President Nightmare Moon

by awesomesauce4

Chapter 1

President Princess Nightmare Moon

Chapter 1

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Is this working?
I believe the server is “up and running” now. Or, at least, your drone says it is. Remind me again why this is necessary, when we have a mutual, untraceable means of communication?
-Nightmare Moon

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Is this working?
This is mainly for non-urgent stuff – news updates, questions, et cetera. Also, it's to avoid both hackers and having to depend on an existing company for our communications. The whole server runs on a completely different language and syntax than regular code, so I’m pretty sure only a linguist could hack into it. Even then, they’d be hard-pressed to bypass the security, considering it runs on ‘intent-of-use’-based protocols. Synthesia explained it to me five times, but I still don’t get it – she’s one genius of a changeling.
Speaking of which, where are the other six? Sam’s been keeping in touch, but he’s being secretive about where he is for some reason. I hope he isn’t in trouble.
How’s being President of the U.S. going? I’m still not sure about the whole ‘kicking out all of Congress’ thing and re-holding elections. I mean, yeah, the new system’s a hell of a lot better than the old one, and everyone in Congress is at least thirty years younger now, but I’m pretty sure none of them knows what the hell they’re supposed to be doing. George Washington must be spinning in his grave…
-Jeremy

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Congress
I am teaching them as best I can. They are all still very afraid of me, but I suppose that is to be expected after I teleported their predecessors back to their countries of origin, rewrote the Constitution, and kicked that one old white one in the face. There is a scheduled luncheon this weekend, would you like to attend? I could use your support.
Sam has not contacted me at all since we parted ways, so I am as blind as you as to his whereabouts. As far as I know, he is not in any danger – at least, not any that he would need to send for aid.
What is a ‘Caramelldansen’? One of the Senators from Rhode Island keeps insisting that I do it. He showed me a picture – is it a dance?
-Nightmare Moon

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Where are you?
We’re currently in a really cool place, I think you’d like it a lot. Brayden doesn’t, though. He thinks it’s too weird and spooky.
Mexico went well – turns out magic ex machina can cure drug addictions, too. You know, because Mexico is definitely a country full of druggies or something. I feel racist even being sarcastic about that. Anyway, we put a new woman in charge, and she’s chill. I gave her your and Nightmare Moon’s email addresses, in case she’s got any questions. She’s a bit weirded out by how informal we’re being about the whole ‘global politics’ thing – I guess she was expecting a bit more ceremony? Now I’m unsure if I should try to do that.
Twilight’s been good, thanks for asking – she’s currently studying your drone’s inventions. I swear, that ‘Synthesia’ is almost as much of a science as you are. How’s the bae?
-Sam

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Caramelldansen??
Wow. Was not expecting that from a member of the Senate. We must be in better hands than I thought. Yeah, it’s a dance move. Specifically, the one where you raise your hands/hooves over your head, sway your hips from side to side, and bend your wrists/(pony wrists?) in time to the beat.
Sam keeps dropping hints that he’s somewhere I’d like, which doesn’t clue me in at all. Maybe he’s entered the Internet itself?
Sure, I’d love to come! Me and Chrysalis will be dropping in on Saturday. Maybe we can all do the Caramelldansen, as a team-building exercise or something.
-Jeremy

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Re: Where are you?
…Are you going to elaborate, or am I going to assume you’ve transcended reality and reached Meme Heaven?
I haven’t heard from the Mexican president yet. You did give her the copy of the Changeling Constitution (is that really the name for it?) as a source of ideas, right? <-That last bit’s important. Wouldn’t want people to think we’re trying to exact a New World Order here, or something.
The United Nations have been clamoring for me to send you to Europe. I’ve been refusing, on account of first-world-problems being their main source of pain, but they’re not letting up.
I showed Discord the Discord chat client yesterday. He immediately left, muttering something about ‘aesthetic changes’. I may have royally screwed up.
Chrysalis is fine, she’s currently poring over American tax law with me. So far, we’ve dismissed about half of it as pandering to the rich and/or useless societal constructs that build themselves out of themselves to make the system more confusing. The stuff that’s left is pretty helpful, though. We’ve sent it to Celestia for comparison, and so far she’s been giving a lot of useful commentary as well.
Don’t try to be ceremonial. You and I both know we’re decent actors, but middle school acting classes can only go so far when you’re trying to impress a bunch of adults. Wait… are we adults now? Dammit. Anyway, just keep being yourself. The whole point of this is fostering friendship, right? Can’t do that if you’re all stiff-legged and saluting every half turn.
Oh? You mean she isn’t studying human courtship anymore? She must have mastered it, then. Expect a box of chocolates, a Netflix link, and an ice cube.
-Jeremy

