Sometimes there's only one way to know when to let go or when to hold on all the tighter. Guess.
*setting story to "Romance" because romance will play a minor but necessary part of the story later on. Other categories will be obvious*
Lemme know what'cha all think!
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Seems good, I'm tracking it for now. Personally, I don't normally take to Fluttershy swearing, or even any of the less obnoxious ponies, but you wrote it okay, and while it shocked me for a second or two, I read back through it and it still flowed. I want to see where you're going with this, and which of the mane six are dead, and which is the last one left alive, and quite a bit more.
Waiting patiently for updates.
I'm going to check your other story 'Overdose'. I hope to get to know you and Twye better, over the next few weeks.
Grammar check, because some (me included) are picky like that.
"How did you eve get out of bed on that leg?!"
-"Even"
"...ght?"
-It is unclear that she is continuing the speech. Though this would work if it was read out, I'd reccomend changing it to be the full word, from the start again.
"She has a pretty major concussion and a minor crack in the outer skill. In other words, she'll be taking her sweet time in recovering. But don’t worry, she'll be fine."
-'Minor crack in her outer skull.'
-Perhaps you should change it to 'She'll be taking her sweet time [leaving out the word 'in' to make the speech flow better.] recovering; but don't worry, she'll be just fine.'
There you go, I think that's all of it.
Great job, really. I pride myself on running through these things with a fine comb, and it caught little to no knots.
1151264 Thankee sai. And i know what you mean, this story hasn't been taken too kindly by a lot of folks saying that i just "use the characters to get views" but all will play out in the days to come. And i never said there was a "last one left alive".
I will change those errors and the ones on my other stories just as soon as i get the chance.
Dude, you should so finish this while you're waiting for S.A.D. to get their shit together.
1681940 I'm working on it. This one and Falling Knee Deep steal top priority right now, so you can expect some updates pretty soon.
1683824 Good for you, keeping yourself at least within 50 feet of organised. Doin' better than Moi.
1687814 Hey, from what i hear, you have more than a bit of a clutter in your life that you're sorting out and playing around with for now, so do whatcha want and don't let not updating regularly and in an organised way get you down!
1687862 Heh, mine and everyone else over here. We Brits are real drama queens, to tell the truth.
1687871
Don't i know it.
...Heh, who said that?
1687881 Whoever it was had some sense in him, anyways. Might be something else that's in the blood, eh?
1687894 Wouldn't doubt it, you brits can be pretty fucked up sometimes.
My my my, is that guy rude, or what?!
1687937 I think he's a bit off his rocker...
Oi! We're not all as fucked up as I am!
1687950 Wow, you brits are fucked up.
That one was me...