Losing Hold

by Rysonn

Chapter 1

“What’s wrong with her, doc? She’s gonna be okay, ri-”

“How did you eve get out of bed on that leg?!”

“…ght?”

“She has a pretty major concussion and a minor crack in the outer skill. In other words, she’ll be taking her sweet time in recovering. But don’t worry, she’ll be fine.

Rainbow Dash didn’t exactly recognize the doctor treating them, but he seemed nice enough, and he used big words like ‘concussion’, so he must know his stuff.

“And you’ll take your own time in recovering as well. That leg is not in good shape as you may have noticed.”

He slung the rainbow maned pony’s once limber and athletic body over his shoulder and walked her over to her bunk for their stay, gently laying her down onto it.

“I’ve heard stories about you, Rainbow Dash, and I think I should get this out of the way now. I’m not afraid to have security tie you down.”

She stared blankly at him.

“Stay off of that leg.”

“…Whatever…” She nodded with him and sighed deeply. For a little while she just lay there while he left the room, and then the nurses came in with their clipboards and fresh bags for the dangly thing by her bed that ran to her legs. It’s probably just water, they only put it there to make it look like it does something. Then they left with their usual speech about staying in bed and getting rest and to use the keypad controls to call for a nurse if you need one.

And while it took her a good ten minutes or so to stand again, she finally made it, and hobbled over to Fluttershy’s lightly breathing body. The cream coloured little filly just laid there, those fiery green eyes closed for the time being.

Rainbow Dash lay down and pressed up against her, putting her forelegs around her friend’s stomach that eased ever so slightly up and then shrank again with her exhale. She nuzzled into Fluttershy’s neck, that pink flowing mane hanging off the tip of both of their noses now.

---

Rainbow Dash’s eyes flashed open as her friend’s wings twitched and fluttered over and over into her hips.

“S-s-s-stop th-” she tried desperately through her uncontrollable laughter, “That tickles! H-hey! Cut it out!”

Her hooves snapped together on Fluttershy’s wings and the overpowering ticklish feeling left her. The wings were cold, and sweat ran down the feathers. Tears had formed in Fluttershy’s eyes, and the streaked down her cheeks, stippling the pillow beneath her with little blotches of wetness.

Rainbow shook her friend.

“Fluttershy?”

Fluttershy didn’t answer, just continued in her spasms and let her tears fall into the pillow.

“Fluttershy!”

Those fiery green eyes opened again, but they didn’t seem the same. They were less aggressive--calmer, but somehow more fearful than ever before--and they seemed paler too, even though she knew even the though of such a thing was ridiculous to begin with.

The tears began to fall faster and faster still, and she began to whimper. She rolled over, and soon had buried her head deep in Rainbow Dash’s chest.

She held her crying friend tightly at the neck and wings, pulling her closer. She whispered tenderly into Fluttershy’s ear hanging limply by her head.

“I’m sorry, Rainbow… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay, Fluttershy, it was only a dream, it’s over now… It’s okay…”

“B-b-b-but it’s not over… The nightmare doesn’t end when I w-wake up anymore…”

“…It’s okay…”

Comments

[Cenitopius]

Seems good, I'm tracking it for now. Personally, I don't normally take to Fluttershy swearing, or even any of the less obnoxious ponies, but you wrote it okay, and while it shocked me for a second or two, I read back through it and it still flowed. I want to see where you're going with this, and which of the mane six are dead, and which is the last one left alive, and quite a bit more.
Waiting patiently for updates.
I'm going to check your other story 'Overdose'. I hope to get to know you and Twye better, over the next few weeks.

[Cenitopius]

Grammar check, because some (me included) are picky like that.

"How did you eve get out of bed on that leg?!"
-"Even"

"...ght?"
-It is unclear that she is continuing the speech. Though this would work if it was read out, I'd reccomend changing it to be the full word, from the start again.

"She has a pretty major concussion and a minor crack in the outer skill. In other words, she'll be taking her sweet time in recovering. But don’t worry, she'll be fine."
-'Minor crack in her outer skull.'

-Perhaps you should change it to 'She'll be taking her sweet time [leaving out the word 'in' to make the speech flow better.] recovering; but don't worry, she'll be just fine.'

There you go, I think that's all of it.
Great job, really. I pride myself on running through these things with a fine comb, and it caught little to no knots.

[Rysonn]

1151264 Thankee sai. And i know what you mean, this story hasn't been taken too kindly by a lot of folks saying that i just "use the characters to get views" but all will play out in the days to come. And i never said there was a "last one left alive".

I will change those errors and the ones on my other stories just as soon as i get the chance.

[Cenitopius]

Dude, you should so finish this while you're waiting for S.A.D. to get their shit together.

[Rysonn]

1681940 I'm working on it. This one and Falling Knee Deep steal top priority right now, so you can expect some updates pretty soon.

[Cenitopius]

1683824 Good for you, keeping yourself at least within 50 feet of organised. Doin' better than Moi.

[Rysonn]

1687814 Hey, from what i hear, you have more than a bit of a clutter in your life that you're sorting out and playing around with for now, so do whatcha want and don't let not updating regularly and in an organised way get you down!

[Cenitopius]

1687862 Heh, mine and everyone else over here. We Brits are real drama queens, to tell the truth.

[Rysonn]

1687871

Don't i know it.

...Heh, who said that?

[Cenitopius]

1687881 Whoever it was had some sense in him, anyways. Might be something else that's in the blood, eh?

[Rysonn]

1687894 Wouldn't doubt it, you brits can be pretty fucked up sometimes.

My my my, is that guy rude, or what?!

[Cenitopius]

1687937 I think he's a bit off his rocker...
Oi! We're not all as fucked up as I am!

[Rysonn]

1687950 Wow, you brits are fucked up.

That one was me...