It's never been easy for me, ponies have been calling me names my whole life. Even my mom left me just because she thought I was a disgrace. Sure, I'm not the best flier, and I may have messed up eyes, but I'm still a pony! I still have my own mind and feelings! But... I found out that I really do have a place in life, and that I am important. Wanna know something? I'm thankful for that!
The "Other" tag is here because only 5 characters can be used in each story.
DISCLAIMER: Derpy Hooves is not my OC. She is a character in the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic tv show. She belongs to the toy company Hasbro, not me. I just wrote this story because I am a fan of this pony! And cover art not by me!
Chapters (3)
I like it so far, but you could use an editor. Although you could probably pass off some of the errors as Derpy being Derpy.
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Derpy is magic!
7676857
Yes, yes she is 
Nothing wrong with writing a Derpy story, but the way this chapter chooses to relay the emotional impact of a daughter growing up unloved due to a disability is weirdly hollow because these scenes here are all entirely in the past and 'solved' for Present Day Derpy. We're introduced to Derpy, an adult with two daughters, first. This puts distance between the character and any trauma she feels. And since there's distance between the character and her trauma, there's less sympathy from the reader.
You probably just wanted to tell the story of Derpy's childhood chronologically, but instead it cheapens the emotional impact.
But... with a little rewriting, you can basically keep all the words in the order you've written them, and turn the story into something much more sinister that affects Adult Derpy now.
Hear me out.
Derpy probably wouldn't remember her actual birth directly, but has probably been told about it by her family for years. (Hint, keep most of the 'flash back' stuff). Imagine that instead of Derpy directly telling her story to the audience, it's Derpy's mom fluffing her mane and proudly retelling the same story of how her embarrassment of a daughter ruined, positively Ruined! her life. Imagine Lilacs as the kind of older mare who loves an audience, who loves telling stories with flair, who loves loves Loves to recite gossip and bring other people low. Imagine Lilacs tells this story to Derpy, and has been telling this story to Derpy for years.
I say, keep much of what you have written and turn it into Lilacs' dialogue. Add some meek responses from Derpy (who is perhaps still a child). I especially like the "I really don't blame her..." lines from Derpy if you're going down this road.
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Alternatively, you could set the story entirely in the past and let the reader experience what Derpy is feeling as she feels it for the first time.
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Phrases that I really liked:
This last one for what it says about Derpy's emotional state- that she's so desperate for her mother's love and approval that Derpy can't paint her in a bad light.
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I see what you mean. But Derpy is an old mare in this story. The present is in a bad current situation, I said that at the start of the story. It seems cheap but I used that to write this story then build onto the events leading to what she's doing now.
And I don't really think a mother would tell her own child that she was embarrassed about her birth. You'll see more. She slowly learnt that she was an accident, why her mother left her.
I see where adult Derpy having a birth flashback seems weird, I may rewire it a bit, then go the next chapter.
Thanks for your comment, have a good day!
I love it
:heart 
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Thanks!
welps i didn't read it yet its just I'm bored so THUMBS UP ALLLLLLLLL THE WWWWWAAAAAYYYYY
7752742
Hit that like or dislike button, sistah! Anything ya wanna do is fine for mai!