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Saturday fling
It went wonderfully! They are all much more friendly now. I believe your ‘spontaneous dance party’ had something to do with it. Bringing along one of the wrigglers was a nice touch – they want to see little Diplura again at the first opportunity.
The word you are looking for is 'coffin', by the way. It is rarely used.
They keep asking me if such a thing as ‘Song Magic’ exists, and if they can use it freely. Do they mean Heartsong? I am perplexed as to why they wouldn’t know of it, considering they watched the show. Also, there is now a video of me performing the Caramelldansen on YouTube. I am unsure what impact this may have on public relations, but the ‘Likes’ appear to far outnumber the ‘Dislikes’, so that is good.
Speaking of which, I have been re-watching the episodes with the rest of the Senate and House committees. They are quite humorous at some points! My favorite ‘character’ is Twilight, she reminds me much of myself when I was younger.
-Nightmare Moon

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: YOU MOTHER...FRICKER
I JUST GOT THAT LAST THING. HOW DARE YOU.
-Sam

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: YOU MOTHER...FRICKER
hehehe get rekt
-Jeremy

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Re: Saturday fling
Diplura loved it too – all the attention she received practically had her bouncing off the Hive walls. We managed to lure her off the ceiling with promises of chocolate chip cookies for dessert. A+ parenting right there.
Just looked it up - I guess it really is called the 'coffin bone.' How morbid.
Is that what it’s called? Never mind, I just checked with Chrysalis and that is indeed what it’s called. Tell them they can only use it if they’re really feeling it, and it helps to be around a magical being. Something about amplification of the effects by passive magic in the air. Earth’s atmosphere, according to Twilight, is now 1.32% magic, compared to the nominal 85.72% of Equestria. I’m still not sure how she’s giving that as a percentage, considering the ‘balance’ isn’t any of the gaseous components of regular air, but whatever, she knows more than I do.
Trust me, that video is going to skyrocket your relations with the younger public. As if they weren’t good already, after you practically destroyed the college-tuition system by assuming all debt to the federal government. I still think that was a clever move, by the way, even if it has been done before. Anyway, don’t worry about it.
Your favorite character is Twilight? You vanilla scrublord, you picked the main character as your favorite. (Chrysalis is best character, no exceptions). Chrysalis, just because I agree doesn’t mean you can type that for me!

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: …
… She hit send before I could end the message. I must seek revenge with this canister of whipped cream.
-Jeremy

Comments

[wlam]

I showed Discord the Discord chat client yesterday. He immediately left, muttering something about ‘aesthetic changes’. I may have royally screwed up.

It can only be an improvement. God but does that thing look like ass.

[Razzy]

Lel, now that's what I call a revolution.

These letters are hilarious. And that 'best character' exchange.

Carameldansen!

I swear, that ‘Synthesia’ is almost as much of a science as you are. How’s the bae?

Dunno if it's intentional, but seems to be missing something after science, like, nut. And what's a bae?

[awesomesauce4]

7665099 It's intentional, don't worry.
'Bae' is short for 'baby', or significant other.

[Belated1truth]

Who is Diplura Again? Also this a fun start for sure.

[awesomesauce4]

7665776 Diplura hasn't been introduced yet, nor will she play a major role. She's one of the many changeling babies that calls the Hive her home.

[Belated1truth]

7665785 Oh okay, thanks for the clarification.

[Cozybro]

Cory: Human Element of Honesty. Traveling with Sam.

I can't help but think of this: