• Published 29th Oct 2016
  • 3,348 Views, 72 Comments

Flicker - XenoPony



Terror begins after Twilight and her friends make a horrifying discovery during a trip to the castle of the two sisters. Now trapped within the ruined castle, they swiftly learn the darkness is the last thing to fear.

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Epilogue

Epilogue

The large, wooden door to the ruined castle hung ajar as the small group of ponies approached. At the front of the group were three bouncing fillies, that, despite their excitement at finally having a chance to come into the forest, bore hints of fear in each of their hearts. It had been at least a day since any of them had seen any of their friends or sisters, and worry was in no short supply. Behind them was a larger red stallion with an equally concerned look in his eye. In fact, none of the six or so ponies with him or the fillies looked at all alright.

"Applejack, hey Applejack! Sis ya' in there?" Apple Bloom called as she, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle entered the crumbling castle, the other's calling for their sister and idol respectively.

No response came from the decrepit structure but a cold wind and each of the fillies looked back at the first two ponies that had followed them in with perplexed expressions.

"Don't be too loud girl's, we need to hear if anypony's trying to call for us," said Miss Cheerilee as she looked at the overgrown balconies above wearily.

"Sorry, Miss Cheerilee," Apple Bloom responded, but her frown was met with a small smile from her teacher.

"It's alright, Apple Bloom, I know you're worried, I am too," She responded as reassuringly as she could.

"I'm not, I know Rainbow Dash is totally up to spending a night out here. We'll find her and the others in no time," Scootaloo said, dismissing her concern with a hoof wave.

"Yeah, Rainbow maybe, but I can't imagine Rarity would be too fond of all this dirt," Sweetie Belle added, scuffing at the overgrown floor with a hoof.

"Now Don't non of y’all worry non about it, like Cheerilee say's we'll find um'," Big Mac added, earning an appreciative smile from the smaller mare as more towns ponies moved in behind them.

"Right we should split up, cover more ground. Everypony buddy up and pick a direction. Call out if you find anything," Cheerilee instructed, looking at the larger stallion beside her.

"Right, can we come with ya big brother?" Apple Bloom asked, looking up at Big Mac hopefully.

The question drew the attention of both the stallion and the school teacher, the latter appearing a little disheartened, but she smiled none the less as the former just nodded.

"Right, ah'll take ‘em, meet ya' back here soon's we find somethin’," Big Mac stated, then began towards the far side of the chamber with the fillies.

"I bet they're all just caught up in some books or something, remember the last time?" Sweetie Belle said as the three of them walked along the ruined hall, Big Mac close behind.

"Sure is strange of um' not to tell us about it though," Apple Bloom offered, yet her attention was stolen as she noticed something shift in the corner of her eye.

Off to her right, down a darkened hall she thought she saw a faint flicker dart across the gloom, and she paused curiously as it disappeared into the shadows.

"Hey, y'all see that?" She called to the others.

Everypony stopped and looked, except for Scootaloo whose eyes became focused on a small crevice on the other side of the hall.

"See what?" Sweetie asked, cocking her head in confusion as she tried to peer into the gloom.

"Ah don't know, looked like some kinda light or somethin'. Only it was blue," Apple Bloom explained, raising a hoof to her muzzle.

"Hey you two, come take a look at this," called Scootaloo, but the orange pegasus' words were lost on the others as Big Mac began down the side corridor Apple Bloom had pointed out.

"Y'all stay right there, don't leave mah sight ya’ hear," The large red stallion instructed as he began towards the far end of the dark hallway.

Both Applebloom and Sweetie Belle nodded, but before they could say anything they were tapped on the back by Scootaloo.

"Hey, didn't you hear me? Come look at these things," the pegasus said excitedly, directing her friends over to the small hole in the wall.

All the while Apple Bloom kept glancing back at her older brother as he peered around the corridor at the far end of the hall. Then she looked into the crevice Scootaloo had pointed out along with Sweetie to see a set of three faintly glowing black orbs. Each of the strange spheres seemed to brighten at their presence as if excited to see the three curious faces that peered in at them.

"What are they?" Sweetie asked, but Scootaloo just shrugged.

"Beats me, but don’t they look totally awesome?" The pegasus said eagerly.

Meanwhile, Apple Bloom took another looked down the opposite hall only to see her brother had vanished. Cocking her head in confusion, she took a step forwards. A peculiar scent drifted upon the air, then once again that strange blue light flickered in the corner of her eyes.

