink:

This is why you don't investigate derelicts and definitely don't take anything from them if you're dumb enough to do it.

And might we one day see a prequel detailing what happened to the skyship and her crew?

8691808 Important life lesson.

Prequal or sequel? Who knows for this one?:ajsmug:

For some reason, the creature makes me think of the Wraith from Evolve.

Oh no not the CMC! :raritydespair: take cheerilee not them! :flutterrage: #Raritydrama

How sad nobody made it in the end... Hopefully Celestia and Luna can discover and defeat this threat before it spreads too far...

Also NOOOOOOOO Spikey wikeeeey!:raritydespair::raritydespair::raritydespair:

And why didn't Starlight just levitate across the stream instead of wading through it?? :facehoof: or teleport out or Twilight and her friends could have just used a window? In fact why didn't she just teleported somebody anyways to go get help? I personally would rather take my chances in the everfree at night than stay another minute in Castle Xenomorph.

All in all Good n scary story ya got there. :pinkiehappy:

Mind if I ask a question or 2 btw?:raritystarry:

7680366
Im actually surprised it wasn't Fluttershy first as usual.

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