"Oo, oo, oo! I think that one just moved!" Sweetie Belle squeaked, pointing a hoof as one of the glowing orbs shifted.

"What? Let me take a look," Scootaloo said as she pushed in beside Sweetie, and true to the unicorn's words one of the orbs shuddered brightly.

"Hey Apple Bloom come take another look, these things are so cool," Scootaloo called back, but there was no response from the other filly.

All that followed Scootaloo's words was another violent shudder from one of the orbs as she peered down at its glowing heart with a fascinated interest. The light within flickered restlessly once more, growing brighter and brighter before it suddenly died altogether. Before, finally, the gleaming black surface of the orb split open with a sharp crack…

Author's Note:

Well there's the end... Or is it?

Anyway, thanks for reading what was quite honestly one of the most thought out and planned stories I've ever attempted.

Also a big thanks going to all of the people who edited and pre-read this story, and I really hope you enjoyed.

Comments ( 54 )

7685997 Don't quite understand what you mean by that.:unsuresweetie: But okay.:pinkiehappy:

To quote the Transformers books, it's never the end!

7686083 Indeed, but given the amount of attention this story actually got, it might be the end for a while.:ajsleepy:

Oh well, I got more stuff to come.:yay:

7686085 But all the same, a great ending to a spinetingling tale, Xeno! And I can't wait to see what else you have in store!

7686001 Don't worry, its just a smiley :3 like X_X or similar ones.

7686083 I hope you're right, I'd love to see more of the creature in this. It's a very intresting monster.

So this is basically grimdark "Aliens" with ponies and nobody playing the part of Ripley.

Bah. *tosses another black hole at the world*

7690058 Well, with the queen thing laying eggs, and the fact that it's basically taking place in a populated region rather than... say, on some remote island where there's a crashed flying carpet with a fossilized draconequus with a hole in its chest...

Oh that would be a great parody set-up... :pinkiecrazy:

7690133 It never made it clear whether or not these creatures had a queen though.:unsuresweetie: Also, that parody dose sound pretty awsome.:pinkiecrazy:

7689495 Ripley wasn't till after the first spaceship crash. :trixieshiftleft:

7691150 Ripley was there from the very first "Alien" movie!

Anyway, I've stolen several dozen super-massive blackholes from the center of galaxies and flung them all toward this Equestria. That should clean up everything nicely.

*trillions of civilizations are destroyed as the galaxies fly apart without their central masses, but Alondro doesn't care because destroying these nasty monsters is clearly far more important!* :pinkiecrazy:

7691471 Prometheus came before tho. :3

7691483 :twilightangry2: THOU HAST SPOKEN THE ABOMINATION!!! :flutterrage:

Seriously, "Prometheus" sucked balls.

7690231 7691150 7691471

They're right, Ripley was in the Alien movies right from the start. Even the bad ones. Yet while it's no secret the monster is this took an awful lot of inspiration from the Xenomorph, it's actual based off several creatures thought pop culture, in both appearance and its characteristics. As for whether or not they have a queen? Well it's up to the readers interpretation really, I aimed to keep a lot of the aspects of the monster unknown.

It's also pretty clear that, while the monster did hatch from something resembling and egg, it was only ever referred to as such by the characters, who let's be honest knew nothing of what it really was. It's also clear that the creature has no problem reproducing without any of the glowing orbs, evident by the black slime and the fate of the main six (excluding Pinkie). It's a monster in the end, think of it however you'd like.

Also, Prometheus was okay-ish. It's not a direct prequel to Alien, and that's what makes it tolerable, just hope Alien: Covenant makes things great again.:yay: I have no idea about all this talk of black holes either, but whatever I suppose.

7691483 I thought it was okay to be honest.

7691565 I know. I just liked the trailer to be honest. The movie was alright. Excluding the Prometheus, Ridley was there from the start, but since it's not a crossover none of the characters did hot have to act as Ridley. :ajsmug:

7691973 Yeah I did say this wasn't a cross over too. Also, Prometheus still has one of the best trailers I know, shame it didn't quite live up to it.:ajsleepy:

7692647 A shame indeed. Do you plan on doing more with this story though? I think this is something people would like. :)

7692651 Maybe. Although all the main six are dead now and it kinda implies that everypony else will soon be too so... Yeah. There might be a squeal, but I don't know for sure yet.

7692651 But why? There's no hope. Unless you're a sadist who enjoys watching innocent little ponies being torn apart by demonic monster aliens... in which case I must send demon viruses into your brain. :pinkiecrazy:

7694582 Well not really, but I would like if I could see more of how they would survive against them, to avoid spoilers, and each other.

Just cam around for reading this story and I have to say it was really good. As a huge fan of the Alien Franchise, I will admitt that it took me longer to get all the great references you used. That being said, despite clearly drawing from Alien and it's many iconic scences it never felt like a ripoff and more like a homage. The charcter were pretty much spot on and so you were sad when they died and the desperation and hoplessnes they faced came across beautifully. Although I am kind of bummed out with the ending (not your fault by any means; I personally would just have liked if Starlight would have somehow figured out a way to beat it probably with some kind of Ice Spell [as it was implied by the logs that it was at least able to keep the larva form of the monster in check] and at least being able to save herselv and the rest of Equestria; but that is just the part of me that wants no harm done to our favourite multicoloured horses), this just serves as a compliment to your ability to make the reader feel an emotinal connection while reading this story and hoping that the characters manage to make it through. Really one of the best Horror Fanfictions I have read, because you truly created an intense scary story and managed to fit it quite well in the established world. Really a tremendous read, that deserves way more attention. Now if you excuse me... I am off reading some more lightheardet fluff before going to sleep :P .

PS: The airship logs at the beginning of each chapter added a lot of atmosphere and world building; just wanted to say that.

7848319 That's so much for the input it means a lot.:twilightsmile: I too am a massive fan of Alien, (only just finished fanning over the new trailer for a week or two ago in fact:pinkiecrazy:) I'm glad you enjoyed the story and my interpretation of it. While it is clear this creature is an homage to the Xenomorph, I really did want to try and create something new and interesting, the monster here was actually inspired by a great many monsters, using the Xenomorph as a base. I suppose the reason I had the monster win in the end was more of a darker interpretation of the story, in all technicality, it did what the Xenomorph could not, it ultimately won. I appreciate that you believe this story could do with more attention, but in all honesty, despite it's like to dislike ratio it has been very talked about. So much so that I may consider a sequel at some point. Regardless, thanks again, and I'm really glad you enjoyed!:yay:

7848335 From a story telling perspective it made perfect sense that the monster won in the end. In the end Horror is supposed to be dark and conjure up feelings like hoplesness and dread. It was honestly meant as praise to your writing ability that I was sad when not only all our heroes died, but it is also implied that at the very least a lot of other lovable characters are going to die/suffer as well. And as I said before while you can see the inspiration from Alien, I liked all the orignal attitiones as well (especially the lights at the top of the creatures head, giving it that Anglerfish like feeling and the really creepy aspects of the black goo). All in all just a great story that I really enjoyed. And when you ever create a sequel to this, you can be assured that I will check it out as well :twilightsmile: . Keep the good work up.

7848408 Thanks!:yay: I supposes what happens to the others will be explored in a possible sequel. There is ideas for it to say the least.:pinkiecrazy:

There are very few fics in the fandom which have genuinely scared me, and this is one of them. You did an amazing job! Your emotional descriptions are detailed and crystal clear, with very few grammar mistakes. You have a great skill at writing the characters like they are in the show, which makes it all the more terrifying to see what happens to them. I got a distinct Alien vibe, and it seems that many other readers did as well!

One thing I will critique this fic for is that Starlight and Spike felt a little superfluous to the plot as a whole. They didn't really do much other than add to the overall body count. Considering how prominent yet under-utilized Starlight is in the show, it would have been better to see her get a more prominent role to up the drama even further. There are several scenes where Starlight is one of the few left alive, and yet her lack of dialogue makes he feel forgotten about.

I also would have liked to see a conclusion about what happened to the pirate ship. Perhaps a revelation as to the fate of the first monster that obviously ended them all. Other than that, I have to commend you for the monster usage. You keep it just in the shadows enough and use the gore selectively, punctuating the deaths of the Mane Six +2 in a terrifying manner!

So many gore fics just overdo it and try to go for full shock value (I'm looking at YOU, Cupcakes!), but this shows how gore can be an effective tool when used in moderation. You have captured the essence of horror and grimdark, so I will HIGHLY recommend this fic to any fans of horror or grimdark pony fics.

P.S: Was one of your inspirations for this creature the Tyranids from Warhammer 40k? I got a big serpent-like Tyranid vibe from the monster, especially this one coming to mind: https://www.frontlinegaming.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/73616_md-Mawloc-Tyranids-Tyrgon-Tyson-Koch-Warhammer-40000.jpg

8427838 I feel the same, I really think this story would benefit from an audio adaptation.

8427869
Hell yeah! Either Scribbler or Thornquill would be perfect for this. Thornquill would make the perfect narrator!

8427904 Yeah, we should suggest it or something. Star a petition?:rainbowdetermined2: It's quite an underappreciated story really.

8427838Thank you, I'm glad you liked it so much:yay:. Thanks for the review too, it's very helpful:twilightsmile:. I can see why you'd make most of the points here and I agree, my focuses here was mostly on the monster and how the personalities of the main six presented in the show would react in a situation like this. Spike was just there and I tried my best with him really:derpytongue2:, as for Starlight? Well, I can see your point and I'd like to have done more with her, but her character was not as fleshed out at the time I wrote this as it is now. Plus, the main six were so much bigger as characters it was kind of hard, still, it would be fun to see how I'd write her in this now if I did it again.:pinkiecrazy:

The monster was really the fun part though, trying to make it scary and all without giving too much away, That is partially the reason why there was no explanation about the ship at the start, to add some mystery to the thing and raise questions. The monster itself was a mix of different things, most notable the Xenomorphs from Alien obviously as well as other monsters from different media. Yeah, it is safe to assume that Tyranids did have some influence on its design too.:raritywink:

This is why you don't investigate derelicts and definitely don't take anything from them if you're dumb enough to do it.

And might we one day see a prequel detailing what happened to the skyship and her crew?

8691808 Important life lesson.

Prequal or sequel? Who knows for this one?:ajsmug:

Oh no not the CMC! :raritydespair: take cheerilee not them! :flutterrage: #Raritydrama

How sad nobody made it in the end... Hopefully Celestia and Luna can discover and defeat this threat before it spreads too far...

Also NOOOOOOOO Spikey wikeeeey!:raritydespair::raritydespair::raritydespair:

And why didn't Starlight just levitate across the stream instead of wading through it?? :facehoof: or teleport out or Twilight and her friends could have just used a window? In fact why didn't she just teleported somebody anyways to go get help? I personally would rather take my chances in the everfree at night than stay another minute in Castle Xenomorph.

All in all Good n scary story ya got there. :pinkiehappy:

Mind if I ask a question or 2 btw?:raritystarry:

9355289 Sure, ask away. This story is an old one and its reputation kinda fluctuates, a lot of people actauly ask about nowadays.

9369092
Thnx.

First up when starlight torched everyone wouldn't Spike still remain since he's a dragon or does he die for relevance needs?

9369111I think at that point it's safe to assume he's not still alive.

9369149
by flame or chestburster?

9369157 Meh, more the fact the monster probably killed him first.

9369158
good point, lets just hope it was quickly.

next up is why Starlight didn’t just fly across using her magic or why Twilight didn’t just teleport Spike back to town or canterlot to get help? even with weakened magic he’s rather small.

9369351 Well, as stated in the story, she could theoretically teleport anypony, yet where they would end up is unknown due to the nature of the forest. They could end up inside a wall or tree for all she knew. As for Starlight levitating, the cave would have much too small for her to do so without getting some parts of her in the water.

9369891
Some parts is better than no leverage.

And personally I'd rather be stuck in a tree than running around castle Xenomorph. :rainbowlaugh:

9370110 You'd be guaranteed dead if you fused with an object via-teleport though?

9401049
What if she teleported high in the sky and flew everyone to safety?

9401091Getting the trajectory is still the hard part. TBH, the rules for teleporting vary from fic to fic. In some it's really easy in others it's a lot more complex.

This may have been asked already but what about Discord? Love the story and the utube reading by the way.

I'm very conflicted about this story...

On the one hand, I think it is very well written, and I did get some form of enjoyment out of it.

But on the other, I usually don't enjoy stories like this where characters die horribly, let alone all of the characters dying horrible with no happy ending.

I just get so attached reading stories, especially mlp fics, and I get so attached to the characters that it makes me have a physical reaction when they die, let alone that horribly. You gave me the shakes, my friend :fluttershysad:

That being said, it is hard to know a story is like that without actually reading it, and I did enjoy this chilling little romp once I forced myself to keep reading.

Also, I know it's cliché as heck to have it all be a dream, but I was really hoping for something like that... I guess headcannon will have to serve to dry up all these salty tears.

9639823
When he finds out this monster killed her he’s gonna drive them all to extinction in bloody vengeance I bet.

9735651
No pony poop! A rage for the story books.

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